I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle - Family - Nairaland
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Why I Don't Want My Brother To Get Married To Her / What Was Going Through Your Mind While Walking down the Aisle. / Terminally-ill Father Walks Unmarried Daughters Down The Aisle Before Dying (2) (3) (4)
| I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by deleib(m): 1:10pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
I am about to make a very important decision and I would like to have your candid opinion on it. Its regarding my forthcoming wedding and me wanting to do my father the honor of walking me down the aisle or giving my hand out in marriage. We have had a very distant Father-Daughterrelationship due to the kind of torture he put my mother through while me and my brother were young and how the maltreatment affected my mother so much she developed hypertension and died when I was 14 and my brother 9. From the much I know through my observations then and my findings now, my parents fell apart after my mum had an affair with the Chairman of my father's company while he was imprisoned over a fraud case he was involved in. He was the Chief Accountant of his multinational company and himself and other top executives used his office to steal money that ran into millions of dollars. He was arrested and locked up in prison. In a very confused state and with all hopes dashed, my mother was advised to go meet with his office Chairman who is one of these old dirty men that sleep with everything in skirt. She was pressured to sleep with him as the only way to get her husband out of the mess he was in as my father stood the chance of spending a long time in jail. To save the idiot called my father, my mother succumbed to his pressures and slept with him. Within hours, my father was released but however lost his job. My mum decided to keep this as a secret she probably would die with but eventually, word got to my Father and he felt betrayed. In one of their quarrels, my mum told my dad she did it just to save him and get him back home as he was diabetic and could die in prison leaving her with two young children. My father decided she was a miss fit for him and threw her out of his home and made us never see her again. He relocated us from Nigeria, burnt all her documents because according to him, he paid for her education. He got married again and then my brother and I faced the usual step mother torture. We never got to see our mother until she died in 2003 from hypertension and we were out of tradition allowed to go for her funeral. All these years I have kept my cool because I really needed to complete my education and now that I am done and have gotten a job, I want to shut him permanently out of my life. A man that irrational cannot be close to me nor my family. Irony is that he is not remorseful after all these years. Still hauls all manner of insults on my late mother. I feel like not giving him that opportunity to walk me down the aisle and cutting him off my life would teach him a great lesson. Is my action going to be in order or am I been too irrational? Please I need your candid advice. Source: m./128586100527911?view=permalink&id=739277289458786&refid=8&_ft_=qid.6095627799881774874%3Amf_story_key.1207011410892326392 |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by holatin(m): 1:21pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
hmmmmmmm |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by MizMyColi(f): 1:21pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
If you don't want it, you don't want it. Let him know your stand if you can. You should make a decision to forgive him and heal from the hurts he's caused you and your sibling. You'd be doing him a favour, yes. But trust me, you'd be doing yourself the greatest favor too. You don't want to bring in kids into this world while harboring a resentment of sorts towards your Dad or any blood relation for that matter. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Smhart1(f): 1:28pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
chill till after the marriage |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Nobody: 1:32pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Should I drop my advice here; Or follow up to her page and post my boring epistle.  |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by pickabeau1: 1:34pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Smhart1:this |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Ymodulus: 1:37pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
MizMyColi: Did i hear you say forgive?? After all that?? The subject deserves to even get a court injunction barring her father from the wedding premises/surrounding. She owes him no favor. How is one's father attending his child's wedding celebration a favor? Care to explain? To your last statement nothing is wrong there. I wont rather use the word Resentment. I lack the actual word to replace that now. But resentment is a no no. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by baby124: 1:38pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
All of you on NL posting blog stories like they are your own personal stories. May you not see the one that pass you one day. 3 Likes |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by mutter(f): 1:38pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Do the right thing and let him do it. The wedding is like a ceremony - a transision from father to husband. After the wedding your husband and you become one and form a new family. Your father might have done you so much wrong but you can`t correct it by doing something to spite him. Treat him decently even if he does not deserve it. Do it for yourself so you never have regrets years to come. You just need to bear this one final day. 1 Like |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by MizMyColi(f): 1:54pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Ymodulus: Did i hear you say forgive?? After all that?? The subject deserves to even get a court injunction barring her father from the wedding premises/surrounding. It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive. ~ Unknown The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. MayoClinic outlines the benefits of forgiveness as follows:- Healthier relationships. Greater spiritual and psychological well-being. Less anxiety, stress and hostility. Lower blood pressure. Fewer symptoms of depression. Stronger immune system. Improved heart health. Higher self-esteem. She owes him no favor. How is one's father attending his child's wedding celebration a favor? Care to explain? You misunderstand me. If I decide to forgive a person who clearly doesn't deserve my forgiveness, I'm doing so because I want peace, I don't want my conscience seared. I want to be very much in tune with my humanity. Capsiche? and yes, I am doing them a favor, whether they agree or not. The universe bears witness to that. To your last statement nothing is wrong there. I wont rather use the word Resentment. I lack the actual word to replace that now. But resentment is a no no. Until you do, it is what it is. There are levels of resentment. The worst kind of resentment is that of aloofness, where little or nothing about that individual matters to you. It all starts from bitterness, a thought you've harbored in your mind over that person. At some point, you simply don't care. ^^^That's not what our humanity is about. We ought to love everyone (especially our blood relations), to be one, to become aware of our profound interconnectedness even as individuals. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by damiso(f): 1:56pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
baby124: Hi baby124 long time how are you and yours? Compliments of the season. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by deleib(m): 2:04pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Aprime:DROP IT HERE. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by deleib(m): 2:08pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
baby124:what do u mean?? |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by dinachi(m): 2:20pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Honestly, I hate it when some women come here to deliberately paint men black. Your father did no wrong! Even the Bible accepts divorce in the case of adultery. However, If I was in your fathers shoes I may have handled it differently. I will forgive her but the truth be told, it is not gonna be easy. Now apparently you are truly your fathers daughter! Both of you have unforgiving spirits. 4 Likes |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Ymodulus: 2:35pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
"Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget." -Thom Merrilin It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive. ~ UnknownThere is no correlation with your quote and the the girl's story. As she never stated that her father apologized. So that invalidates your quote. The silly/stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. The above qoute was made by Thomas Szasz. But I disagree with Thomas. Thomas Szasz, M.D a Psychiatrist and writer of over 35 books made that statement, if you are on reddit.com ( America's biggest forum equivalent to nairaland ) you will see a lot of argument and debate as to that statement. MizMyColi I do have to say that the traditional method of “forgiveness” we’ve been using in the Western world just doesn’t work. It’s flawed. Forgiveness in English is equivalent to the Word translation PONO. The Hawaiians uses ho’oponopono. The word pono has no good translation in English. It’s the feeling of congruency and calmness, that everything feels right in our world. It’s like feeling so totally at peace with a person or situation that nothing needs to be said. That’s pono. And Ho’oponopono means to become doubly pono. When you forgive others using ho’oponopono, you feel calm and clear about them. You are free to re-establish a relationship with them – or not, as you choose. But whichever you choose, you are totally cleansed of the junk – the resentment, anger, hurt – that previously clogged your system. You don’t end up with the tight-lipped, “Okay I can stand to be in the same room with you” type of forgiveness. Totally cleansed. Calm and clear. Free. Sound interesting? [s]MayoClinic outlines the benefits of forgiveness as follows:-MayoClinic benefits of Non forgiveness is not objective in all case. And one can decide to not forgive and still posses the mayorclinic's listed benefit. So in essence his benefits portrays nothing. You misunderstand me.The lady did nothing wrong so why should she feel she want don't want to have her conscience seared? Let's not go into the relationship between Conscience seared and Humanity as this is a field of study not a topic. Universe bearing witness does not say of your true heart forgiveness. You make it sound like you forgive because you want the universe to bear you witness and not because you truly do want to forgive. So please strike that statement out. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by MizMyColi(f): 2:56pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
ok Ymodulus: |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by madan(f): 3:25pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Hmmmmm, it can be really tough to forgive. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by zeb04(f): 3:35pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
Tthe father went to far.burning certificate and shutting them permanently from their mum....that was too much. If I were in your shoe,I'd do worse 2 Likes |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by baby124: 3:35pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
damiso:Compliments of the season to you and your family. We are fine, thanks for asking. Can't complain. I hope you are doing fine yourself. Happy New Year in advance. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Ymodulus: 4:38pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
zeb04: Thank you. I love you better than your parents and if you are married better than your hubby. You deserve an award for this post |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Nobody: 5:18pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
zeb04:....and some peeps here are talking forgiveness . Biko, will he die if he doesn't walk her down the aisle  . Imagine burning someone's certificate  . Take it from me, this Papa won't be shocked if Op makes this known to him. Callous fellow  |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by damiso(f): 7:53pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
baby124: We are very well thank you..happy new year in advance to you too |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by cococandy(f): 8:11pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
If I was you blogger OP,he won't be invited to my wedding. Scratch that buy a time machine go back in time and let his assss die in jail since he's too mule headed to know how big a sacrifice it was for your mother to sleep with someone who probably disgusts her just to free him from prison so that he wouldn't die there cos of his condition. Erm just wishing... |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Pavore9: 9:55pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
l have a friend who is married to a Dutch and lives in Canada with their 3 kids, till this very day her father is still yet to collect one naira as dowry on her head and she has promised him he will never get it. People have hurt running deep! |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by IDEApro(m): 10:48pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
cococandy: There is no justification for evil. One is already enough. The man is still his father who saw him through education and what she has became and suddenly, she remains the SINS of a father...haba. Children should be brought up not to take side in family feud. They should imbibed neutrality and accord each parent the needed dues. Marriage is never easy so grown ups understand it is not about father or mother but what is right. |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by cococandy(f): 10:58pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
That's your opinion IDEApro: |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by IDEApro(m): 11:10pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by giftedmum: 11:27pm On Dec 22, 2014 |
my dear I didn't allow my father to walk me down the aisle cos of the pain he caused my mum n my 2 sister.my decision was solely based on the fact dat he had never spent a dime on us bfor.n at that Tim he had mney.he didn't do anything for us after bringing us into the world.my mother sold tomato for 20 yrs to see us thru to sch.so I told my self he won't reap wat he hasn't sawed.now dat it's shining thru God help,he want to pride himself n tel the whole wrld his foolishness. Wat I'm trying to say is,if he's being responsible n played his part in Ur education n well bein den ur actions re not justifiable enuf. he won't b aliv to see anyone else do dat,cos no nobody can by pass him. Gud luck! ! . |
| Re: I Do Not Want My Father To Walk Me Down The Aisle by Nobody: 7:39am On Dec 23, 2014 |
Where in the world is the word "forgiveness" Two wrongs never make a right,move on with life,though not easy,and painful,its better than holding resentment towards him forever.. |
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