Sorry for the long write up but i feel like i had to share.

Divorce is a common phenomenon especially in the Western world. Statistics show that divorce rate over there is as common place as the air they breathe but funny enough, the rate at which people over there get married is also high. After the divorce proceedings are over, it takes the divorced person little or no time to meet and marry another person of his or her choice. Wait a bit, what am I saying, they can even meet someone before the divorce proceedings are over and start making plans towards getting married.

Sadly, this trend is gaining a strong foothold in Nigeria. Perhaps education, exposure and a quest to be more westernized are the main culprits for this rise in divorce rates in Nigeria. But be that as it may, there are genuine instances that have nothing to do with the above but that the spouse is in a situation where a divorce is the best option. There are various cases where the matter is so grave that the mental, psychological and physical state of the spouse will become an issue and worse still, become a matter of life and death.

I know of a lady who was married to the man she loved. Everything was fine till it was time to start having children which, under Nigerian setting, it is as soon as the couple is wedded. And of course, the preferred sex for at least the first child is a male child. This lady took in and gave birth to a female child. Her husband ‘pardoned’ her for this mistake. The dreadful beating started after she gave birth to her second child who of course, turned out to be a female. The husband did not even come to visit her and their baby at the hospital when she was born. After she was discharged from the hospital, she and her mother paid off the hospital bills and made their way home. His behavior toward her changed so abruptly that she began to wonder who the man she had married had become.

They had visited the best gynecologists and made extensive and wide consultations on how to conceive and give birth to a male child. But as God would have it, a female child had always been born. Presently, the couple has four daughters, they live like total strangers and the husband pounces on her at the slightest provocation and beats the living daylights out of her.
Her condition is such that she is a house wife and a mother so she cannot possibly leave her children behind so that she can escape the nightmare she lives daily in the hands of her so-called husband.

Therefore the million naira question is this, why was she not able to conceive and give birth to at least one male child? The simple answer to that question is that neither she nor her husband is God.

There are many instances of women who go through the above ordeal and others who go through worse situations and such women often wonder at the quality of life they have been subjected to and in worse cases, they become suicidal.
But this does not in any way suggest that it is only women who have various injustices meted out to them, there are men who are also being treated badly by the women they married. Cases abound where men have received beatings from their wives, some have had to live with domestic violence which can be physical, verbal, emotional, financial, etc. There are even cases of death.
The problem with cases of abused men is that much is not heard of the abuses they face from their spouses because they are not voiced out. Perhaps the reason is that men are expected to be strong and resilient. They are expected to just walk away when a woman is being abusive and a man is not expected to complain lest he be labeled a spineless man. Some women really know how to provoke men to anger, which could be by name calling, holding his shirt collars in a choking manner, refusal to serve him food, some even teach their children to insult and call their father names, other cases too numerous to mention abound. If the man reacts in a bid to free himself, the woman cries foul and the world labels the man and men in general as monsters.

Men in abusive marriages should be encouraged to speak out and let their woes be known so that they can also receive the same help and support that women in abusive marriages receive.
Even though divorce is frowned upon by majority of Nigerians, it is advisable that a divorce is gotten where it is of utmost importance.

Grounds For Divorce

The Nigerian courts are not quick to grant a divorce upon request from a petitioner. The petitioner has to satisfy the court that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. To prove that this is the case, the petitioner has to prove one or more of the following facts:
a) That the respondent has refused to be intimate with the petitioner;
b) That the respondent has committed adultery and the petitioner cannot live with the respondent;
c) That the respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot be expected to live with the respondent;
d) That the respondent has deserted the petitioner for one year;
e) That the couple has lived apart for at least two years and the respondent does not object to the divorce;
f) That the couple has lived apart for three years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition;
g) That one of the spouses has, for one year, refused to be intimate with the other spouse as was directed by the Court;
h) That one of the spouses has been absent from the other spouse for a long time and in a manner that he or she was thought dead (usually 7 years).

In order to prove (c) above, the petitioner has to satisfy the Court that:
a) The respondent committed rape, sodomy, bestiality; or
b) The respondent is a habitual drunkard or is a drug addict for two years; or
c) The respondent has been frequently convicted of crimes which cumulatively resulted to being sentenced to imprisonment for three years or that the respondent habitually leaves the petitioner without reasonable means of support; or
d) The respondent was convicted for an offence punishable by death or life imprisonment and has been in prison; or
e) The respondent has attempted to murder or cause grievous harm to the petitioner or has threatened to do so; or
f) The respondent has failed to pay maintenance on the petitioner as ordered by Court or agreed to be paid because of their separation; or
g) The respondent is mentally ill and unlikely to recover and is in a mental institution.

In summary, I would beg to differ if a spouse finds himself or herself in one of the situations above and refuses to get a divorce because of the supposed shame it would bring (especially from women’s point of view). It is better to live and be healthy than to have mental or physical issues or worse still, be found dead.

Then;
"I ----take you----to be my lawful wedded wife/husband,
to love and to cherish,
in sickness and in health,
in poverty and in wealth,
till death do us part.

Now;
I----take you----as my lawful wedded wife/husband,
to love and to cherish,
in health and in health,
in wealth and in wealth,
till quarrels,no sex,cheating,poverty or divorce do us part.

i know, its really heart breaking.