A lot of people are currently in a domestic abusive relationship and each time they share their stories, they get different advices. Some encourage endurance and prayers, while some advise them to take a hike.

Not trying to discourage people from believing in their faith, but do you think an abuser can ever change? That is, if you survive before he/she does

Well judging from past stories frm people, i really dnt think dey change.... A scorpion will always b a scorpion

Past behavior normally predicts future behavior.
They may reduce frequency but not completely stop.

Never.

Cutehector4u:
Well judging from past stories frm people, i really dnt think dey change.... A scorpion will always b a scorpion

So your advice is that the victim should take a hike?

xynerise:

So your advice is that the victim should take a hike?

yeah... If that is the only option..

xynerise:

So your advice is that the victim should take a hike?

Why should she? She will get used to it now.

This solely depends on the abuser
If he/she is ready to change


Then their will always be a way.. .... But it's a gradual process and doesn't just go once

you cannot change a physically abusive partner, but I believe anyone can change on their own terms.

yes sir! they can change

Anybody can change but pray & wait for him to change from a place of safety. Safety first!

Yes, I heard they change in jail.

Circumstances most times, make some persons violent, which will lead to physical abuse.

When things change, I think those persons change, too.

I have bin physically abusive before ,{just my confession and do not expect any demon to come judge me,}but i realised i needed to grow and change.i lost my most treasured lady friend to this,{though i only tot so,because of my past tie wit her.she did not tel me y she is walking way then}till date i stil think of her,(but that era has gone).i knew i had to grow up and be more calm,but today ,man is a changed one,i am now a minister of God who teaches people how to show love and respect in relationship so i must be a practitioner of all i say.my profession would even never allow me hit a lady !if caught,!you can be demoted or spend gooddays in d jail!.bottom line;A WILLING MAN CAN CHANGE ONCE HE KNOWS HIS WEAKNESS AND CAN ADMIT IT

It depends on the individual. If it's a one time thing that just happened and the person has come to terms with such a behaviour as being bad and unacceptable and the person involved is willing to work on such act, then to me they have achieved half the change that is desired and just need to work on things and persevere.

englishmart:
Mmm mmm mmm !clears throat.
Now let me tell you a story. There was this friend of mine who got married 2years ago. Her husband beats the fvck outta her at every slight altercation. She kept telling me. I was really sorry for her. I advised her to report the incident to her parents. But she blatantly refused. (I couldn't go farther than that)
One fateful day her brother who was a bouncer in one night club in the Texas arrived.. If you See this guy eh! He is nearly 7ft tall. He has up to 18 packs.
One day he decided to visit his sister, then he meet the bastard beating her up .
I need not tell you what happened thereafter...
But that the last time the mad man every bullied his wife.

This method usually works wonders.

I have never heard of any man given this treatment who doesn't immediately get cured

So the affected person should try this first. If it does not work, please take a temporary hike.

Give an abuser a bible and a little education on emotional intelligence and you change the person.

An abused person should see the abuser as a weak person that needs help but not to fuel the ember of violence.

Finally temporary separation is the antidote for emotional dysfunction.

many don't change on their own until something hits them just like the father of a popular nollywood actress who grew up with me on the same street, always hitting on her mother, it was after stroke hit her abusive father that he became a puppy!

Yes they can change cos the most constant thing in life is change. Most of those abusive people change at the late hour

bukatyne:


This method usually works wonders.

I have never heard of any man given this treatment who doesn't immediately get cured

So the affected person should try this first. If it does not work, please take a temporary hike.

Don't you think its a sick idea for a woman to invite her siblings to beat up the husband?

That action will naturally set the precedent for divorce and an unhappy relation. Remember marriage in Africa involve both families and the hatred that will ensue afterwards amongst them will be unprecedented.

The best bet a wife sibling can do is to shout, warn, threaten or possibly take away her sister with him but resorting to fight me is fooolishness.

SirHouloo:


Why should she? She will get used to it now.

another one Don cam

SirHouloo:


Why should she? She will get used to it now.

. Get used to beating?

AlienSPY:


Don't you think its a sick idea for a woman to invite her siblings to beat up the husband?

That action will naturally set the precedent for divorce and an unhappy relation. Remember marriage in Africa involve both families and the hatred that will ensue afterwards amongst them will be unprecedented.

The best bet a wife sibling can do is to shout, warn, threaten or possibly take away her sister with him but resorting to fight me is fooolishness.

It is foolishness to you but not to those it has helped. Strangely, I am yet to hear of 'hatred' that developed as a result.

I wonder what your definition of unhappy marriage is if a physically abusive marriage is not yet unhappy.

bukatyne:


This method usually works wonders.

I have never heard of any man given this treatment who doesn't immediately get cured

So the affected person should try this first. If it does not work, please take a temporary hike.

It works for the limited of mind, which most abusers are. But it has also been known to backfire. A woman did this at my former neighbourhood and the guy set up the BIL, he assumed he'd come again and he did. Of course, Mr. Husband had his own plans and BIL got more than he bargained for. Of course, it became police issue and all of husband, wife and BIL were blamed and were eventually told to go and settle "family matter".

Like someone said earlier, be safe and let the change occur from afar. Better safe than sorry.

Lordabas:




No.

Physical abuse is a tactic for control.

A physically or verbally abusive person will always fall back on those methods to feel superior.

This is a dangerous man, and one to be avoided.

Physical abuse is a tactic for control but that's not the only thing it is. It is often used for defence against emotional/verbal abuse, fear. However, it is a poor tool for these purposes, which is why I said it's for the limited of mind.

freshdude2:
It works for the limited of mind, which most abusers are. But it has also been known to backfire. A woman did this at my former neighbourhood and the guy set up the BIL, he assumed he'd come again and he did. Of course, Mr. Husband had his own plans and BIL got more than he bargained for. Of course, it became police issue and all of husband, wife and BIL were blamed and were eventually told to go and settle "family matter".

Like someone said earlier, be safe and let the change occur from afar. Better safe than sorry.

They are exceptions

I don't dig the pray and wear sex.y underwear advice sha

bukatyne:


1. They are exceptions

2. I don't dig the pray and wear sex.y underwear advice sha

1. You sure bout that ma'am? I for one tend to avoid violence majorly because of reprisals. I'm apprehensive of grudge-holding people.

2. Well, that's not necessarily wrong. The thing is treat the disease not the symptoms. Here's what I mean:
Case One: Couple have an argument, it gets heated and before you know it, wife slaps hubby, hubby slaps wife. Note this is the first occurence of violence in the marriage. However, from that point on, during any heated argument hubby becomes first aggressor. He's tasted blood nd decides he likes it. What is to be done?
Case Two: Couple have arguments which always end in wifey tongue-lashing hubby. Hubby has endured this for years and in year four of marriage he has reached his endurance limit and as argument ensues wife goes about normal routine except hubby doesn't let her climax he ends it with a punch to her lips to stop "hurting" words coming from them. Again, what is to be done?
Case Three: Hubby is a psychopath, the only words he wants to hear from his wife are "yes and amen". Hubby makes a statement, wifey has a difference of opinion not rude, not discourteous. Hubby slaps/punches/head-butts/etc wifey. What is to be done?
Case Four: Hubby is a psychopath, the only words he wants to hear from his wife are "yes and amen". Hubby makes a statement, wifey has a difference of opinion rude/contentious/confrontational/etc. What is to be done?

I await.

^^^^^@freshdude dem neva still answer u? Na to dey type anybody that does that is a beast, anybody that does that is an animal dem sabi.

freshdude2:

1. You sure bout that ma'am? I for one tend to avoid violence majorly because of reprisals. I'm apprehensive of grudge-holding people.

2. Well, that's not necessarily wrong. The thing is treat the disease not the symptoms. Here's what I mean:
Case One: Couple have an argument, it gets heated and before you know it, wife slaps hubby, hubby slaps wife. Note this is the first occurence of violence in the marriage. However, from that point on, during any heated argument hubby becomes first aggressor. He's tasted blood nd decides he likes it. What is to be done?
Case Two: Couple have arguments which always end in wifey tongue-lashing hubby. Hubby has endured this for years and in year four of marriage he has reached his endurance limit and as argument ensues wife goes about normal routine except hubby doesn't let her climax he ends it with a punch to her lips to stop "hurting" words coming from them. Again, what is to be done?
Case Three: Hubby is a psychopath, the only words he wants to hear from his wife are "yes and amen". Hubby makes a statement, wifey has a difference of opinion not rude, not discourteous. Hubby slaps/punches/head-butts/etc wifey. What is to be done?
Case Four: Hubby is a psychopath, the only words he wants to hear from his wife are "yes and amen". Hubby makes a statement, wifey has a difference of opinion rude/contentious/confrontational/etc. What is to be done?

I await.

Just seeing this; will respond when I get home

5minsmadness:
^^^^^@freshdude dem neva still answer u? Na to dey type anybody that does that is a beast, anybody that does that is an animal dem sabi.

Who are the 'them '?

If you are curious for the answer, call the 'them' from their homes to answer