call me a bastard if u no laugh part 4: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had
a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved
them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in
love. When it became apparent that they would
marry she thought to herself, ” He is such a
sweet and gentleman , he would never go for this
carrying on.” So she made the supreme sacrifice
and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the
way home from work. Since she lived in the
country she called her husband and told him that
she would be late because she had to walk
home. On her way she passed a small diner and
the odor of the baked beans was more than she
could stand.Since she still had miles to walk, she
figured that she would walk off any ill effects by
the time she reached home. So, she stopped at
the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. All
the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving
home she felt reasonably sure she could control
it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and
exclaimed delightedly, “Darling, I have a surprise
for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded her and
led her to her chair at the table. She seated
herself and just as he was about to remove the
blindfold from his wife,the telephone rang. He
made her promise not to touch the blindfold until
he returned. He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still
affecting her and the pressure was becoming
almost unbearable, so while her husband was
out of the room she seized the opportunity,
shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was
not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around
her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other
cheek and ripped three more, which reminded
her of cooked cabbage. Keeping herears tuned
to the conversation in the other room, she went
on like this for another ten minutes. When the
phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom,
she fanned the air a few more times with her
napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands
upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was
the picture of innocence when her husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked
her if she peeked, and she assured him that she
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold,
and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around
the table to wish her a “Happy Birthday”!!!
DO NOT HIT ME LIKE THAT
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to
the patrons,
“Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and
place my genitals inside. The gator will close his
mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll
remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone
buys me drinks.”
The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and
puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator
closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a
beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its
head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his
genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks.
Then he says:”I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing
to give it a try.”
After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the
bar. It’s a woman.
“I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle.”
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BASTARD

BASTARDLY BASTARD!!! OMO ALE

F9!!!
Is dis what u call funny

.

Bastard

Guy... I would advice u stop taking weeds... Is no longer guwd for ur system... *sighs*