Personally, i believe raising a child in African way is one of the best when it comes to behavioural aspect which i believe a lot of people can also agree with me. Being raised in African way can go a long way in a child's life later in life, though it may seem as if your parents don't love you but one gets to understand and realise the benefits of one's parent's instruction, rebuke and punishment as adulthood sets it.
Having thought of how civilization and technology has turned children and even adults into nowadays, it really gives me concern as per the level of moral decadence in our society. Being a parent in African setting can at least give one the privilege to rebuke/ scold your child if they behave in ways contrast to the norm of the society. There's a very huge limit to what you can do as an African parent in Western Countries if you don't want Social services to get involved in your case. Though some parents try their best but a very low percentage of these children yield positive result. please, is there any way forward?

Not possible.
They are not in Africa!

The thing about African, and most societies other than western, is that child rearing and most of one's life is surrounded by community. It's community that upholds what morals a parent imposes on a child. Moral decadence etc will be scorned and actions are taken by the community at large concerning towards the individual in question.

So to answer your question, the simple answer is to surround yourself with like-minded people who hail from around where you are from. One's you can trust that also have children, elders etc that can be support and encouragement to help guide your kids in the right way.

Yes, in this part of the world, we tend to let the government be the one to turn to, but the problem is that it's more disciplinary towards the parent and not supportive of the family unit. So I'd read up on laws, concerning child rearing and discipline etc and keep yourself in the confine of the law.

One final piece of advise, because the kids here tend to be entitled. I'd encourage you to organize at least 2 village trips for the kids to spend like 1 month back home in a rural environment. Once at 8 years and another if needed during early teens like 13-14, it will administer the fear of God and some dose of humility into the child. My mom sent for 2 months to Jamaica in the country at the age of 9, man I came back a focused and obedient little girl.

teeghurl:
Personally, i believe raising a child in African way is one of the best when it comes to behavioural aspect which i believe a lot of people can also agree with me. Being raised in African way can go a long way in a child's life later in life, though it may seem as if your parents don't love you but one gets to understand and realise the benefits of one's parent's instruction, rebuke and punishment as adulthood sets it.
Having thought of how civilization and technology has turned children and even adults into nowadays, it really gives me concern as per the level of moral decadence in our society. Being a parent in African setting can at least give one the privilege to rebuke/ scold your child if they behave in ways contrast to the norm of the society. There's a very huge limit to what you can do as an African parent in Western Countries if you don't want Social services to get involved in your case. Though some parents try their best but a very low percentage of these children yield positive result. please, is there any way forward?

I don't know which "diaspora" has formed your views but I can assure you that Social Services do not just show up and/or take drastic action for no reason. Hiding behind discipline, a lot of parents practise parent brutality, subjecting kids to punishment that is inhuman once you loosen your mental shackles and think of it properly. People usually get into trouble with Social services when discipline becomes borderline or actual torture or delivery of gross physical discomfort to the child. There are exceptions but most times, that is the case.

A common example is spanking. I don't have any problem with reasonable spanking, not "flogging" o and not "beating." If that is what your child understands, fine but if that doesn't get through to him/her and you want to turn to brutality, then you deserve all that Social Services has to offer. It is no longer spanking when you descend on a child with weapons like your belt, or you are delivering ten strokes of whatever. If Getting through to the child is taking all that physical toll on you, you need another solution. You have resorted to brutality in order to intimidate and you are simply letting loose your own frustrations. When you administer physical torture and suffering, it is no longer about discipline, you are only fooling yourself.

I have spanked my kids in the past but I can count the number of times because I realized the spanking is just a physical lash out at the child, it is not necessarily about correction. I find that when you spend time getting to know your children, living your own life as an example and deliberately influencing their behavior through your words and actions, backed up with good moral reinforcement, the odds are high that they will receive the values you impart.

So, when it comes to raising the African way, all I can say is that your children's behavior are a reflection of their upbringing and their upbringing directly reflects how you have discharged your duties and obligations to them as a parent. Whether in or outside Africa, these rules hold the same. You do not have to be in a African setting to enjoy the privilege of "rebuking or punishing" a child. Parents outside of Africa rebuke and punish too but parent brutality is not tolerated by the authorities - that is the difference.

Moral decadence happens everywhere, in and out of Africa. When you choose to birth a child, you are signifying a willingness to set that child in the right path. If you have no inclination towards raising a well formed child, you are doing said child a disservice. The problem is people want to have children but not be accountable for raising them properly so it's easier to blame it all on moral decadence and the environment as if the same things are not happening in Africa.

With all that I have seen, I am not convinced that the African way is necessarily the best. Any system that turns out children with the correct value system and who can think beyond themselves is the best IMO.

With regards to "a very low percentage of these children yield positive result" I am curious to know the specifics of this assertion maybe because I know many families raising great kids with a solid value system and with their heads screwed on straight even without parent brutality.

Ooops! I can't believe how much I wrote!

no kissing.

ie dont kiss them.

what we call peck in nigeria.

You saved me the long type.

Agree totally

MMotimo:


I don't know which "diaspora" has formed your views but I can assure you that Social Services do not just show up and/or take drastic action for no reason. Hiding behind discipline, a lot of parents practise parent brutality, subjecting kids to punishment that is inhuman once you loosen your mental shackles and think of it properly. People usually get into trouble with Social services when discipline becomes borderline or actual torture or delivery of gross physical discomfort to the child. There are exceptions but most times, that is the case.

A common example is spanking. I don't have any problem with reasonable spanking, not "flogging" o and not "beating." If that is what your child understands, fine but if that doesn't get through to him/her and you want to turn to brutality, then you deserve all that Social Services has to offer. It is no longer spanking when you descend on a child with weapons like your belt, or you are delivering ten strokes of whatever. If Getting through to the child is taking all that physical toll on you, you need another solution. You have resorted to brutality in order to intimidate and you are simply letting loose your own frustrations. When you administer physical torture and suffering, it is no longer about discipline, you are only fooling yourself.

I have spanked my kids in the past but I can count the number of times because I realized the spanking is just a physical lash out at the child, it is not necessarily about correction. I find that when you spend time getting to know your children, living your own life as an example and deliberately influencing their behavior through your words and actions, backed up with good moral reinforcement, the odds are high that they will receive the values you impart.

So, when it comes to raising the African way, all I can say is that your children's behavior are a reflection of their upbringing and their upbringing directly reflects how you have discharged your duties and obligations to them as a parent. Whether in or outside Africa, these rules hold the same. You do not have to be in a African setting to enjoy the privilege of "rebuking or punishing" a child. Parents outside of Africa rebuke and punish too but parent brutality is not tolerated by the authorities - that is the difference.

Moral decadence happens everywhere, in and out of Africa. When you choose to birth a child, you are signifying a willingness to set that child in the right path. If you have no inclination towards raising a well formed child, you are doing said child a disservice. The problem is people want to have children but not be accountable for raising them properly so it's easier to blame it all on moral decadence and the environment as if the same things are not happening in Africa.

With all that I have seen, I am not convinced that the African way is necessarily the best. Any system that turns out children with the correct value system and who can think beyond themselves is the best IMO.

With regards to "a very low percentage of these children yield positive result" I am curious to know the specifics of this assertion maybe because I know many families raising great kids with a solid value system and with their heads screwed on straight even without parent brutality.

Ooops! I can't believe how much I wrote!

MMotimo:


I don't know which "diaspora" has formed your views but I can assure you that Social Services do not just show up and/or take drastic action for no reason. Hiding behind discipline, a lot of parents practise parent brutality, subjecting kids to punishment that is inhuman once you loosen your mental shackles and think of it properly. People usually get into trouble with Social services when discipline becomes borderline or actual torture or delivery of gross physical discomfort to the child. There are exceptions but most times, that is the case.

A common example is spanking. I don't have any problem with reasonable spanking, not "flogging" o and not "beating." If that is what your child understands, fine but if that doesn't get through to him/her and you want to turn to brutality, then you deserve all that Social Services has to offer. It is no longer spanking when you descend on a child with weapons like your belt, or you are delivering ten strokes of whatever. If Getting through to the child is taking all that physical toll on you, you need another solution. You have resorted to brutality in order to intimidate and you are simply letting loose your own frustrations. When you administer physical torture and suffering, it is no longer about discipline, you are only fooling yourself.

I have spanked my kids in the past but I can count the number of times because I realized the spanking is just a physical lash out at the child, it is not necessarily about correction. I find that when you spend time getting to know your children, living your own life as an example and deliberately influencing their behavior through your words and actions, backed up with good moral reinforcement, the odds are high that they will receive the values you impart.

So, when it comes to raising the African way, all I can say is that your children's behavior are a reflection of their upbringing and their upbringing directly reflects how you have discharged your duties and obligations to them as a parent. Whether in or outside Africa, these rules hold the same. You do not have to be in a African setting to enjoy the privilege of "rebuking or punishing" a child. Parents outside of Africa rebuke and punish too but parent brutality is not tolerated by the authorities - that is the difference.

Moral decadence happens everywhere, in and out of Africa. When you choose to birth a child, you are signifying a willingness to set that child in the right path. If you have no inclination towards raising a well formed child, you are doing said child a disservice. The problem is people want to have children but not be accountable for raising them properly so it's easier to blame it all on moral decadence and the environment as if the same things are not happening in Africa.

With all that I have seen, I am not convinced that the African way is necessarily the best. Any system that turns out children with the correct value system and who can think beyond themselves is the best IMO.

With regards to "a very low percentage of these children yield positive result" I am curious to know the specifics of this assertion maybe because I know many families raising great kids with a solid value system and with their heads screwed on straight even without parent brutality.

Ooops! I can't believe how much I wrote!

You know, I was surprised when I realized that kids don't seem to need pain to behave. I watch my nephew and niece for my brother generally. Earlier when I spanked them I used a pencil and it was a few strokes. They'd bawl and adjust their behavior. Today if I spank at all, it's the same pencil and it only takes one stroke for them to behave. And sometimes I'd marvel that it's only a tap that makes them cry.

I think that what they react to is disapproval from an adult that they respect not merely pain. Pain is good for a reminder but it doesn't appear to be necessary all the time. Like you said, and as I've observed too, kids look for a role model. They're true copycats and are always looking for a leader to follow. If you give them one the need for spanking is drastically reduced, generally speaking.

Spanking appears to be necessary just for when they try to push moral limits and figure out what they can get away with. And that appears to occur when they're trying to identify a leader. At least, that's what being around my nephew and niece has taught me.

I think that people should get their own heads screwed on right before having kids. I think it's the frustration from seeing kids behaving erratically because you don't have the discipline to set proper examples and supervise them in copying you that makes parents get unnecessarily violent with their kids.

MMotimo:


I don't know which "diaspora" has formed your views but I can assure you that Social Services do not just show up and/or take drastic action for no reason. Hiding behind discipline, a lot of parents practise parent brutality, subjecting kids to punishment that is inhuman once you loosen your mental shackles and think of it properly. People usually get into trouble with Social services when discipline becomes borderline or actual torture or delivery of gross physical discomfort to the child. There are exceptions but most times, that is the case.

A common example is spanking. I don't have any problem with reasonable spanking, not "flogging" o and not "beating." If that is what your child understands, fine but if that doesn't get through to him/her and you want to turn to brutality, then you deserve all that Social Services has to offer. It is no longer spanking when you descend on a child with weapons like your belt, or you are delivering ten strokes of whatever. If Getting through to the child is taking all that physical toll on you, you need another solution. You have resorted to brutality in order to intimidate and you are simply letting loose your own frustrations. When you administer physical torture and suffering, it is no longer about discipline, you are only fooling yourself.

I have spanked my kids in the past but I can count the number of times because I realized the spanking is just a physical lash out at the child, it is not necessarily about correction. I find that when you spend time getting to know your children, living your own life as an example and deliberately influencing their behavior through your words and actions, backed up with good moral reinforcement, the odds are high that they will receive the values you impart.

So, when it comes to raising the African way, all I can say is that your children's behavior are a reflection of their upbringing and their upbringing directly reflects how you have discharged your duties and obligations to them as a parent. Whether in or outside Africa, these rules hold the same. You do not have to be in a African setting to enjoy the privilege of "rebuking or punishing" a child. Parents outside of Africa rebuke and punish too but parent brutality is not tolerated by the authorities - that is the difference.

Moral decadence happens everywhere, in and out of Africa. When you choose to birth a child, you are signifying a willingness to set that child in the right path. If you have no inclination towards raising a well formed child, you are doing said child a disservice. The problem is people want to have children but not be accountable for raising them properly so it's easier to blame it all on moral decadence and the environment as if the same things are not happening in Africa.

With all that I have seen, I am not convinced that the African way is necessarily the best. Any system that turns out children with the correct value system and who can think beyond themselves is the best IMO.

With regards to "a very low percentage of these children yield positive result" I am curious to know the specifics of this assertion maybe because I know many families raising great kids with a solid value system and with their heads screwed on straight even without parent brutality.

Ooops! I can't believe how much I wrote!

thanks for your contribution ma'am

KanwuliaJara:
Not possible.
They are not in Africa!

how is it not possible my dear, can you shed more light on your point?

teeghurl:
Personally, i believe raising a child in African way is one of the best when it comes to behavioural aspect which i believe a lot of people can also agree with me. Being raised in African way can go a long way in a child's life later in life, though it may seem as if your parents don't love you but one gets to understand and realise the benefits of one's parent's instruction, rebuke and punishment as adulthood sets it.
Having thought of how civilization and technology has turned children and even adults into nowadays, it really gives me concern as per the level of moral decadence in our society. Being a parent in African setting can at least give one the privilege to rebuke/ scold your child if they behave in ways contrast to the norm of the society. There's a very huge limit to what you can do as an African parent in Western Countries if you don't want Social services to get involved in your case. Though some parents try their best but a very low percentage of these children yield positive result. please, is there any way forward?

The only way forward is to bring them back to Africa where they will learn morals or rather where they will be designed to act the way u like. I don't want to agree totally with u that training a child in the African way is the best. We all have different culture. In Africa we believe we train children better likewise the western world believe they do better interms of upbringing.

But I like the way the west do theirs o. Like my Son wey I use like 35yrs senior make him dey call me "hey Komek". He go wake up for morning, he go hala "hey popsy hw u doing", not goodmorning or Ojiba. Nne, I like am o...lol

komek:


The only way forward is to bring them back to Africa where they will learn morals or rather where they will be designed to act the way u like. I don't want to agree totally with u that training a child in the African way is the best. We all have different culture. In Africa we believe we train children better likewise the western world believe they do better interms of upbringing.

But I like the way the west do theirs o. Like my Son wey I use like 35yrs senior make him dey call me "hey Komek". He go wake up for morning, he go hala "hey popsy hw u doing", not goodmorning or Ojiba. Nne, I like am o...lol

Lol, so you prefer the "sup popsie" to "Goodmorning dad" Different strokes 4 different folks bro. Tnx 4 ur contribution

teeghurl:
how is it not possible my dear, can you shed more light on your point?

You can never be AFRICANS outside AFRICA.
You will go to JAIL!
Everything about the 'AFRICAN LIFE' is crooked!
Period!

teeghurl:
Lol, so you prefer the "sup popsie" to "Goodmorning dad" Different strokes 4 different folks bro. Tnx 4 ur contribution

As an African man who provides virtually everything for his family, if u open ur mouth and tell me sup popsie, u will start paying ur bills.

The african way is not the best way.

KanwuliaJara:


You can never be AFRICANS outside AFRICA.
You will go to JAIL!
Everything about the 'AFRICAN LIFE' is crooked!
Period!

your own opinion though

selfoss:
The african way is not the best way.

I said ONE of the Best ways o

teeghurl:
I said ONE of the Best ways o

ehnn..ok

but our way get as e be. too much discipline on top nothing..

komek:


As an African man who provides virtually everything for his family, if u open ur mouth and tell me sup popsie, u will start paying ur bills.

that's part of the morals we r talking about. It doesn't necessarily means you flogging them, there r so many ways you can pass your instructions across and be firm with it

komek:


As an African man who provides virtually everything for his family, if u open ur mouth and tell me sup popsie, u will start paying ur bills.

chiior.. sup popsie is a curse or

shakara oloje..

selfoss:


chiior.. sup popsie is a curse or


shakara oloje..

U mean u wake in the morning and tell ur old man sup popsie? Anyway it may not be an insult but u have to start paying ur bills. To me it shows we are equals. Therefore, everybody must sort himself.

komek:


U mean u wake in the morning and tell ur old man sup popsie? Anyway it may not be an insult but u have to start paying ur bills. To me it shows we are equals. Therefore, everybody must sort himself.

Ok o.. Chief komek

In my opinion a lot of Nigerian parents in the diaspora don't actually raise their children. The eldest child who could be as young as 8 years is left in charge at home while the younger kids are babysat by Messers 50Cent and SnoopDawg (or other bad TV influences).

Then when the kids start acting up at around 11 or 12 years, only then does dad decide to send them home for their "African training", something which should have taken place from birth.

2CatWoman:
In my opinion a lot of Nigerian parents in the diaspora don't actually raise their children. The eldest child who could be as young as 8 years is left in charge at home while the younger kids are babysat by Messers 50Cent and SnoopDawg (or other bad TV influences).

Then when the kids start acting up at around 11 or 12 years, only then does dad decide to send them home for their "African training", something which should have taken place from birth.

2CatWoman:
In my opinion a lot of Nigerian parents in the diaspora don't actually raise their children. The eldest child who could be as young as 8 years is left in charge at home while the younger kids are babysat by Messers 50Cent and SnoopDawg (or other bad TV influences).

Then when the kids start acting up at around 11 or 12 years, only then does dad decide to send them home for their "African training", something which should have taken place from birth.

This is so true. Because of the 9-5 and beyond, and the hussle to pay bills and send money home, incompetent guardians and babysitters raise the kids.

I remember in high school in Nigeria, there was always an influx of these kids in the SS1 sets. Their parents bring them from "abroad" when they're 13/14 years old to de-westernize them (a.k.a remove the rude and indiscipline bones from their bodies).

They were always sooooooo rude, crass and uncouth. Some adjust by the time they write WAEC. Some of them don't.

Point is, there has to be a balance, either in africa or in dispora.

some parents, in the quest of westernizing themselves, lose control in training their kids till it's too late. That kid may end up living in Africa later and they struggle to fit in, even among the elite.
A well trained kid should be able to fit in anywhere he finds himself.

BABE3:


This is so true. Because of the 9-5 and beyond, and the hussle to pay bills and send money home, incompetent guardians and babysitters raise the kids.

I remember in high school in Nigeria, there was always an influx of these kids in the SS1 sets. Their parents bring them from "abroad" when they're 13/14 years old to de-westernize them (a.k.a remove the rude and indiscipline bones from their bodies).

They were always sooooooo rude, crass and uncouth. Some adjust by the time they write WAEC. Some of them don't.

Point is, there has to be a balance, either in africa or in dispora.

some parents, in the quest of westernizing themselves, lose control in training their kids till it's too late. That kid may end up living in Africa later and they struggle to fit in, even among the elite.
A well trained kid should be able to fit in anywhere he finds himself.

well said dear

2CatWoman:
In my opinion a lot of Nigerian parents in the diaspora don't actually raise their children. The eldest child who could be as young as 8 years is left in charge at home while the younger kids are babysat by Messers 50Cent and SnoopDawg (or other bad TV influences).

Then when the kids start acting up at around 11 or 12 years, only then does dad decide to send them home for their "African training", something which should have taken place from birth.

how many of these so-called parents have the time to bring their children up in even western ways nt to talk of african ways. Most of them are busy chasing after money, bills must be paid thereby leaving their responsibilities to these kids' peer groups and technology

teeghurl:
how many of these so-called parents have the time to bring their children up in even western ways nt to talk of african ways. Most of them are busy chasing after money, bills must be paid thereby leaving their responsibilities to these kids' peer groups and technology

Kids and technology these days. Tablets are the new pacifiers.

You enter a home with a 5 yr old kid and you expect him to say "Good afternoon aunty BABE3". But mba, all their focus is on that ipad. They don't even notice when you come and leave.

...or instead of greeting you, first thing they say is "aunty do you have games on your phone? "..

Wtf? who are the jokes raising these kids...

BABE3:


Kids and technology these days. Tablets are the new pacifiers.

You enter a home with a 5 yr old kid and you expect him to say "Good afternoon aunty BABE3". But mba, all their focus is on that ipad. They don't even notice when you come and leave.

...or instead of greeting you, first thing they say is "aunty do you have games on your phone? "..

Wtf? who are the jokes raising these kids...

lol, they defend their actions by telling you African way is too harsh but even the western way which is "Very good" they still don't have the time. Who's decieving who here?

What do you mean "African way"... Are they in Africa?

Brb to share an experience/ observations ...

Ewuro4:
What do you mean "African way"... Are they in Africa?

Brb to share an experience/ observations ...

So because they are not in Africa, they should throw away their manners and culture. They should forget their origin?

teeghurl:
So because they are not in Africa, they should throw away their manners and culture. They should forget their origin?

A lot of African parents put most emphasis on getting good grades and not answering back to them over everything else. Culture is at the bottom of the list. Few diasporian raised kids speak the native language or know much about their ethnic heritage, some don't even carry native names. Good manners should be a universal thing.