12. Godzilla Soldiers Are All
Idiots
Though it was a triumphant return
to form (and bankability) for
Godzilla as a movie character,
Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla reboot
was far from unflawed. Aaron
Taylor-Johnson was mercilessly
bland, there were a few too many
knowing hero shots and the
writing at times was a little
wrong-headed, including a moment
where one MUTO genuinely seems to
give the other one a intimacy gadget
covered in monster ejaculate.
That last point rings
particularly true when you
consider the US Army’s plan to
take down the MUTOs by luring
them away from all the vulnerable
people and cities and blowing
them to smithereens using nuclear
weapons. This would have been a
reasonable plan if it weren’t for
the fact that the very thing that
the plan hinged on – the MUTOs’
love of delicious nuclear
material – wasn’t the thing that
was also entirely ignored in the
logistics stage.
Instead of hiding the bombs to
transport across country where
they could be taken out to sea,
the Army instead mounts the
warheads on the back of a flatbed
on a slow train – considerably
less manoeuvrable than a MUTO –
somehow ignoring the fact that
the MUTOs have an incredible
ability to sniff out nuclear
things from miles away. Smart
move.

11. Richard Parker Clearly
Hated Peter – The Amazing
Spider-Man 2
Marc Webb’s decision to reinvent
the Spider-Man origin story to
include some genetic nonsense
about him being the key to the
experiments – because he was
clearly the worst scientist of
all time – at least offered some
freshness to the tale, but it
made Parker Snr look like an
awful person.
Not content with tying his infant
child to the experiments, and
fundamentally ensuring that his
life would never be normal,
Parker then fled with his life at
threat leaving Peter at home in
the “safety” of extended family.
But wouldn’t Oscorp be committed
enough to tie up all loose ends?
Wouldn’t Peter represent an
almighty loose end who wouldn’t
simply be ignored entirely
because his parents ran away?
And even more importantly,
Richard knew that Peter was the
key to the experiments: did he
simply assume that Oscorp’s team
of mega-scientists would simply
fail to connect the dots
entirely? Shouldn’t he have
hidden his child away at least?
Perhaps he actually wanted
Peter’s life to be ruined all
along?

10. Mine Field Morons – Fury
Despite its dubious grasp of real
history, Fury was actually a very
entertaining film – and good
evidence that David Ayer might
well be a great choice for
Suicide Squad – praise-worthy for
its visual style and an engaging
story that piles on the pressure
and doesn’t seek to add a
clinical gloss to war.
Unfortunately, it also includes
yet another example of stunning
stupid decisions by the people
who have been chosen to protect
all of the normal folk at home
thanking their lucky stars they
weren’t called up. As the film
heads to its finale and Fury is
the only remaining tank, it is
immobilised by an anti-tank mine,
at which point most of the crew
decide to initially abandon the
prone vehicle before Wardaddy’s
stubbornness convinces them all
to stay put. Though he basically
makes sure everyone dies,
Wardaddy was actually the only
sensible member of the crew.
Instead of worrying that the
chances of a single mine being
placed on a key road would be
slim at best, two of the crew
jump off and go to check a barn,
as well as Norman scouting the
road. Did nobody train the
soldiers to be wary of
minefields? Should they not have
been more concerned of being
blown up? Or were the Germans
really frugal with their mines?

9. Noah Isn’t Even Magic

Picking away at a religious epic
is probably silly on two front:
first, it’s a quick way to get an
awful lot of angry comments (and
possibly the wrath of God,
obviously), and it’s folly to try
and pick the logical from the
fantastical in a film about giant
stone golems, magical snakes and
beans and people called Ham. But
when the internal logic of a film
is flawed, it’s flawed.
At the start of the film, Noah
witnesses the death of his father
as he’s trying to complete a
special rite of passage that
would confirm Noah as a man, and
which would have had some sort of
religious/magical undercurrent,
or at least a spiritual one. In
those terms, it makes no sense
that at the end of the film Noah
takes the snakeskin talisman up
to bless his own family: after
all, he wasn’t “blessed” in the
same way, and if he is
impregnating his grand-daughters
with magic or Godliness or
whatever it is, it’s a
contradiction of his own
incomplete ritual.
Presumably the decision to
include the serpent – a Satanic
symbol – went down really well
with all the religious zealots
out there. Also, how come Emma
Watson didn’t pick up the accent
of her new family, despite
growing up with them from the age
of six?

8. April Gets Fired For No
Reason – Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles

The Turtles remake was far and
away the most stupid film of the
year: it was horribly written,
idiotically flawed and injected
with so much false self-
importance that it went beyond
being a turkey straight back into
a bankable property. Thanks
Michael Bay.
The issues with the film are many
and varied, but one of the
earliest and stupidest concerned
April O’Neill’s attempts to
convince everyone that the
Turtles actually do exist. When
she comes face to face with them,
they cleverly wipe her phone of
incriminating photos, before
handing it back and running away.
She then takes some more photos
because the Turtles are short-
sighted idiots, and take ages to
make their escape.
For some reason April then
forgets that she took the picture
and attempts to convince her boss
that the Turtles exist by showing
her a video she took of the not
yet giant creatures when she was
a child. Way to go, you’re
basically the worst journalist
ever.

7. Optimus Suddenly Remembers
He Can Fly – Transformers: Age
Of Extinction

Like in the original Superman
movie franchise, the issue of
suddenly remembered powers was a
distracting point for box office
winner Transformers 4. Just as
Superman suddenly remembered that
he could time travel and make
people forget key points and
facts by kissing them (never to
be redone again), Optimus Prime
waited until the end of the
fourth movie to remember that he
can actually fly.
So instead of using what is
probably the most valuable combat
power available to a robot locked
in ground skirmishes with other
mostly non-flying robots – which
would have been handy in pretty
much every one of the
Transformers films – Optimus only
uses it as the end credits are
looming, so he can be a self-
propelled spaceship and go and
catch some Hell in space.
Why didn’t he use his power of
flight to just take the Seed off
into space in the first place
without having to go through the
entire silly plot?

6. The Problem With The Plan
Of Attack – Guardians Of The
Galaxy

James Gunn’s superhero sci-fi
extravaganza was pretty close to
being the perfect adaptation of
the material and the film-makers
did remarkably well not to leave
too many unanswered questions or
annoying paradoxes, to the extent
that most of the complaints
levelled at the film are just
silly. Of course Star-Lord built
a tape deck into the Milano.
There are some minor quibbles
though that actually do hold
weight: like the all powerful orb
being almost entirely unguarded
with supposedly the most powerful
being in the galaxy after it (and
seemingly incapable of just
finding it himself), or Drax
choosing to only take things
literally when it serves the
plot. And then there’s the issue
of the Guardians’ plan to take
down Ronan, which comes with
something of a flaw.
The whole plan hinges on Gamora
opening a door for the other
Guardians to shoot Ronan with
their BFG, which holds them up
almost fatally. Frustratingly,
Gamora proves twice that the door
doesn’t actually need to be so
much of an issue: first after
Drax shoots Nebula, she reforms
to stop Gamora from pressing the
button to open the door, meaning
the switch was pretty much within
Drax’s reach too, so there was no
need to send Gamora off to open
the door at all. And then, when
she opens the door, she herself
just shoots a hole in the ceiling
and jumps through it to where the
team are, circumventing the oh-so
important door altogether.

Guykhena:

Lmao but to be fair Godzilla was BS

LoL

5. So… Tauriel Just Sort Of
Goes Away?

The question of what would happen
to Tauriel at the end of the
third Hobbit film was always
somewhat over-shadowed by the
fact that she wasn’t actually in
The Lord Of The Rings, despite
being an immortal elf. It was
always assumed that the heroic
creation by Peter Jackson would
meet the same fate as her beloved
dwarf Kili, and we’d get to see a
redo of the Tonks/Lupin heroic
sacrifice in the final Harry
Potter film.
In truth, that’s what actually
should have happened, but instead
Tauriel actually makes it to the
end of the film alive – though
predictably Kili doesn’t get a
reprieve – having spent the
majority of the film with wet
cheeks and very little to
actually do. Because Jackson
chose to add in so many new
strands and expanded sequences,
he ended up having too many loose
ends to satisfyingly tie up: so
seemingly important characters –
like Beorn and Tauriel and indeed
most of the dwarf company – are
sort of forgotten about.
So that leaves the question of
what actually happens to Tauriel?
Does she just not come back to
help her friend Legolas in the
sequels because she’s so sad? Is
she killed – and if so why wasn’t
any of it deemed important enough
to actually see?

Guykhena:

Ouch@ snrman, anti-spam bot I guess,,mail the mods to fix it..

yh tanks man done so but they were late to respond

4. The Crops – Interstellar

So, basically Interstellar’s
whole plot hinges on the fact
that the Earth is dying thanks to
blight wiping out all of the
crops and leaving only corn (a
clever allegory about the
enduring strength of popcorn
movies? Probably not), which
requires everyone to leave Earth
to go and find a new place to
live to ensure the survival of
the species. Clearly, growing
crops on Earth in another way,
rather than just in fields isn’t
an option, or the NASA geniuses
would have thought of that…
Except then at the end of the
film when they’re all in the
O’Neill cylinder they’ve clearly
grown crops in an artificial
environment. So why couldn’t they
just use greenhouses to grow
crops on Earth instead of moving
wholesale somewhere else. That
way they could have invested all
the money NASA were using up on
trying to develop a cure for
blight?
Interstellar is in fact riddled
with plot holes: for instance,
why did NASA wait until Coop
found them to get him involved
when he’s clearly the ONLY man on
Earth qualified to pilot the
mission? He lives like two fields
away. And while he consulted
James Cameron on the issue of
time travel film-making, Chris
Nolan still fell down the same
plot hole that Cameron did with
Terminator: if your future self
would be dead without the
intervention of your present
self, they can’t come back in
time to help said present self
save the future. It just doesn’t
bloody well work that way.

[b]3.The Disappearing Pregnancy
– Gone Girl[/b]The pleasure of Gone Girl is
clearly in the awful, under-the-
fingernails pressure of how the
plot unfolds, and Rosamund Pike’s
spell-binding, horrifying
performance as the woman scorned
(though her motives seem iffy at
best). It’s all about a feeling,
and as such you could probably
forgive some issues with story-
telling or mistakes.
But the fact is, Gone Girl’s
central logic is utterly flawed:
Amy is supposed to be lauded as
an arch-villain, conniving and
brilliant whose plan is air-tight
and thus there’s no way Nick will
ever be able to escape his life
with her, so he just sort of
accepts it. But when you pick at
the key points of her escape from
Desi, it all falls apart, and
requires massive incompetence
from a police force who were
clearly over-achieving in their
investigation up to that point.
For instance, why wouldn’t the
hospital who tested her for signs
of rape to corroborate her story
have noticed that she hadn’t
recently been pregnant or
miscarried? Surely that would
have been enough to ask questions
about her story.

2. Why The Hell Does Coop
Sneak Away To Brand? –
Interstellar
A film worthy of two separate
mentions, so riddled with
plotholes and paradoxes is it.
At the film’s finale, Coop is on
Cooper Station, waiting patiently
for his daughter to arrive, which
will take a few weeks (where the
hell is she? Why isn’t she on the
same station? Did they suddenly
build more of them?) so he goes
and sits on his porch for a while
and cements his odd couple
relationship with TARS. When old
lady Murphy arrives she says he
should go and see Brand, who is
all alone on Edmondson’s planet,
which seems to suggest that the
rest of humanity has forsaken her
and are letting her grow a colony
alone while they enjoy their
spaceship with tasty crops.
And when he does decide to go and
see Brand, why does he sneak
away? Why does he have to steal a
spaceship and hide his intent
from everyone? Aren’t they all on
the same team? Why would going to
visit/rescue Brand be frowned
upon?
Oh, and why didn’t the future
humans – who couldn’t exist
remember – help their past selves
in a much easier way rather than
making humanity fall to the brink
of doom and requiring a
ridiculous over-reaching mission
that was destined to fail all
along? They’re not nice people.

1. The Adaptable Sentinels –
X-Men: Days Of Future Past
In Singer’s return to X-form, the
dystopian future timeline is
presented as a product of the
timeline in which Mystique was
captured and mined for her
abilities, which allowed Trask to
develop his new sentinels with
their shape-shifting abilities
taken from her mutation. That’s
all fair enough, though clearly
Mystique couldn’t just become a
teapot if she wanted to, but
there’s some allowance for
creative licence.
What doesn’t work is the fact
that the sentinels appear to have
learned a different mutant’s
abilities from her as well.
Rather than just being able to
adapt their shape, the key to the
sentinel’s power and devastating
impact is apparently their
ability to steal powers from
mutants they come into contact
with. Which basically makes them
Rogue, not Mystique.
Yes the extended scenes suggest
that Rogue was imprisoned, and
could have been used to help
build the sentinels, but she’s
not dead like the other mutants
who had their mutations stolen
(including Mystique) and it’s too
much of a reach to suggest that
the sentinels learned that from
Rogue much later when they were
already dominant, when their
adaptability is suggested as the
key to their successes.