I chose women as the subject because they are the pillar of the house. Shaky pillars is a warning to a catastrophic occurrence of a building. Today's women are really focused on their careers more than their families . An instance is the trend, or can I say the norm of celebrities especially the women having failed marriages. Does that mean our women have lost the motherhood qualities? They embrace their careers so much that it almost choke. Where is the love for the family?

I have a friend who was filing for divorce just because her husband asked her to quit her job and concentrate on building the joy back to their family.
There are things we just have to compromise for the sake of the future of our children.

Yes

I hv seen and met women who re sucessful in career and in marriage..and by Gods grace am going dt same way too..not easy shaa buh all one needs is determination,hardwork,perseverance..and an understanding husband..meanwhile its vry necessary to share ur visions wt a man b4 u guys get married..let it just be dt the man knows what the futuree lies for both of u..and also to know if u guys re headed for the same direction...and I strongly believe dt building a happy family should involve both parties ie couple..its not only the duty of the woman..the man should hv a role to play..my opinion though..

One advice for career women:don't just put ur family/marriage behind bc u re pursing ur career..let ur family come first all the time..create time for ur family..

Asking someone to quit their is to the extreme.

Why do we take decisions without considering the other party.is it only the woman's duty to bring joy into the family, .......weren't our mother's successful family and carrier women .

You don't ask someone to make sacrifice you know you cannot do youself and marriages don't just pack up because of someone's ambition.

We all have purposes,ambitions,goals in life and we can do that carrying everyone along.

zeb04:
Asking someone to quit their is to the extreme.

Why do we take decisions without considering the other party.is it only the woman's duty to bring joy into the family, .......weren't our mother's successful family and carrier women .

You don't ask someone to make sacrifice you know you cannot do youself and marriages don't just pack up because of someone's ambition.

We all have purposes,ambitions,goals in life and we can do that carrying everyone along.

What about compromise? No one ask you to become a housewife

Yes they can! Career women have had successful marriages in the past, still having and will continue to have. Numerous examples abound in every field. I would say celebrity marriages are rather not good examples cuz most are either based on faulty foundations or they just couldn't handle the success.

Agreed getting married to a career woman comes with its own peculiar challenges but both parties can overcome them if there is love and understanding between them. And I don't want to believe it's any different from the other type of challenges that comes with marriage, if they cant both effectively solve one, they will solve the other types of challenges as well eg couples who are effectively able to handle the challenges that come with having a career woman in the home are more likely to be able to resolve financial issues, in-law issues, delayed pregnancies etc

There are numerous benefits that come with it also, so couples just have to decide if they want to focus on the strengths or the challenges.

OP, In the example you gave, how does a woman quitting her job translate to joy coming back to the family? I am struggling to understand the correlation. Are you saying the moment she started working, her husband and children became sorrowful?

Something's got to give and in most cases its the children that loses out on "quality" time.

Kimoni:
Yes they can! Career women have had successful marriages in the past, still having and will continue to have. Numerous examples abound in every field. I would say celebrity marriages are rather not good examples cuz most are either based on faulty foundations or they just couldn't handle the success.

Agreed getting married to a career woman comes with its own peculiar challenges but both parties can overcome them if there is love and understanding between them. And I don't want to believe it's any different from the other type of challenges that comes with marriage, if they cant both effectively solve one, they will solve the other types of challenges as well eg couples who are effectively able to handle the challenges that come with having a career woman in the home are more likely to be able to resolve financial issues, in-law issues, delayed pregnancies etc

There are numerous benefits that come with it also, so couples just have to decide if they want to focus on the strengths or the challenges.

OP, In the example you gave, how does a woman quitting her job translate to joy coming back to the family? I am struggling to understand the correlation. Are you saying the moment she started working, her husband and children became sorrowful?

Time with the family is a basic necessity. It depends on the nature of her job.

skydeep:

What about compromise? No one ask you to become a housewife

my dear compromise is good so long it is not under compulsion .

I'm sure the man knew who he married before he married her. He saw her love for career but felt he could change her.
Wrong.
There's no way every woman out there will be the baby-birthing-and-nurturing-career-sacrificing kind of person.
I'll advice the men to go for their kind of woman.
If you don't like career women,don't marry one and then turn around to force her to quit her job.
Some women are fine with being stay home moms,some are not.
It's a BIG wide world.

We shouldn't expect everyone to have the same plans and goals for their lives.

zeb04:
my dear compromise is good so long it is not under compulsion .

No one is forcing you to. You know what is best for the family, so do it

cococandy:
I'm sure the man knew who he married before he married her. He saw her love for career but felt he could change her.
Wrong.
There's no way every woman out there will be the baby-birthing-and-nurturing-career-sacrificing kind of person.
I'll advice the men to go for their kind of woman.
If you don't like career women,don't marry one and then turn around to force her to quit her job.
Some women are fine with being stay home moms,some are not.
It's a BIG wide world.

We shouldn't expect everyone to have the same plans and goals for their lives.

If they don't marry a career woman, who will? A lot men are afraid to marry career women. But at least, a career woman should make TIME for her family especially her kids

Both father and mother have roles to play in building a family so when making career moves they must both consider the impact it will have on their family roles. A woman can have a successful career and have a happy home. It is not impossible to achieve it has been done by women and still is. Nobody should have to sacrifice family for career whether male or female.

LordReed:
Both father and mother have roles to play in building a family so when making career moves they must both consider the impact it will have on their family roles. A woman can have a successful career and have a happy home. It is not impossible to achieve it has been done by women and still is. Nobody should have to sacrifice family for career whether male or female.

My point

skydeep:
I chose women as the subject because they are the pillar of the house. Shaky pillars is a warning to a catastrophic occurrence of a building. Today's women are really focused on their careers more than their families . An instance is the trend, or can I say the norm of celebrities especially the women having failed marriages. Does that mean our women have lost the motherhood qualities? They embrace their careers so much that it almost choke. Where is the love for the family?

I have a friend who was filing for divorce just because her husband asked her to quit her job and concentrate on building the joy back to their family.
There are things we just have to compromise for the sake of the future of our children.

Its a hard one and as I always say, each situation is different and we need to look at things in its entirety and long term too
Look at this family for example. Hubby insisted that the wife resigns so she can look after the family . .
Now she is getting a divorce
How has that helped the family?
You get what I am saying?

An unhappy woman being forced to give up her job and stay at home is of really no benefit to that same family that she is being forced to look after.

Compromise and support is what is needed from both parties.

A woman can have a career and a family. . . . Very possible. There are millions of women in the work place juggling things around. Its easier though if you have a supportive partner.

skydeep:

But at least, a career woman should make TIME for her family especially her kids

I totally agree with you.
Same applies to career men.
I think kids deserve to know that they come first as far their parents are concerned

I forgot to ask a very crucial question . . .

What is considered a career woman?

To me, a career woman is anyone who works . .

A woman who goes round banks selling shoes, hairdressers, fashion designers, bankers, teachers, fish sellers, nurses, social workers etc are all career women.

cococandy:

I totally agree with you.
Same applies to career men.
I think kids deserve to know that they come first as far their parents are concerned

Sure

Yes!it's a matter of DETERMINATION.

skydeep:

No one is forcing you to. You know what is best for the family, so do it

yes.
If quitting your job is best for the family then go right ahead(I am not sticking my point down anyone's throat) neither am i asking you to take my suggestion although, I am of the view that you can be successful both ways and still have beautiful Godly kids . that to me is best for the family.

skydeep:

Time with the family is a basic necessity. It depends on the nature of her job.

Can a frustrated woman who was compelled to quit her job bring joy to anybody in the home? Can she give what she doesn't have?

Must the husband kill his wife's goals and aspirations when there are couples going through the same situation and managing it well?

I am certain there are better ways of managing the situation and still keeping everybody happy.

chaircover:


Its a hard one and as I always say, each situation is different and we need to look at things in its entirety and long term
Look at this family for example. Hubby insisted that the resign so she can look after the family . .
Now she is getting a divorce
How has that helped the family?
You get what I am saying?

An unhappy woman being forced to give up her job and stay at home is of really no benefit to that same family that she is being forced to look after.

Compromise and support is what is needed from both parties.

A woman can have a career and a family. . . . Very possible. There are millions of women in the work place juggling things around. Its easier though if you have a supportive partner.

You are missing the point. The fact that her husband asked her to quit doesn't mean she will become a housewife. Its just that the nature of her job contradicts the happiness of the family. He was planning to establish a small scale business for her.

So I heard..

zeb04:
yes.
If quitting your job is best for the family then go right ahead(I am not sticking my point down anyone's throat) neither am i asking you to take my suggestion although, I am of the view that you can be successful both ways and still have beautiful Godly kids . that to me is best for the family.

Yes, the topic is possible but on a slim chance

Kimoni:


Can a frustrated woman who was compelled to quit her job bring joy to anybody in the home? Can she give what she doesn't have?

Must the husband kill his wife's goals and aspirations when there are couples going through the same situation and managing it well?

I am certain there are better ways of managing the situation and still keeping everybody happy.

The part she will get frustrated was why I created this topic. How can that be averted?

skydeep:

You are missing the point. The fact that her husband asked her to quit doesn't mean she will become a housewife. Its just that the nature of her job contradicts the happiness of the family. He was planning to establish a small scale business for her.

So I heard..

My dear I am only going by what you said

Plus life is ful of surprises

He may open a small business and eventually she may even spend longer hours seeing to that business especially in the early years than she probably does now. Business is not as easy as people think and if you want your business to grow one needs to invest a lot of time in it.

Its still down to compromise.

Why is she refusing to quit her job? Please advise your friend to sit down again with her hubby and work out between them the best way forward. Maybe a reduction of hours or transfer nearer home may be a better option and everyone is happy.

skydeep:

You are missing the point. The fact that her husband asked her to quit doesn't mean she will become a housewife. Its just that the nature of her job contradicts the happiness of the family. He was planning to establish a small scale business for her.

So I heard..

Successful women are career driven.
There's more to it than it meets the eye.

The woman in the background is utterly self centered. She clearly doesn't give a damn about her family. Not even for a second.

I'm not saying she should give up her Job, but her readiness to opt for a divorce speaks alot.

It's not hard.

As noted every situation is unique. But what is the same is that every couple should be transparent about their future plans and ambitions beforehand, agree and crystalise (or end it there) a unified whole for their union, and then enter into marriage with the readiness to sacrifice and be flexible if need be.

**closes thread**


TV

chaircover:


My dear I am only going by what you said

Plus life is ful of surprises

He may open a small business and eventually she may even spend longer hours seeing to that business than she probably does now. Business is not as easy as people think.

Its still down to compromise.

Why is she refusing to quit her job? Please advise your friend to sit down again with her hubby and work out between them the best way forward. Maybe a reduction of hours or transfer nearer home may be a better option and everyone is happy.

Alright.

chaircover:
I forgot to ask a very crucial question . . .

What is considered a career woman?

To me, a career woman is anyone who works . .

A woman who goes round banks selling shoes, hairdressers, fashion designers, bankers, teachers, fish sellers, nurses, social workers etc are all career women.

One who has been in structured employment for any given period just like a career civil servant is one that has worked all their life in civil service

jaybee3:

One who has been in structured employment for any given period just like a career civil servant is one that has worked all their life in civil service

Are you saying that the fish seller who wakes up at 3am to catch the 4am danfo to badagry to buy fish, comes back home to Barracks to smoke the fish, then sells them at Iyana Iba market in the afternoon and the night market at okoko is not a career woman?

People think carrer woman and automatically think of the women holding board positions and wearing skirt suits. . . . .

A lot of women are out there providing for their familes and many just dont have choices especially in a place like Nigeria where there is no welfare state for widows, divorcess etc

chaircover:


Are you saying that the fish seller who wakes up at 3am to catch the 4am danfo to badagry to buy fish, comes back home to Barracks to smoke the fish, then sells them at Iyana Iba market in the afternoon and the night market at okoko is not a career woman?

She is busy woman