aisha2:
I love Godismystrength but please can we get back to the real topic? Your question are already being answered on the previous thread.
You know i love you, you can ask every living soul on earth what to do but at the end of the day the bulk stops at your table
Can we get back to mentoring from happily married husbands please

Thanks for this.

EfemenaXY:


They can discuss from now till "thy kingdom come". And if AFTER all that could be said has been said, with the msn refusing to budge, then the woman has the final say.

And yes, it's her body.

thats the selfishness i was talking about...and why cant it be the woman to budge? after all it is even better to have your kids at once (just 2kids for that matter in this case)

Since its her body and feels she has the final say, she shouldn't also complain when the man does what he likes with his body, after all its his body too, fair innit?

shizzleStar:
thats the selfishness i was talking about...and why cant it be the woman to budge? after all it is even better to have your kids at once (just 2kids for that matter in this case)

Since its her body and feels she has the final say, she shouldn't also complain when the man does what he likes with his body, after all its his body too, fair innit?

Tell me something.

How many kids is enough?

When do they stop breeding like rabbits? On what grounds aside medical and financial?

What do you want to learn from them?

You can as well learn from those in bad marriages because most of them know what is right to do but do not have the power to do what is right. They can have good words atimes. A bad child has his own good day.

It is good this place is filled with good stories and lessons for young men and women alike.

EfemenaXY:


Tell me something.

How many kids is enough?

When do they stop breeding like rabbits? On what grounds aside medical and financial?

Enough is the number they decide/agree

When does having two kids equate to breeding like rabbits?

Medical and financial is just okay, so in your own case 'its my body i can do what i want', what grounds do we classify it in? selfless?

EfemenaXY:
(sigh)

Bless you LewsTherin. Why can't there be more of your type, eh?

HE is one of those you know are truly happily married

EnlightenedSoul:


So that actually makes sense to you?

Alright, that's all I needed to know. Thx for your time. I don't want to derail the OPs thread further.

Thanks too for your troubles

*learning*

EfemenaXY:


Nice one, @op. Loving this thread

Hopefully their contributions should help level the horror stories we have on here, and will dispel the myths about good marriages entailing "suffering".

Thanks

Must every thread be turned into battle of the sexes?? OP made it clear that she wanted contributions from happily married men, why derailing the thread?

You guys can create another thread to discuss who makes the final decision on child bearing abeg.

shizzleStar:
Enough is the number they decide/agree

When does having two kids equate to breeding like rabbits?

Medical and financial is just okay, so in your own case 'its my body i can do what i want', what grounds do we classify it in? selfless?

Really? And if the man wants 12 and the woman says two, what then?

I asked you a very specific question.
Show some courtesy and answer it..."what other grounds aside finance and medical can be a reason to instigate birth control / family planning"?

Do you think women deserve having a career? If not, kindly define the terms "selfish" and "submissive".

bukatyne:
@OP:

Weldone

Thanks

edwife:


Godmystrengh,i do get where you are coming from,but my only worry here is if you dont want to have kids because of financial reasons,then be straightforward with it.Do not deceive your partner,let him know that you are on pills,no matter what he says.....

Don't go behind his back,that is wrong....
Let your yes be yes and your no be no.....

IT is common place for a lot of woman to do family planning without hubby 's consent especially they know he would not agree. I understand where they are coming from because they are responsible for carrying the baby and the primary health care for a while. It is their lives hanging in the balance lliterally. I would also understand if a man that is the sole provider withdraws his child from a school because he cannot cope with the fees especially after discussing with wifey

During counselling, the pastor told the story of a wife who kept on giving birth after warnings. After the last baby, the doctor. Decided to tie the woman's womb but it was too late. The The es woman died and yep, hubby has remarried.
I

datbay:
That's alright,but hope you know marriage is an institution where one does not graduate,meaning we learn more on a daily basis.But am ready to offer from my little knowledge though.

Yes I know but your input is still very much welcome in this section.

Phema:
Must every thread be turned into battle of the sexes?? OP made it clear that she wanted contributions from happily married men, why derailing the thread?

You guys can create another thread to discuss who makes the final decision on child bearing abeg.

Thanks

I'm a happily married man and I must say that I've never really visited the family section until a couple of topics made front page in the last two days. Somehow, my first impression was that the family segment seems to be a place where all men are put into a box and classified as bad. I kept seeing ladies saying "most men", "most African men", "most Nigerian men" are this or that, believe this or that, and I wondered why the generalization.

I love my wife to bits and do everything I can within my power and resources to make life good for her and my kid. I also know several couples who are happy (at least as far as the naked eye can see) and I know many men and women who give their all for their family. Marriage is no picnic, so there will be ups and downs and sometimes husband and wife will annoy each other extremely. That's normal and shouldn't now result in labeling one gender bad.

As I said in one of the threads that was on FP two days ago, any single guy or lady can come here on a faceless forum and blow hot and cold, bragging about what they can or can't accept from any man or woman in marriage. Those of us in it know it is a union of many compromises. You give some, you take some, most times you try to find a middle ground on most issues. There is no one size fits all format in marriage. Whatever works for you I say. Of course there are areas of no compromise, like physical, emotional and verbal abuse. That should never be allowed in marriage.

I'll try and visit some more anyway. Hopefully, issues on the thread won't always degenerate into a men vs. women battle. Marriage is not a competition.

So it has begun,the purpose of this thread is slowly beign defeated................sometimes I wonder why peeps for here just like to make mountain out of molehill,I sincerely hope to see the day when both sexes we agree on the samething.There somepeople who are actually here learn.

1&3
I do most of the talking, she does most of the laughing. The final decision rests with me, I am not fussy and would only step in when I think it is needed. I think it helps a lot that we are both not fussy people, plus silent treatment is a total no no. Everything is on the table to be discussed and deliberated as much as possible without judgement or residual memories.

2 finances
Me the CEO she the financial manager. With the game plan of the family marshaled out by us she is the primary driver, she does almost all the spending I review at the end of the month. Where the plan is not working she gets action items to drive that cost element better. I love its model as it gets her more involved. The main reserves remain with me, she keeps whatever she saves. (Which is mostly my petrol money that I have to make applications to get )

4 romance
Constant flux, still spontaneous we never rissshhhh to dey mark calendar for the sontin.

5. Family
Extended ke! To ya tent o isreal!

I will ask the moderator to please hide all posts that are not about the topic under review.

This is a serious issue. More often than not all we hear is the bad, if we now turn this thread into something else how will men be comfortable enough to share their stories.

dabossman:
I'm a happily married man and I must say that I've never really visited the family section until a couple of topics made front page in the last two days. Somehow, my first impression was that the family segment seems to be a place where all men are put into a box and classified as bad. I kept seeing ladies saying "most men", "most African men", "most Nigerian men" are this or that, believe this or that, and I wondered why the generalization.

I love my wife to bits and do everything I can within my power and resources to make life good for her and my kid. I also know several couples who are happy (at least as far as the naked eye can see) and I know many men and women who give their all for their family. Marriage is no picnic, so there will be ups and downs and sometimes husband and wife will annoy each other extremely. That's normal and shouldn't now result in labeling one gender bad.

As I said in one of the threads that was on FP two days ago, any single guy or lady can come here on a faceless forum and blow hot and cold, bragging about what they can or can't accept from any man or woman in marriage. Those of us in it know it is a union of many compromises. You give some, you take some, most times you try to find a middle ground on most issues. There is no one size fits all format in marriage. Whatever works for you I say. Of course there are areas of no compromise, like physical, emotional and verbal abuse. That should never be allowed in marriage.

I'll try and visit some more anyway. Hopefully, issues on the thread won't always degenerate into a men vs. women battle. Marriage is not a competition.

That is why we need people like you.

bellong:
What do you want to learn from them?

You can as well learn from those in bad marriages because most of them know what is right to do but do not have the power to do what is right. They can have good words atimes. A bad child has his own good day.

It is good this place is filled with good stories and lessons for young men and women alike.

We have a lot to learn from happily married men. The family section have had enough of bad marriages.

I thought the thread was about mentoring/advices from happily married men/husbands. Sorry if my question derailed the thread. Wasn't my intention. Mayb i was misled .. I have carried my wahala away o. henceforth, will just listen to them talk... Cheers

bukatyne:



IT is common place for a lot of woman to do family planning without hubby 's consent especially they know he would not agree. I understand where they are coming from because they are responsible for carrying the baby and the primary health care for a while. It is their lives hanging in the balance lliterally. I would also understand if a man that is the sole provider withdraws his child from a school because he cannot cope with the fees especially after discussing with wifey

During counselling, the pastor told the story of a wife who kept on giving birth after warnings. After the last baby, the doctor. Decided to tie the woman's womb but it was too late. The The es woman died and yep, hubby has remarried.
I

I don't know but i wont advice someone to do something i wont do myself,i will let hubby know what i am doing,when you said redrawing the child from school,the wife is definitely aware that the child is no longer attending the say school or is she not?

Just because i did not use words like it is" my body","my life is hanging in balance" or" i am the one carrying the pregnancy" does not change what i am saying....the purpose of family planning is for both(husband and wife)....

If you are bold enough to give reasons like above then also be bold enough to take the pills with his knowledge....why keep it away from him?
Strong in words but not in actions?What the essence of keeping it away from him when he knows your stance....

I just don't get it....