stuff46:
Ermh...

Were would i even start self? ( after spending a whooping 12hours to read this work, with work stress and other things ).

It's been a lovely ride here. I was pausing and suspending the day i would read this story but God made it for me to do it today, i think i would Thank Him for giving me the motivation to do that today.

Special thanks to my ba3 for not failing and also to etisalate for an error free time.

My observation
1. Some events look un-real and un-fictious. Ranging from the fiqht, (the torn clothes and the unclothedness. It would be a siqht to behold but haba; the unclothedness spoil show). Just check that part and see how you work on it.

2. The way the Rev. Sisters exposed the whole activity in church. Sounds unreal tho, i never fathom to behold such scene niether do i want any one to experience it. Na obodo naija , sum1 to clown another person in a short period of time was ridiculous.

3. Punctuation and sentence construction. I came across some point were you failed to utilize "a" and "an" well. And also wrong use of words and punctuation changed the meaning of some words.

My praises
1. I love the way the character are, they expose the realness of life. Many families experience them, (me not being an exception esp. that josephine, i pray make God expose 1woman like that )

2. Your time and megabyte wasted in updating even when the comments were not coming.

Nb: My views oh, nobody should counter me. Just read and talk about it on another day, as every body is entiled to his opinions.
Once again than you Fambeze

Thanks for the observation sir. I'm your boy that is willing to learn

Fembleez1:
Hi most honourable readers!. Got this https://www.nairaland.com/2141893/open-letter-fembleez1-author-burial#30660978 from Chinweblinkz(f) author of 'Two sides of a coin' and I don't know how to thank her enough . Please do help me thank her in your own little ways by clicking on the link.



I appreciate you all. Thank you.

This was the thread that brought me here, and it was worth it. I didn't waste my time @all.
Welldone........would be expecting more of your stories

.

kristen12:


This was the thread that brought me here, and it was worth it. I didn't waste my time @all.
Welldone........would be expecting more of your stories

Thanks dear, I'm grateful.


Dropping another very soon.

Fembleez1:
hospital/ˈhɒspɪt(ə)l/


We say 'a' hospital not 'an' hospital



hotel/həʊˈtɛl/

There has been a tendency to write and speak of "an hotel", as if the h were silent, but if you want to write and speak good english, do not be afraid of "a hotel".

Think of all the nouns you can, starting with a sounded("aspirate" h. Do you prefix them with 'an'? Of course not.

Where the h is silent, as in honour, hour, the article 'an' is correct.


Another tendency is to write "an unique article", instead of "a unique article", which most people actually say. This, too, is incomprehensible, for nobody would write about "an unicorn" /ˈjuːnɪkɔːn/.



Stuff46

Move On... Unto the next thing Bro... Stop trying to prove a point... Just swallow the comments, digest it in private and keep delivering...

Keep The Flag Flying...

KingzPen:

Move On... Unto the next thing Bro... Stop trying to prove a point... Just swallow the comments, digest it in private and keep delivering...

Keep The Flag Flying...

Thanks boss

Please do drop your corrections/criticism when you are done boss @kingzpen. Willing to learn.

KingzPen:

Move On... Unto the next thing Bro... Stop trying to prove a point... Just swallow the comments, digest it in private and keep delivering...

Keep The Flag Flying...

That's what i expected not the explanation. Like Elizabeth Pryse said on the introduction to her English book; that in as much as we all are English learners, we should strive to give a clear cut of the message we are passing across. Not that am saying you are wrong, but as you are still striving to make a name in writing litrature, make your work digestable to all.

No string attached bro

stuff46:


That's what i expected not the explanation. Like Elizabeth Pryse said on the introduction to her English book; that in as much as we all are English learners, we should strive to give a clear cut of the message we are passing across. Not that am saying you are wrong, but as you are still striving to make a name in writing litrature, make your work digestable to all.

No string attached bro

Thanks boss, sorry for trying to prove a point, it was uncalled for and I've learnt. Expect to see more of you sir




I'm humble

Accept my apology Stuff46 , I was childish

Fembleez1:
Accept my apology Stuff46 , I was childish

No harm

Thanks for this wonderful masterpiece. I really learnt a lot from the story.

aprilwise:
Thanks for this wonderful masterpiece. I really learnt a lot from the story.

thanks bro, expect to see more of you on me next story.

Chinweblinkz mentioned ds in a thread, so i said lemme try it hp it! worth the mention?

Fembleez1 like seriously I have to give u kudos for bringing this piece to a good conclusion.. I commend ur continuity despite lack of comments and encouragement from readers who just come, read and go away... u need to b an example for up and coming writers in this forum to emulate

the piece was classic and the lessons learnt is one that will last a lifetime
Tnx for sharing this I really really appreciate please do keep up the good work

AlienStar:
Chinweblinkz mentioned ds in a thread, so i said lemme try it hp it! worth the mention?

it does worth it, if you say it does as a reader. just go through it ma'am.

kingphilip:
Fembleez1 like seriously I have to give u kudos for bringing this piece to a good conclusion.. I commend ur continuity despite lack of comments and encouragement from readers who just come, read and go away... u need to b an example for up and coming writers in this forum to emulate

the piece was classic and the lessons learnt is one that will last a lifetime
Tnx for sharing this I really really appreciate please do keep up the good work

Thanks boss, i'm grateful.

hi guyz, they've stolen my phone and it is so painful my next work and data are all in my notepad.

wrote this poem today and decided to share it with you guyz till my next novel premiers. please click on this link https://www.nairaland.com/2154808/harsh-wednesday-poem#30859692 to read and drop a comment.

Fembleez1:


Thanks boss, i'm grateful.

Na u b boss o
abeg wen u go bring another one

Couldnt stop d tears from flowing here. Touching and captivating.

Thumbs up bro.
Good work

kingphilip:

Na u b boss o
abeg wen u go bring another one

It is ready to make NL but I don't want to start it now, then my exam disrupt me from updating regularly.

kemtol:
Couldnt stop d tears from flowing here. Touching and captivating.

Thumbs up bro.
Good work

Thanks dear

please do click on this link https://www.nairaland.com/2172305/how-killed-father-short-story#up to read a short story by same author.




thanks as you do so.

interesting

Mj45:
interesting

Thanks boss.

Hi guyz, I thank God for a wonderful result and praying he helps me in my upcoming exams too. Amen










LOVE, LUST and LOST. /or EVENTS or ROAD TO WORLD WAR III premiers on NL this Sunday or next week. Either of the 2 might premier!. base on my interest which one to drop.







Thanks

Kevosky. This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail. Please send further replies to adefemi.george@yahoo.com. I'm more active on my yahoomail than Gmail. And also for fast replies.




Thanks boss!

Fembleez1:
Kevosky. This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail. Please send further replies to adefemi.george@yahoo.com. I'm more active on my yahoomail than Gmail. And also for fast replies.




Thanks boss!

Thanks so much boss. Will do exactly just that now.

Kevosky:


Thanks so much boss. Will do exactly just that now.

Seen

Fembleez1:
The reason for the foreshadowing was because I wanted the story to end in the church which was the main point of resolution.

nice one bro..... you are it.

Wuminity:

nice one bro..... you are it.

Yea, thanks.