# funiest_writeup_on_earth .
By Ola Falola
Warning: This article is somewhat awkward and
crazy.
And it’s meant for only those who don’t shy away
from the truth. I mean, those who don’t “form.”
I don't like hypocrites!
Why do we all kind of fret when others talk about
shit?
I mean, it beats my imagination flat how people
pretend to be robots. We all need to stop this
pretence and feel freer to discuss issues about
shit....
Do you know what makes shit interesting? Just as
we were all born by a woman, we all shit... You
shit... I shit...President Jonathan shits...Obama
shits... And even your parents shit...
These point to the fact that shitting is part of life
— an integral part.
Shitting is something we all do every day, but at
varying frequencies. While some drop heavy,
killer lumps of shit once daily, others shit
multiple times, releasing dense microchips
during each session.
The mechanism of delivery of shit also varies
among
individuals. Some people drop theirs with
absolute
ease, while some practically go through “labour”
before delivering their lumps.
The time of delivery of shit varies, too. Some are
experts at “quickie” shitting (10 seconds to 2
minutes).
Some, on the other hand, will spend ages (up to
30
minutes or more) and will involve all the muscles
of
their abdomen, pelvis, face, and even upper limb
just
to drop a lump of shit.
Types of shit
There are over hundred types of shit, classified
using
various methods, but I won’t go into details of
these classifications. Rather, I will randomly pick
and discuss the most interesting types.
There we go…
*.Hallucination or ghost shit: You feel something
leaving your butts, but you can’t see anything in
the
toilet.
*.Holy shit: The type of shit you enjoy its release
so
much that you never want to leave the toilet
again.
*.Neat shit: This type of shit leaves no traces; you
see it
in the toilet bowl, but you get no stains on the
tissue
paper.
*.Wet or dripping shit: Even after 20 attempts to
wipe
this type of shit with a tissue paper, you keep
getting stains. Before you know it, you may
exhaust a
complete roll of tissue. At the end of the day, you
will resign to fate, placing tissue paper between
your
butts and underwear (to protect your underwear
from
stains).
*.Second wave shit: This type of shit comes after
you think you’re done shitting. You’ve dressed up
and are about leaving the toilet when you feel the
urge to shit again.
*.Break-a-vein shit: Delivering this type of shit
requires you to strain very hard. If you’re not
careful, you may
end up with stroke.
*.Gassy shit: This type of shit is preceded by lots
of
noisy farts, which create awareness. Everyone
around would be like, “gosh!”
*.Giant log shit: This type of shit is so massive
that
you won’t believe it came from you. No amount
of water can flush such. Before you can flush it
successfully, you must first break it into pieces
using a stick.
*.Bulldozer shit: When this type of shit lands in
the
toilet bowl, the water in there splashes upwards.
The splashes can reach as high as the ceiling
(depending on the weight of the shit).
*.Maradona shit: This type of shit comes
shockingly,
when all you were expecting was a fart. In short, it
dribbles you.
*.Black shit: The name says it all. You grab?
*.Obstinate shit: This type of shit just won’t come
out, no matter how hard you try. Yet, you keep
feeling
the urge. You will need to try again after some
hours.
*.Peppery shit: After dropping this type of shit,
your butts feel very hot and peppery. You’ll feel
like
placing iced block between them to get some
relief.
*.Pump action shit: This comes in quick
successive
lumps that land in the toilet bowl to produce a
pleasant rhythm (something like “gbo-gba-gbo-gb
o-gba-gba-gbi.”)
*.Liquid or tap shit: This light yellow type of shit
splashes all over the toilet bowl and soils your
butts
from inside outwards. When you start, it’s like
opening
a tap; the flow is amazingly continuous.
*.Mexican shit: This kind of shit smells so badly
that
your nose blocks. Even your neighbours can’t
bear it.
You have to take furtive glances before leaving the
toilet—you don’t want anyone to know that the
rancid stench came from inside of you.
*.Lace shit: A close look at this type of shit gives
a clue
about your last meal. You can see some vegetable
leaves or grains of corn.
*.Slider shit: This type of shit slides straight
down the
toilet pipe after leaving your butts. It leaves you
confused as to whether you really did shit or not.
*.Rock shit: This type of shit is so hard that you
feel like
your butt is tearing. Flushing won’t get it away
unless you wait till after water softens it. To get
rid of it immediately, you will need to fill a big
bucket with
water, raise it over your head (or higher, if
possible
you can stand on a stool), and pour into the toilet
bowl from that height.
*.Suspended or hanging shit: This type of shit
fails to
drop into the toilet bowl even after leaving your
butts; it hangs. To get it out, you will need to rise
up a bit
and wriggle your body like a belly dancer so that
the
movement cuts it out, or contract your pelvic
muscles so that the sphincter cuts it off. Having
understood the importance and types of shit, you
can now teach others, too. You see, shit happens
every day, and there’s no need hiding this fact.
You need to stop shying away from shit. And you
need to remember that this article is just a
product of the author’ crazy imagination and
brainstorming.....
But all the same, shit rocks! So, spread the word,
and stop all the “forming.”
I REST MY CASE.

Hehehe

benega:
Hehehe

lol

benega:
Hehehe

lol

benega:
Hehehe

lol

Lol

Nyc one..Lol...Juz dey laff lk seriousli People juz dey luk me..

Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902

this tin too funny ... ...lwtmb + lwkmd

Nawa

Seriously?...this thread is even poo

i love dis...u must be a poo expert

Adunskill:
Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902

Adunskill:
Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902Nice one OP. What of macaroni poo, it kept on coming out macaroni shape like for about 50s. Our OP pooing since 1902