By Ummu Aishah Bint AbdulQudir

This may not be the best time for me to write on this
because of misinterpretations, but I can no longer
resist the push. """Husband Scarcity""" has become
one of the challenges faced by many Muslimah
today. If you go to prayer houses, majority of the
intentions are prayer for a life partner. And this
calls for concern.

Casting our minds back to the time of our mothers
and grandmothers, was there really much of a
"Husband Scarcity" problem? Or, maybe there were more men
than women then, or there was an adequate
corresponding numbers of both genders. I don't
think so. Maybe then, the women had values and were
prepared to build a home and not park into a built
home. Then, once a young man comes of age and
can at least feed himself and his wife, he goes out
in search of a wife and the woman really appreciates
him and helps him to build a future.

What am I really trying to insinuate? We created
what we now see as "Husband Scarcity" for ourselves.
Today, the reverse is the case. Ask an average girl
to define her dream husband; you get things like "he has to be tall, handsome, fair,
and rich, own a house at least, and be presentable"
and then she adds "God fearing" in order not to sound
so worldly. Then, check the number of girls around
you and the number of men that meet that standard,
and you will see the problem.
You would be hearing ladies say, "I cannot suffer in
my father's house and then go and start suffering with
a man."What a wonderful dream!
What if from the beginning, you have everything
you want and there is no suffering, and later in the
marriage, the table turns around, then comes
suffering? Will you run away?

No one prays for suffering, but it is good to start
small and end big, than start big and end small. The problem is
that the description majority of ladies give of their ideal
man is virtually the same. When 50 ladies want the
same kind of man and the man that fits what they
want is just one man, and the man can only pick
one. Then, what becomes of 49 others? They simply
start lamenting of "Husband Scarcity".
Another irony of our time is that it is hard, due to
the face of our economy to find a man who is of
marriage age who possesses all those things these ladies
want, legally (except those involved in
fraud); even the number of those in
fraudulent act is not enough to match all those
searching for already made husbands.
If you look around, majority of the ladies of
substance, of good value and virtue, who are ready
to build a home with a man who has prospects, are
married and not complaining of husband scarcity.
The easiest way to find a husband now, is to change
your view of who a husband is.
A husband is that man God made and then saw
that it may be hard for him to really actualize his purpose for
making him, without a help mate and then made
the woman and gave to him, and he felt complete and
fulfilled.

MARRIAGE IS NOT A POVERTY ALLEVIATION PROGRAM.
It is a mission of building the family
that will serve God here on earth. For those who see
marriage as a way out of poverty, it is a way into
bondage. Women are HOME BUILDERS, not HOME
WARMERS...

DON'T CONFUSE A MAN'S PATH WITH HIS DESTINY.

Where he is today, may only be a route to where
God has destined him to be tomorrow. Another truth is
that YOU MAY BE THE ONLY FAST MEANS TO
THAT HIS DESTINATION.
Join in alleviating "husband scarcity". PICK UP THE
RIGHT VALUES. I am not saying that you should
pick anyone that comes your way and talks of marriage,
not all men are husband materials. What I am
insinuating is that you should stop setting your
standard on material acquisitions or physical
appearances. Look beyond the physical. WHAT
MAKES A MAN WHO HE IS, IS NOT WHAT HE
OWNS OR HOW HE LOOKS, IT IS WHAT HE IS
MADE UP OF (And what is made up of must be
what Islam sets for him as standard minimum
requirement of an ideal Muslim). And that which he is made of
is, most times, not seen with the physical eyes, only
its effects can be seen.

Allahumo Unsurili-Islam Wali-muslimin.

#Hehehehe

OP, what is this source of this insightful piece?

Ummm, hadith of rosul is coming to pass. It's already in some places. He said (sallahu ta'ala alaiy wala alaiy wasalam) 'a man will maintain 50 women'.

In other word, maclatuniji will eventually end up with 50 women. God is Great!

They should dey there dey look for husband materials whereas husband materials are passing them...

They are too chosy....

I pity the future of this ummah...

Ladies, don't be lazy and turn your husband to ATM machine....

maclatunji:
#Hehehehe

OP, what is this source of this insightful piece?

Got it from a sister's facebook page and I said I should share it with my sisters here.

I do not know what the sisters are complaining about, I am sure. Brothers are desperate for sahih sisters to the extent that practically all 'hijab' sisters from 200L upwards are either married or engaged. It may be the sisters that are not very 'Islamic' looking that may not get husbands in time. Sisters should also not shun being 2nd 3rd or even 4th wife, especially if they feel the brother can bear the burden; financially and spiritually. Too much Nollywood is not good for body or soul.

this piece really exposes the real situation on ground.'husband scarcity' isn't an issue that came out of the blue, it gradually developed to this catastrophic nature. thanks to SOME materially-minded ladies who feel that love is directly proportional to money.
I liked her statement about marriage not being a poverty alleviation program. it reminds me of an incident that happened right here in my family....
It all began when zarah my cousin came back from her studies abroad. and everyone knew marriage was the next step for her. But what they didn't see coming was her choice of husband material. they actually thought she was also going to go in search of a ready made husband. but she deviated from that line of thought.
she brought home Umar. so let me summarize the story:
1. zarah was kanuri/shuwa Arab by tribe and Umar was an igbira man.
2. zarah was 'London educated' as they put it and Umar graduated from one of own Nigerian universities.
3. zarah who was a pharmacist was working with one of the pharmaceutical companies in kano and Umar was a hardworking small scale business man.
4 zarah was pretty and Umar was an average.(yes they made that a criteria)
All hell broke loose among the women clan of our family.their reasons were that due to
1 tribal difference was too much the highest they could tolerate was a Fulani man apart from that no one else not even a Hausa man.(#tribalism)
2 how can she come back from London and marry someone who has never crossed our borders? they said he hasn't even gone for hajj(#materialism)
3 you earn more than him so you are going to be the bread winner
4 he is not so presentable at social events ...just imagine
poor zarah it took all the fight in her coupled with our male elders rational thinking for her to get married.
they( the women) were so busy looking for Mr right that they couldn't see how rare a man Umar was.he was hardworking, honest, morally upright and extremely religious.he has one of the Best character I have seen in few men....he is an awesome cook.
At the end she is happily married with two kids and they are still searching....

jiddama:
this piece really exposes the real situation on ground.'husband scarcity' isn't an issue that came out of the blue, it gradually developed to this catastrophic nature. thanks to SOME materially-minded ladies who feel that love is directly proportional to money.
I liked her statement about marriage not being a poverty alleviation program. it reminds me of an incident that happened right here in my family....
It all began when zarah my cousin came back from her studies abroad. and everyone knew marriage was the next step for her. But what they didn't see coming was her choice of husband material. they actually thought she was also going to go in search of a ready made husband. but she deviated from that line of thought.
she brought home Umar. so let me summarize the story:
1. zarah was kanuri/shuwa Arab by tribe and Umar was an igbira man.
2. zarah was 'London educated' as they put it and Umar graduated from one of own Nigerian universities.
3. zarah who was a pharmacist was working with one of the pharmaceutical companies in kano and Umar was a hardworking small scale business man.
4 zarah was pretty and Umar was an average.(yes they made that a criteria)
All hell broke loose among the women clan of our family.their reasons were that due to
1 tribal difference was too much the highest they could tolerate was a Fulani man apart from that no one else not even a Hausa man.(#tribalism)
2 how can she come back from London and marry someone who has never crossed our borders? they said he hasn't even gone for hajj(#materialism)
3 you earn more than him so you are going to be the bread winner
4 he is not so presentable at social events ...just imagine
poor zarah it took all the fight in her coupled with our male elders rational thinking for her to get married.
they( the women) were so busy looking for Mr right that they couldn't see how rare a man Umar was.he was hardworking, honest, morally upright and extremely religious.he has one of the Best character I have seen in few men....he is an awesome cook.
At the end she is happily married with two kids and they are still searching....

What an interesting story!I hope we can all learn from this to prevent re-occurrence in future.###Operation no to late marriage.

baba11:
What an interesting story!I hope we can all learn from this to prevent re-occurrence in future.###Operation no to late marriage.

she is my hero when it comes to marriage issues because hers was the true love story.

jiddama:

she is my hero when it comes to marriage issues because hers was the true love story.

Good but if it is so,she supposed to have been recalcitrant to the core...

There is also this problem of sisters not considering polygny. Most of them eschew the idea of being the 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife yet they forgot it's sunnah! Some married sisters are even adding to this problem by giving their husbands hard time in taking multiple wives. WaLlaahul Musta'an!

baba11:

Good but if it is so,she supposed to have been recalcitrant to the core...

not exactly,being recalcitrant isn't her character. she was just determined to have her way on this particular issue.

jiddama:

not exactly,being recalcitrant isn't her character. she was just determined to have her way on this particular issue.

Allah knows best!