I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her.

Hmmmmmm.
After phocking for 2 years plus.
Nigerian Bush Na waya o!

Bros, u get mind oh!

What dignity?it's not like she had a baby outta wedlock!
I say tell your family and stand by your decision as a MAN

mystiqueDZ:
What dignity?it's not like she had a baby outta wedlock!
I say tell your family and stand by your decision as a MAfN

I don't think you understand in Nigeria a lady that has a baby out of wedlock is even more accepted than a divorcee

Hmmmmmm!
While the "DIVORCEE"-stud is always accepted!
Ha!

I wish you can go and tell the woman all these, instead of yarning all this your spineless "okripoto" on NL!!!

Marry whosoever your heart desires..... Divorcee, single parent or Single!

kennethkenneth6:
I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her.

Isn't this about your happiness? If you are certain she will be a good wife to you, please stand by her. Don't go telling your family since you have a vague feeling they may not be comfortable with it. Let her behavior earn her respect with her new family. But, why was she divorced? Even though I believe its a second chance and wise people don't botch it up, knowing why she was divorced will also help make a decision.

Gboliwe:

Isn't this about your happiness? If you are certain she will be a good wife to you, please stand by her. Don't go telling your family since you have a vague feeling they may not be comfortable with it. Let her behavior earn her respect with her new family. But, why was she divorced? Even though I believe its a second chance and wise people don't botch it up, knowing why she was divorced will also help make a decision.

Thanks

Just make sure you try tour best to find out what caused the first divorce so that history won't repeat itself.

Asides from that,feel very free to go ahead and wed her if you're satisfied she'll make a good wife.

Every other thing(what people will say or not) is not really pertinent to your happiness

cococandy:
Just make sure you try tour best to find out what caused the first divorce so that history won't repeat itself.

Asides from that,feel very free to go ahead and wed her if you're satisfied she'll make a good wife.

Every other thing(what people will say or not) is not really pertinent to your happiness

Thanks
But do you think I should let my people know of her past marriage

kennethkenneth6:

I don't think you understand in Nigeria a lady that has a baby out of wedlock is even more accepted than a divorcee

You have been with this lady for 3yrs!! You know her better...hiding it from your family raises more suspicion if they find out and they will find out!
Tell who she is and stand your decision!

I say don't hide anything from your family, once you tell one lie you will have to tell a million more to cover up the first one.But be a man and stand by your decision. This is about your happiness not what everyone else agrees or disagrees on. After all you dont live their lives for them, neither should you let them live your life for you.

I don't think you should hide it from your people,that means you are ashamed of her past.You have been with her for 3 years and if she was not good,you wouldn't think of marrying her.
Be a man and let your family see reason why you want to marry her.

you are the one to live with her , not your family if she's ok for you go ahead and marry her irrespective of what your family thinks or says

Many African family won't accept this union, especially from a guy that's single and never marry before.

Let your family know how much you love her, and express it in a good way.

@OP i think you should ensure the root cause of her divorce has been resolved so that it wont happen again. Then i will advice that you dont tell your people especially if they are strict type of Christians. You may tell them in later years. This is not about being a man,they may not fight you but will plant doubts in your heart even without saying a word.

It's up to you.
I know they may not jugde her nicely for it. Whether the ex was a monster or not,most Nigerians will still blame the woman for the failure of the marriage.

If you must tell them,leave them to meet her first and get to know her for some time in order to form their opinion of the kind of person she is. Telling them before they meet and get to know her may result in them prejudging her.

Remember she has a child that they will get to meet someday too.so they'll find out about it at some point in time.it can't be kept secret.nor does it need to be kept secret.

I know how important it is to have one's family approve wholeheartedly of their spouse but
In the end it's no one's business apart from the two of you.

kennethkenneth6:

Thanks
But do you think I should let my people know of her past marriage

Follow your heart man. Happiness is what matters in life. But, do you think the reason she gave you for divorcing her ex worth it? If no, better think twice.

kennethkenneth6:

Thanks
But do you think I should let my people know of her past marriage

U know ur family better than anyone here.

If they are cool headed and easy tell them.

If not pls carry on with the wedding make it a quick one before dem know d deed is already done.

If dem vex just knee down beg for forgiveness. By then u already married.

Do you also accept the child as yours? Because something tells me you would come back to open another thread on whether you should accept the baby or not...

You MUST let your family know, it's that simple and there's no sugar coating it.

What happens after that is then solely up to you.

I think you should be more concerned with the reason she got divorced rather than the fact that she is a divorcee. If your family won't be comfortable with the news then keep it to yourself, it's your happiness that matters.

cococandy:

...
If you must tell them,leave them to meet her first and get to know her for some time in order to form their opinion of the kind of person she is. Telling them before they meet and get to know her may result in them prejudging her.
...

I agree with this bit...

Which would you prefer: that you partner hide the truth from you just to protect you by ignorance, or would you rather she told you and leave you insecure?

But like someone already suggested above, focus more on why she got divorced in the first place and I'll also add, discover what she's coming to add to your life.

Once you are certain 'SHE' has a role to play in your life, then, you won't have issues accepting and loving her child as yours or communicating her case to your family. Be cause it seems you are more concerned with what others might think or say than on why you should be with her.

kennethkenneth6:
I have an issue that has been bothering me and I really need matured opinions on this. I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now one year into the relationship she told me that she has been married and even had a baby girl fir the man but they had to separate now the ex is married to another lady while the baby is being trained by her mum in order for her to go back to school. Now iam ready to settle down and despite all this I still want 2 settle down with her but my fear is that my people may not accept her if they know she is a divorce with a kid .is it advicable not to let my peopple know about her previous marriage so as to preserve her dignity and since we arent from thesame state they may never know or do I take the chance and tell them everything. As for me I have no issues with the fact that she has been married I love her and I just want to do what is best for her.

Are you afraid of your people? Are you incapable of making independent decisions and taking full control of your life??

Based on the sort of questions you're asking here, I don't think you're anywhere ready to stand your ground much less shoulder the responsibilities that come with marriage.

Facing the pressure from one own's family is never easy but I think that you should marry who you want to marry.
You have to live with that choice.

If the marriage turns sour, your people will tell you "We have told you so" but if you marry someone else and end up being unhappy, you will have regrets, too. Either way, it's risky.

The choice is yours and should be yours alone.

I think that your family will learn to accept her but it will take time and the beginning will be the hardest part.

Keeping such a secret from your people will be ill-adviced. Introduce the girl to your people and let them get to know her first, when they are kinda used to her/seeing her, you can now fill them in about her previous status. Hopefully, they would have taken a liking to her and find her too good enough to refuse her based on 'divorce' status.

Good luck!

According to the Bible marrying her constitutes adultery as long as her husband is alive and killing her husband constitutes murder which is punishable by death under Nigerian law.

Why marry a divorcee? Jeez! Don't make your life complicated man, just look for a 'single' woman and marry. Don't try your luck. Forget what you are being told here, she's not the only woman on earth. Baby daddy, step son, family issues and all just waiting to surface. Is it really worth it? Reminds me of Troy, fighting and killing all in the name of Love, that sometimes won't be worth it. Love can be found elsewhere.

Kirinwa:
According to the Bible marrying her constitutes adultery as long as her husband is alive and killing her husband constitutes murder which is punishable by death under Nigerian law.

I wonder why someone will even want to marry a divorcee. I just can't wrap my head around it. When there are a zillion and one never before married singles out there.

carefreewannabe:
Facing the pressure from one own's family is never easy but I think that you should marry who you want to marry.
You have to live with that choice.

If the marriage turns sour, your people will tell you "We have told you so" but if you marry someone else and end up being unhappy, you will have regrets, too. Either way, it's risky.

The choice is yours and should be yours alone.

I think that your family will learn to accept her but it will take time and the beginning will be the hardest part.

His family will never accept her. A divorcee with a son.