Dear Nairalanders I sincerly need your advice

I have a girfriend I love so dearly and we have been dating for about a year now but the problem is she does not seem to show me much love saying all dat will come after our marriage even after I have met her parents.

Then their is this other girl I Don't take seriously but she treats me with so much love and like a king but I don't love her. She does all my wish and never argues with me and even apologises when I am supposed to be the one appologising.

Now the thing here is she is 29 years already, could she be doing all dat just to get me to marry her? But the girl I love is also 29 and come from my state as welll

Now am very confused who do I go for as a man? Someone I love dearly and can't afford to hurt her or even cheat on her? Or someone who loves me dearly but I might cheat on her cos I don't love her?

Pls all the relationship experts in the house give a brother advice because I need to decide very soon so as to free one of them. I hate keeping a girl waiting considering their ages

Which of them do you like?

My first question is, are u ready for marriage now? If not, u shd free two of them make anoda man go inherit dia problems.

I think d oda cool-headed girl dat seems to love u mite be pretending sha becos she wants to get married. But u cant always tell a girl's true nature until afta marriage. So can u risk it?

As for d one u love nna, dat one na conditional madam she be oh. Just know dat if she gives u conditions for her love now, she will continue to give u conditions for some things afta marriage. For example, she mite tell u to buy her iphone6 b4 she gives u sex, and u know say na wahala be dat. Trust me, dat babe no be am.

I mite be wrong sha, but u must consider d worst possibilities in matas like dis. Sori if am bursting ur bubbles but based on wot u've sed abt both of dem, me I no support any of dem oh cos day are both 29.

Meanwhile, which of dem is ur friend? Which of dem shares similar vision, passion, goals and dreams? Which of dem do u seem to be more compatible with? Dis is wot I think shd determine ur choice and not "love" alone, cos marriage is more abt compatibility and less abt love. If u marry someone u love and u guys are not compatible, sorry for you. But if you marry dat loves u and you guys are compatible, den u can start loving her.

Bro, marriage is risky and also spicy. So shine ya wella.

The one you love dearly might dissappoint you on the short or long run (especially when the love is not mutual).

That woman you claim you don't love is the right woman for you (discipline yourself and act like a man). You will still cheat on either...; love do not stop people from cheating, okay?

Lastly, flirting is a woman's trade, but those who truly fall in love with their men deserve special treatments.

Hmmmmm........

The question is who are you to marry?....The one you Love or the one that Loves you?

Love should be a Mutual Feelings....

What are those things that you Love in your First Lady that makes you to dislike the second lady that shows true and Genuine Love for you?...
Beauty, Level of her Education, Characters, Body shape, or Her Religion?



My advice is to Search for, and marry that only Lady that Loves you and that you will continue to Love Unconditionally......

Why 29 29 29 ? Even if their families did not love you, they will consider their daughter's age.

How hold are you yourself, you need to know this fact as a Nigerian, every late 20s and 30s in Nigeria are always on pressure from peers and family, so who so ever marry that range married from rolling a Dice, you may end up marrying someone that marry you because "time is going" or lucky to marry someone that really love.

Thanks for the response so far but let me set some things straight. The first lady which I love dearly is a cool shy type and she can't really express herself so am thinking dat could be why am not feeling her love but to be fair to her she spends the weekends, cook for me and give me sex and I in turn takes care of her to the best of my abiities but she is not overtly expressive of her love as I want it.

Then second lady also cooks, sleeps and give me even more sex and she is so expressive of her love cos by nature she is an extrovert but am not just feeling her.

To the question am I ready for marriage the answer is yes am one year older thean both girls. My heart chooose one why my head says its another. Its this difficult for me cos I have always been a one woman @ a time guy untill this time...#confused

The gal you love dearly, when you say she does not show you much love what do you mean? What are your expectations of her?

Bro it seems you are double dating, to the extent of even considering both girls for marriage...yet you are saying that you love the first girl to the extent that you can't cheat on her. So what are you doing with the second girl if I may ask?

In my view, A lady who will love you after marriage, you will or should have seen the evidence before marriage. There is an adage in Yoruba that roughly says ' if a Saturday will be good, you will have sewn it from Friday''. Ask yourself this, if you get married and the first lady doesn't change her actions towards you, would you be happy living in that kinda marriage? In short, can you see urself sustaining a marriage with her on her current form. If you can, go ahead.. if not, then free her.
I personally don't believe a lady saying that she would only start showing you real affection after marriage.

As for the second lady, if you can't see yourself loving her then let her go. Don't be in a relationship out of pity. From your post it seems the pressure is on the ladies to get married and not you...there are other women out there whom you will love and who will show you genuine live as well. There has to be love both ways. please dont settle for less. Pray and let God lead you.
Good luck.

andromida:
The gal you love dearly, when you say she does not show you much love what do you mean? What are your expectations of her?

I want my woman to always tell me how much she loves me, cry for me and bow me kisses. I want her to be a woman, soft and feeling vulnerable that brings out the man in me wanting to protect and guide her but my gf is not she is strongwilled and always gives me a challenge and keeps me on my toes but I can't stop loving her

Like I said earier the other lady shows all this chracter but still am not felling her. Am just confused jare

Harrisibor:
Dear Nairalanders I sincerly need your advice

I have a girfriend I love so dearly and we have been dating for about a year now but the problem is she does not seem to show me much love saying all dat will come after our marriage even after I have met her parents.

Then their is this other girl I Don't take seriously but she treats me with so much love and like a king but I don't love her. She does all my wish and never argues with me and even apologises when I am supposed to be the one appologising.

Now the thing here is she is 29 years already, could she be doing all dat just to get me to marry her? But the girl I love is also 29 and come from my state as welll

Now am very confused who do I go for as a man? Someone I love dearly and can't afford to hurt her or even cheat on her? Or someone who loves me dearly but I might cheat on her cos I don't love her?

Pls all the relationship experts in the house give a brother advice because I need to decide very soon so as to free one of them. I hate keeping a girl waiting considering their ages

bro marry d one u don't like u won't regret it I assure u

Harrisibor:
I want my woman to always tell me how much she loves me, cry for me and bow me kisses. I want her to be a woman, soft and feeling vulnerable that brings out the man in me wanting to protect and guide her but my gf is not she is strongwilled and always gives me a challenge and keeps me on my toes but I can't stop loving her

Like I said earier the other lady shows all this chracter but still am not felling her. Am just confused jare

At the end of the day you have to trust yourself and do what is right by you not any other person or ideal of what a wife should be like. Frankly this is a decision you have to make by yourself follow your heart,mind and body it knows. Marriage is longterm how do you cope with a woman you don't have feelings for?

I hope you answer this why do you want her to be crying for you? Do you tell her you love her and she says nothing? Do you kiss her and she clamps her lips?

andromida:


At the end of the day you have to trust yourself and do what is right by you not any other person or ideal of what a wife should be like. Frankly this is a decision you have to make by yourself follow your heart,mind and body it knows. Marriage is longterm how do you cope with a woman you don't have feelings for?

I hope you answer this why do you want her to be crying for you? Do you tell her you love her and she says nothing? Do you kiss her and she clamps her lips?

she kisses me well but what I meant was a girl who after seeing her to the bus terminal would turn around a blow u a kiss, someone really romantic, might not have the right words to express this but there is something am not just seeing.

Am a product of a broken home and hence seeks so much love and attention which was obviously denied me in my formative years. But here am I loving someone who I will term not romantic or maybe she does not love me enough for al that.

Side chick and main chick are sharing same.....

Continue to expand your ministry till you get to know what you really need.

smh

Harrisibor:
she kisses me well but what I meant was a girl who after seeing her to the bus terminal would turn around a blow u a kiss, someone really romantic, might not have the right words to express this but there is something am not just seeing.
Am a product of a broken home and hence seeks so much love and attention which was obviously denied me in my formative years. But here am I loving someone who I will term not romantic or maybe she does not love me enough for al that.

Harrisibor I hear you and I get you about the romance thing. I like romance too BUT have you talked to her about this? And you know there is a diff between talking to someone and talking at someone. This is where the real rship is you work things out,not throw away the baby with the bathwater and go looking for what you can grow. If you stay with her find a way to communicate this to her and your fears that you may never get this from her I guess this will be you being truly vulnerable. You need to go first because she may think all is perfect while you have concerns she may know about but not understand that its a deal breaker for you.

I hear you say you say you seek love and attention which was denied you in your formative years from her IMO she can't meet this particular need this is an inside job for you to do, I think you have to love yourself unconditionally here infact I don't think any one woman can meet this need, you will always be seeking if you don't fix it yourself. If you continue to seek for that missing parental love from her, I fear you set both yourselves up for failure.

You say maybe she does not love you enough. What does love look like to you? not the movie kind of love but love as a practical expression.

Harrisibor:
Thanks for the response so far but let me set some things straight. The first lady which I love dearly is a cool shy type and she can't really express herself so am thinking dat could be why am not feeling her love but to be fair to her she spends the weekends, cook for me and give me sex and I in turn takes care of her to the best of my abiities but she is not overtly expressive of her love as I want it.

Then second lady also cooks, sleeps and give me even more sex and she is so expressive of her love cos by nature she is an extrovert but am not just feeling her.

To the question am I ready for marriage the answer is yes am one year older thean both girls. My heart chooose one why my head says its another. Its this difficult for me cos I have always been a one woman @ a time guy untill this time...#confused

and here is the most confused man on planet earth . . Before now,i had always thought only women don't know what they want . . So,their are some men like this too?

@ andromid u are so deep. Wow I really appreciate ur words. I wish I could sit down and talk to someone like you even if it is for one hour.
Nairaland is not doing justice to our conversation and yes this is why seun needs to add a chat to this forum

If I understand u clearly, you suggest I work out things with the one I love and marry her but what if she does not change and even after marriage? Can u teach an old dog a new trick?
The easier option for me here is to marry who shows me the kind of love I desire and believe I will get to love her with time.......

But my heart is with my first lady

Ww

obongproff:
My first question is, are u ready for marriage now? If not, u shd free two of them make anoda man go inherit dia problems.

I think d oda cool-headed girl dat seems to love u mite be pretending sha becos she wants to get married. But u cant always tell a girl's true nature until afta marriage. So can u risk it?

As for d one u love nna, dat one na conditional madam she be oh. Just know dat if she gives u conditions for her love now, she will continue to give u conditions for some things afta marriage. For example, she mite tell u to buy her iphone6 b4 she gives u sex, and u know say na wahala be dat. Trust me, dat babe no be am.

I mite be wrong sha, but u must consider d worst possibilities in matas like dis. Sori if am bursting ur bubbles but based on wot u've sed abt both of dem, me I no support any of dem oh cos day are both 29.

Meanwhile, which of dem is ur friend? Which of dem shares similar vision, passion, goals and dreams? Which of dem do u seem to be more compatible with? Dis is wot I think shd determine ur choice and not "love" alone, cos marriage is more abt compatibility and less abt love. If u marry someone u love and u guys are not compatible, sorry for you. But if you marry dat loves u and you guys are compatible, den u can start loving her.

Bro, marriage is risky and also spicy. So shine ya wella.

[color=#990000][/color]. So do u have a problem with "age 29"? U talk like u're younger than that.SMH.

Harrisibor:
Thanks for the response so far but let me set some things straight. The first lady which I love dearly is a cool shy type and she can't really express herself so am thinking dat could be why am not feeling her love but to be fair to her she spends the weekends, cook for me and give me sex and I in turn takes care of her to the best of my abiities but she is not overtly expressive of her love as I want it.

Then second lady also cooks, sleeps and give me even more sex and she is so expressive of her love cos by nature she is an extrovert but am not just feeling her.

To the question am I ready for marriage the answer is yes am one year older thean both girls. My heart chooose one why my head says its another. Its this difficult for me cos I have always been a one woman @ a time guy untill this time...#confused

Love my foot...keep on sharing it(sex)...smh

MM…mM…mMmMmM…m…mM…mM…

Harrisibor:
@ andromid u are so deep. Wow I really appreciate ur words. I wish I could sit down and talk to someone like you even if it is for one hour.
Nairaland is not doing justice to our conversation and yes this is why seun needs to add a chat to this forum

If I understand u clearly, you suggest I work out things with the one I love and marry her but what if she does not change and even after marriage? Can u teach an old dog a new trick?
The easier option for me here is to marry who shows me the kind of love I desire and believe I will get to love her with time.......

But my heart is with my first lady

[color=#990000][/color]. U seem really obsessed with the one who does'nt give a hoot about u & prefer to shove the one who truly gets u aside.Mr Man,before a take any further decision of formalizng ur relatnshp with "ur 1st lady"d one who cares less abt u,simply ask urself if u truly love urself,whatever answer u get will determine ur choice btwn the two women. And d 2nd question will be why do u love the one who does'nt love u,figure out the qualities she possesses dat make u so bent on her love,if it is beauty,remember it'll fade,cos its fleeting,but if u can't pinpoint why u luv her so helplessly den somthing is wrong wt u.Finally,u're the one gettng married,so think hard wt ur head & remember there's more to marriage dan mere love.U can't be with som1 who does'nt reciprocate ur love & wishes all in the name of love,dat's not true love,real love is reciprocal in nature.And don't forget quality behaviour & strength of character is the real deal.

@ops follow ur happiness. bt remenber a saying that says"love one that loves u incase of necessity*

Harrisibor:

Now am very confused who do I go for as a man? Someone I love dearly and can't afford to hurt her or even cheat on her? Or someone who loves me dearly but I might cheat on her cos I don't love her?

Really So what biz do you have with the other girl?




My advice: Forget the one that doesn't reciprocate your love, I don't think people change on things like this. And if you truly love her as you think, I don't think you'll have anything with the other babe.

The other 'good' girl, probably you should change your nice behaviours to her. Be harsh and see if she stays. If she does, please stick with her.
Most times it works with someone that loves you than you love them.

After tasting their honey pot.......


The Op is looking for a valid reason to dump one or even both if he do have a cogent and tangible reasons to do that



Ways of humans u can't understand and he used the word love to hoodwinked both ladies

Harrisibor:
@ andromid u are so deep. Wow I really appreciate ur words. I wish I could sit down and talk to someone like you even if it is for one hour.
Nairaland is not doing justice to our conversation and yes this is why seun needs to add a chat to this forum

If I understand u clearly, you suggest I work out things with the one I love and marry her but what if she does not change and even after marriage? Can u teach an old dog a new trick?
The easier option for me here is to marry who shows me the kind of love I desire and believe I will get to love her with time.......

But my heart is with my first lady

You've mentioned your heart is with the first lady severally but you want to try the second one in marriage. No go suffer person daughter and be pining for the first lady. Marriage is not a testing ground its a commitment place.

What is easy is not always what is best. I suggest you sort yourself out before you proceed. If this is a lifetime plan for you does it not make sense that you should be clear on what you actually need from a woman so your heart and head can align.

And everything is a risk you may marry the first lady and she may never change, you may marry the second one and the love may not come. Be kind to you get clear on what you need.

enkay4love:
Ww[color=#990000][/color]. So do u have a problem with "age 29"? U talk like u're younger than that.SMH.

Der is nothing wrong with being 29. But in our messed up naija today, when a chic is 29 and still single, der wd subtle pressure from family and friends, asking her when she will be getting married. Some might even start doing all-night prayers on her behalf. Once she is 30, alarm don blow. Na full time pressure be dat.

So d chances of meeting a 29 year old single sista today dat is neither consciously or subconsciously desperate for marriage is slim. So if der are ten 29yr old single ladies, I think 7 of dem wd like to get married next week.

Dont get me wrong, I didnt say day dont exist, I sed day are few.
Dat is d issue with 29 yr olds.

Hope its easier for u to undastand now?

Bros from ur post d first lady is an introvert. I personally dont like introverts cos day are usually boring and rigid. Extroverts are fun all d way. So if ur going for d first one, prepare ya mind for a life of boredom in full dose. But d second one who is d extrovert, yummy yummy.

Finally, enjoy ur confusion now while it lasts. Afta ur confusion don subside, choose with ur head and not ur heart. If u follow ur heart, u mite end up regreting later cos d heart can be very stupid sometimes.

I believe u know wot to do already but ur just enjoying urself indirectly sha. Dat one day, flex day go, notin does u.

Mynd44:
Which of them do you like?

Did you read the post all

dude, u no see young blood dem (ladies of 23,24,25) go marry...why always 29yrs? na juju hold u?

@op

I've been there before and I can tell you from experience. You can't be confused and thinking about marriage. I'd advice you put marriage aside for now and figure out what you want.

The only way to fix this is TIME. Give it time and see if any of them will stick it out with you. Give it 6months or even a year and let marriage be the last thing on your mind now.

The last thing you want is to be stuck with the wrong person for the rest of your life.

stinggy:


Really So what biz do you have with the other girl?




My advice: Forget the one that doesn't reciprocate your love, I don't think people change on things like this. And if you truly love her as you think, I don't think you'll have anything with the other babe.

The other 'good' girl, probably you should change your nice behaviours to her. Be harsh and see if she stays. If she does, please stick with her.
Most times it works with someone that loves you than you love them.

FÜCKING good one. FÜCKING hope he will FÜCKING see a bit of sense in the FÜCKING statement in bold letters above

sameer1212:
@ops follow ur happiness. bt remenber a saying that says"love one that loves u incase of necessity*

In FÜCKING agreement.