uzolexis:


I get you but i really have a problem with the fact that whenever there's an issue, the most common advise pple'll give is "talk to ur Pastor".
IMO her Mum and a sex therapist is in a better position to advise her than any Pastor since her Mum has experience with marriage and there's nothing wrong with the advise her mum gave her.

Okay, lets be objective a little abt dis. Let me ask you, how can a 65 year old mom, who PROBABLY(before u attack me, the emphasis here is on probably) got married in the 70's and has probably spent about 30 years of her life having only missionary style of sex(90% boring sex) with her old-skool husband, and has gotten used to 15 minutes only sessions of sex? Does she even know what it means to have a high libido? Do you know if her mother can do without sex for a whole year, as most women can?

You don't just talk to a mother about sex simply becos she is a mother. You shd ask ur self if ur mother is knowledgeable in this area? Mothers have limited knowledge cos age, experience and knowledge are not synonyms. And experience is only a function of what you know. If you have spent the last 30 years of your life eating only jollof rice, can you teach someone how to prepare coconot rice or carrot rice way u neva even chop before? You have to talk to someone who is learned. Some pastors are learned and some are not. A sex therapist is the best person to talk to, and for your info, some sex therapists dis days are pastors

obongproff:


Okay, lets be objective a little abt dis. Let me ask you, how can a 65 year old mom, who PROBABLY(before u attack me, the emphasis here is on probably) got married in the 70's and has probably spent about 30 years of her life having only missionary style of sex(90% boring sex) with her old-skool husband, and has gotten used to 15 minutes only sessions of sex? Does she even know what it means to have a high libido? Do you know if her mother can do without sex for a whole year, as most women can?

You don't just talk to a mother about sex simply becos she is a mother. You shd ask ur self if ur mother is knowledgeable in this area? Mothers have limited knowledge cos age, experience and knowledge are not synonyms. And experience is only a function of what you know. If you have spent the last 30 years of your life eating only jollof rice, can you teach someone how to prepare coconot rice or carrot rice way u neva even chop before? You have to talk to someone who is learned. Some pastors are learned and some are not. A sex therapist is the best person to talk to, and for your info, some sex therapists dis days are pastors

lol...ok u win, u av a very good point

uzolexis:



lol...ok u win, u av a very good point

sorry ma, I wasn't arguing with you or trying to win you at all. I was only trying to explain myself so dat u can feel me. Thank God say u don finally fell me at last

and I still got ur initial point sha.

obongproff:


sorry ma, I wasn't arguing with you or trying to win you at all. I was only trying to explain myself so dat u can feel me. Thank God say u don finally fell me at last

and I still got ur initial point sha.

we were kinda arguing but objectively and very reasonably and i love the fact that you were able to pass ur pnt across without resorting to name calling cause it's very rare to see that on NL these days.

sheddyboy:
STRICTLY FOR MATURED MINDS
PLEASE (NO INSULTS)
Please i need matured advise...

My name is mrs Ola, you are free to post my story with my name on it, because i want my husband to read it and the comments that will follow it. I got married 4years ago,@ age 27 as a virgin, while my husband was 31, but now 35yrs old. Our marriage is blessed with a baby girl of 2 and half yrs old.

The problem i am about to share is sometin that is killing me gradually.
...

Dear Mrs Ola, I am glad you are on a path of betterment of your marriage's sexual health rather than contemplating an extra-marital affair. I hope you would make your husband see reason with some advice I would be putting up here. Money and Sex issues and not even lack of love top the reasons marriages fail followed third by decisions on children.

Sex in marriage is a fundamental duty of both partners in marriage to one another and as the almighty has put it a force of bonding as such that the great apostle paul mentioned that it could make a man soul clung to a prostitute. Why not have let that soul-tie exist within a holy matrimony. For Mrs Ola to have joined the #notamperingtillmarried I really commend her and I say do not be discouraged by the disapointment of low sex explosion you have always believed in while still holding out.

Operation Seduce Mr Ola

An appropriate solution is needed for a properly identified problem cause.

Case 1: Mr Ola Really Believes Sexual Contact Is A Sin

Forgive us for this sin we are about to commit (Seriously some do this!)

1Co 7:1 Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. A man does well not to marry.
1Co 7:2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.
1Co 7:3 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs.
1Co 7:4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.
1Co 7:5 Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.

- Good News Bible

You guys are married and hence should fulfil each other's sexual needs which paul calls normal marriage relations. If it was just for kids modern science can get the sperm and egg lab built to produce a baby but as a deterrent to immorality paul recommended marriage and as being human it is an appetite like food that needs to be met hence the hunger for it every once in a while.

Playing the "You have a Jezebel spirit card" is wrong as having sex regularly is normal.

How regular? I remember a thread https://www.nairaland.com/2070153/sex-marriage-pastor-taiwo-odukoya by lalasticlala where it was mentioned that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences. A 2-3 times per week is on the average. Some go like once a week and some more for like once or twice per day (guess they have no need chasing money to have that amount of time - why rich people have better sex).

Rather the prayer point should be for Mr Ola to have a higher sex drive and over time a threshold would be reached for the two of you in between.

Case 2: Physical Trauma

a: Lack of body stamina to carry through the process hence leaving him well spent and stressed out.
Let him have revitalizers to regain back his strenght. Don't forget lots of milk

b: Abbrasions from friction causing soreness
Usually a woman's complaint which can be phased out with proper lubrication. Prior to sex, Mrs Ola should consume lots of waterlike an hour or so for the body to produce lubricating fluid required for sex and with good pre-intimacy, the vagina should produce abundant. Some women however still cannot produce adequately (no two people are the same anyways) enough or some other reason or just to play safe, secondary lubricants can be used. E.g your local chemist should have Lubrica or KY Jelly. Our ever popular olive oil like Goya used by church goers as anointing oil is cheaply available and perfectly safe - probably your most common choice (Lubricate the penis shaft). Oil or oil-based lubricants however break latex condoms so keep note to check the contents and switch to water-based lubricants if you are to use a latex condom.

Case 3: Psycological Trauma

Was Mr Ola abused as a kid, did he see something in the past that put him off? You need to have a heart tete-a-tete with him and let him pour out his soul to you.

Alternatively: You Can Masturbate Yourself To Climax

Nowhere in the bible is masturbation called a sin. The misleading is caused by what some call the sin of Onan

Gen 38:8 And Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to your brother.
Gen 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed would not be his. And it happened when he went in to his brother's wife, t[b]hat he spilled on the ground, not giving seed to his brother[/b].
Gen 38:10 And what he did was evil in the eyes of Jehovah. Therefore He killed him also.
- Good News Bible

Onan was killed by God for having sex with his late brother's wife whom he married yet did not want to give her kids in the name of his brother. Just to chop and clean mouth. The semen he spilled on the ground at the time of ejaculation.

Who else is being killed for not giving his brother's wife kids? However if we are to make use of Jesus' defination of immorality

Mat 5:27 You have heard that it was said to the ancients, "You shall not commit adultery."
Mat 5:28 But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
- Good News Bible

it would not apply as immorality to you if the one you sexually affix your attention to is your spouse. This is not a case of wanking off to a picture of some other person in a mag or whatever. (Which in a way means singles should steer clear off masturbating as usually your desire is affixed to someone you are not married to - no technical twisting)

I would paint another picture here. Usually men stroke their John Thomas once in a while to make it stand erect before penetration or woman to get lubricated. What do we call that. Still arguing that it is okay because they are in the process of having sex? What if one party is a little distance away say at the end of the bed, 5 metres away, just stepped into the next room for a brief moment to shush the baby, in the shower, next house, next town. Now you probably have been using distance as a yardstick to measure morality. A rule not laid down in the bible. The main aim is to keep all your sexual desire to only your spouse and not burden/enslave yourself with hearsay nonexistent commandments.

Act 15:1 And certain ones who came down from Judea taught the brothers, saying, Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved.
Act 15:2 Therefore dissension and not a little disputation occurring by Paul and Barnabas, they appointed Paul and Barnabas and certain others of them to go up to Jerusalem to the apostles and elders about this question.
Act 15:9 And He put no difference between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith.
Act 15:10 Now therefore why do you tempt God by putting a yoke on the neck of the disciples, a yoke which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?
Act 15:24 Because we have heard that certain ones who went out from us have troubled you with words, unsettling your souls, saying, Be circumcised and keep the law! (to whom we gave no such command);
Act 15:29 that you abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication; from which, if you keep yourselves, you shall do well. Be prospered.
Act 15:31 And when they had read it, they rejoiced at the comfort.
- Good News Bible

In this case of the converted gentiles, it was settled by them keeping away from idolatry and fornication. Finito.

In Conclusion

I hope your marriage lasts throughout your entire lives and there would be no need to call it quits. Prayer does move mountains and Mr Ola needs to wake up to his manly responsibilities quick. One point or the other he would see reason and Mrs Ola do be gentle with him.

Wishing you well - Teemy

uzolexis:


we were kinda arguing but objectively and very reasonably and i love the fact that you were able to pass ur pnt across without resorting to name calling cause it's very rare to see that on NL these days.

Hay! Some of us are matured na. No be everybody day like do e-fight sha.

and I wd take dat as a compliment

My dear! Are you very sure your husband loves you? Because if he does, there would be no Amount of stress that would make him deprive you of your right or don't you know is your right? must everything be written in the constitution?
Perhaps, he's that type that gets tired of sleeping one particular woman but he should know that, that's what marriage is all about. Find out if he is still active or something had gone wrong with his manhood because his excuse is despicable and inconstitutionalised. He should be proud for having you as a virgin which is very rear this days, come to think of it, if he could do it to an extend of having a baby is it now he perceived it to being a sin? My friend there are some hideous craft that he's shading away from you. Try to find out before any further action. Thanks.

[quote author=milky3 post=29647883][/quote]

Did it occur to you that it was posted by a 'guy'?

SeverusSnape:
Some men see sex as a means to procreation alone.

such men r hypocrite!! Haba wif wife z nt al abt procreation ooo,say wetin .

5minsmadness:
Man harasses woman for sex. Woman complains.
Man does not ask woman for sex. Woman complains.

What do women really want?

Op, sexual incompatibility is not enough to divorce your husband; if not a lot of guys would have left their wives since.

You have been in this relationship for 4yrs, is it that you have been bearing it since or something changed?
In those four years you should have known the kind of things that turn him on. Use them on him more often.

Draw up a timetable for sex. Discuss with him about where the bible says your body is for him and his is for you(since he is a godly man) and tell him that you need this sex so you wont give in to temptation of the flesh. Use his lingo.

Also make yourself sexualIy appealing. Look at yourself honestly; are you overfat? Do you have your bath each night before going to bed? When last did you change your fragrance of perfume?

Don't lie naked on the bed. Most men aren't seduced by that, they prefer a little clothing on. Also don't announce sex to him(except on the timetable days). Men respond to touch a lot so make sure you touch him at every opportunity. An innocent brush of your hand against his manhood and frequent hugging for 'no apparent reason' will stimulate him and make him think naughty thoughts.

Don't nag him about sex. It is a super turn off. Don't tell him things like 'you are not a man!' You are not helping your mission if you do.

When sex does happen on that rare occasion, massage his ego. Tell him he finished work. Greet him in your native language for a job well done. Hug him after and tell him you love him and he satisfies you. All this will egg him on to try it again.

Keep a smile as much as possible around the house. Don't be gloomy. Married men don't do well with gloomy wives.

Finally don't talk to that your aunt/sister again. She doesn't mean well for you. When your children ask you why you divorced when they grow up will you tell them is because you were not getting enough sex? Keep away from bad counsel.

All the best.

You never disappoint me!!!!!

What a world. My story is just the same or even worse than yours. My wife doesn't care if I have urge or not. It is easy. I feel you.
I am being tempted everytime. Mine is already five months now. I will easily fall if I am tempted right now

Maybe he is gay

So sister... So sorry for the pain you're going thru.

He may like it when you two are old. Just keep trying.

[quote author=teemy post=29649606]

Dear Mrs Ola, I am glad you are on a path of betterment of your marriage's sexual health rather than contemplating an extra-marital affair. I hope you would make your husband see reason with some advice I would be putting up here. Money and Sex issues and not even lack of love top the reasons marriages fail followed third by decisions on children.

Sex in marriage is a fundamental duty of both partners in marriage to one another and as the almighty has put it a force of bonding as such that the great apostle paul mentioned that it could make a man soul clung to a prostitute. Why not have let that soul-tie exist within a holy matrimony. For Mrs Ola to have joined the #notamperingtillmarried I really commend her and I say do not be discouraged by the disapointment of low sex explosion you have always believed in while still holding out.

Operation Seduce Mr Ola

An appropriate solution is needed for a properly identified problem cause.

Case 1: Mr Ola Really Believes Sexual Contact Is A Sin

Forgive us for this sin we are about to commit (Seriously some do this!)

1Co 7:1 Now, to deal with the matters you wrote about. A man does well not to marry.
1Co 7:2 But because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.
1Co 7:3 A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs.
1Co 7:4 A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.
1Co 7:5 Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.

- Good News Bible

You guys are married and hence should fulfil each other's sexual needs which paul calls normal marriage relations. If it was just for kids modern science can get the sperm and egg lab built to produce a baby but as a deterrent to immorality paul recommended marriage and as being human it is an appetite like food that needs to be met hence the hunger for it every once in a while.

Playing the "You have a Jezebel spirit card" is wrong as having sex regularly is normal.

How regular? I remember a thread https://www.nairaland.com/2070153/sex-marriage-pastor-taiwo-odukoya by lalasticlala where it was mentioned that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences. A 2-3 times per week is on the average. Some go like once a week and some more for like once or twice per day (guess they have no need chasing money to have that amount of time - why rich people have better sex).

Rather the prayer point should be for Mr Ola to have a higher sex drive and over time a threshold would be reached for the two of you in between.

Case 2: Physical Trauma

a: Lack of body stamina to carry through the process hence leaving him well spent and stressed out.
Let him have revitalizers to regain back his strenght. Don't forget lots of milk

b: Abbrasions from friction causing soreness
Usually a woman's complaint which can be phased out with proper lubrication. Prior to sex, Mrs Ola should consume lots of waterlike an hour or so for the body to produce lubricating fluid required for sex and with good pre-intimacy, the vagina should produce abundant. Some women however still cannot produce adequately (no two people are the same anyways) enough or some other reason or just to play safe, secondary lubricants can be used. E.g your local chemist should have Lubrica or KY Jelly. Our ever popular olive oil like Goya used by church goers as anointing oil is cheaply available and perfectly safe - probably your most common choice (Lubricate the penis shaft). Oil or oil-based lubricants however break latex condoms so keep note to check the contents and switch to water-based lubricants if you are to use a latex condom.

Case 3: Psycological Trauma

Was Mr Ola abused as a kid, did he see something in the past that put him off? You need to have a heart tete-a-tete with him and let him pour out his soul to you.

Alternatively: You Can Masturbate Yourself To Climax

Nowhere in the bible is masturbation called a sin. The misleading is caused by what some call the sin of Onan

Gen 38:8 And Judah said to Onan, Go in to your brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to your brother.
Gen 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed would not be his. And it happened when he went in to his brother's wife, t[b]hat he spilled on the ground, not giving seed to his brother[/b].
Gen 38:10 And what he did was evil in the eyes of Jehovah. Therefore He killed him also.
- Good News Bible

Onan was killed by God for having sex with his l

jadelyn007:
Guys please chill! What do you expect me to tell her? To divorce him? She's the one who will lose, To talk to him? like she hasn't been talking all these years, to pray for him? Like we know how many sleepless praying nights she has had, to manage him like that? Like you know how frustrating an unsatisfying sex life can be. Madam, the easiest and safest option is to cheat discreetly, that way you can still keep your marriage and your sanity. Mind you, be very discreet and careful. You'll find a few women around who can refer a gigolo to you.

N.B: I know most of you that are forming sanctimonious on her case are the ones on the married men patronizing prostitutes thread supporting it so please, spare me!!! This is 2015.

Many of you men would do worse if it were you going through this.

Hoeeeee.

Mrs Ola. All I can say is for you to hook up wif me and ur life will change.. I will f**k u to the extent you will renew ur marriage vows with ur hubby... 3319a393, if he sure for you...

Chei!so na so joystick dey sweet lady?iwish am a lady 4 a day 2 xpernce this sweetest stick,may be after 1 birth he find yu hole wide & loose especially if he has a small stick..sometin is not attracting him.go nude show him yur pinky if he ran away,he need a pschycologist or sexologist.

You need to let your husband know that a woman is at her sexual prime in her 30's. He needs to change that mindset. Having said that, there are people who are just not into sex. It might be that he simply does not have a sex drive. Maybe next time he gets ready to go to work just follow him outside and start humping his car LMAO. He might see how sexually frustrated you are. There's also the option of toys. He might decide to take care of his responsibility when he sees that sex is very important for you. I can't imagine a sexless marriage and I have to give it to people who have to stay in sexless marriages. It takes the grace of God to deal with it

My dear, I really sympathise with you. Sex is meant to be enjoyed in marriage and you have full right to enjoy it. God made it so.

Obviously, doing it just twice a month is not good enough. I can imagine how you feel... So unsatisfied.

But please don't divorce your husband. And don't divorce him either! I think he is a victim of bad religious sex education. Apart from that, there could also be some childhood experience that has affected his attitude to sex. Pls help him to discover emotional healing.

Accept it as a challenge to help him overcome his lack of desir to do the thing always. Like I said, do not cheat on him and don't divorce him either. Humbly and politely discuss your expections about sex with him.

At this juncture, both of you should also seek sexual, marital counselling. A good counsellor could help him tackle the rootcause of the problem.

Above all, also pray about it. Let me assure you, very soon your husband will be asking for it everyday. It is possible.

shomutuski:
Mrs Ola. All I can say is for you to hook up wif me and ur life will change.. I will f**k u to the extent you will renew ur marriage vows with ur hubby... 3319a393, if he sure for you...

Pls stop encouraging her to commit adultery. She wants help with her husband not unholy offer like yours.

madam sit down,is sex a food?

jadelyn007:
my dear just cheat on him. Make sure you are really discreet about it an still give attention to you marriage. You can't live life constantly being starved of sex. Have a side guy Wishing you the best.

If I were her I would ignore this advice. Adultery is a sin. It breaks marriages.

dancok:
madam sit down,is sex a food?

Sex is good in marriage. It meets a hunger food cannot satisfy.

jadelyn007:
my dear just cheat on him. Make sure you are really discreet about it an still give attention to you marriage. You can't live life constantly being starved of sex. Have a side guy Wishing you the best.

wanna blive ur opinion was a joke coz!!!!!!!! Omo I no go like wish u for my enemy o

This is really serious, how can a lady keep her self till marriage and still be denied by 1 foolish man,the lady should just get a divorce and move on with some1 who is ready to satisfy her.

Please where did this Miss Ola woman get the man from? Did she pick him from the gutter or something? Smh.
I don't like it when these women run and marry any man just to be married and the next minute they come to nairaland to shout "Help, he can't f*ck me well enough!" like she just woke up and the husband was forced in on her. Didn't she realize all these at the onset and know to walk away from a man with such limiting thinking faculty? Excuse me, please.

[quote author=princemillla post=29641746]If truly the story is real and you the subject is reading..... I am saying it bodly you are mumu.... How can you base your marriage on sex? Nairalanders, pls advice this illicit fated fellow.. [/quote so on top of what should she base her marriage have u ever been in her shoes, do you know what it means to live with someone you love without having sex, was that her contract with him before they got married... Sex is everything and more in a marriage if u are married u should know that. dear OP I pray that God heals your broken heart caused by the rejection of ur supposed lover... the saying goes that u can take a horse to the stream but u cannot force it to drink water... there is only so much u can do to help him it's for him to make that conscious effort to change meanwhile, love yourself like never before let your happiness come from within change yourself be better than before God knows why He will give you peace and rest.

Everyting seems to be sin to him,
if i sleep Unclad to impress him
he will use big blacket to cover
me in the night, if i wear skipy
clothe within the house he will
ask me to wear another one to
cover up.

Funny, but not funny

princemillla:
If truly the story is real and you the subject is reading..... I am saying it bodly you are mumu.... How can you base your marriage on sex? Nairalanders, pls advice this illicit fated fellow..

How can you say that? IT IS HER CONJUGAL RIGHT!!! She did not base her marriage on sex. That is why after testing the engines to ensure performance and efficiency. I and my intended bride must come to an Iron-Clad agreement. Marriage is not funny and I do not want to be managing in an enterprise that is mean to be gotten the best from. If she is not comfortable with any of the terms and conditions including SEX. There is no need to go in and suffer. If she ends up tricking me into marriage by agreeing to them on the surface, well its her funeral because I will not stay around for counsellors or pastors or any flesh-bearing being to tell me how to suffer and smile.

[quote author=sheddyboy post=29627995][/quote] You want your marriage to work? Then, its up to you and you only. Your hubby might be the type that reads "sin" to almost anything, it might be due to the way he was brought up, how he learnt and from whom he did learn. You must note that for years isn't enough to re-orientate nor change his metality about sex. Cheating one him will profer you sastifaction temporarily and sink you deep and deeper into the dungeon. Treat him like you will treat a slow learner, address him like you'll address a stubborn man, don't make all your conversation with him about sex, let affection in and not wrath. Ask him what exactly you've done wrong and why he's hurting you intentionally. Just think of something, somehow nd someway that will make your marriage work. All those advicing you to get a divorce will think twice if they where in your shoes!