Floodgater:
i doubt if you will ever be happy there seeing that the man's lifestyle is not helping. What do you want? If you want to remain there, sing it long enough for people to join in by not paying attention to the talks ie stand for what you want. Experience has shown that no matter how good or bad what you stand for people will accept or see you as that if stand tall and confident enough. If you choose rather to quit, know that you have made a mistake and must not pay with all your life. Make the decision to move out and take charge of any aftermath, do not fear the unknown or tommorrow. First make plans on how to survive without him (work/business), save and be quick with your exit as delay may be dangerous. I hope your sister support and assist you. You can start afresh in a new town. Gently and apologetically let your man know you want to quit whilst still there or from a safe haven if he can be dangerous, you know him better. Ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself too, know that he has benefitted from you as well but try and be at peace with this man even it takes time. Goodluck.

onegig:
The world would be a better place and people would lead more prosperous and peaceful lives if they would learn to shield and block their ears from what people say or how people percieve them.

All I see here is someone who wants a change of state not because of hardship but because of what people think of her.

Sherina... Go on and leave the marriage.

And after that I hope you would not get into another marriage with maybe a murderer or armed robber just because "you don't like the way people look at you when you say you are single and divorced".

When would you do one single thing for your own personal happiness instead of what the inconsequential people on the outside you give control over your life think?

zeezzy:
@sherina10,what has d man done to u?Nothing;his wife nkò?Nothing. know that some pple will also be seeing d man as a betrayer for marrying you and his first wife for a fool for accepting you & treating u nicely.
The grieviances u stated is nothing.Its like looking for trouble where there is none.What do u want to do wit his personal belongings?For d fact that he's not putting them in your house does not mean he wil neva put them there.Just continue being good&patient.
As for his friends not visiting him in your house,remember he has a place they are used to.They barely know u.
Take it easy on yourself,i can't see any problem here.Love them as they have love u and watch how things will continue improving.
As per pple looking at u somehow,what concerns u wit their looks &opinion.If u had married a rich single man & u are frm a poor background,thats how u wil b percieved,so let dem continue looking @ u somehow while u continue enjoying your family.
You must be contented,just as d first wife accepted u & treat u nicely;Respect her & treat her wit kindness too.Never wish that she's out of d picture so u can be d only one.May God continue to grant u mercy & guidance.

veave:



Sweedy there is nothing personal about your matter abeg. Nne i am not married yet, and when i do it definitely would not be another woman's husband. Again when i i finally do honey, i will wait patiently for predators like you with my cutlass, bows and arrows. You are a very wicked girl, this is how you want to pay the poor man and innocent woman for all their sacrifices by backing out of the deal... you better open your legs and start shooting out babies if you don't want Amadioha to strike you dia. Mtchwww... yeye geh...

Mondisweets:
He told you they had separated but later on you found out he is still very much in love with his wife and they are not at all separated and you are just a baby-making machine, hiding behind the second wife title My dear you cant play victim, you made a choice and now u have to live with the consequences. Whether u decide to stay or leave, remember you will still have to endure the consequences of the decision you make. So you decided to ask for serious advice on NL, madam are you okay?

sherina10:


Yes im okay. He came to visit me in school bought an engagement ring, gave it to me, we spent some time togheter when he was about living that same day was when he told me about his wife, i had to let go then, he came to visit me again in school with his wife, he said he was serious and our marriage will be normal and his wife is in support.

he informed me that when he told his people about his intention of getting married again they gave him a condition that he must reconcile with his wife because his wife is still very much interested in the marriage and she has no problem with him getting married again at that point in time i couldnt let go because he was pratically a family to me then, who showed me so much love and support just to marry me not that i dont love him?

i do love him, he is very okay and honest. i had to go ahead and marry him otherwise i will see myself as an ungrateful person, i never knew polygamy comes with stigma and sometimes unwarranted hatred from people especially as the second wife. i dont know im playing victim, i taught i was writing my story and about child rearing only knew about that after the marriage.

NOTE; I wont be fair if i dont mention that up till now i dont have a child nor pregnant but he is still supportive. thanks for the advice

Abojupupa:
Having read your story, I made the following deductions:
You married a good man and he made you comfortable
You no longer wish to be a 2nd wife.
My opinion:
You need to look before you leap so that you dont lose all you have.
Are you aware that many ladies are still single and seriously searching even at 30+?
Do you know guys will normally not marry a divorcee especially if she already has a kid?
Consider your looks: why was it that you did not attract single guys while your hubby was wooing you? Do you think you can attract other single guys? Apart from your looks, what other things do you have as assets that can attract guys? How will you avoid players? Just think about these before you take your decision.

sherina10:


Please my dear im sorry for exchanging word with u i didnt come here to that really. Thanks a million for d critisism as painful as it sound its highly appreciated. i pray u get a good husband who wouldnt look at girls like me if at all there is any, Amen.

shinejackie:
Hollywood, bollywood & Nollywood story,next.......

Sophyrocks:
Op, i hope you are ready for a third wife. Because the probability of another woman coming in is high especially if your husband feels like falling in love over again with a younger woman than you are. Its a good thing you are being realistic about the sole reason he married you; For children only. You've laid your bed so lie on it.

#Thinking aloud# Now i wonder what sort of happiness a woman can derive from a man who married her for childbearing purposes only. If its just material possessions then my position on polygamy has been right all along. SMH.

mutter:
As long as the first wife has accepted you and her consent was sought there is no critic on being a second wife. Your husband has fufilled the consditionas as provided by his faith.
Secondly she has improved her marriage through you, so she is even in a better position.

KanwuliaJara:
I don't see any problems here o!
Looks like everyone got EXACTLY what they served and DESERVED!

Next topic please>>>>>>>>>>>exits from this end>>>>>>>>>>>>>

shinejackie:
.

True,happy xmas in advance.......

sherina10:


In terms of happiness, we are good, we are like every other married couple with polygamy as the difference. im happy in the marriage, i dont have a single problem with him in person, i only have problem with polygamy and myself for accepting it because ive been taged unwarranted names.
come to think of it, if he married me because his first wife couldnt give him his number of desired children then im not the only one he married for children.

ECSpee:
@op one question for you before I profer my advice: Did you have a proper wedding?...Did your sister/parents or any member of your family consented the marriage? Or you just packed into his house like ... @op one question for you before I profer my advice: Did you have a proper wedding?...Did your sister/parents or any member of your family consented the marriage? Or you just packed into his house like ...

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

cococandy:
You married another woman's husband and you expect us to clap for you?
I won't judge you for marrying for money since most people have reasons for which they get married.but If you must marry for comfort, leave the ones that are already taken.

sherina10:


I can't deal with the emotion and the stigma. That awful look they give me when they discover i'm a second wife at my age breaks my heart.

babyosisi:

Imagine what it will be like when the 3rd and 4th wife arrive
Do you think the first wife was eagerly expecting you on her own wedding day?
That you haven't yet had a baby is a blessing,get out now rather than as a single mother
You are just 23
You won't stay 23 a long time
This is your prime,don't blow it

mutter:


Please this woman has done nothing wrong. She married a man legally and in accordance with the traditions of our land. Polygamy is part of our culture and it is a good part of our culture too.

As an older wife it is better to have your husband remain wiht you even when he wants another woman. In other cultures the men simply abandon the woman and their kid`s. Through polygamy the african woman has a guarantee that she has a place in the man`s house even when she gets older.

The only way she can do wrong is if she treats the senior wife wrongly.

babyosisi:

I have engaged you here before,you are a Muslim woman who feels your religion is being bashed here and you are speaking to defend it
Give your own advise and allow me give mine she asked for it
The woman is not comfortable with a decision she made at 21 out of desperation and wants a way out
She started the thread on that topic ,remember?
She is also a Christian,remember?
Now step!

babyosisi:


I don't understand why these Muslim men keep chasing after christian girls when there are millions of Muslims women in hijabi they can choose from
Is she the only fertile woman on that campus?