This Wife Sent This To Our Facebook Community Page (Nigerian Papalette).

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This Wife Needs Your Advice

Please, do not show my ID. I am a mother of 3 lovely kids. 2girls and 1 boy. My husband encouraged me to buy a plot of land, I give him the money and he actually bought the land. After 6 years of marriage by d grace of God he has two houses. He said d two houses is for his son, that he is not thinking of building any house for his daughters because when they get married, their husband will take over their property. I tried to convince him to no avail. So I said since that is the case, he should support me to build a plaza on that land I bought on behalf of our daughters. My husband disagreed that a woman will not build a hut while she is still in his house. For peace sake I kept quite. But am still thinking why did he advice me to buy that land? If i should leave the land just like that the community might sell it to some body else. What should I do?if I should sell it off he will use d money the way he likes. Even if I decide to save it in the kids account my husband must look for a way to collect it. Please I need advice from u all. Thanks

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nigerian-Papalette/312263085651212?fref=ts

Build the plaza in her name, make her daughters the heirs in her will and clearly state that it will not form part of their matrimonial property, it should remain part of their separate estate. Maybe the husband might just become less difficult for no reason

In the first place your hubby is wrong to have said he built the houses for his son only. Our lives are not with us,but for God who can call any of us to Him at due time. God forbid,what if the son goes before him? Besides,your man seems to be a very strict man and so you may lose your marriage if you insist going ahead to develop the land.

However,I will advice you invite his family people,your people,his friends and your pastor or imam to help intervene seriously in the matter. It's not a war you can fight alone in silence. Our advice online may even worsen matter since we DON'T know you guys at all.

All the best!

Ask him why he asked you to buy the land, there might be something running in his mind

Did you know his attitude towards women before I.e. during courtship?

Whatever the case, you need to reply build up your daughter with words and actions before she begins to feel inferior

bukatyne:
Ask him why he asked you to buy the land, there might be something running in his mind

Did you know his attitude towards women before I.e. during courtship?

Whatever the case, you need to reply build up your daughter with words and actions before she begins to feel inferior

Seconded..

damiso:



Seconded..

Happy new year

Sweetmarriage:
This Wife Sent This To Our Facebook Community Page (Nigerian Papalette).

Useful And Constructive Comments Only.
This Wife Needs Your Advice

Please, do not show my ID. I am a mother of 3 lovely kids. 2girls and 1 boy. My husband encouraged me to buy a plot of land, I give him the money and he actually bought the land. After 6 years of marriage by d grace of God he has two houses. He said d two houses is for his son, that he is not thinking of building any house for his daughters because when they get married, their husband will take over their property. I tried to convince him to no avail. So I said since that is the case, he should support me to build a plaza on that land I bought on behalf of our daughters. My husband disagreed that a woman will not build a hut while she is still in his house. For peace sake I kept quite. But am still thinking why did he advice me to buy that land? If i should leave the land just like that the community might sell it to some body else. What should I do?if I should sell it off he will use d money the way he likes. Even if I decide to save it in the kids account my husband must look for a way to collect it. Please I need advice from u all. Thanks

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nigerian-Papalette/312263085651212?fref=ts

@ bolded. What the ...? Is this for real? Husbands takes over the woman's inheritance when she gets married? In 2015? Naija I hail thee.

Tufiakwa.

ileobatojo:


@ bolded. What the ...? Is this for real? Husbands takes over the woman's inheritance when she gets married? In 2015? Naija I hail thee.

Tufiakwa.

Why do you sound surprised? That's not new

elantraceey:


Why do you sound surprised? That's not new

I'd never heard of it before so I am surprised and very appalled.

I dnt understand. You bought a land and you want to build a plazza on it. Whats stopping you? were the two houses owned by your husband built on the same land you bought? You didnt ask your husband why he asked you to buy a land and ure surprised that he is the one taking the decisions on what to use the land for? This woman sef.

bukatyne:


Happy new year

Same to you ..may it be a fruitful productive and healthy one for us all by His Grace

Some husbands sha.
What is the problem with your idea? Na wa ooo.
I think you should reason with him sha.
It is well.

Hmmmm

damiso:




Same to you ..may it be a fruitful productive and healthy one for us all by His Grace

Amen

ileobatojo:


I'd never heard of it before so I am surprised and very appalled.

lmao. You ain't seen nothing yet.

your hubby belonged to that 18th century folks who believed that women should be seen and not be ...... dear you should take him to see your pastor or better still tell him this is the 21century that women should be treated with dignity and respect.smh

Allot of women these days buy land and erect houses without the husband even knowing, so men have grown very weary of such moves.

MY dear you took the wrong approach.

A man can plan something for the event of his demise but you cannot plan for the event of the man`s demise. Get what I am saying. This is for my daughters when you are gone.. and then he gets scared and begins to think that the next step is to waste him. Even this has happened often enough.
When you bought the land you gave him the money to buy it for you. At that point you submitted to him and signaled him that he is the head of the family. You also probably had that money because of his contribution in your life. Now you want to develop the land as you deem fit ,no longer through him . How do you compare a plaza with a house. And I guess your husband can foresee what you would turn into running a plaza.
Landed property is different from any other property. The way it is bought also has a certain significance.
Someone changed...YOU Changed.
You are lucky to have a good man that can fend for you. How many men have even one house. But now you want more and more and I hope you do not want to break your home. I had a friend with a slightly similar issue. Today the are divorced and both she and her husband have mental issues. The struggle for the land got very intense involving both families.

Please go back and apologize to your husband and seek his advise of what is to be done with the land. Plead with him to consider what you want and let him take the decision. Then abide by it!

mutter:
Allot of women these days buy land and erect houses without the husband even knowing, so men have grown very weary of such moves.

MY dear you took the wrong approach.

A man can plan something for the event of his demise but you cannot plan for the event of the man`s demise. Get what I am saying. This is for my daughters when you are gone.. and then he gets scared and begins to think that the next step is to waste him. Even this has happened often enough.
When you bought the land you gave him the money to buy it for you. At that point you submitted to him and signaled him that he is the head of the family. You also probably had that money because of his contribution in your life. Now you want to develop the land as you deem fit ,no longer through him . How do you compare a plaza with a house. And I guess your husband can foresee what you would turn into running a plaza.
Landed property is different from any other property. The way it is bought also has a certain significance.
Someone changed...YOU Changed.
You are lucky to have a good man that can fend for you. How many men have even one house. But now you want more and more and I hope you do not want to break your home. I had a friend with a slightly similar issue. Today the are divorced and both she and her husband have mental issues. The struggle for the land got very intense involving both families.

Please go back and apologize to your husband and seek his advise of what is to be done with the land. Plead with him to consider what you want and let him take the decision. Then abide by it!

:oA woman actually wrote this jesu!oko opo ooooo!!! smdh,madam this is bullshit

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mutter:
Allot of women these days buy land and erect houses without the husband even knowing, so men have grown very weary of such moves.

MY dear you took the wrong approach.

A man can plan something for the event of his demise but you cannot plan for the event of the man`s demise. Get what I am saying. This is for my daughters when you are gone.. and then he gets scared and begins to think that the next step is to waste him. Even this has happened often enough.
When you bought the land you gave him the money to buy it for you. At that point you submitted to him and signaled him that he is the head of the family. You also probably had that money because of his contribution in your life. Now you want to develop the land as you deem fit ,no longer through him . How do you compare a plaza with a house. And I guess your husband can foresee what you would turn into running a plaza.
Landed property is different from any other property. The way it is bought also has a certain significance.
Someone changed...YOU Changed.
You are lucky to have a good man that can fend for you. How many men have even one house. But now you want more and more and I hope you do not want to break your home. I had a friend with a slightly similar issue. Today the are divorced and both she and her husband have mental issues. The struggle for the land got very intense involving both families.

Please go back and apologize to your husband and seek his advise of what is to be done with the land. Plead with him to consider what you want and let him take the decision. Then abide by it!

Not Bullshit but realshit created by human shit

Correct unadulterated advise. Better learn so that you don`t make the same mistake.

Who says the man must die first?
Can't the woman get landed property for her children in case she dies?
Or is any property bequeathed to the kids done under the impression that it is for them to survive on in case the man dies?

It is this kind of advice that will turn a rich woman's children into housemaids because she wasn't wise enough to look out for them while she was alive and they end up being servants to the new wife's kids after their mom passes away.

When you're dead will you be there to control how the new wife twists the man's head and mind? Will you be there to turn the children's inheritance back to them when she makes the husband sign them off to her own kids?

Don't always believe a man will die first. Things happen.
if I'm rich nobody can stop me from securing my children's future with whatever I can afford just because they are girls.

Typically and ideally it should be done together as a family because the husband and wife's money should belong to both of them as one but if the man is the kind of man in this OP, I won't mind going behind his back to secure my children's future.

mutter:
Allot of women these days buy land and erect houses without the husband even knowing, so men have grown very weary of such moves.

MY dear you took the wrong approach.

A man can plan something for the event of his demise but you cannot plan for the event of the man`s demise. Get what I am saying. This is for my daughters when you are gone.. and then he gets scared and begins to think that the next step is to waste him. Even this has happened often enough.
When you bought the land you gave him the money to buy it for you. At that point you submitted to him and signaled him that he is the head of the family. You also probably had that money because of his contribution in your life. Now you want to develop the land as you deem fit ,no longer through him . How do you compare a plaza with a house. And I guess your husband can foresee what you would turn into running a plaza.
Landed property is different from any other property. The way it is bought also has a certain significance.
Someone changed...YOU Changed.
You are lucky to have a good man that can fend for you. How many men have even one house. But now you want more and more and I hope you do not want to break your home. I had a friend with a slightly similar issue. Today the are divorced and both she and her husband have mental issues. The struggle for the land got very intense involving both families.

Please go back and apologize to your husband and seek his advise of what is to be done with the land. Plead with him to consider what you want and let him take the decision. Then abide by it!

When will Nigerians move past the mentality of the male child is better. I feel sad pissed that a modern man will go to the extent of making only the sons his beneficiaries, is the female child that bad.

On Ajimobi's thread yesterday, someone said a house without a male is incomplete. Please, what makes it incomplete? I know what my parents have achieved through the girl child, and we have a boy.

This is enough to cause an issue in the family, and deep hatred among the siblings, but the mother was tolerable enough to take an option of also keeping an inheritance for the girl child, which I don't see as a competition.

I had a friend whose family has been torn apart, because the parents opted to train the boys to school, and the girl to marry. But now, she's far more successful than them.

Why the fear of future husband sabotaging her inheritance I don't blame some women that go secretive about their investments.

Taking legal action here in Nigeria may even shatter the family. So, she should try to involve family, for a resolve. If it's futile, she should leave the land for the man or vacant (yes, make that sacrifice for peace sake). But really try to buy another and secretly develop it. Yes, I said secretly . She has been considerate enough.


PS: All those feminist here, shey una dey hear. Be forming Miss independent and all, acquiring heaven and earth before you marry, the man may takeover .

There's a level of foolishness you may have to show to save your marriage sometimes, except you're not ready to stay married.

Enemy of progress. FLEEEE

Jamean:
.

booking space,anyway I say she take the mumu to court.

Jamean:
When will Nigerians move past the mentality of the male child is better. I feel sad pissed that a modern man will go to the extent of making only the sons his beneficiaries, is the female child that bad.

On Ajimobi's thread yesterday, someone said a house without a male is incomplete. Please, what makes it incomplete? I know what my parents have achieved through the girl child, and we have a boy.

This is enough to cause an issue in the family, and deep hatred among the siblings, but the mother was tolerable enough to take an option of also keeping an inheritance for the girl child, which I don't see as a competition.

I had a friend whose family has been torn apart, because the parents opted to train the boys to school, and the girl to marry. But now, she's far more successful than them.

Why the fear of future husband sabotaging her inheritance I don't blame some women that go secretive about their investments.

Taking legal action here in Nigeria may even shatter the family. So, she should try to involve family, for a resolve. If it's futile, she should leave the land for the man or vacant (yes, make that sacrifice for peace sake). But really try to buy another and secretly develop it. Yes, I said secretly . She has been considerate enough.


PS: All those feminist here, shey una dey hear. Be forming Miss independent and all, acquiring heaven and earth before you marry, the man may takeover .

There's a level of foolishness you may have to show to save your marriage sometimes, except you're not ready to stay married.

hmmm ii concur with ur view

Nairalanders sha...

@madam o.p, your husband got lands to secure his sons future doesn't in anyway mean he isn't planning for his (as well) daughters future.
Land in the African context is very important and Stays in the family, hence it is Usually passed on to the males who will. 'carry on the family name'.
I personally don't see the issue with that.

The man also seems like one trying to secure his family's future..he's got 2houses (~2 land areas), but also saw it fit t provide 1for u in case....

Ur insistence to build a plaza for YOUR daughters even after he has explained his reasons why smacks of unnecessary competitiveness and dubious motives. why a plaza and not houses,or an estate or something??
Why not discuss with him and make him see reasons by whatever means u know how to.
Did u even ask wat plans he has to secure his daughters future.



I honestly think the o.p is fighting a proxy war using the daughters as an excuse.

Beware of those telling you to involve the external family into something that can be resolved very simply internally.

#advicesareusuallycheaperthantheyaresold.



Peace