patrickdarlins:
i never really expected less from all dese ladies comments....

wetin op do una ladies now.....

oh....so u guys thinks the op is using the little girl as slave or using her to do tedious work??

nah...u guys are wrong.....

THREAD CLOSED!!!!!

Bro, you won't blame them for their opinions. I believe and accept my choice of words were wrong in the initial post, hence their anger and frustrations with me.....I still respect their objections, though.

I was literally BULLIED by these girls today. There are a very detailed folks, used to reading in between lines, will always pick out loopholes against you. You can't win them in an argument.

Concerning the matter, I have decided to wave it aside. I believe she sleep walked.

patrickdarlins:
send dat demon parking physically and spiritually...

OP is the real Demon here. Enslaving a 11 year old child !!.

We are too wicked in this part of the world, yet we fast , pray , night vigil yet we commit the worst of atrocities !

deor03:


OP is the real Demon here. Enslaving a 11 year old child !!.

We are too wicked in this part of the world, yet we fast , pray , night vigil yet we commit the worst of atrocities !

I wish you knew more details. Your opinion is based on the scanty details I provided. No qualms.

dein77:


Bro, you won't blame them for their opinions. I believe and accept my choice of words were wrong in the initial post, hence their anger and frustrations with me.....I still respect their objections, though.

I was literally BULLIED by these girls today. There are a very detailed folks, used to reading in between lines, will always pick out loopholes against you. You can't win them in an argument.

Concerning the matter, I have decided to wave it aside. I believe she sleep walked.

i don laff fall comot from my dinning chair were i take dey eat.....lmaooooooo....


dem con carry am for head like govt work oo...

though u used the wrong word MAID...but any ways...let the sleeping dog lie!!!

hope u learnt ur lesson today from nairalanders.....i just cant help but still laughs uncontrollably...

deor03:


OP is the real Demon here. Enslaving a 11 year old child !!.

We are too wicked in this part of the world, yet we fast , pray , night vigil yet we commit the worst of atrocities !

abeg na.....make una nor de quote me again oooooooo....lmaooo

patrickdarlins:
i don laff fall comot from my dinning chair were i take dey eat.....lmaooooooo....


dem con carry am for head like govt work oo...

though u used the wrong word MAID...but any ways...let the sleeping dog lie!!!

hope u learnt ur lesson today from nairalanders.....i just cant help but still laughs uncontrollably...

Yeah. I have learned my lesson. It's a black day. A black Tuesday. These girls are so relentless, fierce and brutal in their arguments.

dein77:


I wish you knew more details. Your opinion is based on the scanty details I provided. No qualms.

Don't you know that the fact that you agreed that you "PAY" for the services is enough to jail you?

I am appalled, there's nothing fancy about what you are doing, other than SLAVERY.

It's even amazing that, you are trying to find a reason to justify your actions.

deor03:


Don't you know that the fact that you agreed that you "PAY" for the services is enough to jail you?

I am appalled, there's nothing fancy about what you are doing, other than SLAVERY.

It's even amazing that, you are trying to find a reason to justify your actions.

She's not being paid at all. That's child labour. Bro, we all condemn child labour.
There's nothing to add any longer. Your opinion is respected shaaaa

Why is everyone being judgemental? The OP came to seek advice here but instead everyone is judging him base on their own experience,if he was indeed wicked he won't try to get other peoples opinion,in fact he would go straight and act as he wishes, for him to try and seek other peoples opinion shows he is very rational and he is trying his best not to be unjust towards anyone esp.the maid.
That the world is filled with wicked people doesn't mean everybody is wicked.

@OP if she must continue living with you guys,desist from giving her duties of a house maid. That's when it is believable that she's your ward.
Don't put her up with the responsibility of checking up on your sleeping baby at night or being a nanny for when you guys are not around.
If you're sincere about helping her,you will treat her like you would treat your own 11yr old kid and only send her on errands befitting her age.

As for being afraid of that simple incident, Shows how you guys' minds work. You're suspicious and superstitious. And that's not healthy. All it takes is for one pastor from somewhere to tell you that he saw a vision for your family and the little girl will be branded a witch for life.
Smh. In this day and age

Fkforyou:
Why is everyone being judgemental? The OP came to seek advice here but instead everyone is judging him base on their own experience,if he was indeed wicked he won't try to get other peoples opinion,in fact he would go straight and act as he wishes, for him to try and seek other peoples opinion shows he is very rational and he is trying his best not to be unjust towards anyone esp.the maid.
That the world is filled with wicked people doesn't mean everybody is wicked.

Thanks for those kind words. Indeed, humans are a very complex animals.

You seem amongst the very few who looked beyond my WORDS and try to understand my personality. With those words of yours, I'll still continue with this forum. I hate being bullied.

How many of them can dole out N450000 as school fees for their maids every 90 days?

They have no idea.

Thanks, Bro, and God bless you.

IF TO SAY OUR PEOPLE GET SENSE,WHY WOULD AN 11 YO BE EMPLOYED AS A HOUSE HELP

"11" year old "house help"...Baby catering for baby tins ehn... My mother in law has a house help of maybe 8-10 that i always feels so terrible about but nothing I can do. I only keep wondering,why would people think of using kids of that range as house helps? How many domestic work can u allow your 15year old do that u should accept somebody's 11years to serve your family? If u intend adopting the kid to give a better life fine,but buying 11years old to serve your family Am sure that kid was brought from cotonu,don't even know why those ones sells their kids to modern slavery. To your worries,be careful,your teenage house help might not be a teen in the spiritual realm.

dein77:


She's not being paid at all. That's child labour. Bro, we all condemn child labour.
There's nothing to add any longer. Your opinion is respected shaaaa

Restitution is not too late. Let your conscience be your judge.

From the words you used, "shalom", "brethren" etc, I know you belong to the "born again" group

If this child is a "witch" based on your prognosis, I am sure you will send her packing, like you agreed with someone earlier in the thread.

If you need help, get and pay the Adult

Let this child stay with you, like you REAL daughter, send her to school without pre conditions

Take her on vacation with you to UK,US, Dubai, just like you will for your child

Protect her like you , came out guns blazing , to protect your son

In your inner mind you don't consider her as your child, she is just a maid/helper who is supposed to be worried that a todler is crying at night.

She is being psycologically and emotionally raped right now, only that Yerima add physically to his own

I am not a "born again" oh or deeply religious, but I will NOT do what you are doing today. It is pure slavery to me .

That is why, when people come to preach to me, and i look at their personal lives, I prefer to remain the way I am today.

deor03:


Restitution is not too late. Let your conscience be your judge.

From the words you used, "shalom", "brethren" etc, I know you belong to the "born again" group

If this child is a "witch" based on your prognosis, I am sure you will send her packing, like you agreed with someone earlier in the thread.

If you need help, get and pay the Adult

Let this child stay with you, like you REAL daughter, send her to school without pre conditions

Take her on vacation with you to UK,US, Dubai, just like you will for your child

Protect her like you , came out guns blazing , to protect your son

In your inner mind you don't consider her as your child, she is just a maid/helper who is supposed to be worried that a todler is crying at night.

She is being psycologically and emotionally raped right now, only that Yerima add physically to his own

I am not a "born again" oh or deeply religious, but I will NOT do what you are doing today. It is pure slavery to me .

That is why, when people come to preach to me, and i look at their personal lives, I prefer to remain the way I am today.

Thanks. Nothing to add. Nice words. At least, you've shown some empathy.

She IS NOT my househelp in the sense of the word.

An 11 year old as ur house help kai, shame on u! Child abuse, u employed her? Hw is her salary scheme oga? Who we go ask? . U are here nw shouting on Hw u love ur kids yet u employed a little kid as ur slave! Am disappointed!

dein77:
Good morning, my good people.

As I type, I'm still in the office; just concluded my night duty.
Around 1157pm, late last night, I received an urgent and somehow troubling call from my wife.
He said, she was awakened to consciousness by the loud shout from our son; our first child. Frantically, she rushed down to their room, and grabbed him, and pampered him. She said his bladder was full, and wanted to use the toilet.

But the shocking thing was that, she didn't meet our house help, an 11-year old in their room. She became troubled and headed straight to the sitting room, where she found her standing alone in the dark sitting room. He looked shocked and confused as my wife quietly sneaked into the parlour and put on the light.

This singular event has created some confusion in the house.

What was she doing alone in the dark? At that odd hour?

She told my wife she had gone to use the toilet. But why would she stand in the dark, all alone, and unconcerned with the scream from our son?

She was employed to assist us in the home.

Brethren, I'm a little bothered. A little troubled. My kids are very important to us, and their safety must be ensured at all times.

What should I do when I get him? Am I being fearful? What should I do?

Please, your inputs are welcome.

Thanks, and Shalom.

What a funny guy. Your own kids are important to you but someone else's 11year old is not. I wish you and your wife would be arrested for child abuse.

LordReed:


What a funny guy. Your own kids are important to you but someone else's 11year old is not. I wish you and your wife would be arrested for child abuse.

I wish you went through my other posts before making this hasty one of tours.

U hav a 11 years old as a househelp
Woooow

dein77:


I wish you went through my other posts before making this hasty one of tours.

I did eventually but it seems to me that you did a bit of revision. You categorically called the child your house help engaged to help you in the home in your op, your subsequent explanations seem to me to be you trying to justify the unjustifiable. There is no reason to employ an 11year old as a maid, what was wrong with employing the mother? What was holding you and your wife from getting an older girl to help? Why must an 11year old be your house help?

dein77:


Thanks for those kind words. Indeed, humans are a very complex animals.

You seem amongst the very few who looked beyond my WORDS and try to understand my personality. With those words of yours, I'll still continue with this forum. I hate being bullied.

How many of them can dole out N450000 as school fees for their maids every 90 days?

They have no idea.

Thanks, Bro, and God bless you.

Did you mean to write 45,000 or 450,000?

See how everyone here is judging the OP... It's a common practice in Nigeria to have young children of say 12-18years living with people outside their parents...Some choose to bring over a relative.....Most of you here had people living with your parents while growing up or even still have people now..Most young couples, especially those working have someone live with them and run small small errands/chores, stay with kids after school etc till their child/children are old enough to take care of themselves/ chores.. Most times it's the woman that desires to have wards to help her in kitchen, etc.... Nothing like having someone pound pepper while you cook...
Freecocoa, I once read where you were describing how good your mum treated the person that lived with you, I strted liking you from that single comment but here you're crucifying the Op for having an Eleven year old(wish I can dig out the thread)....

What matters most is treating your ward right, treat them just the way you will treat your own. Most of the wards if treated fine don't even wish to go back to their house..Their parents on the other hand are happy seeing their children who they couldn't sponsor in school, buy clothes, feed well, etc do these. .... The only prob I have with the Op is expecting the ward to have been with their baby when he was crying whereas his wife was sleeping. . THE LARGER PORTION OF THE BLAME SHOULD GO TO PARENTS WHO BEAR KIDS THEY CAN'T CATER FOR....

Op, please investigate and know if she was actually sleep walking.... . if I wake up in the night and see my daughter standing, I will be concerned. ...

PS: I'm not saying having an under aged person is right but what matters is how he/she is being treated. .. if the child is being given a better treatment than she would get if living with her parents, then I see nothing wrong....

dein77:


My dear, you have no idea who I am. Yes, I shouldn't have used that word, but she's a daughter to us all.

I can't say more. Your contribution is still welcomed and appreciated.

You sound like someone who means well and I'm glad you are taking the advice here. She can stay with you and you continue to pay her school fees but please let her only do chores that you would give to your own 11 year old child. That means by a reasonable hour she should also be in bed and she shouldn't be expected to wake up at night to attend to your son otherwise that will affect her in school since she won't be well rested. During the day her chores should also be reasonable so she can have time to do her homework and play like a child should. If you need more help with your son you will need to employ an older nanny, the girl should only be doing the things a big sister would.

By the way don't blame people for their reactions, you said she was employed to help you in the home and our point is a child cannot be in full time employment since that would be child abuse. Since you've explained further that she's a ward that's fine , just don't give her chores beyond her years.

She decided to sleep walk at the same time your son was screaming ba! Hmmm.

MarvellousGod:
[i]See how everyone here is judging the OP... It's a common practice in Nigeria to have young children of say 12-18years living with people outside their parents...Some choose to bring over a relative.....Most of you here had people living with your parents while growing up or even still have people now..Most young couples, especially those working have someone live with them and run small small errands/chores, stay with kids after school etc till their child/children are old enough to take care of themselves/ chores.. Most times it's the woman that desires to have wards to help her in kitchen, etc.... Nothing like having someone pound pepper while you cook...
Freecocoa, I once read where you were describing how good your mum treated the person that lived with you, I strted liking you from that single comment but here you're crucifying the Op for having an Eleven year old(wish I can dig out the thread)....

What matters most is treating your ward right, treat them just the way you will treat your own. Most of the wards if treated fine don't even wish to go back to their house..Their parents on the other hand are happy seeing their children who they couldn't sponsor in school, buy clothes, feed well, etc do these. .... The only prob I have with the Op is expecting the ward to have been with their baby when he was crying whereas his wife was sleeping. . THE LARGER PORTION OF THE BLAME SHOULD GO TO PARENTS WHO BEAR KIDS THEY CAN'T CATER FOR....

Op, please investigate and know if she was actually sleep walking.... . if I wake up in the night and see my daughter standing, I will be concerned. ...

PS: I'm not saying having an under aged person is right but what matters is how he/she is being treated. .. if the child is being given a better treatment than she would get if living with her parents, then I see nothing wrong....

Nne you've said it all.

MarvellousGod:
See how everyone here is judging the OP... It's a common practice in Nigeria to have young children of say 12-18years living with people outside their parents...Some choose to bring over a relative.....Most of you here had people living with your parents while growing up or even still have people now..Most young couples, especially those working have someone live with them and run small small errands/chores, stay with kids after school etc till their child/children are old enough to take care of themselves/ chores.. Most times it's the woman that desires to have wards to help her in kitchen, etc.... Nothing like having someone pound pepper while you cook...
Freecocoa, I once read where you were describing how good your mum treated the person that lived with you, I strted liking you from that single comment but here you're crucifying the Op for having an Eleven year old(wish I can dig out the thread)....
What matters most is treating your ward right, treat them just the way you will treat your own. Most of the wards if treated fine don't even wish to go back to their house..Their parents on the other hand are happy seeing their children who they couldn't sponsor in school, buy clothes, feed well, etc do these. .... The only prob I have with the Op is expecting the ward to have been with their baby when he was crying whereas his wife was sleeping. . THE LARGER PORTION OF THE BLAME SHOULD GO TO PARENTS WHO BEAR KIDS THEY CAN'T CATER FOR....
Op, please investigate and know if she was actually sleep walking.... . if I wake up in the night and see my daughter standing, I will be concerned. ...
PS: I'm not saying having an under aged person is right but what matters is how he/she is being treated. .. if the child is being given a better treatment than she would get if living with her parents, then I see nothing wrong....

Excuse me. That plenty have done it or a lot of people are doing it does not make it right.
Slave traders in years past also consoled themselves that they were doing Africans a favour and treating them well but it was still wrong.

A 11-17 year old cannot enter a legally binding contract. It is against section 13 of the child rights law making it a criminal act.
A 11-17 cannot determine or decide that she wants to care for another persons child.

African women get rid of your insecurities and hire an adult who can enter a contract with you LEGALLY.

It won't stop in one day but its better we start telling it as it is so this practice will stop. let kids be kids, they can't handle responsibility

But she did explain what she was doing there. Standing still may have just been out of shock, moreso the baby was crying then and madam expected her to be with the baby. Madam's fear is understandable though, & I imagine your not taking it lightly is cos of the way it was presented to you. I think you should just be patient & continue to watch closely.

MarvellousGod:
See how everyone here is judging the OP... It's a common practice in Nigeria to have young children of say 12-18years living with people outside their parents...Some choose to bring over a relative.....Most of you here had people living with your parents while growing up or even still have people now..Most young couples, especially those working have someone live with them and run small small errands/chores, stay with kids after school etc till their child/children are old enough to take care of themselves/ chores.. Most times it's the woman that desires to have wards to help her in kitchen, etc.... Nothing like having someone pound pepper while you cook...
Freecocoa, I once read where you were describing how good your mum treated the person that lived with you, I strted liking you from that single comment but here you're crucifying the Op for having an Eleven year old(wish I can dig out the thread)....

What matters most is treating your ward right, treat them just the way you will treat your own. Most of the wards if treated fine don't even wish to go back to their house..Their parents on the other hand are happy seeing their children who they couldn't sponsor in school, buy clothes, feed well, etc do these. .... The only prob I have with the Op is expecting the ward to have been with their baby when he was crying whereas his wife was sleeping. . THE LARGER PORTION OF THE BLAME SHOULD GO TO PARENTS WHO BEAR KIDS THEY CAN'T CATER FOR....

Op, please investigate and know if she was actually sleep walking.... . if I wake up in the night and see my daughter standing, I will be concerned. ...

PS: I'm not saying having an under aged person is right but what matters is how he/she is being treated. .. if the child is being given a better treatment than she would get if living with her parents, then I see nothing wrong....

Excuse me o, where did I crucify the OP for having someone live with him? He called her a house help and that's the problem most people seem to have with him, Yea, we had someone live with us but I didn't even know she wasn't my mum's child till I became of age, if you remember, I said we even took orders from her and our mum usually took her side being that she is way older than us, even when my cousin who is mates with my younger sister, came to spend some time with us(her parents wanted her to stay at home for a year for some reason)but she chose to come to our house, she was enrolled into my sister's school(instead of letting her waste a year)and my mum made sure they were in the same class, so what are you saying?

We never had anyone we called a house help, neither did we have an 11 year old live with us at any point in time.

aisha2:


Excuse me. That plenty have done it or a lot of people are doing it does not make it right.
Slave traders in years past also consoled themselves that they were doing Africans a favour and treating them well but it was still wrong.

A 11-17 year old cannot enter a legally binding contract. It is against section 13 of the child rights law making it a criminal act.
A 11-17 cannot determine or decide that she wants to care for another persons child.

African women get rid of your insecurities and hire an adult who can enter a contract with you LEGALLY.

It won't stop in one day but its better we start telling it as it is so this practice will stop. let kids be kids, they can't handle responsibility

I understand what you're saying but I still maintain my stand.... if a child will be treated better living with someone else than living with her parents, then let it be....

Also, that slave traders acted against their promise doesn't mean everyone treats his/her ward bad.... some wards who have come out good in life remain ever grateful to their guardians. ....

It's good you're preaching against the practice but the way people are going about it with the op is rather too extreme, like they live with him and know how he treats the girl. ... People always like to find fault here and most are hypocrites

which insecurities are you talking about? ?

Going thru this thread and the comments i'm very impressed. I had initially thought i would see a lot of "she's a witch", "take her to this or that pastor" "send her away" "fire fire" and the likes but the replies i've read r just overwhelming and they have made me sincerely happy. OP i hope u have learnt,i have nothing more to add. They have said it all.

MarvellousGod:
I understand what you're saying but I still maintain my stand.... if a child will be treated better living with someone else than living with her parents, then let it be....
Also, that slave traders acted against their promise doesn't mean everyone treats his/her ward bad.... some wards who have come out good in life remain ever grateful to their guardians. ....
It's good you're preaching against the practice but the way people are going about it with the op is rather too extreme, like they live with him and know how he treats the girl. ... People always like to find fault here and most are hypocrites
which insecurities are you talking about? ?

Are you in every house to regulate how they are treated? I worked in child welfare for a long time and believe me you will cry everyday seeing what is done to these kids.

Again you can help by putting the kids on scholarship, I have and do so for several kids I will never meet. So many slave traders treated slaves well but it didn't change the fact that they were slaves.

No matter how we try to justify it, its illegal, doing this is like stealing or killing all against the law of the land. Those who fought to make it illegal me including saw what damage kids face hence an agency to fight against this

If i may ask WHY A CHILD AS HELP? WHY NOT AN ADULT? Whats the reason for taking a child who should be enjoying childhood?
I gave the example of Bill Gates and several other oyibos helping poor African kids why must we get something in return for " helping"?

A child at that age range is going through puberty, will the employee be patient enough to explain the body changes?

A child at that age may have an active imagination, when she starts voicing it out she is bundled off to a pastor and flogged to confess witchcraft

A child at that age may still bed wet, will the employee understand that its part of growing up and the child may be reacting to some fear or will they just flog her and demand she gets to work and they get their moneys worth

A child at that age will have challenges with school, will the employee have time to ensure the child is fully developed academically or will they be too busy with their own childs work and ensuring that maid does her duties?

A child at that age develops interest in boys, do you explain to her the bird and the bees or pure pepper in her privates to prevent her from " flirting "

A child at that age has so many issues of her own to deal with, she shouldn't be forced to grow up and take adult roles. She didn't ask to be born poor, lets stop making kids pay for the carelessness of their parents