Good evening all,
I opened a new account because I actually need help and I need to make this anonymous.
I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.
I am from a family of 9 parents inclusive and I am the middle child of the 7 children my parents had. I am single and in my early 30s, I earn a decent pay and I am living a good life by the standards of many. I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive. I am learned to some extents since I have a Masters degree and still looking forward to a doctorate degree in the future.

I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

My major challenge is with my relationship. I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

I would appreciate suggestions on what the house thinks can help me overcome this issue so that I can live a peaceful live within just the way I do outside that makes people feel I am one of the happiest persons to be with when in reality, deep within me I know it is only a facade.

Madam and oga: chaircover, royalroy, ifyalways, bellong, egopersonified, itbomb, dytbabe, 5minsmadness, pickabeau, irguru, tgirl4real, fhemmy, efemenaxy, profgday, carefreewannabe, tallesty1, snazzylove, 4tunebest, sophyrocks, zboyd, cococandy, serubawon, texanomaly, r231, godstrenght, chelseabmw, iyangbali, dayokanu, kanwulia, seun, chillisauce, greatgod2012, idowuogbo etc over to you.

Hmmm...

What exactly did she say to you to get you so upset?

boynoel: Good evening all,
I opened a new account because I actually need help and I need to make this anonymous.
I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.

Reading your post made me feel sad. I really feel for you. I can imagine what you are going through.
I will try my best to inspire you to change your life for the better.

First of all,

stop pretending! You don't owe people a happy face and you have the right to share your feelings and thoughts. Everyone needs a friend sometimes. Today someone helps you, tomorrow you will help someone else.

It's a good start that you at least opened up on a faceless forum but you have to know that many people are very immature here, so if you come across any mean comments, please, ignore them.

I am from a family of 9 parents inclusive and I am the middle child of the 7 children my parents had. I am single and in my early 30s, I earn a decent pay and I am living a good life by the standards of many. I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive. I am learned to some extents since I have a Masters degree and still looking forward to a doctorate degree in the future.

First of all, you have an interesting personality.
Secondly, you have got a good life, an education, ambition and good future prospects.

It's good you are aware of it and don't focus on the negative aspects only.

I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

It makes me sad and angry to read what you went through as a child. I am sure it was hard and I understand why you learned to withdraw.
The bad news are that you cannot change your past and the truth is that it will always be part of you. The good news are that I have seen many people who had a terrible childhood and who nonetheless succeeded to make it their source of strength. Many extraordinary and remarkable personalities come from homes, in which they didn't get what a child needs.

Your parents didn't give you what you needed when you were a child so it's time you learn to give it to you yourself.
Who is the person you spend most of your time with? It's YOU! Therefore, it is VERY IMPORTANT that you learn to listen to what you NEED every day and every moment and treat yourself the way you would love to be treated by your parents when you were a child.

Maybe it sounds strange but ask yourself the following questions:
Do you take good care of yourself?
Do you eat properly?
Do sleep well and enough?
Do you exercise?
Are your thoughts about yourself positive or negative? Are you constantly criticizing yourself, focusing on your flaws? Or are you appreciating yourself and focusing on your good traits?
Are you forgiving toward yourself?

It's time you detach yourself from your parents psychologically and start taking GOOD care of yourself.
You have to take it step by step. It's a process.
For now, your parents are still in control of your life.

My major challenge is with my relationship.I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

I can't say much about you and your girlfriend because I don't know enough but it seems that you are quite unforgiving.
Don't blame yourself. Accept that this is how you feel for now.
You are very sensitive due to what happened and that's ok. When you learn to make peace with your childhood, some things will automatically be resolved.

I would appreciate suggestions on what the house thinks can help me overcome this issue so that I can live a peaceful live within just the way I do outside that makes people feel I am one of the happiest persons to be with when in reality, deep within me I know it is only a facade.

Like I said, stop pretending. Open up. And I know this is MUCH easier said than done since withdrawing is what you have learned in your early years.
It is a protection mechanism and it won't be easy to get rid of it.

I think that a psychotherapy would be useful, just that you haven't found the right psychologist yet. I would feel more comfortable if you had someone to accompany you on this journey.

Maybe it will help you to find out about the "inner child concept" (google) for the beginning. This can help you understand yourself better and hopefully heal.

I also recommend Alice Miller's (psychologist) book "The gifted child."

And I wish you an interesting and fulfilling journey to your true inner self.

People who have the unforgiving spirit are people who think the world owes them something.
The world does not owe you Jack, peoole will always offend you, just the same way you offend people, you just learn to forgive and forget.


As for your parents, I sincerely think you're just paranoid, why exactly would you be the one singled out amidst 7 children for this kinda treatment? Most of us grew up with african parents, they can be very intense at times, yet, we don't grow up hating them.

All I see from your post ia a grown man tryna play victim instead of addressing his inadequacies, you just might need PSYCHOTHERAPY afterall

[quote author=carefreewannabe]

Reading your post made me feel sad. I really feel for you. I can imagine what you are going through.
I will try my best to inspire you to change your life for the better.

First of all, stop pretending! You don't owe people a happy face and you have the right to share your feelings and thoughts. Everyone needs a friend sometimes. Today someone helps you, tomorrow you will help someone else.

It's a good start that you at least opened up on a faceless forum but you have to know that many people are very immature here, so if you come across any mean comments, please, ignore them

.

I tried being assertive at a time however, the feelers I got was that I was feeling proud as such, I stopped and just try to please people or avoid those whom I could. I will try to practice being assertive henceforth and also change my mentality of thinking I have to make people happy to get accepted by them.

First of all, you have an interesting personality.
Secondly, you have got a good life, an education, ambition and good future prospects.

It's good you are aware of it and don't focus on the negative aspects only.

It makes me sad and angry to read what you went through as a child. I am sure it was hard and I understand why you learned to withdraw.
The bad news are that you cannot change your past and the truth is that it will always be part of you. The good news are that I have seen many people who had a terrible childhood and who nonetheless succeeded to make it their source of strength. Many extraordinary and remarkable personalities come from homes, in which they didn't get what a child needs.

Your parents didn't give you what you needed when you were a child so it's time you learn to give it to you yourself.
Who is the person you spend most of your time with? It's YOU! Therefore, it is VERY IMPORTANT that you learn to listen to what you NEED every day and every moment and treat yourself the way you would love to be treated by your parents when you were a child.

I agree I cannot change my past and I have come to accept it as an individual. What I strive to change is how not to let that past create barriers in my future as I have had to sit myself down a few times to see how best I can at least improve on my person in that area. The worst part of me is that it only occurs I have repeated same things with another person after I have acted but I will try get my hand on the book you suggested perhaps it could help. I have read books by Tim Lahaye and I think it has been one of the therapy that has helped me improved the little way I have since I am a little more confident of myself than I used to be growing up.

Maybe it sounds strange but ask yourself the following questions:
Do you take good care of yourself?

In my little way I try to. I give myself a treat for each accomplishment which varies from taking a trip to watching a movie and other stuffs.

Do you eat properly?

Unfortunately, I am not too good with this. I realize I eat awkwardly when I am in my down moments like eating more than I should and eating anything that I think will make me happy not considering the side effects. Of late, I have cut down on my carbs as I am working on my tummy (which I grew at some point growing up since all I do to make myself happy back then was just to keep eating) and now I eat more of fruits (cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, lettuce, spinach), protein (fish and beans) and nuts (almonds and groundnut).

Do sleep well and enough & Do you exercise?

Sorry I had to combine these questions to answer it. I truly don't because I worry a lot and most night when I retire to bed, I spend like an hour to 2 thinking of different things and building a future filled with realities that I pray to achieve. As for the exercise, I try to by taking a walk some evenings, using the thread mills once a week, doing abs exercises daily, swimming at least twice a week and of late, a 20 - 30 minutes steam bath after each swimming section to relax my nerves.

Are your thoughts about yourself positive or negative? Are you constantly criticizing yourself, focusing on your flaws? Or are you appreciating yourself and focusing on your good traits? Are you forgiving toward yourself?

My thoughts towards myself are mostly positive as I see a brighter future than I have right now ahead of me. I don't criticize myself that bad and neither do I focus on my flaws except a few times when I think of opportunities I feel I lost due to my timidity or my insecurity makes me act wrongly towards a friend. I appreciate myself quite often, spend on myself when necessary, and forgiving towards myself.

It's time you detach yourself from your parents psychologically and start taking GOOD care of yourself.
You have to take it step by step. It's a process.
For now, your parents are still in control of your life

.

I am trying to since, I now live by myself and I am also trying to reduce my calls and unnecessary chats with my mom. I think the challenge is the fact that they changed their disposition after my 1st degree when I voiced out my frustration and the opportunity of the closeness I got from them then got to me since I missed it growing up.

I can't say much about you and your girlfriend because I don't know enough but it seems that you are quite unforgiving.
Don't blame yourself. Accept that this is how you feel for now.
You are very sensitive due to what happened and that's ok. When you learn to make peace with your childhood, some things will automatically be resolved.

Like I said, stop pretending. Open up. And I know this is MUCH easier said than done since withdrawing is what you have learned in your early years.
It is a protection mechanism and it won't be easy to get rid of it.

Thank you so much for this advise, I will try to do that and keep my fingers crossed hoping it works out well and if it doesn't I might resign this to fate. I have tried opening up but often times, her reactions to the little things I say sometimes make me hold back since I wouldn't want to be taunted with that in the future.

I think that a psychotherapy would be useful, just that you haven't found the right psychologist yet. I would feel more comfortable if you had someone to accompany you on this journey.

Maybe it will help you to find out about the "inner child concept" (google) for the beginning. This can help you understand yourself better and hopefully heal.

I also recommend Alice Miller's (psychologist) book "The gifted child."

And I wish you an interesting and fulfilling journey to your true inner self.

Perhaps, I will try find more greater peace within and then approach the psychotherapy thing again. I have had a few sessions with different therapist and one of my fear is that they tell you the records are kept safe for 10 years which I usually feel people could have access to. I think my inability to trust in this regard is also one of the reasons why I cannot feel anyone I open up to will not use it against me in the future.

Thank you so much for your time, I feel so honored you took your time to read through my post and responded.

boynoel: I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.

Thing is, everyone on earth has a problem that is disturbing them. All of us, but allowing it to hurt you is another problem on its own. Well, one thing is clear already, You are an easy going person.

boynoel: I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive..

Every easy going person is aggressive when pushed roughly. They are humans.

boynoel: I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

I dunno why your parents hated you but another clear thing here is that this you!, this particular trait in you that you hate, this you that you wanna get rid off was created by you. Your being like this is not by chance. You are this way because you intended to be like that. You created it. If you created it then it means your powers are limitless. You can create the you that you wanna be.

You can be free from the crushing and controlling feelings and never be bound by them again. Remember “A pattern shown is a pattern blown.”. You have realised that you hate the you that you created so it is time to create the one you want. Let's go down.

boynoel: My major challenge is with my relationship. I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

TBH. You feel bad because you have not forgiven her and your parents. I dunno what she said but I want you to do these: Remind yourself of how much forgiveness would mean to you if it was your turn for a mistake! Remind yourself that she is not separate from you; she only appear that way.Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving.

Do not keep thinking of the past or the bad thing that happened; when you let go of it, you get over the anger/bitterness that you feel and it clears the path of forgiveness! The best thing is time!

Lewis Smedes wrote: “To forgive is to set the prisoner free…and to discover that the prisoner was you.”. How true.

Stop judging her harshly.

You see bro, I also have painful stories, people have treated me too bad but I didn't allow them to changed me rather I started what I call "Attack when attacked............Then forgive".

When people mistreat me, I confront them immediately so that it will not get to me. And I forgive them whether they deserve it or not.

Don’t let resentment imprison you for life, it will destroy you, your relationship and steal your happiness. I know you had a life altering experience in the past. You are not the same person you once were, and you cannot act the same way you once did because you are changed. But you see you have to drop the past and recreate another you. It will not be easy but it is not impossible. Start acting positively, the more you are active, the less time you will have to focus on negativity. You can find your way out of the tunnel if you just keep taking baby steps. And one day you may even find that not only have you found some peace, but you may have made a positive difference in the world.

You have to face your life. Sit down and ask yourself “do I want things bitter or better?” If you want them better then let go of the things that make you bitter. Forgiveness has a huge impact on our own health and feelings. Forgiveness is not so much about the other person as it is about our own hearts. Forgiveness is for our benefit. Forgiveness is not when we say I have forgiven you but when we let go of the past.


Finally, Remember that you have a God............ Pray!

Goodluck.

alutacontinua: People who have the unforgiving spirit are people who think the world owes them something.
The world does not owe you Jack, peoole will always offend you, just the same way you offend people, you just learn to forgive and forget.

As for your parents, I sincerely think you're just paranoid, why exactly would you be the one singled out amidst 7 children for this kinda treatment? Most of us grew up with african parents, they can be very intense at times, yet, we don't grow up hating them.

All I see from your post ia a grown man tryna play victim instead of addressing his inadequacies, you just might need PSYCHOTHERAPY afterall

Thank you for your time and for reading through my post. I might be paranoid like you stated but I also might not be. Good we all grew up with African parents who really were not so expressive and sometimes, show love the hard way which might be in my case. Like I stated, I got no challenges whatsoever with my parents of late as I have come to terms with that and the only challenge I am having is my difficulty in forgetting things people do to me and not the forgiving part. I live an interesting life to some extent and try not to consciously let people's actions affect me however, I feel I react in some cases which I think I need help with since people sometimes too do things to hurt us unconsciously.

If I felt the world owe me a dime, I don't think I would have been working on improving myself to make me a better person. I never said I am unforgiving if you read through my post.

Thanks for the criticism as I think it is needed at this time perhaps, that will break me down more to help remold me a better man.

EfemenaXY: Hmmm...

What exactly did she say to you to get you so upset?

Her comment was one that "threw a great jab at me while I was down". I wouldn't want to state it as thinking about it though now that she has explained herself doesn't affect me that much anymore however, I just least expected her to say such.

boynoel:

Thank you for your time and for reading through my post. I might be paranoid like you stated but I also might not be. Good we all grew up with African parents who really were not so expressive and sometimes, show love the hard way which might be in my case. Like I stated, I got no challenges whatsoever with my parents of late as I have come to terms with that and the only challenge I am having is my difficulty in forgetting things people do to me and not the forgiving part. I live an interesting life to some extent and try not to consciously let people's actions affect me however, I feel I react in some cases which I think I need help with since people sometimes too do things to hurt us unconsciously.

There's no difference between forgiving and forgetting as far as I'm concerned. Inasmuch as you don't suffer from dementia, you'll always remember.

However, forgiving and forgetting means you let it go such that you become numb to the memories. The truth is you can never separate one from the other, the concept of 'I forgive easily but don't forget' is one of the biggest bullshytes people feed themselves with. When you forgive you forget. If whatever your girlfriend has done to you makes her unworthy of her position as your lover, gently cut her loose. But if in the deepest part of your heart, you sincerely know she was just human and didn't intend to hurt you, you need to find a way to let it slide.

One thing I've realised of recent is that the 'unforgiver' usually suffers more than the 'unforgivee'. We mostly think it's the other way round but the truth is your girlfriend is prolly sleeping with all the peace in the world right now while you keep pondering over something that does not worth it.


Forgiveness is an art, learn it one way or the other!

My brother, i have a feeling your girlfriend does not really know how to handle your ugly past and how to manage it to a appreciable level. If my suspicion is true though no one is perfect, you both need to discuss this issue extensively in case you want to marry her.

I had an ugly experience growing up. Which i guess was bad as yours or even worse. You need to watch it cos when you get married, its very possible you wont take good care of your kids, especially when you have hyperactive kids that always want to have fun at home in a wild play. Am sure your wife wont tolerate you always yelling at your children. I bet you, even when you get married to a girlfriend that is so loving, you guys will for sure have divergent opinions when you start raising your kids. When that happens and you probably have a hot argument with your wife, you may begin to ask yourself why people dont always seem to see things from your perspective.

Boy, you need to sort this issue out before you go to the altar with your bride. Your wife will not be able to manage this attitude of yours except if you overcome it. Please work on yourself before you get married.

You are still in this world and everyday someone is going to step on your toes, if you can't forget what someone said to you, how would you deal with the billions of people you meet everyday who do not even have regards to your feelings.

Stop hiding your emotions, if you angry......show it.if you sad......show it.if you happy.....show it.no one is expecting you to be super human.

Finally don't expect the world to be nice to you because you are a good person. Take for instance you see a lion chasing at you and you begin too scream am a vegetarian...... the lion don't care for non of that.I think you shld change your mentality and brace yourself if you want to live long in this world.this world is for the tough.

I was thinking I was reading about myself until u mention your position in the family and the fact that you think your parents do not like you.
Hey I have to assure you that they do. Assuming that something happened to you that you lived to tell the story, you would have known how much they love you.

I grew up feeling the same. That my dad loved my immediate elder sister more than me.... what ever she does was ok but if I do the same, war.
To make matters worse, I was 10years old never been out of the eastern part of the country, had all my friends in east, my dad just found me a school in the boarding house in Abuja. See me now, see abuja.
My mum objected that I was too small but his decision was it. I saw my old man as the wizard in the house.
I never knew that was the greatest gift a parent can give to their kid. Independent and confident. I grew up full of confidence and independent at a tender age.
I zoom around countries now without looking back or feeling home sick.
Believe me they due love you.
As for the emotions and keeping to yourself, there must be something you are passionate about. Do those things.
My brother, please I know it is a little late but try and let people know when they offend you. Because they might be walking freely not knowing someone is dying in silence.
I would have loved to say more but my fingers are killing me typing with my phone. Assuming I was using my laptop, it would have been cool.
Peace bro.

Guy. This is some serious ish. When someone can pierce through your surface to touch you where you cannot pretend, it means

A. You are very human
B. The person is important to you
C. The person's opinion is important to you
D. The subject matter is important to you

I make these observations wt regards ur babe. Op, we are a sum total of our pasts and rarely do we experience radical change in our mentality or psyche without our input. Yes, as everybody is saying, u need to change. I feel also, that having appreciated your past and the significant role it plays in ur day-to-day decisions, this is the perfect time to change: a moment of sincere introspection like this.

I had a similar experience with a lady recently. I hadn't been in a serious relationship for a while so I was very rusty in my approach. The woman pulled a stunt that was meant as a surprise that didn't go down well with me and even after addressing the issue, I couldn't get past it. Sadly, we ended the relationship. When I went took stock of the whole thing with a very close relative, I realised I acted very childishly as my relationship b4 then had influenced the new one.

What I am saying briefly is, u need to talk to someone whom you trust, whose opinion u highly regard and who is brutally honest. Coming to this forum is a step forward but I think u need to open your mouth to someone's ear.

In ur 30s, u ought to be a father by now of at least two kids. Don't let ur past influence another new generation that you will raise. One love bro.

boynoel: Good evening all,
I opened a new account because I actually need help and I need to make this anonymous.
I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.
I am from a family of 9 parents inclusive and I am the middle child of the 7 children my parents had. I am single and in my early 30s, I earn a decent pay and I am living a good life by the standards of many. I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive. I am learned to some extents since I have a Masters degree and still looking forward to a doctorate degree in the future.

I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

My major challenge is with my relationship. I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

I would appreciate suggestions on what the house thinks can help me overcome this issue so that I can live a peaceful live within just the way I do outside that makes people feel I am one of the happiest persons to be with when in reality, deep within me I know it is only a facade.

Madam and oga: chaircover, royalroy, ifyalways, bellong, egopersonified, itbomb, dytbabe, 5minsmadness, pickabeau, irguru, tgirl4real, fhemmy, efemenaxy, profgday, carefreewannabe, tallesty1, snazzylove, 4tunebest, sophyrocks, zboyd, cococandy, serubawon, texanomaly, r231, godstrenght, chelseabmw, iyangbali, dayokanu, kanwulia, seun, chillisauce, greatgod2012, idowuogbo etc over to you.

eyaaaaaa,I sure feel for you and I want to appreciate you for looking up to me for a piece of advice. Firstly,I want you to know that this life is too simple and it all depends the way you handle it,just like the saying goes,"the way you make your made,the way you lie on it"the way you handle life is the way life is gonna handle you,try to always make yourself happy,within and outside your body,no one is gonna make you happy except yourself,because in life,most people don't care how you feel,you are on your own. Don't expect much from people,the more you expect from people,the more you get disappointed,so take your mind off all the people around you,always be ready for the worst,even from your family members including your girlfriend{s},wife{s} and children. Finally,learn to forgive and let go of things{issues},always let your mind be free and be happy,don't bottle up,socialise with good people,do things that make you happy and always speak out your mind. Remember not to take life seriously,you won't get out of it alive,no one has ever done that,so my friend,be happy. I wish you all the best.

honestly nothing more to even say, all the people above have said it all and having written so inspiringly.

@boynoel

Just don't put any pressure on yourself.
Change needs time.

boynoel: Good evening all,
I opened a new account because I actually need help and I need to make this anonymous.
I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.
I am from a family of 9 parents inclusive and I am the middle child of the 7 children my parents had. I am single and in my early 30s, I earn a decent pay and I am living a good life by the standards of many. I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive. I am learned to some extents since I have a Masters degree and still looking forward to a doctorate degree in the future.

I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

My major challenge is with my relationship. I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

I would appreciate suggestions on what the house thinks can help me overcome this issue so that I can live a peaceful live within just the way I do outside that makes people feel I am one of the happiest persons to be with when in reality, deep within me I know it is only a facade.

90% description of me. I will answer you before I read what others said.

You are a SENSITIVE person. Your sensitivity bars you from making good friends and that means you have a tendency to be a lone wolf.

People who don't understand sensitive people don't know what we go through. Unfortunately we are the minority in the world and so we need to adjust to fit in with others or we end up keeping to ourselves.

Realise that she didn't mean what she said as much as you thought she meant it. That's the key. Most of these folk talk sh1t they hardly really mean. Even if they mean it its not a do or die affair for them and they'll forget what they said a few minutes or at most a day later while we play it in our minds over and over again for years.

Get over it.

You HAVE to. If not you'll go through your whole life without any deep friends and that can really suck. Force yourself to realise that most times they JUST DONT MEAN IT the way you see it.

I woke up to this in the university. Its never too late to change your attitude. And its more fun on the other side I assure you. Sure once in a while you'll regress back to that old shell, I mean , it never really leaves but you can put it under control.

Shalom.

5minsmadness:

90% description of me. I will answer you before I read what others said.

You are a SENSITIVE person. Your sensitivity bars you from making good friends and that means you have a tendency to be a lone wolf.

People who don't understand sensitive people don't know what we go through. Unfortunately we are the minority in the world and so we need to adjust to fit in with others or we end up keeping to ourselves.

Realise that she didn't mean what she said as much as you thought she meant it. That's the key. Most of these folk talk sh1t they hardly really mean. Even if they mean it its not a do or die affair for them and they'll forget what they said a few minutes or at most a day later while we play it in our minds over and over again for years.

Get over it.

You HAVE to. If not you'll go through your whole life without any deep friends and that can really suck. Force yourself to realise that most times they JUST DONT MEAN IT the way you see it.

I woke up to this in the university. Its never too late to change your attitude. And its more fun on the other side I assure you. Sure once in a while you'll regress back to that old shell, I mean , it never really leaves but you can put it under control.

Shalom.

Nice one.

Op, come here for a big hug.

*hugs him, press him right against me, kiss his forehead*

There you go. My blessing is with you. Continue taking life easy, one step at a time. Always remember out of the 1million s perm, you won the race after waiting for more than 5000yrs. You finally made it to this world, don't let any morafucker put you down. Let them know when they hurt you, or you sef hurt them back so they know how it feels.

Now, go write me my check.€500

^^^

MizMyColi: Cc: Tallesty1

Thanks dear.... I know you would deliver.


How are you doing today

and happy Sunday.

OP, just forgive and forget whatever wrong anybody must have done to u, and be at peace with all men. People do offend me everyday, but up till dis moment I can't tell u about anybody I have any grudge for, or can't remember whatever wrong they have done to me, because I think we all make mistakes and it will be foolish of me to dwell in the past. It has been helpin me since I was a child, and I'm glad I am dis way, cos I don't move around with lotta baggages. I am as free as a bird in the sky always, and I'm very healthy too

boynoel:

Her comment was one that "threw a great jab at me while I was down". I wouldn't want to state it as thinking about it though now that she has explained herself doesn't affect me that much anymore however, I just least expected her to say such.

OP, the truth is that you are not ready (yet) to forgive your girl, people have given you wonderful and awesome advice here, but the bulk of the work lies with you.

The folks that made this adagge "a problem shared is a problem (half) solved, were very wise.

Your unwillingness to say what she did or say to you will continue to make you harbour great resentment in your mind against her, and the inability to genuinely forgive.

Am sure that besides the two of you, no other person knows whatever it was she said to you, you carry the burden in your heart all alone yet you are looking for solution.

God knows we are all sinners, it will be very easy for Him to forgive us all, yet HE said, if we confess our sins, He is willing to forgive and heal our land. What am I saying? If you actually want a solution, spill out out whatever she said to you either to a counsellor or anyother nuetral person, this will unburden your heart and make you feel very light and disposed to forgiveness. To forget is more difficult, but time (and love) heals all wound.

I'll equally advice you to loosen up a bit, you may feel that your parents contributed to your over-sensitivity and uptightness, but that's your personality. You'll have to learn to let go of issues easily. Life is too short for enjoyment, don't add resentment to it.

I wish you the best.

Awwwww. Well, ive got nothing to add. The comments above me have said it all. I used to be a sensitive person when i was younger but i gradually became a nonchalant person with time. I dnt know how it happened but i just outgrew it. I realised that holding on to things give offenders power over you, your decisions and your thoughts. I always told myself that nobody can ever have such power over me and no one can turn me to a shadow of myself. Never. I speak my mind and let go. So the more i let go and create positive thoughts, the more i become stronger and emotionally mature. Now i am a nonchalant person who detests worrying about anything. Works for me though.

Man up! Grow a thick skin.The only way to be happy is to have a forgiving heart. If u want to look younger than ur age, learn to forgive and let go. Don't let high b.p send u to an early grave. We offend and others offend us. That's the way life is.

It's
a serious case you have here.
Let me quickly ask you,haven't you seen or had any reason to appreciate
how your parents were towards you other than making you an
introvert/recluse? Because most times we tend to lay our judgement on
one side just to get a pat on the back..

Start letting out emotions..Talk to yourself or get a diary where you
let out your thoughts if you cannot talk to a person..Cry if you have
to..Cultivate a little sense of trust and confidance in your gf'...Stop bottling things in your heart because those(girlfriend,wife)
whom you would grant access would continue to dig it up in the most
unpleasant way..

Zipedee do dash zipedee any
My oh my what a wonderful day...

In the late 90s when Benin city was still waterlogged anytime it rained, a fat young girl was trying to cross the benin-sapele expressway to enter UBTH. She was a 200l accounting student. It was raining heavily and she didn't know that there was a big hole at the side of the road which had overflowed with water. She ran her fat ass across the road, holding her umbrella above her head. It was fun to see her flesh bobbing up and down like that and everyone stared.

The next thing that happened was she reached the other side of the road and suddenly disappeared, leaving behind her umbrella. It took a few seconds before people realised she had fallen into the hole.
Everybody ran across to help her and she was finally pulled out drenched from head to toe. She was OK.
But then everybody started to laugh. They laughed at the drenched fat girl that had been so clumsy as not to look where she was going. Its possible they laughed out of relief as well. Either way, she thought they were laughing at her. Fat girl falls in puddle and drenches herself head to toe. Classic!

She laughed along with them and they parted her on the back for being a good sport. Then she went home, shut the door and burst into tears. She cried and cried and cried some more. And then she became withdrawn. Anytime she left the house she felt all eyes were on her. Any two people talking she thought they were talking about her, that fat stupid girl that fell into a hole at the side of the road yesterday. Anytime people laughed she felt they were laughing at her, that fat stupid ugly girl that fell into a hole by the side of the road last week. When she was reading in engineering LT and she caught glimpses from other guys she would think they recognised her, that short fat stupid ugly girl that fell into a hole by the side of the road last year.

She finally graduated, alone and friendless. She met a guy and married him, not her first choice but she felt the guy she actually wanted to marry definitely knew about her embarrassing past and she was too embarrassed to start a relationship with him because she knew he saw her as that silly fat useless ugly girl who fell into a hole by the side of the road.

Someone else was there that day she fell. He was the one that helped her out of the hole. Yes he also laughed at her. When he got home that day his friend asked how his day was. "Fine". He said. "Anything happen?" His friend asked. "No o, just some girl who fell into a hole by the side of the road. Thank God she didn't injure." And that was the last they spoke of it. This guy was her class prefect and eventually was the one that married her. And he never associated her with that incident because frankly he didn't give it a second thought after that day and he had 500students in his class at the time, he couldn't possibly have remembered her face.



What's the moral of this story?

Don't give a Bleep what others say or do, because they don't remember anyway after a minute or two.


****takes two tablets of xanax**

boynoel: Good evening all,
I opened a new account because I actually need help and I need to make this anonymous.
I am an easy going person on the outside who many feels have no worries but deep within me, I have issues that are eating deep into me but try to put up the happy appearance so that I don't bother people with my issues.
I am from a family of 9 parents inclusive and I am the middle child of the 7 children my parents had. I am single and in my early 30s, I earn a decent pay and I am living a good life by the standards of many. I am easy going but when pushed to the wall, I can be so aggressive. I am learned to some extents since I have a Masters degree and still looking forward to a doctorate degree in the future.

I grow up feeling I was hated by my parents as anything I did wasn't really of good worth by their standards. They talked down on me on the slightest opportunity and this made me withdraw from everyone and learnt to bottle up my emotions. The worse was the fact that I get the blames for everyone's actions and often times wasn't given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I learnt to mask my feelings and till date, when I get offended, I mask it and make excuses for why whoever hurts me is however, I begin to withdraw from such people and it makes me difficult to build good friendship with people. I am grown now and forgiven them, I talk to my mom quite frequently and my dad is late.

My major challenge is with my relationship. I met my girlfriend through a friend of mine and everything has been going well by my definition until she made a statement which I felt so offended by. I brought it to her attention and she has apologized however, I am having issues with letting go as each time I remember, I find it difficult to even communicate with her. She is trying to make up for her words but I just don't see this working out anymore and I can't seem to let go too as we have been together for over 3 years now. I have tried going for therapy however, I couldn't voice out my feelings to the counselor thus, making the therapy session a waste of resources and time.

I would appreciate suggestions on what the house thinks can help me overcome this issue so that I can live a peaceful live within just the way I do outside that makes people feel I am one of the happiest persons to be with when in reality, deep within me I know it is only a facade.

Madam and oga: chaircover, royalroy, ifyalways, bellong, egopersonified, itbomb, dytbabe, 5minsmadness, pickabeau, irguru, tgirl4real, fhemmy, efemenaxy, profgday, carefreewannabe, tallesty1, snazzylove, 4tunebest, sophyrocks, zboyd, cococandy, serubawon, texanomaly, r231, godstrenght, chelseabmw, iyangbali, dayokanu, kanwulia, seun, chillisauce, greatgod2012, idowuogbo etc over to you.

anger held inside bcomes hatred.Hatred creates enemies.Learn how to forgive and by doing that u're helping yourself as well.

Thank you all for your time and advise, I appreciate them.