Mariama Ba's classic novel, "So Long a Letter" which is partly a scathing attack on polygamy constrasts with Helen Ovbiagele's novel, "A fresh start" which actually supports this trend. In the novel, "A Fresh start", the spouse of a wealthy man, after putting to bed four children, marries a new spouse for her husband. Luckily, the younger spouse has a good relationship with the senior wife as well as her children, whom she regards as siblings. Growing up in Nigeria, I heard of such a trend too.

Unfortunately, such relationships could backfire and create a rift between the senior wife and the younger wife. Proof of its practise dates back to Biblical era when Sarah gave her maid Hagar to her husband who then gave birth to Ishmael. From my understanding, the conflict between the Jews and the Palestines is embedded in the genealogy of Isaac and Ishmael. In the modern world, such trend may not be acceptable. My co-worker told me that no normal woman would wholeheartedly accept a rival and there are countless women who who would support him. Is it true? If so, can someone explain the underlying reason that would prompt a wealthy woman to seek a spouse for her husband, even when they exist a strong matrimonial bond between these two parties? In polygamous homes, tensions arise, but sometimes, even when the co-rivals have a good relationship, there might be speculations on the minds of cynics that their cordial relationship is a 'front'.

What do you all think?

my grandfather was a polygamist so i don't she nothing wrong with it in his case cuz it happened long time ago. but if that was me, i don't think i would tolerate it. i don't want so guy kissing up on me one minute just to do the same to his other wife the next.

totall agree with you on that one, iice. too many wives, too much stress. why wont some men suddenly just die of heart attack, when their greediness wont let them stick with one. men don't know that 1 woman is a handful already.
just because islam (some christians do it too) said you can marry more than 1, doesnt mean you have to. men have been given waaay too much freedom to as they please, so they abuse it. sheesh!   

The question is, why would a wealthy woman marry a younger woman for her husband. That is a misery to me too. I mean, why get married in the first place, if you can't fulfil the duties of a wife. I think, most women that do so, are either lazy or they don't have respect for the marriage institution.

I do not find it acceptable and I can never, ever, be in a polygamous marriage. It is me, me and me alone. Not, first wife, not second wife, ONLY wife. Most people will argue that there are more female than male, so polygamy is allowed, simply BS.

Bhola:

The question is, why would a wealthy woman marry a younger woman for her husband. That is a misery to me too. I mean, why get married in the first place, if you can't fulfil the duties of a wife. I think, most women that do so, are either lazy or they don't have respect for the marriage institution.

I do not find it acceptable and I can never, ever, be in a polygamous marriage. It is me, me and me alone. Not, first wife, not second wife, ONLY wife. Most people will argue that there are more female than male, so polygamy is allowed, simply BS.

or maybe she is fed up of the marrage and wants her peace.
Just maybe its the better form of Devoice

I bet you, women don't like it.
itz sad to share your love for a man with another woman who he'll call his second or whatever wife

to me, polygamy just breeds jealousy and contempt among the "wives". i mean its human nature to be jealous and not want to share your man or woman with another. i dont know of any polygamous family where everyone gets along. the kids tend feel it the most because being in a polygamous family is more or less like being from a broken home. thats just the way i see it

If so, can someone explain the underlying reason that would prompt a wealthy woman to seek a spouse for her husband, even when they exist a strong matrimonial bond between these two parties?

Well it is fiction. . .

Ive been thinking since so many new age ladies want to be the only wife why is it still going on (in Nigeria of course),though it is on the decrease it will seem the same women shouting "never in my life will my husband marry another woman after me", will be the same women marry a man that is already married _{not necessarily the same}

yea me too its too much hassle, this wife that wife, 2 houses, half brother half sisters just to much wahala

Yep, they find it very acceptable just the same way a man also finds polyandry and a cheating wife acceptable!

LoverBwoy:

Ive been thinking since so many new age ladies want to be the only wife why is it still going on (in Nigeria of course)

Because the women entering into these relationships are not the "new age ladies".

LoverBwoy:
though it is on the decrease it will seem the same women shouting "never in my life will my husband marry another woman after me", will be the same women marry a man that is already married _{not necessarily the same}

I think the women shouting "never" mean never.

Well it is fiction. . (Chinani)


It isnt fiction since it is in the Holy Bible that Sarah actually gave her handmaid, Hagar to her husband, Abraham, so that he would procreate his genealogy.

And this trend persists in today's world. I heard of a lady, impressed by the work of her maid, encouraged her husband to marry her, which he did. (Sorry, dont want to delve into it)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,NDIPE,the pastor, you too much ooooooooooooo

Ndipe:

And this trend persists in today's world. I heard of a lady, impressed by the work of her maid, encouraged her husband to marry her, which he did. (Sorry, don't want to delve into it)

Is that a naija movie or true life story. I find it hard to believe just because a woman was satisfied with her maid's job, she decided her husband should marry her.

For some it works for others it doesn't. Both my grandfathers were polygamist. For my maternal grandfather it worked. The family is so close knitted you can hardly tell siblings from half siblings. The two wives pretty much got along till my grandmother died. For my dad's side of the family it's complete disaster. Lack of trust and love, jealousy, different accusations levelled against each other- it's terrible. They might pretend to be cordial but they don't trust each other at all. Some have completely deserted the family for fear of "juju". The only ones who really care for each other are actually siblings.

As for me at this age and time, Hell no.

Ndipe:

And this trend persists in today's world. I heard of a lady, impressed by the work of her maid, encouraged her husband to marry her, which he did. (Sorry, don't want to delve into it)

*eye roll* Did the "maid" work in the prone position?

Ndipe:
It isnt fiction since it is in the Holy Bible that Sarah actually gave her handmaid, Hagar to her husband, Abraham, so that he would procreate his genealogy.

The Bible was written by men, not women & not God. I don't believe this story as it's represented. How can an individual be justly "given" to another like a piece of property? If Abraham lay w/ Hagar it was his own jt, not Sarah's.

i share stuff with other people but when it comes to dat. o heck no!! i'm against it.

@ To All

I don't know about ya'll, but I can dig two or more husbands

Maat:

@ To All

I don't know about ya'll, but I can dig two or more husbands

sounds like a good deal hun

MAAT, SO YOU NO DEY SHAME TO TELL PEOPLES SAY YOU GO IF TAKE TWO OR MORE MEN?
NA ASHEWO DEY DO THAT KIND THING. AND REMEMEMBER SAY AID DEY OOOOOOOOOOOOO

:-x

dennylove:

MAAT, SO YOU NO DEY SHAME TO TELL PEOPLES SAY YOU GO IF TAKE TWO OR MORE MEN?
NA ASHEWO DEY DO THAT KIND THING. AND REMEMEMBER SAY AID DEY OOOOOOOOOOOOO

And a man with more than one woman is the same

For the record, Muslims have a completely different account of the abe+sarah+hagar story.

It should be obvious what is different.

Since they are so different, I conclude that they are both lies.

On topic: If a woman wants to marry a man that is already married it is her own wahala. If the first wife accepts it or not it is her own wahala. If the man decides whether or not to get the first wife's consent before going poly, it is his own wahala.

However.

Biologically, It makes more sense for a male to have multiple spouses than for a female to have multiple sires. This is because women are more valuable to the collective, and men are expendable, hence there is less of a need for them. Similarly, if five women are married to one powerful man, four of them will raise healthier children than they would have if forced to marry weaker men due to one lucky female bagging the alpha stud. This is a net gain for the collective.

But human beings are not dumb animals participating in a pointless biological sideshow! We are divine luminous beings sent on an anointed mission by GOD ALMIGHTY our heavenly father! So all this is bunk! Marry one wife and go to your mansion in heaven!, (or your army of virgins, your choice)

well , ppl r different
some women accept it other , while others wont

A little off topic but oh well . . . whoever thinks he/she can handle the stress of polygamy can go ahead, I got no beef with that. Heck polygamy is a lot better than a married man/woman hoping around and rolling in the hay with everything that has a John Thomas or the other one.

Polygamy usually leaves behind very ugly scars. I know a lot of friends who are from polygamous homes that swore NEVER to enter into polygamy. Perhaps if we were still in the era where it was the norm then maybe but as it is, there's more negative results than positive so why would anyone want to get themselves in it least of all women? No ! they don't find it acceptable and anyway, life is too short for all that stress

:-x

hmmmmmmmm  

I'm from a double polygamous home and it sucks!!!
By double polygamy i mean that my father was married before he met my mum,had two kids from that(by the way,he had a daughetr before he even got married!).My mum was married before,she had a son and then when both of them met up and got together,my father went ahead to have 2 other kids WHILE being married to my mum eventhough he didnt marry their mother.So in between,i have 6 siblings(i am the last) and its terrible.I am not proud to say i have a sister or a brother somewhere doing something.I grew up with two of them and eventhough they always treated me different and somehow i sensed that i was different i always looked up to them and loved them(i still do love them)but it just hurts when they do their own thing and dont give a sh!t about you!It really hurts!!!I try my very best to have a relationship with them and they just blow me off. . . its really painful not to have the love of a sibling and i get envious of my friends that do.
Worst still my father cannot exactly get an A plus in "How to be a good parent" so the whole thing is just shitty and rubbish.

Rant over.

awwwww girl i really feel for you. like i said its always the kids that suffer the most from this polygamy wahala. cant parents stop thinking of themselves alone?
a little off topic, but u know in most white families, when the mother wants to have a new baby, she and the father have to sit the other kids down, talk to them and get them prepared pychologically for the arrival of the new born. why cant everyone do the same when bringing in a new family into the others' lives? its just not fair to disrupt a family system like that

Soulpatrol

what if the child say s/he doesnt want any new baby disrupting the "family system like that" "mummy i dont want a new baby again take it away
hey mummy u better tell daddy to use a condom or else ;