All will be well!@RTFM

Happy Birthday in arrears. May you witness many more years to come.

So happy that you're gradually moving on.
The lord is your strength.

.

Very beautiful. RTFM, at least you have experienced and given love. Quite a few people can boast of that in a life time. Keep updating us. In the future when you have gotten past the pain and began your healing, you will be able to look back at how far you have come

How we met

After I had confessed my feelings to her and she had reciprocated. We were still hundreds of miles apart. Why? I was scared and more importantly I did not have my own place and was living with a married friend. I saw how they fought almost every other day and did not want to expose her to that sort of environment as we were still at the getting to know you stage of our relationship. (they later divorced due to his infidelity)
I would phone her in the evenings while gazing at the photographs she had sent me. She would call me up if she was listening to a particular type of music and thought it would interest me.
We sent books back and forth. It was a meeting of minds and we became friends, it was so surreal, we looked at life the same way, we had similar goals and beliefs and shared a love for Jazz, classical music and opera. Everything slowly faded into insignificance except for her. I no longer went clubbing with my friends on the weekends, preferring to stay at home communicating with this creature I hadn’t even met.
I quit my job to engage in further studies and moved to Sheffield. I got my own place and knew I had to meet her as I had delayed unnecessarily several times. She had invited me to visit her in Germany several times but I had refused. Perhaps I knew if I did I would not want to leave, I don’t really know. Perhaps it was my unfamiliarity with the language or a lack of confidence? I was twenty three or twenty four at the time. I was in turmoil, I wanted to meet her but at the same time was not sure if I still wanted to play the field. It was the nineties, I was young, there was my whole life ahead of me, and all these pretty ladies everywhere I looked. What if there was no chemistry when we met? I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate so I sent her an airline ticket. I made arrangements with a friend to drive me to Manchester Airport, we would finally meet.

More please...

Wow, @RTFM.

My friend was late picking me up, then he took a wrong turn and we ended up driving on some minor roads in the Yorkshire moors, It got dark and ours was the only car on the road. There was nobody to ask directions, no road signs. Then fog descended and we had to really slow down, this was in October...A trip that should have taken 45 minutes had extended to several hours. It was getting really late and I was so worried, she did not have a mobile phone. My phone had no signal, (You only had coverage in major urban areas in those days). What must she be thinking of me? what if she had left?
By the time we got to the airport, all flights for the day had stopped , she was the only one left in the terminal. I saw her in at a distance and rushed to apologise and she hushed my apologies with a hug and kiss. She was wearing her Chloé perfume and that plus the smell of coffee, she had had several cups while waiting, pushed me over the edge, (I am a bit of a coffee freak).
There were tears in her eyes and mine. I held her in my arms and knew I was where I was supposed to be. There and then, I was permanently and irrevocably lost. This was the woman I was going to marry.

Oh man!

Waooooh

A nice and sweet beginning

Hmmm wow .

OMG!

so much for love, you will laugh again

@RTFM

You came back to share more

Truly you were blessed...really blessed don't ever think it any less, 17 years of this type of connection is like an eternity

Thanks for sharing...please go on (you have a gift for writing by the way)

All will be well@RTFM, you are on the right path to recovery, open your heart to God, take each day at atime, let the memories bring smiles and remember each mistake with laughter on your face, its not an easy route being in it myself, today marked 6 yrs, looking back, i can only say THANK YOU GOD. Hold on to God, be focused, get busy and you will be amazed at what God will do.

4BBS: All will be well@RTFM, you are on the right path to recovery, open your heart to God, take each day at atime, let the memories bring smiles and remember each mistake with laughter on your face, its not an easy route being in it myself, today marked 6 yrs, looking back, i can only say THANK YOU GOD. Hold on to God, be focused, get busy and you will be amazed at what God will do.

My condolences. The ray of hope u are reflecting on the life of others would be your shining light and crown of glory. U are blessed.

I have good days and bad days... today is not so good.
I did my first monthly shop yesterday on my own and it was horrible.
Shopping for one person is so painful, normally we would have discussed the pros and cons of each item, joked and played around a bit.
I would have added something special for her into the trolley while she was not looking and she would have done the same and we would both be surprised at the checkout.
It was so difficult, I tried to keep my composure but the sight of her favorite items reduced me to a blubbering wreck.
I am sure the sight of a melancholy 43 year old man with watery eyes in front of the frozen food section would have scared other customers.
I know it will get better but right now, feeling it will get better is next to impossible.
One day at a time.

sorry,just keep holding on,and specifically tell God to console you,i believe your partner is resting.all will be well.

You got it right...

One day at a time. Time heals all wounds

RTFM, u are that great man you think everyone is waiting for to make things right, u ve come to wipe away the tears of others even in your situation, u are that shoulder someone is leaning on to make it thru life, u are more than u think u are, even at your lowest, u are greater than that mountain before u, I believe in u, u are here for a far greater cause than u even know, ur life would take on a surprising and wonderful turn from now, u would look back at this year with tears of joy and fulfilment, and peace shall never be far from u, u are indeed blessed.

^^^AMEN

salsera: @RTFM


Thanks for sharing...please go on (you have a gift for writing by the way)

Thank you. ( and a million engineers spin in their respective graves, we are not supposed to be lucid or lyrical, at least not without detailed diagrams and equations) I am at my happiest these days when I read or write. I don't want to make this thread all about my boring life. the title is adjusting to life as a widower, not the romantic adventures of RTFM. I do not wish to derail or hijack what has helped me so much. Though I must admit the tiny excerpts I have shared here have and are helping me come to terms... Also the positivity of people here...wow! this is not the Nairaland I know.

Pls if at anytime u feel guilty of hijacking this thread, could u kindly start another with the title u stated above and post a link here. I suggest u post all ur posts here there too, just my suggestion ohh, becos I need to learn that there is more to life than what meets the eye.

@RTFM

No worries about hijacking the thread
you are very welcome
you are safe here its not the same NL here...i swear this thread has its own blessing so pour your heart out
its therapeutic

Hoping to read more from you Mr RTFM.
One day at a time...

RTFM, some days will surely be like that. It won't be easy but you'll definitely pull through. I'm very sure of that. I'm not married but I've learnt from your posts - to live life to the fullest with the ones you love and cherish every moment with them. Thank you for being a coach and a teacher. It feels like you write these things out for me. Please don't stop.

Of course, Nairaland has a sane part

Uhmmm, one day at a time, sweet Jesus....keep praying for that grace and gradually the pain will go leaving only the sweet memories. It is well with you, remain blessed.

Hello all neva knew this thread exist until my efriend told me and sent the link and I must say its a good one since 2006 my name is opeyemi got married in April and give birth to a baby boy In august I love my hubby to bits and he loves me more Jan 26 he add an accident that affected his brain and Feb 18 2014 he left me to be with the lord our marriage was not up to a year but we had fun I enjoyed every bit of it and I say some people in marriage might not enjoy like I did in 8mnths of marriage I am young but its not been easy I thank God I have a son to show a sign of our love and I pray for Gods protection for him I miss so much and I know he misses me more but I am moving in with ma life

[quote author=opeolukoya][/quote]

It is well sis.. May your tomorrow be better than yester-years....

@RTFM beautiful and very emotional story you have here.I feel so bless reading your story,and I hope many will pick one or two things from you.
All I can say is that your wife was blessed to have you in her life.
Take care and remember one day at a time.

@opeolukoya My sister it is well.

God has a wonderful plan for you and your son,and know that you are not alone.
May he comfort you and be by your side when you feel lonely.

opeolukoya:

ope you r not alone. God is with you,through out this journey. So happy you came here.
it will get better with time.

more grace n strength for you my sister.

SHALOM

@joy4mi thaanks so much