Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) - Literature - Nairaland
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| Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 4:55pm On Dec 08, 2014 |
Author: Sammy Hoe Copyright: Active. Any attempt to steal this political story by Sammy O. aka Sammy Hoe can make you spend your honeymoon in prison. Preface: Politics in this part of the world is nothing but a game and only professional dribbles can play it well. Playing politics does not contain in the amount of good things you can do for the masses but the amount of dribbling skills you could amass. Messi and Ronaldo of the football world are the best not because they have more skills or dribble than Ronaldinho, but because they know when best to net, to assist and to put in set pieces. Nigeria is a nation of dribblers, the masses are the footballs. They hit us to and from and we have no choice. Political Crinkum Crinkum is an eye-opener to how politics is being played, though it is only out of the imagination of the writer and not real. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 4:56pm On Dec 08, 2014 |
Title : Political Crinkum Crinkum Governor Gbeminiyi of the Harmony Party of Nigeria suddenly discovered that he hadn't done any single good thing to the well- being of his State, but now it seemed too late already. He was surely going to lose the re-election. Now what was he going to do? "Ha!" he yelled. It had fully dawned on him that he was already at the losing end. Everyone in the state was going for the other political party, the Friendship Party. Mr Gbeminiyi was above six feet tall. He was a retired soldier, one of the ECOMOG soldiers dispatched to Sierra Leone for peace-keeping. Actually, Gbeminiyi's initial plan was to do something remarkable in Lagos which any other Governor hadn't done before. His political agenda was bright and brilliant. It was unbeatable and unimaginable, but realistic. In his campaign just three and half years back, he had promised to realise his goals just within two years. Everyone held on to his promise and looked forward to its fulfillment. Mr Gbeminiyi, being among the Peace-keeping force back then, employed the preaching of peace. Everyone welcomed his campaign with warm embrace. Mr. Gbeminiyi won the governorship election just like someone eating banana. It was just as easy as that. "So, this is how four years go so fast," the man said to his wife. She sighed. "Daddy Junior, that is how I am thinking too," Maria said. She looked battered. "Ah!" the governor bit his finger. "Procrastination can kill zeal indeed, darling." "En eh!" she sounded. Maria was not raised from a rich family. The influence of her husband was what made her what she was. She was just a little above 30. Her skin looked fresh and light. She had spent much fund trying to get herself into shape. Maria was lost in thought. Losing the re-election would mean losing a huge sum of money with which she would use to pulchrify herself in Italy monthly. She needed to add more value to her bust as well as streamlining her body to make her look like a mermaid. She needed to fix Brazilian hair not less than a million naira every six months. She needed to continually change her wardrobe. "Maria is that the only thing you will do?" Governor Niyi asked his wife. "What can I say? " she said at last." We have lost our name already. Everybody in Lagos will go for the Friendship Party for sure." The Governor bit his lips and made a clicking sound with his tongue. If only he could reverse the time, he would do that with immediate effect. "Niyi, I told you..." "That what?" the Governor interrupted. He knew that his wife was only attempting to blame him. "That we should try to at least construct some roads with the revenue we were getting. " " Keep quiet Maria!" the Governor screamed at her. "How can I do the road when you will not let me rest daily. Don't you know how many millions of naira was going into your family's account monthly?" "Niyi, take it calm," Maria said in a calm voice. She looked around as if she was wary of any eavesdroppers around. "You don't need to blame me much, Niyi. Solution is the issue now." "Solution?" Gbeminiyi said. "I don't think we will find one." Maria sweated, her back leaning on the 9 million USD sofa she was seated upon. Her life was indeed from suffering to 'sofaring'. Back then, all they had for seat before Gbeminiyi got married to her were some short wooden seats called 'apoti'in the Yoruba dialect. Maria came from Badagry. Everyone there was looking up to her. Since they knew her background, they were sure that she would help to convince her husband to do something to their land. But she proved a bunch of disappointment. |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Onemansquad(m): 5:34pm On Dec 08, 2014 |
FTC RIDE ON BRO 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by kenchukscole(m): 10:31pm On Dec 08, 2014 |
Following with a bottle of origin..... 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 10:58pm On Dec 08, 2014 |
kenchukscole:me no sabi that one o |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by emmadejust(m): 3:18pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
I wil be the marshal to control crownd.......my eye is scanning all entry of person.... 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 6:42pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Hi emmadejust:Okay, be the bouncer for this hall of fame. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by pelvicky(m): 7:21pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
Sammyhoe.,.the best writer on nairaland. I enjoy ur stories...e.g everybody is a genius, we are able...AS E DEY apen...u ar best frequent update and lengthy 1...u hear 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 7:34pm On Dec 14, 2014 |
pelvicky:I will try, but as per the bear writer  We have them aplenty |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by emmadejust(m): 7:58am On Dec 15, 2014 |
SammyHoe: hmmm Thanks for this position u appoint me...... I pledge my maximum delivery of duty.... we are able........ |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Thunday16(m): 2:01pm On Dec 15, 2014 |
Update pls 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 5:42am On Dec 16, 2014 |
[b]Gbeminiyi wouldn't allow his wife to speak. She was upset, turning her back at him and hissing. Gbeminiyi didn't like seeing her in such mood. He had to do something to make her smile. Quickly, he approached her and grabbed her, 'selotaping' a tight kiss on her cheek. She smiled. "Don't you know that women are the secret of every men, Niyi. So, are you ready to allow me speak right now?" "Go on darling," The governor said. Maria shoveled out the phlegm in her mouth. She raised a hand and rushed to do more expectoration . While she was absent, Gbeminiyi's mind travelled far. He remembered how he had been going everywhere having fun in the past three and half months. He remembered how he had shunned all the good counsels given to him by the Oba of Lagos and the others. "How am I going to save my face now?" he asked himself. He knew rigging the election wouldn't work for his favour because the opposition party is wise too. Gbeminiyi sat, arm akimbo. He took a deep breath and then heard his wife's voice from yonder. "So, darling, it is all simple. Just start with road construction now. Do some other little little things too, and within the space of five months before the election, people will tend to change their line of thought towards us. Tell the masses that you will do more second during your second term." "Bad idea, Maria. They will call me a hypocrite. Why am I doing that at late hour, they will say." "Forget what they will say and do it," said Maria. "Just go ahead first!" Gbeminiyi began to walk up and down the room like a church usher. His head was folded up as sweat ran down his face. He would certainly lose the election. Gbeminiyi dialled the phone number of his PA, Ajayi. Thirty minutes later, he was around. Ajayi was a man who was well respected in the society. He read Logic and Philosophy up to doctorate level. He was dabbed with the name 'tortoise' by colleagues. Ajayi would have become a lawyer, but he wanted to read philosophy too. So he had to stick to one. "Ajayi, here's the issue on ground; as you can see, I don't deserve to be elected again. But what can I do to get there the second time?" Ajayi raised the bridge of his spectacles and smiled. His teeth were scattered like a scattered diagram in Mathematics. Ajayi gave the tip of his front tooth a knock as if the idea was right inside that brownish-white enamel. "Sir, this is gargantuanly a phenomenal Crinkum Crankum. And it's what I tag perspicacious perspiration at the eleventh hour. Sir, it's too late to do anything now, because the elastic limit of the patience of the populace has been exhausted. They will backfire and fire back at you if you go into any campaign. So therefore, I adjure you to willingly concur to step down for someone else to step in." "Ajayi, is that what you have to say?" Ajayi nodded his head in the affirmative. He was not to blame because he had warned the Governor more than ten times to start doing something, but he paid no attention. As a matter of fact, the governor shunned him for over a year and didn't seek his advice. Now he thought he could bank on him to help him out. "Ajayi, you can go," The governor said in anger. Ajayi turned around like a turnstile and left without a speech. Maria laughed as he walked away. "Se o tan e, His Excellency?" she mocked her husband in the Yoruba dialect. "I told you, don't call Ajayi here because he will never give you a reasonable suggestion, but you turned deaf ear." Gbeminiyi's blood pressure began to rise. He was confused. It was as if all his life depended on the political post. Gbeminiyi spread a newspaper on his lap. He just came about an headline: Friendship Party is rolling out ten names of candidates for their primary. Mr Ajewole, Hon. Olajide Iyanda, Mrs Efunroye Adelabu... Hon. Iyanda seemed to be the favourite for that post. Really, the Friendship Party were proving a very touch challenge. With what was on ground, it was certain they would come out winning the election come next year. Gbeminiyi had to knock hard at his cranium for idea. He had nothing in his head to bank on. The work of his hand would speak for him afterall. Gbeminiyi was still owing teachers up to six months salary. All teachers had publicly raised some placards to say that he should not be voted in the second time. Maria came behind her husband. She gave him a tap on the scruff. The man thumped up in fright. "What's wrong with you, Niyi? Why do you jump up like that?" "I was lost in thought, " The man said. Then he sighed. " Eeh Eeh, you better not give yourself hypertension, Niyi. I am just coming from Wolli Agba right now and he said that you should invite him here. There is a sacrifice he will make on your behalf and you will win the election." "Hey, Maria, how many times did I tell you to stop looking for fake prophets up and down? They are all false!" "This one is real, Niyi!" "Eh, eh, eh, don't go there. Don't go there at all!" the governor was furious. He got up to his feet and left the parlour. He hated hearing about them. The last time a prophet told him he would win an election was twelve years back, a Local Government Election. He believed the prophecy so much that he became very lazy in his campaign. At the end of the day, he lost woefully. Maria strongly believed in religious rituals like the burning of candles and incense. She was from the White Garment origin. Maria was burning right inside her heart. Gbeminiyi hadn't walked out on her before, all his life. It was painful how he walked out on her just now. She would teach him a lesson of his life. "Selfish man," she said. "He doesn't want to listen to any of my ideas. I will show him that what man can do, woman can do times ten." Maria smiled. She had something up her sleeves. She would teach Gbeminiyi a great lesson. She snapped her fingers and walked into her room.[/b] 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 7:43am On Dec 16, 2014 |
I can see Thunday16 privately chopping our food |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Thunday16(m): 8:49am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Yes boss awaiting the update sammy. 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Horluwahighdee(m): 9:44am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Nyc one bro! thumb up. tz rili interesting ride on. 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 9:45am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Thunday16:Your wish is my command sir! Booting in progress... |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 9:45am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Horluwahighdee:Thanks |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Horluwahighdee(m): 9:49am On Dec 16, 2014 |
i learnt sum lessonz& facts in dz story,i discovered girlz/ladies/women thinkz only in one direction... note to all guyz; let us be careful of d advice from ladies that we wl heed to! gbam! 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Horluwahighdee(m): 9:51am On Dec 16, 2014 |
SammyHoe:u r welcome sir! may d lord grant u all u nid 2 cntinue I J N 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 9:52am On Dec 16, 2014 |
Horluwahighdee: I'm so happy that you've learnt something at the early stage of this story. Thanks for your keen interest in the story. 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 12:40pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
Amen!! Horluwahighdee: |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by dammygoody(m): 5:02pm On Dec 16, 2014 |
Sammyprof.. .   |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 2:40am On Dec 19, 2014 |
[b]CHAPTER TWO Gbeminiyi was surprised at the way his wife suddenly began to treat him. Her smile was coming out glaring nowadays. He feared that she was up to something. The last time she smiled charmingly to him were those days gone by, before he was elected into the governorship seat. The Governor looked at his wife and smiled. He had just noticed her long-hidden dimples. They were still as seductive as four years back. Maria looked even more beautiful to him now. Sincerely, nothing money cannot do, he thought. "Darling, I am having a kind of feeling these days." "What?" he asked, showing much interest. "I'm beginning to feel as if you won the election eventually." "That's a good feeling Maria, " Gbeminiyi said." I'm also feeling the same way myself," Gbeminiyi lied. "But how?" "I don't just know too, Niyi. Let us just hope that God will bring our expectation to fulfillment." The Governor's phone rang. His PA was coming over. "What's he coming for?" Maria asked. "I'm as confused as yourself, Maria. That PA, I'm going to sack him immediately." "Niyi, eh. How many times have I warned you against taking rash decisions? At the end they will boomerang on you, then who's to blame?" Maria said. Her hands went backward as she pulled down her long attachment, a Brazilian hair. She looked nice and more presentable in the hair. Her neck brought out traceries whenever she was packing her hair. "Can you imagine what that idiot was telling me the other day, that I am to take the whole blame? I think it's I time I showed him the way out!" Maria went behind her husband and held his shoulders. She pulled down his shirt a bit and began to give him some massaging on the shoulders. Gbeminiyi was enjoying it. He asked for more. Maria was fond of doing that back four years ago, before the election of her husband as governor. It seemed the whole governorship thing made them farther from each other. Maria had been close to the PA than to his husband on recent times. She had regarded the man in high esteem. Maria detested the idea of his husband sacking the PA, so she decided to come up with something to debar him from doing such. "And for what reason do you intend sacking your PA, His Excellency? " " Her Royal Majesty, didn't you hear how he opened his mouth the last time to tell me that I can not win the re-election? " " Is that the reason why you want to sack him? " Maria said as if she was surprised at her husbands flimsy reason. " Yes... Of course. Is that not enough reason to earn him a sack letter?" "Don't do that, darling..." Maria said and paused to pull something out of her husband's hair. She fixed her eye on the tiny curly object and blew it away. "Don't do that." " I have decided to sack him already and nobody can change my decision, " Niyi was adamant. Maria frowned over his head and left his shoulders alone. Just then the doorbell rang. A security officer ushered in the PA. "What are you here for?" Gbeminiyi barked at the guest who was just about to have his seat. The man was speechless. His brownish blue eyeballs dilated as his jaw dropped. He wasn't expecting an attack from the governor. "Sir... I... " " I don't want to hear anything from you." Maria intervened. She wanted the PA to speak. "Dear, let's just listen to him, perhaps he has something reasonable to say. Allow him speak first." "Okay, okay, go ahead," Gbeminiyi agreed unwillingly. "Thank you," The man said and cleared his phlegm throat. The sound was disgusting. "Thank you sir for affording me the opportunity to voice out what I have in my vocal cord. Actually, I come to say I am sorry for the uncouth manner I channeled my speech towards your Excellency the other day. I ruminate deeply on this later and found myself a guilty fish. Please I adjure thee, my Lord, do forgive me." The PA was almost prostrating. Gbeminiyi found the winking and smiling face of his wife. He knew what it meant-to forgive. "You don't need that, my wonderful PA, uh. Just remain on your seat, you've been forgiven from the depth of my heart." "Thank you sir," The man smiled. He cleared his throat again. He laid his right hand on the glass table before him and slid a finger across it. His goggle was almost falling off his lean face. He smiled again and his Adam apple performed a jog up and down his throat. He had that thing too big, such that one would take the rotund moving object for goitre. "I... I suddenly came about this winning formula sir. I think it's the only thing that can salvage the situation on ground sir." "Winning formula?" the two expectant husband and wife screamed. It was this same man that helped them win the election three and half years back with his 'winning formula' back then. "Yes, the only option apart from rigging sir," he said and grinned as he turned the tip of his thumb to a drumstick, tapping the edge of the sparkling table with it. [/b] 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Vicben(m): 8:20pm On Dec 20, 2014 |
Awesome piece Sammy. patiently waiting for the rest of the story |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 12:28pm On Dec 21, 2014 |
Vicben:Thanks |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by alizenbohr: 5:17am On Dec 24, 2014 |
SammyHoe, Your stories are worth looking forward to. Well done! 1 Like |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Dyoungstar: 10:23am On Dec 24, 2014 |
Present sir. Following |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 10:32am On Dec 24, 2014 |
alizenbohr:Thanks |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Nobody: 6:03am On Dec 30, 2014 |
[b]Political Crinkum Cranium Gbeminiyi almost broke his spleen in suspense as he awaited his PAs speech. "What is the winning formula?" Maria was quick to ask the man. The man cleared his throat and said, "His excellency, as I have said before now, the chance is too slim for you to regain the governorship seat, but there is just only one way out." "How?" "Sir, I don't think you can go in this way. It's way too hard for you to stomach. It is bitter kola and not honey. Too hard for you to chew." Gbeminiyi hated suspense. That was exactly what he hated in his PAs lifestyle. The man can unnecessarily draw up suspense, throwing one's mind into perplexity. "Sir, this method is way too naïve, but far-fetched. You may want to punch me on the face if I let it out." "Enough!" the Governor was furious. "Say it or get out of my office--em, house!" The PA observed the governor's countenance and then shook his head. "Actually, the solution is that you should politically divorce your wife and let her get involved in politics herself." The Governor's lips shook for shock. "Divorce?" the couple exclaimed. "Yes, divorce, political divorce sir." Gbeminiyi was enraged. He thought he had heard enough. "Get out!" he commanded his PA as he showed him out of the door. " Sir, let me explain my stance, please," his PA protested. "There's nothing for you to explain here," the Governor said willfully. *** *** *** Maria was worried. She needed to know what actually the PA had to say. She pestered her husband to call his PA back and he concurred eventually. "Sir, your wife was regarded in high esteem, so she is also politically qualified to run the governorship post. But without you stepping down for her, it would be very impossible." "How?" the couple asked the man who was trying to drive home a point, an ambiguous one. "My Governor, according to findings I make, your wife, Maria, is one reason you were voted for in the first place. Many people, especially the women of the state, believed in her so much--her beauty, her good interaction through the media, her eloquence and motivational pep talks--everything. Then finally, her promises." "Tell me more," the governor was swayed. "This Madam here was the reason why you won in Badagry local government. They unanimously agreed to give it to someone whose wife was their offspring and you were the person." The Governor was speechless. His PA was making sense, but the area of 'political divorce' remained cloudy. He wanted to know what it was all about. "So, how does that divorce come in?" Gbeminiyi hit the nail on the head. "Simple! Mrs Maria will declare her political ambition. She will suddenly burst out to say that you were the cause of the backwardness of the state, but sir you will have to admit to every of her excuses. You will admit that she was right--that she asked you to renovate all the state public schools but you refused to listen to her. She asked you to construct good roads and do well to teachers and doctors, as well as to all sectors of the state, but you didn't listen. You will come out publicly to say that it is true, asking the Lagosians to forgive you for your negligence, promising them a better second term. Then in the end, your wife will divorce you and take up a challenge in the primary election of your political party. You will lose to her in the primary and she will go ahead to be the Governorship candidate for the Friendship Party. However sir, you will pretend to be appealing to the whole Nigerian to help you beg your wife to reconsider ending the divorce, but she will pretend not to listen to you." "Enough!" Gbeminiyi shouted. "What nonsense are you saying?" "This is ridiculous!" Maria voiced out too. "Sounds silly!" "Sir, let me say more. I have a point, you just listen to me sir. This is politics we are talking about and in this game, we should be able to sacrifice everything to win. The good book says, he that lose his life shall save it. Sir, do you think that idea is just as direct as it sounds? No sir! It is only a paradox to play with the intelligence of the masses. Sir , the more they wish to express their anger at you, the more they will tend to like your enemy, because the enemy of ones enemy is definitely an enemy too. Madam will be loved by all if only she could fiercely be against you. Then in a short period of time, all attention will be drawn at her and our political party such that everyone will tend to shift focus from the other party." "Sounds weird!" the Governor said, disturbed. He calmly ordered his PA to take his leave as he bowed his head and sweated. Maria came close to him and put her arm on his back. "Dear, that idea sounds devilish. We shouldn't give it a chance," Maria said. Gbeminiyi raised his head and looked at his wife's face. He fell in love with her afresh for what she had just said. "Truly, you are a real virtuous wife," he commented.[/b] 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by alizenbohr: 5:31pm On Jan 07, 2015 |
Hello SammyHoe, I'm always on the look out to see if you've updated. Or are you trying to synchronize it with the coming elections? Cheers man! |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by Ursinmind(m): 6:50pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Sammyhoe, I have this very big problem..... My phone has been refusing to open ebiag.com for some days now and I am missing Henry White and Ted Manuel badly |
| Re: Political Crinkum Crankum (a Story) by tattesco(m): 6:59pm On Jan 14, 2015 |
Ursinmind:am sorry boss. There is a small problem and we are looking to solve that soon. Hope u know me  Am ayoolagold on ebiag |
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