[b]Part of our evolutionary process is learning how to communicate
more effectively and efficiently. Few of us have had much
training in the matter, and most of us have experienced the
consequences of communication breakdowns. We all know what
doesn’t work, and how badly it feels to be unheard and
misunderstood.

I learned how to speak from a man who didn’t know how to listen.
I once worked for a CEO who had no space or time for my emotions
or conversational process–so I wrote an article called “Who’s
Listening?” for a newsletter I created every month. Since I had
been so thrown off guard by his apparent disinterest in the
“whole” me, I was led to question what it was about my own
communication style that made it hard for us to talk.

These are the questions I asked myself and ultimately included
in the article. I hope they help.

1. Are you being negative? Nobody enjoys being in the presence
of negative energy. Try listening to yourself as you speak. Pay
attention to your tone of voice. If you are whining, stop it. If
you are being cynical or complaining, stop it. For one week, try
turning your complaints into requests and see if you notice a
difference in how your ideas are received.

2. Do you share opinions, but not your inner self? When’s the
last time you were in the presence of a powerful speaker? What
do you remember about what the speaker said? Chances are,
whoever was talking was sharing some personal story,
illustrating a point with an anecdote. Listeners get enrolled in
a conversation when the speaker actually shares something
meaningful about his or her life. Rich communication never
occurs by accident. It takes intention and attention. Think of
the most engaging conversationalist you know. Next time you hear
that person, listen for how much of themselves they really
share. Try sharing something personal next time you’re in a
conversation with someone who’s important to your life. Trust
them enough to admit a fear of yours, to tell a story from your
childhood, or to share a vision you have for the future. We are
all waiting to have these conversations, but no one wants to go
first. Try going first.

3. Are you planning what you want to say while others speak,
instead of listening? This one always backfires. It’s a dead
giveaway. People know when you’re doing it because your
responses to their speaking are usually inappropriate, and
communication breaks down rapidly. No one listens back to
someone who hasn’t listened to them. Instead of spouting off
your opinions immediately after a person has spoken, ask them
something about what they just said. Pay attention to their
speaking and they will pay more attention to yours.

4. Do you live up to your word? Did you ever know someone who was always going to do this and always promising to do that and never came through? Did you stop listening to that person after awhile? The world is full of dreamers and planners, but it’s people’s actions, not their dreams, that inspire us. Open up and share something you’ve accomplished that you’re proud of. If you have something you want to accomplish, ask for support. People will not take us seriously if they see we do not take our own words and commitments seriously.

5. Have you created an environment for listening? It is not
easy to listen to someone in a room where TV’s and radios are in
competition with humans. If real communication is important to
you, try turning off the tube and finding a commercial-free FM
station that plays music conducive to conversation. Classical
music stimulates the alpha waves in our brains, and keep our
creative juices flowing.

6. Do you speak as a victim of circumstances or as a creator of possibilities? People who speak as if the world were out to get
them have a difficult time finding listeners. No one wants to
get pulled into the emotional quicksand that a “victim” seems to
be buried in. Consider how you respond as a listener to other
people’s tales of woe? Do you tire quickly in that context? Do
you get depressed and feel burdened? Energy is contagious. If
you speak as the one who’s designing your life, rather than as a
victim of other peoples’ actions, you will empower yourself and
others

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https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8989869891426103499#editor/target=post;postID=2712379503022608522;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=0;src=postname[/b]

Excellent tips. Be confident.