Feels Good

A kid calls his maths teachers house everyday. TEACHER'S WIFE: I have told you a million times that my husband is dead. Why do you keep calling.
KID: Feels good to hear it!

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his
son:
Son: Daddy who is an idiot?

Akpos: an idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a way that another person who is listening can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No!

How do you recognize Akpos in School?


He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.”

check out this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGl947y9XqE

Be patient. Listen

I came home from work. I was tired. I sat down on the sofa. Put my feet up. My wife brought me a glass of water. My son gave me a sheet of paper:

English Lang. 17%
Biology 35%
Mathematics 40%
Physics 37%
Chemistry 42%
Economics 12%
Agric. Science 19%
Religion Knowl. ABS
Geography 22%

I lost my temper.

And started shouting: "What is this? All the time on phone and TV. How dare you show me such marks?"

My Wife said: "Be patient. Listen...."

I told her: "Shut up! It's your love and pampering that has spoilt him. He is no good and never serious at all."

My Wife said: "Oh! Really?"

I said: "No one in our family has performed so badly ever."

My Son said: "Dad, I am sorry. I was cleaning the old cupboard and I found this. This is your old school report card, dated 27th July 1980 sir."

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"

Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"

Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"

Patrick: "What school?"

Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open.
Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”

Akpos was very drunk and was struggling to open his door with his key.
His neighbour asked him “sir can I help you open the door?”

Akpos said “don’t worry, just help me hold the house straight, I can open the door”
jokeafrica..com

A Warri tenant walked in & saw his landlord’s son trying to commit suicide & a brief conversation ensued: Tenant: Akpos! Wetin you de do so? Akpos: I dey try commit suicide, as Papa dey always complain say my life dey worthless! Tenant: That one no good now… but why you come tie de rope for your waist? Akpos: Bros, no be small thing o! I bin tie de rope for neck, I NEARLY DIE!

Papa Akpos :- My pikin say you drive am commot for school, Wetin he do Akpos’ Teacher :- Your son no know book at all, He no fit spell ” LION ” Papa Akpos :- Ah Ah…You know say na SMALL pikin……You for tell am make he spell SMALL ANIMAL like ” MOSQUITO

Akpos, a policeman, stopped a motorist and his friend on the road and after checking his car papers and driver’s licence which were intact, the following conversation ensued: POLICEMAN AKPOS: If you start feeling sick on the steering, who would drive this car home? MOTORIST: I don’t intend to fall sick officer, but thank God I have my friend here. if I fall sick, he will drive me home. POLICEMAN AKPOS: (turns to his friend) Where is your driver’s license? FRIEND: I don’t have one. POLICEMAN AKPOS: You are under arrest for intent to drive without a licence!

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 bus.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” jokeafrica..com

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to Mr Outside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said , "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. Mr Outside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

I believe the best magic is neither in Merlin's nor Harry Potter's hands... I was going out one fateful day and I needed some money to buy some stuff urgently! I asked my mum for money. Although she's been giving me various excuses, she didn't hesitate this time, instead, she brought out the money. I counted it and it was N35,000! I was very happy. I showed off the newly wrapped notes, especially to my best friend. He asked me to lend him some amount of money promising to return it the next day. I refused to give him lying to him that it was for my school fees. He was annoyed but had no choice. Whilst counting the money, my crush, a beautiful light skinned girl, walked up to me asking me to lend her some of the money saying she couldn't tell me the exact time she would return it. Without hesitating, I handed over everything to her! Immediately she left, I started crying because I never knew how I happened to give her the money. Isn't that Magic?!

A hungry man was walking on a desert and saw a lamp half buried in the sands. He rubbed it and a genie suddenly appeared.
The genie said, "You have only one wish to make, use it wisely."
The man happily said his wish, "Give me something to eat which will never end."
The genie said, "Here, have some chewing gum."

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Wale: I saw the strap of your bra..

TEACHER JANET: Wale!! Getout!, no class for u 4 a week!.

Johnbull: started laughing

TEACHER JANET: Why did u laugh??

Johnbull : i saw both straps of your bra

TEACHER JANET: GETOUT, no class 4 u for 1 month!..
..Teacher JANET bends down 2 pick chalk & Akpos started walking out of the class

TEACHER JANET: KAYBEE, why are you going out?
Akpos : di tin wey i see now ma, I think my school days are over!!!!!…Ojigbijigbi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gY172hQA2g

Guy calls in to his Boss: Worker: I can't come to work today. I'm sick Boss: Oh yea! What's wrong with you now? Worker: I have anal glaucoma. Boss: What the hell is that? Worker: I just can't see my ass working today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YajlTFnKaNg

DRIVER, 3 OTHERS, ABDUCT, RAPE AND KILL FEMALE BOSS AFTER COLLECTING 5MIL RANSOM IN ABUJA, WATCH VIDEO OF HER BODY BEING EXHUMED
https:///pWPwgX

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"

http://festyy.com/wHwxLa

​Money no go kill our Nigerian ladies.​

A pretty Nigerian lady got linked to a rich Zimbabwean man.
On a good day for a surprise, the man sent 60million Zimbabwean dollars to her through Western Union.

Before going to withdraw the money, she took 2 security men to escort her (N25,900 naira each).
She hired a taxi for the day (N15,000 naira) and took a beautiful bag (Gucci=N35,000 naira) on credit for the withdrawal.

On getting to the counter, they told her that 60million Zimbabwean dollars after conversion is N3,325 naira.
No be small wahala oooooooo!!.

Please stop laughing come and help the lady �����... Wonderful weekend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOedMszJn1U

A dog walked in to the telegram office one day. He took out a blank form and wrote on it:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
Then he handed it to the clerk. The clerk examined the paper and said to the dog, "You know there are only nine words here? You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"

See details below.

This post is to formally introduce you all to our new social app called Joga.

Joga is the latest fun app for Africans with millions of hilarious and interesting content(video, pictures and text) for free download and sharing.

Joga also gives you the opportunity to connect, make new friends and chat wherever and whenever you feel like. �

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When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”