Truckpusher:
There are factors that contributes a lot in making one's marriage a living hell especially in your second and fifth year into the marriage, and it gets to a point that all you want to do is to walk away but this doesn't solve the problems always.

Give the poor bastard a chance to fix himself up emotionally and otherwise,let him face the realities that stares him in the face and I can assure you that two years from now he would be thanking you for not leaving him when he needed you most.

I don't want to go on talking about his issues here.But one thing I can assure you is that this is the most difficult time for your marriage and you need all the strength you have to forge ahead and save the world from another broken home.

Do not listen to these internet tigers that are massaging your ego asking you to leave ,some of them are just 18 or 19 year old children with the wrongest ideology about life and do not understand what it takes to remain married and of course some of them can't just fit in. Yes! I said it
So my dear hang in there, tomorrow will be brighter.

Just imagine that you the one with these loads of problems and all he could do was to divorce you or just walk away and in ten years you came to realize that you needed help back then and the only person in your life that said he loves you walked away when you were down on your last lap of self destruction.He has a problem,that's true but he needs your help now, just forget what the world is saying right now.

A man once told me that the reasons why he divorced his wife in the 90s was just ok to divorce a woman, but right now it doesn't really make sense anymore to him..........He was passing a message that reacting on some issues of emotional kind is always hastily entered into by lots of people only to find out after many years that it was nothing.

I personally think that most successful marriages are perfectly hooked on tolerance and not the so-called overrated 'love' because it fades away and reality hits home and it takes those with a heart of steel to withstand this ugly bitter truth.Talk to him ,he is human and you know him more better than anyone else right here ,just talk sense into him and he will think it's just a matter of time.....smh

I have advised her to be patient but bros. you have to admit that this husband is very harsh now. She is his wife not his slave, even if he does not love her, can he not respect the mother of his child?

@ademideolu, you are beginning to nag on this thread O. Yes, you have a problem, but guess what? Who doesn't? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking of positive steps to improve your life.

You and your husband need proper counseling because it is obvious that you did not really know how to define your role as a wife (in the context of marriage with this man). Other women should learn from your experience. Inasmuch as affection for a future spouse is important, there is a lot of commonsense issues that have to be discussed, understood and agreed-to before marriage such as:

1. Who is responsible for financially maintaining the home?

2. Where is your collective income coming from?

3. What is the role of the less financially committed partner?

4. What are the expectations of the one making the financial commitment? Does He/she expect the other party to be utterly under their domination because of their financial status?

5. How do you relate with your extended families? To what extent would they be allowed to relate with you in your home?

These are just some of the issues. Not like LordReed said food, material things and sex when you are not married.

Woman go and think about how to succeed in this marriage with this difficult man rather than try to win debates on Nairaland with people that are unlikely to affect your life after this thread.

Thank you.

maclatunji:


I have advised her to be patient but bros. you have to admit that this husband is very harsh now. She is his wife not his slave, even if he does not love her, can he not respect the mother of his child?

I never spared the man at all but you can also agree with me that this guy needs her more than ever if he is the one causing all the troubles unprovoked in any manner. Because I think he has a problem that he is not willing to share with someone that will offer a pity party instead of stepping in and step up by helping him go through his problem.

It is very painful to find out that: that beautiful,intelligent and strong girl you got married to is nothing but an empty waste of time and she is even depending on you for everything as soon as she stepped into your house. when I said everything ,I'm talking about a woman that calls you while you're at work that she's been stopped by the police for some poor paper work........Can't she just talk her way out of something without having to involve you thereby adding to your headache while at work or something important?

If she walks and get married again to someone else and he begins to show the other part of himself which will make her ex husband to appear like a saint, will she also divorce him until she finds a perfect man?

Most people actually think that marriage is a bed of roses,how possible is it for two people from a different background to stay together permanently without offending each other? though I'm also aware that some people are just terrible human being, but the truth is if there is no any form of tolerance we can't even function anywhere.She should talk to him I bet you he'll say what is biting him unless he is simply a sadist which I don't think so, because she said it was all rosy before until things changed.Besides we have only heard her own version of the entire story and I'm dead sure that if we ask the husband some questions on what really happened we'll get the shock of our lives on what he is going to say about her too - This is a fact.

I'm totally against any form of divorce unless where irreconcilable differences exists and trust is gone forever.


Honestly ,I don't contribute on topics like this but I had to step in when I saw some loud mouthed fellows subtly calling her a fool for sticking around citing that she has a job and a degree and all that blah blah.....They are talking as if they've been approched by a serious minded fellow for marriage and they turned it down.

Women are their own worst enemy,how can a fellow girl be encouraging another to leave her home just because things are a little bit turbulent?.....This was why I came, else Nairaland is my playground

Bye bye

^You strive for balance. I think we might have better insights if both sides would come out to tell their stories.

@Truckpusher, how do you like this https://www.nairaland.com/1961797/thread-both-parties-share-sides#27358376 for balance?

Just went through your post and one thing came to mind "No one gives what he don't have". Believe it every one of us model ourselves from one of our parents. But he was raised by his grannies who were too old to be an icon to him. He never learnt that family responsibility so he don't know what it is like to be a responsible family man. You actually need to get at his soft spot and try and talk with him. Make him to understand that the greatest assets are not houses or landed properties but a responsible and understanding wife and well educated children.

So my advice to you is to understand him that he don't really know and need experienced someone to guide him into being a responsible family man. Also do not despair when he says that you are not contributing to the house project for you are contributing more by taking care of the family needs.

Be a good wife which you have being to him and with time he will surely come around.

Every one would condemn the op husband for his nonchalant attitude and arrogance towards her

No reasonable man behaves that way......(assuming everything the op said is at least 80% true anyway) :_\

Diary of a mad black woman comes to mind ....your husband needs to be amazingly humbled to realise your worth ....

ademideolu:


one baby for now. yes i crested an account today because of this. thanks.

please do not have another baby,EVER.