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My Family Issues! - Family - Nairaland

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I Want To Open Up To Others About My Family Issues. Is It A Good Idea? / Family Issues (2) (3) (4)

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My Family Issues! by takin35(m): 5:27am On Nov 30, 2014
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Re: My Family Issues! by takin35(m): 5:32am On Nov 30, 2014
[quote author=takin35 post=28460765]Pls
Re: My Family Issues! by thorpido(m): 6:34am On Nov 30, 2014
It is only right for your wife to let you know her family will be coming over.If you both communicate well,that shouldn't be an issue.
On the issue of visiting often,if you live in Nigeria,i guess there is little you can do about that.

2 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by Nobody: 6:40am On Nov 30, 2014
something is really missing between you and your wife - communication! .......and I bet my 2months salary there is more to the story ...

3 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by Hazardd(m): 7:18am On Nov 30, 2014
takin35:
Pls help me on this,is it proper for my wife to invite her family wihout my concent? And secondly is it normal for my wife family to visit her often? Pls this issue is making me to have problem with my wife help me out.thanks
But how do you know that your wife invited them.maybe is just for visit.or are you quarrelling with your wife that make them to come or are you doing an occasion that make them to come maybe the expenses is too much.
Re: My Family Issues! by RollingFella(m): 9:32am On Nov 30, 2014
DrJoe1:
something is really missing between you and your wife - communication! .......and I bet my 2months salary there is more to the story ...
. I quite agree with you. There is more that meets the eye in this story. In proper African settings, if communication is good, wives most times always tell their husbands when and sometimes, why her family members are coming, especially if its an organized visit.

1 Like

Re: My Family Issues! by EfemenaXY: 9:44am On Nov 30, 2014
Another control freak in the making.

4 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by Nobody: 3:19pm On Nov 30, 2014
EfemenaXY:
Another control freak in the making.
How's he a control freak? Isn't her husband supposed to know of any intended visit? same way a husband should get his wife informed of any proposed visit, a wife shouldn't hesitate to do same. ..



Op, you lack good communication in your marriage. ...

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Re: My Family Issues! by takin35(m): 3:50pm On Nov 30, 2014
Nothing is happening in the house,she just found of that and I have complained many times,and this is causing problems btw us.
Re: My Family Issues! by EfemenaXY: 4:09pm On Nov 30, 2014
MarvellousGod:
How's he a control freak?

takin35:
Nothing is happening in the house,she just found of that and I have complained many times,and this is causing problems btw us.

When a man suddenly wants his wife to cut off all ties with her family (not even friends o! FAMILY!!) and complains several times, non-stop, then yes, he certainly exhibits traits of being a control freak.

Nigeria is a place where you get family members dropping in unannounced. It is the norm. What does he want? For them to write him a formal letter of their impending visit, seeking his authorization to come or not to come?

What is the point of demanding his wife lets him know every single time? Does this mean there are times he's gonna say "NO. You can't come to my home", and his wife should relay that message back her parents, siblings, and other family members that on that particular occasion, they aren't welcome to his home??

4 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by SAMBARRY: 4:14pm On Nov 30, 2014
EfemenaXY:
Another control freak in the making.
how will you feel if you are living with someone and he brings his family or friends without informing you first. That's intrusion on your privacy na.


op nobe nl matter be this. Na small matter jare

2 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by EfemenaXY: 4:19pm On Nov 30, 2014
SAMBARRY:
how will you feel if you are living with someone and he brings his family or friends without informing you first. That's intrusion on your privacy na.


op nobe nl matter be this. Na small matter jare

Okay, so what does he want? For her to cut off all ties with her family? To request that they fill out an application form before visiting?
Re: My Family Issues! by SAMBARRY: 5:22pm On Nov 30, 2014
EfemenaXY:


Okay, so what does he want? For her to cut off all ties with her family? To request that they fill out an application form before visiting?
just tell him casually. Lobatan

3 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by luvablesam(m): 8:52pm On Nov 30, 2014
I can c a 'termite' on the thread already(always giving more advice than it truly is capable of). A man or a woman should tell a partner about the visit of family members, failure to which the untold partner has d right to walk them(family members) outta de house.

Simple logic.

@op , talk to ya wify. Simple
Re: My Family Issues! by Nobody: 9:34pm On Nov 30, 2014
OP, why are you so uncomfortable with them around?
Re: My Family Issues! by KanwuliaJara: 9:39pm On Nov 30, 2014
You don't want your want your wife to feel free in her own home? undecided
She needs the distraction to get away from your grumpy azzzzzzze!
She dey try gaaaaaaaaaaaan!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeew!!!!


Gash! African husbands are not easy to live with I swear! cry

2 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by Wendy80(f): 9:47pm On Nov 30, 2014
It's not ok for inlaws to show up without the oda partner's knowledge. It will be wrong for my people to visit without me pre informing hubby. Except they show up without informing me too.

1 Like

Re: My Family Issues! by IDEApro(m): 10:16pm On Nov 30, 2014
When you marry a wife who doesn't respect you because she contributed significantly in the house building, properties etc and her folks know her contributions, guy you have no absolute control over her, who comes or goes cos your permission is totally insignificant.

But if you build your own house or pay your mortgage and furnish same before importing a wife, guy you become the commander in chief and nothing moves except you order it cheesy

Never sell your Pride to a woman.

3 Likes

Re: My Family Issues! by Kimoni: 10:23pm On Nov 30, 2014
takin35:
Pls help me on this,is it proper for my wife to invite her family wihout my concent? And secondly is it normal for my wife family to visit her often? Pls this issue is making me to have problem with my wife help me out.thanks

Not sure I understand you clearly. Inviting them over to visit for some days or a few hrs? The former requires that she tells you but the latter does not. They should be free to drop by and say hello without prior notice.

1 Like

Re: My Family Issues! by Nobody: 10:38pm On Nov 30, 2014
takin35:
Pls help me on this,is it proper for my wife to invite her family wihout my concent? And secondly is it normal for my wife family to visit her often? Pls this issue is making me to have problem with my wife help me out.thanks

I dont understand what you mean by invite. Invite to stay for hours, days or weeks?
As for visits; there are a number of things that need to be taken into consideraton such as how big is her family, how close they are and how far away they live, and their behaviour when they are around etc
Short "in the area & passing by" visits shouldnt really be an issue and she may not even know in advance that they are coming.

Anyhow its simple courtsey to let your partner know that you are having guests; at the very least it gives the couple an oppourtunity to prepare.
Issues like this are easier to manage if both sides get on and communicate well.
There should be as little of "Your" family and "my" family as much as possible and both sides should be treated equaly so there is no bad feeling
Re: My Family Issues! by cococandy(f): 3:09am On Dec 01, 2014
Op if they live far away and always take the pains to travel to your house and spend nights without you being first aware, then I see that as disrespectful and you shouldn't hesitate to let your wife know that you don't like being taken for granted.

But if they live close to you, then unscheduled visits may not be very bad unless they begin to stay with no plans to leave and not telling you before they came if they had plans to stay over.

No matter what, I think people should stop taking others for granted. It is simple courtesy to make sure a host is fine with you being in their house especially if you plan to stay for a while.

But dear op if the visits are just drop-bys, I don't really think you should complain.

1 Like

Re: My Family Issues! by bukatyne(f): 9:00am On Dec 01, 2014
@OP:

You have not told us how long they visit/how frequent

Sometimes, family members pass by and decide to say hello.

It is wrong if she knows they are visiting forehand especially when they are staying over.
Re: My Family Issues! by RiffRaff: 10:11am On Dec 01, 2014
You see getting married is like having a new family. Now your in-laws are your family.
I don't see any problem in them visiting you except of-course if their visit is inconvenient for you then you can have a discussion with your wife and find a middle ground. she can go visiting them if you don't want them in your home.

Question for u; Do u tell ur wife when your family members are visiting? Does she complain when ur family members visit?
Re: My Family Issues! by takin35(m): 10:59pm On Dec 01, 2014
bukatyne:
@OP:

You have not told us how long they visit/how frequent

Sometimes, family members pass by and decide to say hello.

It is wrong if she knows they are visiting forehand especially when they are staying over.
3 weeks
Re: My Family Issues! by takin35(m): 11:01pm On Dec 01, 2014
in holland,if you visit a friend without prior notice you will be worked out be embarrased.
Re: My Family Issues! by bukatyne(f): 11:55pm On Dec 01, 2014
takin35:
3 weeks

This is very long time for a relation to spend without you in the loop.

Since you have talked et al, tell the next person that comes 'you did not know they were coming as you would have prepared well for them'. if they mention telling your wife, sweetly ask her if she forgot to tell you grin

They should both get the message.

Besides, the in-laws should be calling you and not her if they want to stay for long
Re: My Family Issues! by smartigo: 1:25pm On Dec 02, 2014
If what you wrote is true, then your wife dis respects you. If it is just drop-bys, no need for complaints but 3wks you need to.

So the question is why is she doing so repeatedly? That's what you should ask her.
Re: My Family Issues! by Goldenboy007(m): 8:53pm On Dec 02, 2014
EfemenaXY:




When a man suddenly wants his wife to cut off all ties with her family (not even friends o! FAMILY!!) and complains several times, non-stop, then yes, he certainly exhibits traits of being a control freak.

Nigeria is a place where you get family members dropping in unannounced. It is the norm. What does he want? For them to write him a formal letter of their impending visit, seeking his authorization to come or not to come?

What is the point of demanding his wife lets him know every single time? Does this mean there are times he's gonna say "NO. You can't come to my home", and his wife should relay that message back her parents, siblings, and other family members that on that particular occasion, they aren't welcome to his home??

What kind of advice or reply or counsel is this? This is one of the problems of bringing personal issues to an opened forum that has no age restrictions! Tell me you are 18+? And who are the 4 people that "liked" it? I should line you all up and give you 10 strokes of koboko each!!! What kind of yeye family will not allow their children to rest in their matrimonial home? If you are not ready to leave your family why did you marry? These days sef, we don't know who is husband or who is wife again..the world is upside down!!!!

1 Like

Re: My Family Issues! by ogawisdom(m): 9:22pm On Dec 02, 2014
Op u r jst a man in d house lipsrsealed and ur wife kws dt. U beta sit up b4 u r driven out of dt houz. Most times for a woman to do this she usually has fat pocket n wonders y she shld tell u wen u won't b asked to provide for them.
Ur position as d man of d houz ve been disregarded. Tell ur wife hw u feel things shld b done in a heart to heart talk, if things doesn't change then she has no regards for u which is even a bigger issue. U need to show her dt u brought her into ur house n can b thrown out. Hw u do this is entirely up to u, ur wife must submit to u dts d foundation of marriage. There can't b two drivers in one car. Some women will neva respect u as a man until they see wat u can do wen pushed to d man. Once they kw u r spineless n ll do nothing then things ll only get worst

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