Eyop:
My brother family is also part of it. The individual comes first and the family follows. Once you marry the girl,you automatically belong to her family and if you marry from the wrong family,you are finished even though the girl/lady in question would be living with you. You cannot do away from the family. Once you investigate that the family is ok,then proceed no wahala. The state he or she comes from is irrelevant.

I feel it's sometimes unfair to use family as a yardstick to determine who to marry. Why should you pay for the sins of your brothers, sisters and cousins? People are different, including members of a family.
A man/woman may come from a family of rotten apples but he/she can turn out to be a wonderful, responsible person.

Op is not a yoruba thing, me as an igbo, not even every state in igbo land i can marry from
I can marry from this states
enugu 90 % possible
anambra 80% possible
Almost impossible for me to get married from this places
abia 2% possible
imo 5% possible
Ebony 10 %possible
Hausa 100% impossible
Yoruba 2 % possible
Niger deltas 1% possible
You see is not a tribal some thing and am igbo from enugu state, is choice or you can call it tradition

itstpia8:


the question is why did you specify yoruba in particular to the exclusion of other tribes.

becos dats d only tribe I know dat is not very flexible with marrying oda tribes. Did I mention dat my aunt's husband is yoruba, and dat her hubby's sisters told me day wd neva marry an omo-igbo?

I think u hav ur anser rite dia.

thats why Africa is still backward.
what is wrong in intertribal marriage?
mtcheew.

Whatever that rocks for u.
I still know two sisters that married german men,one few yrs after d other.

Ur would be spouse might come from sudan.

Its the mentality of the family, I wouldn't say most yorubas are guilty of this attitude but then I have seen more than once that Yorubas are not really welcoming when their sons marry outside.

my mother who is Ijaw married my Yoruba father and his people didn't like it. On the other hand, I am married to an Ibo man and his family is very accepting and my dad is alright with it also.

Its a personal thing, I wouldn't generalize and say its the whole tribe at fault.... Also people who say these things have never really mingled with people of other tribes, hence such myopic views

The truth is, tribalism in marriage doesn't arise when you are famous and rich. when money speaks, tribalism dissolves. Fact.

HKCOMPANY:
Op is not a yoruba thing, me as an igbo, not even every state in igbo land i can marry from
I can marry from this states
enugu 90 % possible
anambra 80% possible
Almost impossible for me to get married from this places
abia 2% possible
imo 5% possible
Ebony 10 %possible
Hausa 100% impossible
Yoruba 2 % possible
Niger deltas 1% possible
You see is not a tribal some thing and am igbo from enugu state, is choice or you can call it tradition

Don't worry keep waiting. from ur post It is safe to say you have a warped notion about other tribes, and that's prejudice. Good luck to u and ur would be town husband.

Eyop:


My brother family is also part of it. The individual comes first and the family follows. Once you marry the girl,you automatically belong to her family and if you marry from the wrong family,you are finished even though the girl/lady in question would be living with you. You cannot do away from the family. Once you investigate that the family is ok,then proceed no wahala. The state he or she comes from is irrelevant.

GoodGirl2:
I feel it's sometimes unfair to use family as a yardstick to determine who to marry. Why should you pay for the sins of your brothers, sisters and cousins? People are different, including members of a family.
A man/woman may come from a family of rotten apples but he/she can turn out to be a wonderful, responsible person.

you could be both right or both wrong, depending on your personal perspectives and cultural contexts.

in some places, marrying an "imperfect" partner as stated by eyop, will lead to consequences which could have been avoided had proper care been taken before deciding to marry a particular person, or before particular persons decided to go into marriage. In such instances, it is assumed a blemish or unsuitability of one family member, is regarded as a stain or blemish on all members of that family and thus rendering them unsuitable as marriage material.

what the nature or form of these "blemishes" is, and how much importance is attached to them, is decided by the enquirer. This, btw, does not mean the enquirer himself does not have blemishes on his part and from his own extended relatives [does anybody in nigeria have clean hands?], but in matters of marriage, he has to bring into account the fact that families are involved.



On the other hand, the modern culture-weary individual, wants to discard all these non-western attitudes towards marriage and not judge the individual by the missteps of their relatives. For some, this is a gamble that works out well for them, while for others, the consequences may be what they feared.

personally, my opinion is do not enter a relationship without Christ as your foundation.

Timbuktou:
It's not really a yoruba thing. It cuts across all tribes in Nigeria. Igbos say it all the time that they can't marry yoruba people too. Nothing new there. I once 'toasted' an igbo girl, and when it was time to give me her number she asked for my name, I told her. She mumbled something in igbo language tucked her phone away and that was that. One Nigeria indeed.

May have nothing to do with your name
Maybe you no reach
Itstpia8 may reject you too

Eyop:


If you don't have an idea,consult the elders and they will put you through . Let me take you back home bro because i believe you are from AKS just like me. There are some places in our dear state(Uruan,Ibeno,Ikot-Abasi,Oron,etc) that once you mention it to 10 people,8 will tell you not to go and if you must go,be ready to carry proper investigation and even extend the investigation to extended families and in conclusion anything you see after,you take. Marriage isn't boyfriend and girlfriend but a lifetime affair and i don't believe in divorce so i must ensure that all is well before i put my head so you see why i said State doesn't matter?

So i do advise people to carry out their investigation spiritually,traditionally and otherwise before getting so deep emotionally with a guy or lady because it would be very devastating if on the long run you discover that the girl or guy in question isn't fit for marriage due to one problem or the other with the family. So it has nothing to do with the girl in question because she might be innocent but that girl you love came from a background which is her root so once you confirm that family is ok and that spiritually no problem,carry on.

expatiate more on what are the dangers involved in people from your area marrying without conducting proper investigations.

GoodGirl2:
I feel it's sometimes unfair to use family as a yardstick to determine who to marry. Why should you pay for the sins of your brothers, sisters and cousins? People are different, including members of a family.
A man/woman may come from a family of rotten apples but he/she can turn out to be a wonderful, responsible person.

Your personal opinion though. Can you also elucidate on what you meant by "rotten apples" because my own understanding might be different from yours.

itstpia8:




expatiate more on what are the dangers involved in people from your area marrying without conducting proper investigations.

Do you want to marry from my state . Investigations are important when going into marriage and this is not particular to a state or community. I was just using my own state to explain further to the OP since he also comes from that region. So carrying out investigations before marriage is the ideal thing to do so that one can save yourself the stress of running from pillar to post when the problem starts. Even before starting a serious relationship that would lead to marriage,it's most times advisable to carry out the check & balances before swinging into action so as to avoid problems. To me, the girl comes first and her family follows. If an individual marries a daughter of the Queen of the coast or that of Witchcraft and feels calling holy ghost fire will help out in marriage,then such person better have a rethink because he's in for deep shiit when the wahala starts.

babyosisi:


May have nothing to do with your name
Maybe you no reach

You may be right. Or, maybe she was a small-minded ignoramus-tribalist who had been fed hatred from her mother's milk. However, she was definitely not worth my time. Tell her I said hi.

Eyop:


Do you want to marry from my state . Investigations are important when going into marriage and this is not particular to a state or community. I was just using my own state to explain further to the OP since he also comes from that region. So carrying out investigations before marriage is the ideal thing to do so that one can save yourself the stress of running from pillar to post when the problem starts. Even before starting a serious relationship that would lead to marriage,it's most times advisable to carry out the check & balances before swinging into action so as to avoid problems. To me, the girl comes first and her family follows.[b]If an individual marries a daughter of the Queen of the coast or that of Witchcraft[/b]and feels calling holy ghost fire will help out in marriage,then such person better have a rethink because he's in for deep shiit when the wahala starts.

That na where you spoil all the sense wey you been dey make. Who is the queen of the coast, and why can't you people keep her name out of your mouths? I am coming to meet you this night the minute you close your eyes to sleep. Your blood is in trouble.

WORLDPEACE:

That na where you spoil all the sense wey you been dey make. Who is the queen of the coast, and why can't you people keep her name out of your mouths? I am coming to meet you this night the minute you close your eyes to sleep. Your blood is in trouble.

Lol...whether my post makes sense to you or not,is none of my own business. It is a different thing if am on my own the powers of darkness come find wahala na that time person go know say Jesus christ is lord not when you go and pick what belongs to the devil. I will be on standby awaiting your arrival.

Eyop:


Lol...whether my post makes sense to you or not,is none of my own business. It is a different thing if am on my own the powers of darkness come find wahala na that time person go know say Jesus christ is lord not when you go and pick what belongs to the devil. I will be on standby awaiting your arrival.

When I come what will you do? You will be shouting for Jesus' blood while me I am after your blood. Are we not both wizards? But where I am better than you is that I know you have blood. You, you have been asking for Jesus' blood since forever and you have sucked him dry.
I repeat, This night your blood is in trouble.

Eyop:
Your personal opinion though. Can you also elucidate on what you meant by "rotten apples" because my own understanding might be different from yours.

By "rotten apples" I mean people with qualities you wouldn't necessarily want in your own spouse. For instance, a man may come from a family where his 2 sisters are commercial sex workers while his remaining brother a hopeless drunkard known also to be a petty thief. His father may be an irresponsible womanizer meanwhile his mother may be have been implied in murder case.
(***This is just a case scenario***).

However, the man in question could be a hardworking, responsible, considerate, good-humoured, good-looking and family-oriented guy who would surely be a good husband to any woman. Would it then be fair to reject him because he comes from a "rotten" family?

itstpia8:
in some places, marrying an "imperfect" partner as stated by eyop, will lead to consequences which could have been avoided had proper care been taken before deciding to marry a particular person, or before particular persons decided to go into marriage. In such instances, it is assumed a blemish or unsuitability of one family member, is regarded as a stain or blemish on all members of that family and thus rendering them unsuitable as marriage material.

From my observation, what Africans fear most is witchcraft. It's the one thing people never fail to look out for in families of prospective spouses.

GoodGirl2:
By "rotten apples" I mean people with qualities you wouldn't necessarily want in your own spouse. For instance, a man may come from a family where his 2 sisters are commercial sex workers while his remaining brother a hopeless drunkard known also to be a petty thief. His father may be an irresponsible womanizer meanwhile his mother may be have been implied in murder case.
(***This is just a case scenario***).

However, the man in question could be a hardworking, responsible, considerate, good-humoured, good-looking and family-oriented guy who would surely be a good husband to any woman. Would it then be fair to reject him because he comes from a "rotten" family?

I get your point but that's not what i meant by carrying out a proper investigation on the family prior to proceeding if the number 1 aspect(the girl) is certified ok. Your example is very doable by any girl or guy who actually knows what he or she wants since both parties would be living together and all those examples you listed wouldn't influence the union negatively if he or she doesn't mind. but what i meant was the peace of mind of the girl or guy in question but more on the girl's part since she's being married out of her family to join the other family.

Eyop:

Investigations are important when going into marriage and this is not particular to a state or community. I was just using my own state to explain further to the OP since he also comes from that region. So carrying out investigations before marriage is the ideal thing to do so that one can save yourself the stress of running from pillar to post when the problem starts. Even before starting a serious relationship that would lead to marriage,it's most times advisable to carry out the check & balances before swinging into action so as to avoid problems. To me, the girl comes first and her family follows. If an individual marries a daughter of the Queen of the coast or that of Witchcraft and feels calling holy ghost fire will help out in marriage,then such person better have a rethink because he's in for deep shiit when the wahala starts.

what are the checks and balances you look for in situations where you are thinking of marriage?

also, your focus is mostly on female background, are the males exempt?

It's not only the yorubas...all tribes most especially igbos do that...so I see no big deal in it...abi u wan tell me say u never see better akwa-ibom girl wey fit be ur wife?

Agrika:
It's not only the yorubas...all tribes most especially igbos do that...so I see no big deal in it...abi u wan tell me say u never see better akwa-ibom girl wey fit be ur wife?

why do u guys keep asking d same question dat I've answered a thousand times over?

itstpia8:




what are the checks and balances you look for in situations where you are thinking of marriage?

also, your focus is mostly on female background, are the males exempt?

As previously stated,the girl comes first and the family follows. Spiritual and traditional background investigations are all that i need prior to forging ahead in marriage and this would happen at the initial stage of my relationship with the girl/lady in question so as to avoid wasting each others time. I am not only focusing on female background but combining the two i.e male and female. Also remember that the OP is a guy.