I seldomly flog children, if and when I do , I leave the environment because their sobbing leaves me with a taste.
I traveled to the East for Xmas celebration with my children and no doubt they are having great times. Around 6.00 pm I spoke wit my wife over the phone about my ailing baby that couldn't travel with us, thereafter she spoke with my son, charging him to remember her little sick sister in prayers.

About 6.45pm the children called my attention to the disappearance of my boy who refused telling them where he was off to. I was alarmed, bearing in mind the rate of child trafficking especially since a 2 yr old cousin of mine has been missing for about 2 mths now.

my quick search including to the church which is about 10mins walk didn't yield result. Coming back to raise a real search party I saw the young lad upon whom I lashed my first strokes of the cane while asking why and where he went all alone.
He answered he had left for the chapel but had to come back when he thought the gates would be closed. I had already started the flogging wish I could stop, but had to complete the first set of lashing.

calming down to talk with him he confessed he went to pray for his sick sister in the chapel since he knows the way. of course his mothers tongue lashing over the phone added to my re thinking...

peeps, NLanders pls what shouldn't I have done, what should I do

thanks pals!!!

nnewa:
I seldomly flog children, if and when I do , I leave the environment because their sobbing leaves me with a taste.
I traveled to the East for Xmas celebration with my children and no doubt they are having great times. Around 6.00 pm I spoke wit my wife over the phone about my ailing baby that couldn't travel with us, thereafter she spoke with my son, charging him to remember her little sick sister in prayers.

About 6.45pm the children called my attention to the disappearance of my boy who refused telling them where he was off to. I was alarmed, bearing in mind the rate of child trafficking especially since a 2 yr old cousin of mine has been missing for about 2 mths now.

my quick search including to the church which is about 10mins walk didn't yield result. Coming back to raise a real search party I saw the young lad upon whom I lashed my first strokes of the cane while asking why and where he went all alone.
He answered he had left for the chapel but had to come back when he thought the gates would be closed. I had already started the flogging wish I could stop, but had to complete the first set of lashing.

calming down to talk with him he confessed he went to pray for his sick sister in the chapel since he knows the way. of course his mothers tongue lashing over the phone added to my re thinking...

peeps, NLanders pls what shouldn't I have done, what should I do

thanks pals!!!

U can apologise to him. He'll understand. Somethn like 'son, am sorry I flogged u. I was afraid of loosing u to kidnapping dats y I beat u so u wudnt jst go out without telling me. If I'd knwn u went to pray, I wudnt hv flogged u'. And den, u carry him n hug him tightly. I knw dis cud b hard cos d african mentality is not 2 tell sm1 younger u r sorry but u nid 2 drop ur ego n do d right thing

The truth is you are only doing what average Nigerian parents do; it takes a conscious effort to become emotionally strong yet vulnerable to your children.
What if, someone took him and by a quirk of fortune he escaped and found his way home? Would you have beaten him thereby compunding his misery?

The children of these days are different from how we, our elders and parents were. When you lash at them without giving them the chance to say why they did what they did, you make them timid especially as this is the foundation on which they would grow.

Yes, your child did wrong in going out without telling you but if you had sat him and warned him about wandering off, talking to strangers, eating in strange places etc; you won't need to beat the poor lad and even if you had to punish him there are more effective ways than cane marks. Please sit him down, tell him you didn't want to beat him but that you got scared. Educate him on the need to stay safe at all times.

What you have done cannot be undone but you can learn from it. Parenting has evolved, it is more than sending your kids to school, feeding and clothing them. It is consciously building more rounded individuals.

Give him d Cain to beat you back




Just apologise with a gift

Better go n seek dat boy's forgiveness. N tell him how to go abt such thing nxt time.

Next time ask before flogging him. You may have to apologise to him and tell him that you got worried that something bad could have happened to him. Tell him to always tell u before he leaves the house and when he does he has to make sure he leaves with an adult.

What you should have done was scold him thoroughly for leaving without informing you. I don't think you need to apologize even though you were too harsh but call him and make him know you were so worried about his safety which is why you reacted like that. Make him know you like that he wanted to pray for his sister but next time he should inform you before going out.

apologise with a very nice toy car...or watever it is he likes best,nd he'll nevr remembr u even touched him.....worked 4 me wen i was little,all d time.

All dis peeps screaming apologise 2 d kid are pretenders. Are y'all saying you've never flogged a child b4 ? Only on nairaland u see everyone pretending 2 b what they aren't. @op u did d right thing by flogging dat child ! What if something else had happened ? If I were u not only will I flog him, I will threaten to flog him double if he tries it again

I can understand your fear and releif and other emotions at finding your boy, but you should have restrained yourself, but the deed is done now and you have learnt your lesson. Always try to be calm when dealing with children and dont respond in anger. Take a deep breath instead.

You also used the word flog . . .Try not to do that. A smack on the bum will give the same effect, and the kid will know that he has done wrong. You dont have to flog him before he knows this.

You can still talk to the child and explain to him why you reacted the way you did and explain the dangers of going off to him in a language that he understands.

We all make mistakes, its done, the lesson learnt and its time to move on.

Bros you did nothing wrong.
Dont let the fact that your child went to the chapel to pray affect you from thinking you did wrong.
He should have mentioned to anyone in that family that he was going somewhere and your beating him lightly should have passed the message accross.
Kids of nowadays needs to be disciplined. What if he is even lying about going to church?

Rapist, child trafficking, ritual killings, sick people are all over the place and you have made him to know your stand.

However, I am personally not in support of beating kids except of course its an extreme situation of life and death as yours or outright disobedience and indiscipline.

Please, the right thing for me is when you correct your child either through cane or strict communication, you should also try and love them and let them know its for their good and you could get an ice cream and all.

nnewa:
I seldomly flog children, if and when I do , I leave the environment because their sobbing leaves me with a taste.
I traveled to the East for Xmas celebration with my children and no doubt they are having great times. Around 6.00 pm I spoke wit my wife over the phone about my ailing baby that couldn't travel with us, thereafter she spoke with my son, charging him to remember her little sick sister in prayers.

About 6.45pm the children called my attention to the disappearance of my boy who refused telling them where he was off to. I was alarmed, bearing in mind the rate of child trafficking especially since a 2 yr old cousin of mine has been missing for about 2 mths now.

my quick search including to the church which is about 10mins walk didn't yield result. Coming back to raise a real search party I saw the young lad upon whom I lashed my first strokes of the cane while asking why and where he went all alone.
He answered he had left for the chapel but had to come back when he thought the gates would be closed. I had already started the flogging wish I could stop, but had to complete the first set of lashing.

calming down to talk with him he confessed he went to pray for his sick sister in the chapel since he knows the way. of course his mothers tongue lashing over the phone added to my re thinking...

peeps, NLanders pls what shouldn't I have done, what should I do

thanks pals!!!

You're a violent brute.

Rather than stop immediately you realised he was innocent, you just had to save face and keep your pride intact by finishing what you had wrongly started.

How many sets of lashing did you dish out to the poor child? Is your eight year old son a donkey?

I wish the system wasn't broken over there. You deserve to be strung up by social / child welfare services. A spell in jail should help parents like you who act first then think later.

Ahannn small small na.you too dey ves

EfemenaXY:


You're a violent brute.

Rather than stop immediately you realised he was innocent, you just had to save face and keep your pride intact by finishing what you had wrongly started.

How many sets of lashing did you dish out to the poor child? Is your eight year old son a donkey?

I wish the system wasn't broken over there. You deserve to be strung up by social / child welfare services. A spell in jail should help parents like you who act first then think later.

Op oya go and apologise to the little boy. Tell him you're sorry that you were just worried anf concerned. Take all of them to amusement park and make sure je has forgiven you .lobatan

SAMBARRY:
Ahannn small small na.you too dey ves

I am totally against violence to kids. They are vulnerable and defenceless.

There are a thousand and one ways to correct a child without having to resort to flogging them like beasts of burden with whips, shoes, belt buckles, and pepper.

Violence begets violence. It's a vicious cycle.

OP deed is done

Son learns not to leave the house without informing anyone next time and You have learn to ask questions.

Please do not apologize with a gift.

Ok so what will you recommend that he will have done or if you were in his shoes what will you have done. GOD forbid such happens. Various thoughts will be racing through my mind like hope he hasn't been kidnapped hope he hasn't been sold etc.this is nigeria.the way they are hunting for people who leave their chicken carelessly is the same way some crazy peeps are looking for careless parents and if kids are missing I'm sure you know the amount of money and prayer and fasting before the child can be found maybe that's why op got emotional like that. He might not have known that he went over board while flogging him

EfemenaXY:


I am totally against violence to kids. They are vulnerable and defenceless.

There are a thousand and one ways to correct a child without having to resort to flogging them like beasts of burden with whips, shoes, belt buckles, and pepper.

Violence begets violence. It's a vicious cycle.

I see a lot of HYPOCRISY in some of the posts here. Put yourselves in the OPs shoes at that point in time and tell us with all SINCERITY in your heart that you wont do worse. We hear of children missing daily and when you have the opportunity to correct your own we hear trash been said. No society is normal whether you live in Lagos, Sokoto, UK, USA etc and its left for you as the parent to mould your child so that you wont say had i known tomorrow.

@OP i dont believe that a parent will intentionally set out to harm his child. Call your son and other children and give them a heart to heart talk on the dangers of wandering off without informing you or their mum where anyone is going to. Thereafter apologise to him and give him a hug. You did what any concerned parent will do and i believe he will never do such again.

SAMBARRY:
Ok so what will you recommend that he will have done or if you were in his shoes what will you have done. GOD forbid such happens. Various thoughts will be racing through my mind like hope he hasn't been kidnapped hope he hasn't been sold etc.this is nigeria.the way they are hunting for people who leave their chicken carelessly is the same way some crazy peeps are looking for careless parents and if kids are missing I'm sure you know the amount of money and prayer and fasting before the child can be found maybe that's why op got emotional like that. He might not have known that he went over board while flogging him

He ought to have been more vigilant. It goes without saying and it's what I as a parent who had gone visiting with my kid, would have done.

Call me paranoid but when my kids were of that age, I never took my eyes off them for even second. Even when I took them to sometimes crowded parks at winter, I bought ridiculously bright red caps so I could constantly monitor them like CCTV cameras.

@op & his kid had a discussion with wifey about 6:00 p.m. That was the last time he saw his son. Then 6:45 p.m (a whole 45 minutes later) other kids alerted him that his son was missing, meaning if not for them, he would have still remained blissfully unaware of his son's disappearance.

So what does that tell you about his parenting skills? Who really was at fault here? Then to make himself better, he transfers his aggression born out of a guilty conscience onto his eight year old child by maniacally flogging him.

all dese pips posting dey would av done worse,do not understand d processs of bringing up a child.though i am very yung and below age of marriage talk more of giving birth 2 a child,i knw dat if u beat a child wit 1 hand,u gotta bring him back wit d oda.yes d child did wrng and he's learned his lesson in a hard way,but he is still a child and very fragile,he may not understand his dad beat him outta love thats why bringing him back with d orda hand with prolly a gift is d best advice.how many 8 year kids will be concerned enof 2 pray 4 a sick sister?

You better stop all forms of violence to ur kids and start listening to them.

Berthezda:
all dese pips posting dey would av done worse,do not understand d processs of bringing up a child.though i am very yung and below age of marriage talk more of giving birth 2 a child,i knw dat if u beat a child wit 1 hand,u gotta bring him back wit d oda.yes d child did wrng and he's learned his lesson in a hard way,but he is still a child and very fragile,he may not understand his dad beat him outta love thats why bringing him back with d orda hand with prolly a gift is d best advice.how many 8 year kids will be concerned enof 2 pray 4 a sick sister?

Bit of an oxymoron there, innit?

Why are you contradicting yourself in your confusion? You concede that you're still wet behind the ears (too young for marriage, much less giving birth to a child), meaning you're a child yourself, and yet you think you understand the process of bringing up a child better than those who are actual parents, and not fantasizing teenagers behind a keyboard?

Interesting.

I sense that you feel bad. Don't. At that time it was what you thought was the right thing to do. You were probably also afraid. Even though I don't like physical use of force as the future effects are way more than the immediate gain, just calm down and talk to him gently. Tell him never to go anywhere alone again. This is Nigeria, where even the elderly are kidnapped. Also in churches children could be molested. So one has to be so watchful and alert these days. Where were you and your wife in all this? Why were the children watching themselves

baby124:
I sense that you feel bad. Don't. At that time it was what you thought was the right thing to do. You were probably also afraid. Even though I don't like physical use of force as the future effects are way more than the immediate gain, just calm down and talk to him gently. Tell him never to go anywhere alone again. This is Nigeria, where even the elderly are kidnapped. Also in churches children could be molested. So one has to be so watchful and alert these days. Where were you and your wife in all this? Why were the children watching themselves

He should feel very bad.

He was extremely negligent and vented out his frustrations on the child. Even when he realised midway through the flogging that he was wrong, he didn't halt his actions because he felt he just couldn't stop like that.

EfemenaXY:


Bit of an oxymoron there, innit?

Why are you contradicting yourself in your confusion? You concede that you're still wet behind the ears (too young for marriage, much less giving birth to a child), meaning you're a child yourself, and yet you think you understand the process of bringing up a child better than those who are actual parents, and not fantasizing teenagers behind a keyboard?

Interesting.

owkay,my bad,jst gave ma own view tho.

EfemenaXY:


He should feel very bad.

He was extremely negligent and vented out his frustrations on the child. Even when he realised midway through the flogging that he was wrong, he didn't halt his actions because he felt he just couldn't stop like that.

Well what has happened has happened. He also does not know any better and is a product of his environment. For everyone to move on we can't make him keep feeling bad. He also needs to be able to correct and talk to his son with a clear mind. No parent is perfect and they don't get it right all the time. They can only try their best. At that point in time, that was what he thought was best. But now I am sure he knows better.

baby124:

Well what has happened has happened. He also does not know any better and is a product of his environment. For everyone to move on we can't make him keep feeling bad. He also needs to be able to correct and talk to his son with a clear mind. No parent is perfect and they don't get it right all the time. They can only try their best. At that point in time, that was what he thought was best. But now I am sure he knows better.

He deserves to be flogged.

Okay lets put this in perspective. If his 8 year old son was left in the care of say, a 14 year old housegirl, and she came up to him to say she "lost" the child about 45 minutes ago, what do you honestly think his reaction towards her would have been? I can bet you he would have come down heavy on her, and blaming her for being careless whilst beating her to an inch of her life.

EfemenaXY:

He deserves to be flogged.
Okay lets put this in perspective. If his 8 year old son was left in the care of say, a 14 year old housegirl, and she came up to him to say she "lost" the child about 45 minutes ago, what do you honestly think his reaction towards her would have been? I can bet you he would have come down heavy on her, and blaming her for being careless whilst beating her to an inch of her life.

Thank you, to us beating is everything. Its our first and last reaction.
What happened to asking the child what happened first? What happened to talking with the child so he can understand the dangers of his actions? Must we inflict pain before we feel those below us will learn?

Poster you should have stopped but ego and whatever it is wired in our brains that makes us feel parents are always right and cant be seen as weak made you go on despite knowing you were wrong.

Apologise to the boy, talk with him and work on yourself. Clear you mind of that beat first mentality. It has only produced hostile or docile kids. The rod doesn't solve everything. Our brains should.
And like you said if he was left in the care of a maid the maid would have received some slaps too.

If you are feeling guity which i know u are, then u need to apologize telling him why u did what u did.