Ha! Etcetera has penned a coded shoutout to the likes of
Toyin Aimahku, Tiwa Savage, Seyi Shay, Olisa Adibua and
several others. He calls them liars!
Read below..
Bless me father for I have sinned. My last confession was
two days ago. Father, I am an entertainer and I have
been lying to my fans for many years. Really? Tell me
about these lies my son. Father, where do I start from?
The lies are so many that I don’t know where to start. Go
ahead son, you start from anywhere, the Lord is listening.
Father, I lied that I was signed by a foreign record label. I
also lied that I am a brand ambassador of one of the
telecommunication firms. Whereas I was only paid to
make the jingle and later feature on the TV commercial. I
also lied to the public that my album sold six million
copies. My son, why all these lies? Father, I am not the
only liar in the industry. We are all liars. Lying is part of
the job’s description. Are you serious?
Yes father, I am being very frank with you. My lies are
even mild compared to some of my colleagues. Imagine
one female artist lying that she was a backup singer for
Mary J Blige. How can she be a backup singer for such an
international star and nobody saw any pictures or videos.
Normally as an entertainer such materials could have
been used to promote her brand. She also lied that she
wrote a song for Fantasia that won a grammy. As I am
confessing to you, nobody knows the title of the song.
There’s no credit to her on Fantasia’s catalog. A Nigerian
singer said all these? Yes father.
Her own lies are even small sef. Another female singer
lied that Beyonce’s father was her manager while she was
in the US. No you must be joking! Haba Father, can I be
lying to you during confession? My son, as a reverend
father in this parish, I have seen so many strange things.
When a man is possessed by the devil there’s nothing
beyond him. And from what you have been saying, there
is absolutely nothing beyond you entertainers. But go on,
tell God more of these lies of yours.
I have lied about buying houses in Lekki and other parts
of Lagos. But I thank God that till today no one has
thought of looking up these properties at the ministry of
lands otherwise I would have been caught pants down.
Are you listening father? Yes go on son, the Lord is also
listening.
Ok, I have been bribing radio presenters for a long time
to play my songs. There is this veteran presenter on the
island that collects a million naira and two bottles of Jack
Daniels and Black label and one box of cuban cigar from
me. He also collects hampers and makes you promise to
buy him a cake on his birthday. You mean he collects all
these just to play a song? Yes father that’s what he
charges. Jesus Christ of Nazareth, what about those
musicians who can’t afford to give him these things?
Haa! If you can’t afford it, then your songs won’t be
played no matter how good they are. But why haven’t you
musicians come together and fight people like him? And
also, why do you keep bribing them? Is it not the same
bribery and corruption you people are always accusing
the Nigerian police of? Yes father I totally agree, we are
no different from the police.
But how can we unite and fight this corruption when
Nigerian artists are lily-livered. They all pay these guys and
go back grumbling in their bedrooms. And whoever
decides to speak up on their behalf will be insulted by the
same people he’s fighting for. They will accuse you of
trying to make things difficult for them. This is really
terrible. Yes father it is really terrible.
Ok what other confessions do you have for the Lord? But
Father, do you think the Lord can forgive me of all these
sins? Don’t you worry yourself about that, we will pray to
Saint Anthony of Padua to intercede for you. Thank you
father.
Now let me go on. Most times when I see that a song of a
particular artist is gaining more popularity than mine, I
call on my guys at the radio stations to stop playing it.
And do you also pay for this? Of course they won’t lift a
finger without money changing hands. But don’t they see
that what you requested of them is wickedness. No father
it is not wickedness, we actually call it survival. Ok father,
what would you say if I told you that most of our awards
are lobbied for? And most of the scandalous news you
read on blogs are leaked by entertainers to pull down
their rivals? I’d say very interesting.
Now let me ask you a question father. Do you believe in
juju? Boy I am a man of God and you don’t expect me to
believe in such. So you mean if I told you that some of us
entertainers use juju to excel, would you believe me? Well,
I have heard of such allegations, especially with the fuji
musicians but these things can’t be substantiated. Why do
you think they can’t be substantiated?
What would you make of a musician taking a bottle
containing local dry gin, 20 naira notes, cowries, corn
seeds and alligator pepper into the vocal booth and
sipping from it and chanting inaudible things under his
breath while singing? I don’t have any answer to that.
Just go on with your confession. There are still others
waiting to confess their sins. And please can you
summarise this confession?
Tell me, why do you entertainers indulge in lies and all
you have said here today? We entertainers tell so much
lies and live fake lives because that’s what Nigerians want.
They love lies and they will even call you mumu for
speaking the truth. And the journalists are also guilty.
Asides from being too lazy, I think they are also scared of
some of these entertainers. They rather not investigate
anything at all. Even when you tell them a blatant lie, they
won’t bother asking questions.
Now we have an industry that is built on lies. And from
the look of things, it will stay so for a long time. That is all
I have to confess father. Your sins have been forgiven my
son. Say the fifteen decades of the rosary and abstain
from telling lies from now on. Go in peace to love and
serve the Lord. Inomine patri et fili et spiritus sancti.
Amen.

Hmmm, always trying to be controversial.

Well, let me go and investigate wat i've just read, then come back to comment.

He suppose put names naa

Lol ... I no fit laugh.

IfyAwazie:
Hmmm, always trying to be controversial.

Well, let me go and investigate wat i've just read, then come back to comment.

so, u dnt blv it؟zlz

olagockay:
He suppose put names naa

he cant 4 security p_urpose_

Lol, Hilarious Truth!