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Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ - Family - Nairaland

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Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 11:57pm On Nov 23, 2008
He's been up to it for about 2 years.  Now I've finally decided to set myself free smiley

But I'm asking you all: is it more common to a Nigerian man to cheat on his wife when the wife isn't Nigerian herself? Or do the cheating type of men do the same to Nigerian wives too?

My hubby's been banging a young 'lady' for quite some time now. She's not a Nigerian but from an other African country. She has other men too and is receiving money from many of them, including my man. I won't bore you with more details about that one.

He's also involved with a Nigerian woman, who he first claimed, is his sister, but recently he's been calling her his aunt  wink But plz all of you, tell me what kind of an aunt writes this to her nephew:
baby here are the pictures i took with our parents.
takia
miss u
love u,

So tell me, am I unreasonable and too hard when I've decided I never want to have anything to do with him again? We were a couple for 4 years and we have a little boy but he never has any time for the little one either. Too busy with his 'business' and all those lovely 'ladies'.

Can you plz advise me.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by SeanT21(f): 1:16am On Nov 24, 2008
Let the fool GO!!

He does not deserve YOU!!

2 Likes

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Akinagirl(f): 3:03am On Nov 24, 2008
Not at all. I am so glad you are setting yourself free of this slowpoke.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by mohawkchic(f): 4:04am On Nov 24, 2008
~I think what you need is Reassurance you're doing the right thing,not Advice!!Most times if not always, The answer lies within you!! Only You can make You happy! Good Luck making that Decision!
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Angolobabe(f): 12:05pm On Nov 24, 2008
a cheater will always remain a cheater weither u decide to stay with him or not ,u have to know what u want and follow ur heart.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by gaddafi81(m): 1:01pm On Nov 24, 2008
Angolobabe:

a cheatercheat will always remain a cheatercheat weither either u decide to stay with him or not ,u have to know what u want and fellowfollow ur heart.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 9:47am On Nov 25, 2008
Thank you all for your replies  smiley

I think mohawkchic said it all: reassurance.
That's the thing I was looking for and actually have already found. I've had long sleepless nights thinking and thinking again but I have finally come up with my decision: it's over now, I'm free, I'm relieved  smiley


mohawkchic:

~I think what you need is Reassurance you're doing the right thing,not Advice!!Most times if not always, The answer lies within you!! Only You can make You happy! Good Luck making that Decision!
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by plappville(f): 11:53am On Nov 25, 2008
It's very sad to hear that a nice lady of ur type that has good intention for marriage had it with a nonchalant, selfish and self centered man like ur hubby. i think u should try to be yourself it's not a easy situation but God will give u the strienght to take a right decition. it's soo sad
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 1:44pm On Nov 25, 2008
Two days before our son was born my hubby sent this to his sweetheart:


"hi baby,
read this, its for u
You've become a special friend to me
and I want to be that special friend for you,

The one who is there to comfort and care for you.
The one who understands, the one who listens.

Lately, I find myself thinking about you more and more.
I find myself wondering what it would be like, if we
were more than friends.

The more I get to know you,
the more I want to know about you.

The more I see you,
the more I want to see you

The more I think of you,
the more I love you.

But someday I hope that we can
be lovers as well as friends.
from me, "




And I always thought he was stressed and tired because of his work and therefore in the bad mood 24/7. So little I knew  sad

Mind you, until two weeks ago, I always thought I'm the one and only he calls baby.

Will this pain ever go away? How can I ever trust a man again?
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by alumnnamdi: 1:53pm On Nov 25, 2008
put the guy for prayers
GOD can change him if he wants to cheesy
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by ogb5(m): 2:04pm On Nov 25, 2008
We have heard your part of the story, we have not heard his own.

Did you actually see him banging the other babe? how did you catch him cheating.

Some woman can read alot of meaning into things that are not there, hope you are not making a mistake.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by obitobe: 2:10pm On Nov 25, 2008
move on simple
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by sweetmama1(f): 2:12pm On Nov 25, 2008
hello lady, getting out of the marriage is not the right choice as far as im concern, just stay and talk things out with him, and pray hard he will change some day.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Suntemi(m): 2:14pm On Nov 25, 2008
Just follow your heart. I pray God help you since U have a child for him already.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by delegiwa(m): 2:19pm On Nov 25, 2008
You sound like your man "bangs" anything in sight. My question then is, does he wear protection during all these banging? I don't condone "banging" outside marriage but it will be worse if you get "nyamanyama" from the guy too.

My advice to you: You know what to do girl.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 2:20pm On Nov 25, 2008
ogb5:

We have heard your part of the story, we have not heard his own.

Did you actually see him banging the other babe? how did you catch him cheating.

Some woman can read alot of meaning into things that are not there, hope you are not making a mistake.



Thanks for your concern smiley
No, I haven't seen anything actually happening (thank god!), except the quilt on the man's face and his own words admitting what's happened. And the fact that he's only sorry for getting caught not for cheating his wife.

The only mistake I've made was to marry him in a first place. But that was the only way to stay together.

alumnnamdi:

put the guy for prayers
GOD can change him if he wants to cheesy

Do you think it'd really help? He's a christian, goes to church every sunday, prays every morning/evening, reads his bible. And met that Liberian 'lady' on Sunday Service. I believe no prayers do any good on a cheat like that again. What do you think?
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by mbulela: 2:26pm On Nov 25, 2008
sometimes i wonder how people can jump to such conclusions.the lady just gave you a side of a story, without hearing the other side of it, most people here are saying that he does not deserve her. how do you know?what do you know about the woman herself?
do you not know that there are two sides to every story?
if everyone just bags their bags and levae, how many marriages will be left?
what of women who are cheating on their husbands and the man has not found out?
if her story is all there is to the matter,i still do not think that it is enough reason to leave her marriage. the fact that her husband cheated does not suddenly make the woman a saint and her husband a worse sinner.
as bad as a cheating is bad and i do not support such irresponsible act, i think that men who abuse their wives physically are even worse.cheating is bad but their are worse things.
packing out at  the 1st suspicion of infidelity will never solve marital problems.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 2:28pm On Nov 25, 2008
delegiwa:

My question then is, does he wear protection during all these banging?  I don't condone "banging" outside marriage but it will be worse if you get "nyamanyama" from the guy too.

My advice to you:  You know what to do girl.

I'll see a doctor tomorrow -as something is not right. I hope it's nothing serious.
He claims he's used condoms, but he's a man who doesn't like those at all so I can't be sure he's telling the truth on that one either.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Truequest(m): 2:30pm On Nov 25, 2008
sweet mama:

hello lady, getting out of the marriage is not the right choice as far as I'm concern, just stay and talk things out with him, and pray hard he will change some day.


People are always eager to push you when you tell them that you want to jump, but I seriously counsel you to consider the advice quoted above. No situation is irredeemable if you work at it.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Moves: 2:32pm On Nov 25, 2008
Sis; Hope u r not making a mistake; it could just be closeness gone too far; that may be redeemed without ending your marriage; if he actually confessed that should count to his favour; as it is a sign of seeking redemption; You guys should find a way to resolve the issue; especially since a young child is now involved.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by angelink2u: 2:40pm On Nov 25, 2008
Most times, i do wonder why men like jumping from one bed to the other! This is so common in Africa! Whereas, if a woman is caught it is a "Sacrilege". Please, i implore u men to Zip-up  and stop breaking your wife's heart.

Madam, please, i wont advise u to leave ur husband now, if u leave him to marry another person, what is the assurance that the new husband wont break your heart again, just forgive tour husband & keep on praying to God to transform him, ok?

God Bless U.  cool

1 Like

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by ogb5(m): 2:46pm On Nov 25, 2008
what does he want. does he want a divorce also?

Men cheat for a reason, if he is tired of you and prefers others to you, then it might be better to move on.

but he he still want the marriage, then you can talk things over with him and see if you can save your marriage.

Getting divorced and moving on to another man hardly solve this type of problem.

The next man might even be worse, moreover there is a baby involved. So think well before subjecting yourself and baby to the problems of a broken home.

Anyway talk with him and see if he can stop cheating.

1 Like

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Tonyet1(m): 2:53pm On Nov 25, 2008
@poster,

DONT YOU THINK MAYBEEEEEEEE YOU AINT SATISFYING YOUR HUBBY AS HE EXPECTS OR YOU R DIRTY, DONT COOK WELL, NOR COURTEOUS as you didnt tell us anything about yourself
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 2:55pm On Nov 25, 2008
mbulela:

sometimes i wonder how people can jump to such conclusions.the lady just gave you a side of a story, without hearing the other side of it, most people here are saying that he does not deserve her. how do you know?what do you know about the woman herself?
do you not know that there are two sides to every story?


Ofcourse there are. I understand my story is hard to believe.
The fact is that my hubby came to Europe in 2004 as an asylumseeker. We met quite soon after that though we didn't even stay in a same country. We got married in 2005 to avoid him being deported back to Nigeria.

Everything was fine between us until late 2006 when he started to go to parties, drink often and neglect his responsibilities. I stayed at home. I've always trusted him, even when we were in different countries. I've never stopped him from doing things he needs to do, never stopped him from seeing people etc. I was never that 'typical european woman' guys so often talk about. We had a good thing going on (or that's what i thought), until he changed (or stopped acting?). I've many times tried to talk things through with him, wanted to know if there's anything I could do to make things better. He's been just annoyed and demonstrated like a little child and I never understood why he was like that.

What's hurting me most is that he's never really spent time with our son. The boy doesn't know his father at all. I've told him to spend time with his son, to talk to the child so that they'd have a language to use between them. I've told him that especially here in this country the boy needs him when he grows up. I've tried so many ways but he's been busy, got annoyed and then just disappeared.

To tell you the truth, I don't have strenght for all this anymore. It's been a long struckle and one can't fix the problems alone if the other one refuses to do anything on his behalf.

And remember, there're 2 other women (I know of) involved in all this. One here where we live and another one in Nigeria. If it was only one I'd still fight hard for our family, but I can't beat two.

I wrote here to get some more ideas what to do, to understand him and our situation better. I can't say I'm any wiser at the moment. Thank you all for reading.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by gracel: 3:00pm On Nov 25, 2008
I will only ask you to confront him with those allegations. Also any decision you want to take always put your son into consideration.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by walttt(m): 3:02pm On Nov 25, 2008
Life's a bitch. Marriage is a snitch.
Why r there no perfect or near perfect marriages anymore?
These days its either the woman's cheating,the man is cheating or both are!
Jeez, this trend is bout to reshape my ideologies in marriage.
hell, i dont even understand y they got to coexist as man n wife,
well mine wasnt so bad only my dear mom had to expire 13yrs back, cos of tumor complications,
used to say i'll get maried before i'm 27, but these days i dunno if i ever want to take the vow. . .
n i got a lil sis who, cos she thinks she's in luv wants to go get married next year. . .
prolly soon we would be called to settle the bickerings, accusations n counter accusations, f@*K. . .
well its an institution God founded so i guess we'll all just have to fulfil it,
but not rushing into it to fulfil all righteousness.

@ poster:
i really don't know how to pacify u, but i'll say this, i'm just a novice @ mariage issues, so i'll say this:
It's pretty much easy givin one an advise than keepin it, n though many people ve given reasonable bits of advice to u, i know this:
u r gon prolly say to urself, i'm a get my pound of flesh n get some one else to satisfy me. . .
try to resist that thought, so u wont share the guilt (note: not the blame o! cos we all know he'll always be the one to be blamed).

Peace be with u.

1 Like

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by chukwuify: 3:10pm On Nov 25, 2008
Thanks walttt and others concerned about the same issue:

I have no intention whatsoever to look or to find another man in to my life! The only man in my life for the years to come will be my little boy who I need to care for just by myself for now on. I loved my husband, I guess I still do and even if I didn't it just isn't possible for me to jump to a next relationship like my hubby has done. For me it was a marriage for the lifetime, it takes a long time to recover.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Makavelis(m): 3:27pm On Nov 25, 2008
that one na automatic divorce abi? grin grin grin
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by ud4u: 3:44pm On Nov 25, 2008
My dear, prayer is the key to every situation, if you don't know how to pray learn it now. Is not wise for you to leave your man because you caught him cheating, though is painful just endure it and pray for him. God will definately touch him.

1 Like

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by wunmilyn(f): 3:49pm On Nov 25, 2008
my sista,
i wil advice u to put everything in prayer. pray that God change him, leaving him is not the best advise cos u already have a child for him.
think about the future of that child, and remember the promise u made on that day (wedding) on the altar dat u wil love him for better and for worse. now that the worse has happened all u need to do is to pray and talk to him.
believe me oneday, somehow he wil definately change and come back to his senses.

i pray God help u.

1 Like

Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by tobz(f): 3:53pm On Nov 25, 2008
Ur story is rly pathetic, but you must know that youre not the firt nor will you be the last women cheated on, youre married to this guy, even if he is an ass, you took a vow, to love him, for better and for worst, dnt be in too much of a hurry to divorce him, just pray for him. if you love him and believe in your marriage then you have to be patient and pray and he changes, if you nolonger love him or believe in your marriage, then its time to move on. but be careful with the decision you take so that you dont regret it in the nearest future.
Re: Caught My Husband From Cheating :/ by Nobody: 3:56pm On Nov 25, 2008
Hi,
I am sorry for all the hassles. Bear in mind that all men are not the same. I am single and searching, if you know what i mean. I ain't a cheater, so if you are interested say hi. Hope to hear from you.  smiley

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