remsonik:
My father remains my father so if he gives me a gift I don't see any reason why hubby should be angry. Only men with low self esteem and overbloated ego will have an issue with such.

coogar:


change my tone?
so letting 2 adults sort out their family palava is in equal weight with the murder or physical abuse of my daughter? come on - the analogy doesn't fit at all.



but he's sharing with the wife.....
if her father is going to get involved at all, he should have called both parties & present the car to them jointly - let them sort the rest on who should drive which car



ok......

Shirley07:

Presenting jointly may mean something else to a greedy selfish husband out there, who will think the car is his only. The proper thing to do when presenting a gift is to make the intent clear by giving the said person alone, not with groups of people. This is to avoid any misconception.
If you're of that mentality, then it means anyone that wants to give you something must present it jointly to you, your parents and siblings since you're all one family.

coogar:


perhaps the OP don't have the full facts.....
there's nothing wrong in a father getting a gift for his daughter but the circumstance has to be appropriate so it doesn't cause a rift between the married couple.

coogar:



exactly!
2 become one after marriage. calling your daughter aside to present her a car regardless of the hubby's feelings or consent is a miskick! anything i receive as a married man is for me & my family.

in his shoes, i wouldn't have reacted badly or start a shouting match. i would just ring my grandma in the village to bring me a young beautiful maiden that would be making my food & taking care of my general welfare.

it will also amount to a grandma's gift for a maritally-stressed grandson.

coogar:


i would let my daughter & her hubby handle their marriage as responsible adults without interfering. this is what i would expect from a responsible father but then responsible fathers are not common in this day & age.....

you are still a colonel save-a-sket though!

EfemenaXY:


This has got to be the most silly story I've read today, and a prime example of your typical black man seeing nothing wrong with his wife suffering, as long as his over inflated ego is massaged to the n^th degree.

@OP: think about it. How would you as a father whose nutured and brought up his daughter feel, seeing her suffering, knowing you could help ease her discomfort? Does being married mean that you as a father would totally wash your hands off your daughter?

If your parents had bought the car for her instead, would you still feel so miffed about it? Or still hold the opinion that your parents are interfering with your marriage?

Guy, pls.

carefreewannabe:


Nothing wrong, the man has got self-esteem issues.

LordReed:

If it is irresponsible to give my daughter a gift then so be it and I will continue to be irresponsible even if his fragile ego can't take it. I am not coming into their home to make any decisions for them, I made mine and gave her the gift.

Shirley07:

And the wife would also bring in a bobo to take regular care of her.
You should know it doesn't even compare. First and foremost, cooking isn't the duty of the wife alone. You as a man should be able to cook for yourself and the household, same as the wife.

But in this case, the wife cooks for the husband and the husband lacks no care as opposed to the wife having no car while the husband has one. So, it's the wife that lacks something here, not the husband.

I'm still of the opinion that the dad has every right to give comfort to his daughter whichever way he can. And only an insecure man would feel like a little man because of this.

EfemenaXY:


Stop acting coy.

You were out all guns blazing because as a male, you feel slighted that the father-in-law stepped in, but you suddenly start getting cool when I ask if it would make a difference if the giver was/is the guy's own parents.

A man who loves his wife wouldn't want to see her suffering. The car was given to her by her father for gawd's sake! FAMILY. Not from a secret admirer. So why the unnecessary ego trip?

alutaa:
If your Mother in-law bought a new set of cooking pots for his daughter in-law and gave it to his son, will the daughter in-law be happy?

To all ladies that said that there is nothing wrong, if your mother in law start buying cooking pots and plates for your kitchen, will you be happy with that?

What the father in-law did that was wrong is to give the car to his daughter directly without informing his son in-law. Best way to go about it is for the father in-law to present the car to them as a couple instead of giving it to his daughter directly.

Bigsteveg:

Am not opposing what the man did, but I felt the father in law should have carried the husband along (they can even make it a surprise). Imagine ur wife going out for morning and just driving home with a new car courtesy of her dad.

coogar:


a bïtch-ašs hubby would let his FIL overrule his decision. a sane hubby would flip you a bird & return the car back to you in a bubblewrap. i am the head of my household, not your daughter!



if i could cook for myself, i won't need a wife.



her food isn't delicious enough or her care lacks quality. i can make that excuse too.



he should have done that before he married her off. after brideprice has been taken from me, i get to decide what is acceptable & what isn't? i am the head of my household, not my FIL. if he insists on superseding me, he can have her daughter back.

Shirley07:

Of course, the wife is better off with her dad than that insecure husband of hers.
And just say you're a coward little man who needs his ego to be constantly stroked to feel important. Who goes having grudges because a father gave his daughter a gift. People like you don't need a wife, you need a doll or like you said, a slave.

Bigsteveg:

Am not opposing what the man did, but I felt the father in law should have carried the husband along (they can even make it a surprise). Imagine ur wife going out for morning and just driving home with a new car courtesy of her dad.

Chillisauce:
And people will still marry these ones oh.

See reasoning! Gifts from your parent must pass through them as per being the 'head'.

Head of gini kwa?
If na only this head dey available, let me walk and live headless

Atalaka.

I will proudly walk headless everywhere I go with my father's car.

EnlightenedSoul:


[s]Pray what is wrong with that? It's a gift from her father. Does your father require anyone's permission to give you a gift? Can we stop making mountains out of a no-hills for a just a sec, and look at the 'issue' morally? [/s]


Scratch that. Never mind.

carefreewannabe:


Like seriously? The father has to inform his son-in-law that he wants to give HIS DAUGHTER a gift?

Why?

Why can't hubby learn about the gift from his wife and be happy for her? What's the problem? I see none.

Bigsteveg:

Like I said earlier, it's not abt the gift but the manner of presentation. Even friends give each other gift so y not family. It's the presentation am after not the gift.

EnlightenedSoul:


What was wrong with the presentation? Look at Matthew Brigg's post, and how he dramatized his gift-giving scenario with the MIL throwing the wife's food around and berating her etcetera etcetera. In your scenario, a gift was given. Finis. Unless there's something you're not telling us in the way of blatant disrespect displayed towards the husband in either word or behavior at/around the time the father decided to gift his daughter the new car, you have no standing case. The man is being disrespectful toward his FIL.

EnlightenedSoul:


What was wrong with the presentation? Look at Matthew Brigg's post, and how he dramatized his gift-giving scenario with the MIL throwing the wife's food around and berating her etcetera etcetera. In your scenario, a gift was given. Finis. Unless there's something you're not telling us in the way of blatant disrespect displayed towards the husband in either word or behavior at/around the time the father decided to gift his daughter the new car, you have no standing case. In truth, the man is being blatantly disrespectful toward his FIL. And God forbid any man 'implode' on me for my father. That man is history, and as good as toast.

Bigsteveg:

If ure familiar with married people, they'll tell u that non issues like this can be very disturbing and can tear the family apart. What's the essence of a car when u no even get happy mind ride am/or creating holes in ur home.
Same go for the man also, any gift that's gonna hurt the wife should be presented in a proper way.

Nonso23:
Very funny thread
Well, there is nairaland and there is REAL LIFE.
The following are valid deductions as the o.p is sketchy.
1) Young family has car problem.
2) Daddy's girl most probably had to run her mouth about it.
3) Daddy couldn't help being the super hero.
4) Husband feels slighted - Very Justifiably so.


Parents require express permission to butt into their children's marriage unless a life is threatened in which case ANYBODY can butt into the marriage.

The Father in law is an irresponsible and immature baby who doesn't understand the simple fact that his daughter is married and hence no longer under his care.
The family already worked out a very viable short term solution to help them through till they got around the car problem but he had to throw his weight around.
THE GIFT IS NOT THE ISSUE THE CONTEXT OF GIFTING IT IS! The timing was terrible and the pattern unacceptable. If he thinks that he can do a better job as a husband then he should by all means marry his daughter and buy her a million cars. Only a stupi.d husband will not be disturbed by this greek gift.

That man made a mistake raising his voice against the FIL. He would have just simply tabled all their problems including their interest in buying a very luxurious property before the silly man and request that almighty car giver solved them all. If he can't, then the car will be returned peacefully to him and if the daddy's girl objects, she too would be returned to her obnoxious Father. They will make a great pair.

#Nzuzu puru mpi

Shirley07:

Exactly.

carefreewannabe:


Like seriously? The father has to inform his son-in-law that he wants to give HIS DAUGHTER a gift?

Why?

Why can't hubby learn about the gift from his wife and be happy for her? What's the problem? I see none.

alutaa:
If your Mother in-law bought a new set of cooking pots for his daughter in-law and gave it to his son, will the daughter in-law be happy?

To all ladies that said that there is nothing wrong, if your mother in law start buying cooking pots and plates for your kitchen, will you be happy with that?

What the father in-law did that was wrong is to give the car to his daughter directly without informing his son in-law. Best way to go about it is for the father in-law to present the car to them as a couple instead of giving it to his daughter directly.