Hheheheehehhhahaahah dis update sweet pass honey

You are so funny and fluent. I comend u on dat

but ur school people no gud sha...
High tension head ke?

God go judge dem

Wow funny and interesting kudos Flow!

I just have to compliment your effort BABA FLOW. You're always onpoint like you're sitting on the score board. AH CEE YHU MAH NICCUH!

“Ngoye, why your Maley com tell us say you don travel go Calabar na?”


“na me tell am to tell una like that, I don see una from far as una dey come”

“why you com tell her like that na?”

“because I think say Power wan come collect the balance of the money wey I owe am for the phone”


“so where the phone com dey na?”

“that phone fall inside well yesterday wey my brother wan go fetch water for well”

“you say wetin?”

“I say the phone dey house”

“I think say I hear another thing” I heard a Demon spoke in Ngoye’s voice.

“but the battery don die oh”

“we no need the phone, wetin we need na the memory card”



Ngoye gave us the memory card and we headed straight to burn the video into a CD.



“oboy you see this vodeo, we want make you help us burn am for CD” I told Ushogu as we got to the Mammy market.

“No wahala, una money na 800 naira for one”


Ushogu succeeded in burning it into four CDs after much argument over the price.


“Segun, e be like say the video no clear oh?”

“we go manage am like that jor”



“so wetin we go do now? How we go do this thing na?”



“I know the Church wey him be Assistant pastor, we go go show this video to the Pastor wey dey in charge of that church”

“guy!!”

“Flow! Why you dey say guy?"

“Nothing oh!!”

“abi you dey fear?”

“fear wetin?”

“ok, as you no dey fear, na you go go the church go show the Pastor the video”

“why me na?”

“ok, I dey fear?” I dared not said.

“shebi you say na you be Mr Flow, go there go Flow to the Pastor na?”

At that juncture, wished I bore Dumb and not Flow.





Before I knew it: “Hello sir!! It’s Segun, the first timer of last Sunday”

“sir, I want to see you, it is important”

“ok………….. are you at the church?............................”

“you will be in church in 2 hours time?”


“ok………………… but sir, it is not me that really wants to see you, it’s a friend that needs some counseling”

“ok sir, I will call you back in the next two hours”



“Segun so we go just go show the Pastor the video just like that?”

“no na, we dey jons?”

“I wonder oh!!”

“we go first call oga! Tell am say we hold one video wey go f’uck am up”

“you say wetin?”

“no worry! I dey in control!!”

“How? How you take dey in control?”



“you see this call wey I just make now, this my new phone get one application wey dey record call wey I call”

“if I call oga now, I go call am with any of una phone, I go tell am wetin dey, if him doubt, I go play the recorded call for am”

“guy!! You get sense oh!!” I hailed and tapped his orange shaped head.


“your sense na First class!!” James also hailed.

Before James finished saying that, Segun was already on another call.

“who him dey call?”



“Hello Wole!!”

“why won’t I call you by your name?”

“see today, all your secrets has been brought to light!!” My friend Segun had really improved in Grammar.

“shut up!!” Segun told Mr. Wole Akeju shut up? Was I dreaming?

The same Segun that begged and cried like a baby just because his Boss told him he was fired sometime back.



“what we want is 7 million naira, no more no less, or we are heading straight to your Pastor, and also to the MD of Maestro registrars, you know the implications of showing these videos to both men abi?”


The MD of Maestro registrar is Mr. Wole Akeju's wife elder brother, and he had threatened that Wilo courier would lose every contract it had with Maestro if he heard that Mr Wole Akeju cheated on his wife.

“as I speak, a copy of these videos will be mailed to you, and if you still want us to come pay you a visit in your office, we will be glad to”

“ehen!! Before I forgot, help me tell you sex mate Kel that her Pastor might see this picture and her being a chorister will be doomed if you refuse to pay the sum of 7 million?”







“Oboy!! 7 million too much oh!!!”


“forget that thing jor!! If we wan chop frog, we go chop frog wey get Egg”


My Akeju was indeed a Frog that had a very big Egg in it’s stomach, I prayed when the Egg is laid and hatched, it wouldn’t bring forth a monster. I just prayed.


Two days later.

I was home that morning reminiscing Segun’s phone call of the previous day when my phone rang.

“Boss!!” Was the caller.

“ooooooooh God!! Wetin I do this witch Bose? How this girl number still save for my phone, I think say I don delete am?”


Bose was the Dwarf that found Love in no one else but me.


Wherever and whenever she saw me, she always said an embarrassing;”I love you”

“na your Papa you Love!” I often replied.



On one occasion; “I love you Flow!” she blew a kiss.

“thunder fire you there!!”

“I love you na!!” She drew closer.

“taaaaa!!! Who you dey love, abi you no know your level?”

“if you touch me ehen!!”






“how she got my number, only God knows”

“why I saved her number as Bose, I regretted”

Why i saved it at all, i needed a prophet to tell me.

Ok, I now remember, I saved her number because her elder brother James sometimes used it to call me.







What a great mistake.








I will never forget the day I mistakenly called Bose when I wanted to call my Boss.

The conversation was: “Hello sir, good morning sir”

“sir I want to let you know that I have given the money to your wife”

“I love you” Bose’s baritone voice at the other end.

“ahan!! Sir!! You say what?”

“I say I love you!”

“ok sir, you love your wife? She is here with me”

“no, I say I love you!!” Just then, I realized who I was speaking to and hung up.




“Mr. Peter, why did you hang up the call?” Mrs Akeju asked.

“ok, nothing ma, I called a wrong number!!”

“why is the person telling you about love?”

“I don’t know ma!!”




As angered as I was, as I stepped out of the compound of the Akejus, I picked my phone to call Bose and warn her severely, and delete her number afterwards.

“look!! You dwarf!! Don’t you ever call this number, or else you are dead!!”

“hello!! Peter!! Who are you calling a dwarf” That was when I knew I had really f’ucked not only up, but the skies too.

“sorry sir, it’s a mistake!!”

“see me in my office now!!” The Boss spoke.

Out of anger, I deleted my Boss’s number instead of hers.



I “mumuishly” saved back the Boss’s number with same name as before; “Boss”.



Oh!! what manner of troubles letter "e" and "s" made me saw.







“Bose!! Wetin I do you, you don call me taya yesterday, I no pick, now this early morning, you still dey disturb me” I spoke to the caller.


But the caller replied saying: “Look!! Peter or whatever you call yourself! If I find out you have a hand in this show to blackmail me?”


“I will get you and the b’astards you are working with beaten and locked up for life”

vickkyruby:
Wow funny and interesting kudos Flow!

Thank you vickkyruby

pillzthadrugz:
I just have to compliment your effort BABA FLOW. You're always onpoint like you're sitting on the score board. AH CEE YHU MAH NICCUH!

Thank you pillzthadrugz

More update please.

Getting more interesting.

“oboy! Oga dey beg us say after him go send the remaining money”

“make una drink!! Flex the money!!”

“we are big boys now!!” We sat at a bar drinking.

Mr Wole had sent the sum of 200,000 naira into James’s account, promising to send the rest later.

“make them bring us more bottles jor!! In fact, barman!! Serve everybody for here one one bottle!” Segun ordered.


“mehn! If this man finally give us the remaining 800,000 naira ehn! We don turn highest big boys na”

The 7 million naira we requested later reduced to 3 million, which later reduced to 1 million, after James gave us reasons why we ought to reduce it; saying it was better we hit and run than being greedy.

Greedy was Segun’s surname, he wanted it all.

“oboy we for collect like 3 million from this man oh, him get the money” He said.

“ehn! We know say him get the money, but that 7 million too much” Mr. Wole pleaded and pleaded before we finnally agreed to take 1million naira.

“ok, what of 3 million?” Segun asked.

“e still too much sef”

“this one million wey him wan give us dey ok” James said.






On our way home.

“Conductor! I pay for everybody for this bus” Segun the good Samaritan.

“thank you sir!!”

“thank you oh”

"God go bless you sir!!"

“oga thank you oh” rained on him.

“No be him pay oh, na all of us pay!!” I needed to say that so that the beautiful girl that sat by my side would be impressed.

“all of us thank you oh!!” One funny man thanked.





Sir White was at the cantonment gate doing what he knew best to do.

“where una dey come from?” he asked.

“we go enjoy ourself”

“haba!! nahim una no call me and Dogo abi?”



“hahahahahahahaha!! Sir white!! Your head no strong for drink na?” Segun teased.





I will never forget the day Sir White joined us drinking and having fun. That day dry gin was served all through, that was when the late Yona celebrated his last birthday before he died.

Since dry gin and vodka were the alcoholic drink served and I needed to stay alive for the ones I loved, I settled for Guinness; I mean Malta Guinness.

Malta Guinness was for a starter, i ended up drinking two bottles of 1759; just two.



I just couldn’t tell if Sir White saw Vodka as Water, and Dry gin as Honey.

If Sir White drank Vodka for each on behalf of every state in Nigeria, then he drank a cup each for the 36 states, and two for FCT.



That was the day I thought Sir would kiss the skies.


Soon, he put of his trousers saying to me; “Flow heat dey oh! Heat dey catch me for my p’rick”

“me too oh!!” I answered.

“remove your own na!!!” He advised.

“I go remove am later”




The party was over and everybody left one after the other.

The last persons to leave were I, Segun and Sir White.

“Sir White wear your trouser make we dey go house!!” Segun said.

Sir White struggled to put on his trouser while we waited for him outside.




The next thing I heard was; “Flow!! Flow!! Flow!!!” Sir White called.

We rushed in to see Sir White sitting on the floor.

“wetin happen na? why you sidon for ground?”


“why you dey shout my name like that?” I asked.

“Flow! Wetin I do you? Wetin I do you?”

“wetin? i no understand” I asked.

“Flow wetin I do you?” He spoke so softly.

“Sir White wetin I do na?” I asked softly too.

“wetin him do you na?” Segun asked also.

“Flow! You be bad person!!”

“how I take be bad person na?” I was becoming impatient.

“I ask you before I remove my trouser say weda make I remove am, you say yes!”

“I no know say you get plan”

“which plan?”

“I no know say you get plan to thief my one leg”

“Flow!!! Where my one leg?”

“Flow where my one leg?” He burst into tears. They say in pidgin “Soldier no dey cry”, but Sir White as gallant a soldier he was, cried like a baby.

“Flow, you must give me my leg oh!!” He held my shirt as I bent to help him get up.

“guy you go tear my shirt oh!!”

“I say where my one leg?”

“no be your one leg you wear so?” I thought “one leg” was the make of the Chinos trousers he wore.


“hahahahahahahahaha!!” Segun suddenly laughed.

“Guy you no get sense oh! Person dey talk say I thief trouser wey him wear, you dey laugh”

“hahahahahahah!” Segun laughed harder.

“guy stop to dey laugh na!”

“you be m’umu!! Infact two of una na m’umu! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

“hahahahaha!! see na, him put him two leg for one trouser leg”

I looked and saw that Sir White’s both legs were squeezed into one trouser leg, and he saw both legs as one; thinking I stole the other.







“The Alert don enter oh!!!” James informed us as we sat drinking the next afternoon.

Drinking was now our hubby, and Segun being the good Samaritan always forted the bills, I just couldn’t tell why.

I could tell why when darkness fell and it was time to share the money that wasn’t physical but in James’s account.





If 3 men shared 1 million naira in the ratio 1:1:1, how much will Segun the tallest get?

How much Segun got became a problem.







“na me dey spend my money all this days, na me dey buy drinks all this days, na me dey pay for transport all the place wey we dey go, na me dey call Oga, na my phone nahim produce the video, una wan com collect the same thing with me!”

“e no go happen!”

“guy write my cheque as 500,000 naira, una two go share 500,000 naira”

“e no fit happen?” I disagreed.


“e no fit happen abi?” Segun drew out a paper that housed something.

“e no fit happen abi?” He brought out a Jack knife.

“no vex na, na joke, we know say you don spend, but 500,000 naira too much na” James liver lilied.

“make him stab me na?” I was a coward.


“obara eeeeh!!” I saw a fountain of blood.

“You cut my hand!!” The right palm I used in hindering him from coming closer was gushing blood.

“Flow!! Make una stop all this thing, na greed dey cause all this thing?”

“Flow! I go give you 300,000, me I go take 200,000!!” That news made me not to send out a technical knockout punch to Segun.








“Hello!! Snow nwanne!! How Port Harcourt? You know say I tell you say them don sack me for the job wey I dey do for here, and I tell you say I wan come try Petakwa make I see weda I go get any oil company job"

“yes na!! you tell me like that na, you say na next week you dey come!” Snow replied at the other end.

“ok, no be next week I dey come, I dey enter bus land Pee Town tomorrow morning!” I had already informed my parents I will be leaving for Port Harcourt the next day, what they never knew was that their son was most wanted by the Police.

“why you change you mind na?”

“guy Kasala don burst for my head!! Police dey find me, as I dey talk to you so, I no fit leave Barracks, some Police guys wey dey on mufty dey outside barracks dey monitor, if I commot for barracks, them don gbab me”

“so I go sneak comot early tomorrow morning enter bus land pee town!!”

“as I dey talk to you so, them don arrest my guy” James was arrested in a Pool house where he went to place a bet. It goes a long way to tell that where your pleasure lies is where your trouble lies also.

“wetin you do na?”

“guy when I come I go explain”

Immediately I hung up calling my cousin Snow, Segun’s call came.


At first, I thought of not picking, thinking he might as well be calling from a Police cell, but I thought otherwise and picked.


“hello!! Sege!! Wetin dey happen?”

“I dey oh!! Yawa dey for our side oh, I dey enter Onitsha tomorrow morning”

“me sef dey enter Port Harcourt early mor mor”

“guy make we meet for Park na, the Young park!!”

“no wahala! Code yourself well oh, them fit dey outside barrack gate dey wait us oh” I advised.

“switch off your phone oh, na phone them take track James oh” Segun warned.

“no wayo!! Good night” I hung up.

Bunsky:
More update please.

Getting more interesting.

There you go

So good to be reading this work. Its too original, i would have to see when sir white was looking for his trouser.
So hilarious. Baba keep it rolling

i thought i saw Ishilove reading

pillzthadrugz:
I just have to compliment your effort BABA FLOW. You're always onpoint like you're sitting on the score board. AH CEE YHU MAH NICCUH!

Thank you, but what score board are you talking of?

stuff46:
So good to be reading this work. Its too original, i would have to see when sir white was looking for his trouser.
So hilarious. Baba keep it rolling

stuff46 howdy?

Snow don de enter show my people.flow u too gbaski.

Baba i de o, how your side na?

flow1759:


stuff46 howdy?

Ndukings92:
Snow don de enter show my people.flow u too gbaski.

Ndukings92 how market? O n'aga kwa?

stuff46:
Baba i de o, how your side na?

My side dey oh. Only say i never chop since two weeks now

flow1759:


My side dey oh. Only say i never chop since two weeks now

Flow na P.H u dey?

IHate9ja1:

Flow na P.H u dey?

Yeah, And don't you ask me the "Rumu" i represent.

flow1759:

Yeah, And don't you ask me the "Rumu" i represent.

Na Rukpokwu na! U think say I no know?

fujirice:

Na Rukpokwu na! U think say I no know?

No.
It is the Rumu that sounds like M'arijuana

flow1759:


No.
It is the Rumu that sounds like M'arijuana

Rumuigbo!

flow1759:

Yeah, And don't you ask me the "Rumu" i represent.

Lol,na p.h i dey too.i still dey job hunt sha
The "Rumu"....i wont ask
Any influential person on this thread who has connections in p.h should pls help me out....i need a good job

Abiagirl777:


Rumuigbo!

No vex oh, Is your real name Abigail? And do you stay there?

I know why i dey ask?

IHate9ja1:

Lol,na p.h i dey too.i still dey job hunt sha
The "Rumu"....i wont ask
Any influential person on this thread who has connections in p.h should pls help me out....i need a good job

Dreams come true you know

Abiagirl777:


Rumuigbo!

@Abiagirl777 do you stay in p.h...? Seems you know the area well.
@ flow1759,network aint good since sunday morning,.....na Obigbo express side i dey,bro i still dey find work oh
Yes dreams come tru...

[quote author=flow1759 post=31944850]

Dreams come true you know

yes

IHate9ja1:
@Abiagirl777 do you stay in p.h...? Seems you know the area well.
@ flow1759,network aint good since sunday morning,.....na Obigbo express side i dey,bro i still dey find work oh
Yes dreams come tru...

Obi What? That place you don dey enter Abia state be that oh!!

flow1759:


No.
It is the Rumu that sounds like M'arijuana

Rumudara!

flow1759:


Obi What? That place you don dey enter Abia state be that oh!!

....u see my life.

IHate9ja1:

@ flow1759...u dey watsapp....?
If yes...abeg drop your digits

No wayo