We at FNN have recorded another first in the Nigerian Journalism sector yet again. After months of solicitation and Negotiations and obtaining documented written and verbal assurances that no harm would befall him, FNN Political correspondent, Abdul Ibn Nnferoz, was granted access to the Boko Haram stronghold deep in the heart of the Sambisa forest, for a daring No Holds Barred Interview with its leader, Abubakar Shekau (or the man who claims to be Abubakar Shekau).

FNN: Good Afternoon Mr. Shek….

SHEKAU: No, No, No. Don’t you dare annoy me. I did not permit you to come into this place to insult me. I am Sultan Shekau now. You shall address me as such.

FNN: Pardon?

SHEKAU: You forget too quickly. The Caliphate still thrives in Michika and Konduga. Even Obama can’t stop us. Talk less of Goodluck Jonath……

FNN: I really don’t know if I should be calling you a Sul…. *guard cocks AK 47 loudly*

FNN: So, SULTAN Shekau, we would like to know the terms of the cease fire your organization reached with the Federal Government, if at all any was reached.

SHEKAU: Haahaaahaaa……they thought they could put me in a precarious situation. But God is on our side. Haahaaa. I cannot die. Obama cannot kill me. GEJ cannot kill me. The United Nations Moon Guy cannot kill me. I cannot di….

FNN: Could you please answer the question Sultan?

SHEKAU: Did you just call me Sultan?

FNN: Yes Sir. I did. You asked me to call you Sul..

SHEKAU: How Dare you call me Sultan?

*guard cocks gun again*

FNN: But……you just…….you said…..

SHEKAU: Call me Alhaji Shekau. You shall address me as such. Even Obama and Jonathan must address me as such.

FNN: Yes Alhaji Shekau. So back to the earlier question. Was a cease fire agreed? What are the terms of the cease fire? Why has your sect reneged on the agreement by way of the recend abduction of young women in Adamawa State?

SHEKAU: Haahaaa. First of all, Ya Allah, I negotiated a cease fire with some people. Were they from Jonathan? I don’t know. But I negotiated a Cease Fire. Did I break my agreement? No No. I did not. I did not “fire”. I abducted girls. Abduction is not kidnap. It is a technicality not too difficult to understand. They are not the same thing. Obama and Jonathan cannot tell me they are the same thing.

FNN: Are you asking the government to come back to the table to negotiate a separate agreement? A Cease Kidnap or something of the sort?

SHEKAU: That is their business. They can do that with the other Shekau

FNN: The what?

SHEKAU: The Other Shekau. Shekaus actually. I am but one Shekau. There are other Shekaus. They kill one, three will rise up. They aren’t Alhajis yet though, or Sultans. Just me for now.

FNN: Well……….thats mighty comforting to know there are more Shekaus. Now, if I may ask, with regards to the cease fire, has a time table for the release of the abducted Chibok girls been agreed upon?

SHEKAU: Time Table? This is not school.

FNN: Let me rephrase, when do you plan to return all the kidnapped girls?

SHEKAU: I never said anything about returning them

FNN: But…..the terms of your cease fire…..

SHEKAU: Obama cannot tell me how to return these girls

FNN: For God sake nobody said anything about Obama

*guard cocks gun*

FNN: My Apologies, but can we please focus on the questions here. DO YOU PLAN ON RETURNING THE CHIBOK GIRLS ANYTIME IN THE IMMEDIATE FUTURE, MR ALHAJI SULTAN SHEKAU??

SHEKAU: I don’t like being called all the titles at once

FNN: For Christ sake answer the bloody question!

*guard shoots in the air*

SHEKAU: Yes. Yes. I do plan on returning the girls soon. Immediately we are done abducting some other girls from Michika who shall replace the ones we release. You think I’m stupid? Haaahaaa! Jonathan cannot fool me. Obama cannot fool me. My men need women

FNN: Then they can go and get married to WOMEN. These are young girls who just want to go to school Alhaji Shekau. Why not get your men to get wives the proper way?

SHEKAU: Nobody wants to marry a terrorist, my good man

FNN: They could stop being terrorists

SHEKAU: That would limit their career opportunities. It’s the only thing they’re good at.

FNN: You. Don’t. SAY

SHEKAU: Say what?

FNN: nothing really. So there was no concrete cease fire agreement, and if at all there was, you do not plan on respecting it. You have no plan on releasing the girls. What exactly is the end game here, Alhaji Shekau?

SHEKAU: To become President

FNN: President of What?

SHEKAU: Nigeria

FNN: What?!

SHEKAU: Yes. To become President. Now go back and tell the people who sent you that I said

This…………I Alhaji Abubakar Shekau, plan to become president of Nigeria one day.

FNN: I will do that. Now can you tell your guard to stop pointing that thing at me?

SHEKAU: Also tell your people to send Cyril Stober next time. I don’t think I like you that much

FNN: Cyril Stober works for the NTA

SHEKAU: I don’t care. Now leave. Before I lose my temper

visit www.fake9janews.com for more hilarious news

*shiyte on thread*

Hahaha ...make den buy am PDP Nomination forms naa abi na APC yone sef ....Nice one but too trivial to be on the front page Let's stop being childish here its not all about traffic to posts but sensible knowledge and information to be gained #notthatIcarethough

Hilarious. I was here.

PDP

Hahaha, funny, but not as funny as my thread on terrorism, click my profile to see

BOOKED

Creative.. Funny... Tentahooking.

But Buhari wants to be president.

And Buhari is another Shekau.

Before his boko-haram Nairalanders come corking their dane-(Mouth)-guns @ me,

Make I go fortify my Self.

Where is OkijaJuju, is that boy still on NL?

Who will vote him?

At least he has bigger balls than Goodfuck, Goodduck, Goodpork or whatever he calls himself.

To BH
Everyday is for the theif but one day is for the owner. Shekau and co, Anini gave Nigeria sleepless nights just as you are doing, today he is no more. Its the end that justifies the meaning. Lets see who laughs last.

I was about to ask if he could speak such good English

If jounalists can reach their stronghold, why can't Nigerian intelligence or the army?

He will be the President of zombie flash eaters. Anyway,everything seems to have gone to the dogs in Nigeria,he could probably succeed in ruling the country.

REPENT NOW OF YOUR SINFUL EVIL WAYS TO AVOID ETERNITY IN HELL FIRE,,,,JESUS CHRIST LOVE AND WARN YOU TO REPENT AND CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY NOW TO AVOID HELL FIRE WHEN YOU DIE