Let’s face it. Every time you turn around, you find new advice on being happy. Books promising to reveal the true secret of happiness. Blog posts telling you, “Write down three things that make you happy today.” Friends saying, “Move on!” and, “Cheer up!” after you’ve had a bad day.

Happiness is a good thing right? Well, yes. Of course it is. But we are taught that we should strive for happiness, and happiness alone in everything we do. And that if we’re not always feeling happy, then something is terribly wrong. This piece is inspired by the nairalander(Ymodulus) who almost took his life some days ago, I'm sure he didn't understand the difference between 'wholeness and happiness'.
He pursued happiness alone and forgot/didn't know there is something after that- Wholeness.

Pursuing wholeness comes down to accepting and embracing all aspects of life – sadness, frustration, pain, failure and happiness, as well as realizing that all these things are equally as important for a balanced, fulfilling and truly happy experience. It’s about understanding that life is not just a bowl of cherries, and that in order to grow and learn, we rely on the harsh realities of life.

In fact, even though it’s hard, we need to be grateful for these things. Rather than trying to hide from adversities, we need to embrace them… Because we know that they will make us stronger, more passionate, motivated, versatile, confident, resilient, capable and ultimately more whole as individuals – as well as adding more meaning and deeper fulfillment to our lives.

“Everyone says we grow through pain
and as soon as they experience it they
say, ‘Quick! Move on! Cheer up!’
Wholeness is what we ought to be
striving for and part of that is sadness,
disappointment, frustration, failure; all
those things which make us who we
are.”
―Hugh Mackay

In order to get the most out of your pursuit for wholeness, the following are some key things to do in your daily life:

*Embrace rather than avoid life’s adversities. Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them. Joke about your troubles and gather strength from them. Have fun with the challenges you face and then conquer them.

*Rather than shutting out or suppressing negative emotions, allow yourself to really feel them, so you can deal with them. Take full, unhindered control of your emotions, so your emotions do not control you behind your back.

*Find peace with yourself and your past. Rather than remaining angry or hurt throughout your life, choose to forgive yourself and others, and try to actually appreciate the experiences for what they have taught you.

*Proactively identify knowledge gaps in your life experience and take steps to fill them, even if it requires you to stretch your comfort zone. Shift some of your attention away from what you want, and refocus it on what others need.

When you choose to actively seek wholeness, your life will feel much more fulfilling. You will feel more satisfied and happy with your life, because rather than feeling burdened by life’s challenges, you will be on a constant journey of growth and discovery. Everything, good or bad, will move you forward.

Instead of feeling like a victim in life, you will be able to appreciate and value everything that comes your way. After all, you’re not a victim. You’re a strong human being. You have an interesting life, and it is magnificent. Keep this in mind, and live it accordingly. And while you’re out there doing your thing, you will also learn to love, accept and understand yourself better as you learn to overcome the brokenness inside you.

I challenge you to choose wholeness from today onward. The next time you feel sad or disappointed, don’t try to shut it out or distract yourself from it. Instead, accept it as who you are, be okay with it and allow it to add new layers of understanding and awareness to your life.

The secret to a fulfilling life is wholeness, not happiness.


Special Thank You to his good friends Hadizy, MizMyColi, Marieolae, Naijaboiy and many others. God bless you guys.