flow1759:


08032607611

Copied.....u can wipe

flow1759:


No wayo

Didnt see your profile on watsapp
Flow i need work oh
Abeg where is todays update....

IHate9ja1:

Didnt see your profile on watsapp
Flow i need work oh
Abeg where is todays update....

bacause it has been long i was online with that number, but i will be online from tommorrow.



Me sef need work

flow1759:


bacause it has been long i was online with that number, but i will be online from tommorrow.

Try this 08170781922

Me sef need work

How we go take hussle this work matter now oh.anyone on this thread that can help we guyz

“Flow where you dey go wey you dress like this? You dey travel?” Sir White and an unknown guy were on duty early that morning.

“this one wey you wear sweater, cold no dey na?”

“Sir White, I no well nahim make me wear sweter”

“what of the eyeglass? Shey sun dey shine?”

“I no well, and I get eye problem” I replied.

“hahahahahaha!! So where you com dey go na?” He was asking too many questions.

“I dey go work”

“you dey go work nahim you carry school bag?”

“in fact I suspect you, come make I search this your bag!!” He commanded.

“Sir White nothing dey the bag, na my cloth”

“you say you dey go work, why you dey carry cloth! You wan deceive me abi” That was what Sir White detested; one trying to deceive him.







I will never forget the night James tried to deceive him; telling him Igboh was dried pepper.

“wetin you carry for back pocket?”

“na dry Pepper” James answered.

“which kin dry Pepper? make I see am”


I had earlier warned James not to pass the cantonment gate with M’arijuana, Otherwise he would Marry Juana.




“Marry Juana” was the punishment given to anyone caught with weed. So draconian a punishment; it was near death.


I will never forget the late Yona’s experience walking his bride Juana down the aisle.


According to him, Dogo and Sir White the perfect duo were on duty that evening, and as he got to the gate, as usual, he squeezed 500 naira note and on code stretched out his hand to give it to Sir White; little did he know.


Little did he know Sir White’s Boss was around and he saw him brought out the money from his pocket.

“what are you giving to me, did I tell you I take bribe?” Sir White betrayed him.

“Heehhh!! Who is that bloody civilian that is offering you bribe!!” The dreaded captain Musa yelled.

“see him here sir!!” Sir White answered.

“bring him here?”

Sir White bungled Yona like a loaf of bread to Captain Musa.

Yona Married Juana and her younger sister Justina; his both foot bled about 5 litres, while his elbow bled 25 litres; I also saw blood clouded his left eye.







“Oga Sir White, na dry Pepper” James insisted and refused offering Sir White a bribe.

“you call this Dried pepper!!” Sir White brought out the weed.

That was when the alcohol that intoxicated James cleared.

“I no talk say na dry Pepper oh, I talk say na Crayfish” I thought the intoxication the Gulder beer he drank cause him had fizzled out, I thought it has fizzled out his medulla oblongata.


A sound slap made it fizzle out.



“Sir White!! You slap me!!”

“no, he slapped me!” I almost said.

“and if you talk again, I go land you another one”


“you dey play with me? You carry Igboh, you com dey tell me say na Crayfish!!”


“you must Marry Juana today!” I saw Sir White’s red eyes.







Marrying Juana entailed doing frog jumps to and fro a 100 metres distance 20 times as an appetizer.

The main dish was three course.

The first course was pushing up 200, not at a go though, followed by pinning your head in the gravel tarred Parade ground, and the third and worst was doing “Iron bender” while you are whipped with koboko in your stomach.



Pinning one’s head entailed staying in a position similar to how the Muslims pray, but different in the sense that the head “pinnee’s” legs will be out stretched backwards. ***Advice: Never you try it at home, if you do, I assure you all the components of your brain will come out through your mouth; just like how mine almost came out the day Captain Musa ordered I did it. Aside your brain's components coming out through your mouth, your forehead will surely pill of it’s outer skin.***





And iron bender? Lets forget that for the kids sake.









“You!! You follow am come abi?” Sir White pointed at me.

“me? I no know am oh, I never see am before oh! I don’t know him from Adam!” I denied my friend.

As I said that, I saw a pinch of smile in Sir White’s frown.

“you say what?”

“I say I don’t know that guy from Adam” I withdrew to a distance.












“I no wan deceive you na, I dey go work na!”

“open the bag!! “ he yelled.

“and comot that eyeglass” The other guy on duty commanded.

“your sure say you no carry igboh?”

“me? Haba!! You know say in no dey smoke again na!”






“oboy why you match my shoe?” A guy at the bus stop said.

“no vex abeg!! I no know!”

“shut up! You know!!” he yelled.

“how I go know match you?” I spoke softly. Softly because I prevented anybody noticing me.

“bros I no know, no vex” You needed to see the about 16 years old boy I called “bros”. Well, like they say in pidgin; "na condition make Crayfish bend". The condition was that i prevented the Police sighting me.








As I was about hopping into the next available bus……………………………………











Someone tapped my shoulder.








“Where you dey go? Common come down!”






I had been caught by the Police, I concluded.
















I already saw myself in a Black Maria putting on a prison garment, a fit I had never attained since I was born.

“I say come down!!” He person was dragging my left hand.






With my both hands on the back of my head, I jumped out of the bus.

“pls don’t shot me! I will follow you to the station”

“go and enter that car!!”

“I will enter sir!!” I had already peed on my trousers.








“hahahahahahah!! Flow so you dey fear like this?” The Police officer said and removed the hood he had on.




“Sege!! Why na? you don put fear for my body!!”

“see now, you don make me piss for body!!”

“hahahhahahahah!!! you be Oleh boy!!”

“go enter that car make we dey go jor!!”

IHate9ja1:

Didnt see your profile on watsapp
Flow i need work oh
Abeg where is todays update....

There you go.

Flowwwwww u blow my mind

IHate9ja1:

Copied.....u can wipe

i have done that? Edit where you quoted.

Thank you

Deluxewize:
Flowwwwww u blow my mind

What kind of blow?

Blows of laughter

...flow one more update plz

flow1759:


Ndukings92 how market? O n'aga kwa?

o na aga my brother.amu na ekene gi nwanne m.

welldone oga flow

Hahahahaha,flow1759 u ar funny,u ar d best keep it up!

lol

“Hmmmmmnnnnn!! Wetin dey smell here!!” the driver of the car asked.

“nothing oh!!” I replied almost immedeitely.

“na lie oh! Him piss for body” Segun spilled the Beans.

“who piss for body?”

“you na!!”

“guy no be piss dey smell, na water!” I denied.

“na lie oh, him piss for body because him think say I be Police nahim make”

“hahahahahahahahahahahah!! Big boy wey dey piss for body!!” The driver laughed.

“guy I no piss for body oh! Na water!” I denied.







Talking of one peeing on his p’ants and yet denying, I will never forget Ilorin; Baba Ilorin.

While I was serving, I, Ilorin and Kevin went to drink beer one evening after receiving our “allowee” for the month.

Just two bottles made a great difference in Ilorin’s life.

“where you dey enter!!” I asked Ilorin as he pushed me and entered my room to sleep.

“I wan enter my room, you dey ask me where I dey enter”

“no be your room be this na, na my room!” Before I finished saying that, he was already on my bed.

I was drunk and tired, so I hit the bed too. A bed without bed sheet; my bed sheet was still wet outside.






In my dream, I saw myself drinking Tea with a bad table mannerism.

“You don’t dip bread into a cup of Tea, that is bad table manner!!” My spirit wife corrected me.


Yes!! I had spirit wife; so many of them.

Genevieve Nnaji, Oge Okoye, Serena Williams, Angelina Jolie, Hally Berry, Kelly Rowland(the best amongst all, closely followed by Genevieve) Marie Carie, Rihana, and the ever wicked Tonto Dike.


I call her wicked because she really showed me pepper. I mean, she gave me pepper; she gave my “bros” pepper rather.


I returned very late from drinking with friends one Saturday night, and as I got home expecting a welcome hug and kiss from my “beloved” wife, she gave me a hot slap.

“where are you coming from?” She asked.

“I………. I………ehn……………I ………ehn……… I” The “I” was unending.

As she landed me another slap, the “I” suddenly changed to “we”


“We………. ehn ………………………….we ……………………………ehn ……………………we”

“we did what?” She yelled.

“we went to drink” I managed to speak.

“ehennnnn! Who are the wes??”

“wes!”

“I say who are the wes??”

“wes? whizkid no follow us oh!!”

As soon as she heard “Whizkid”, she landed me yet another slap.

I heard the sound track of NTA 9 o’clock news rang in my head.



“I no see whizkid oh!!” I cried out.

“if I hear you mention whizkid again!! I will kill you!!” she threatened.

“ok ma!!”


“so you went out to sleep with your girlfriend abi!!”

“me!! I no get girlfriend oh!!” Meanwhile, in that dream, her colleague Mercy Johnson was my girlfriend.

“you are lying abi? I will rub pepper on that your P’enis” She threatened.

An empty threat I thought it was, but as she dragged me to the kitchen, I realized the threat was far from empty.

“no try am oh!!” I dared not said.

“abeg ma!! I no go do am again oh” I cried my way out of dreamland.








After that dream, whenever I watched Tonto Dike on TV, I always saw a container of grounded pepper in her hand.










“ok I will not dip it again!!” I said to Genevieve and she smile; a kind of wicked smile.


“come lemme show you how to drink Tea and bread” My dream wife offered.

“you put the bread into your mouth this way!!” She forced two loaves of bread into my mouth.

“help!! Help!! Help!” The bread choked me.

“help!! Help!! Help!!” I cried my way to reality.



In reality, what took the place of the bread in the dream was the foam of my n’aked mattress.



“nyama!!! Ilorin you don piss for bed”

“oh God!!!!! And I don chop the foam now!!”

“nyama!! Foam wey soak piss!!”

“e no go better for that your p’rick wey you take dey piss for bed!!” I cursed.

“and I know say I go don swallow some of the foam wey piss soak!!”

“get up jor!!”









“guy make I go that boutique go buy another trouser” I left them in the canteen.

“go jor, pissy pissy boy!!”

Segun and his friend Kola laughed at me, making two girls that were listening stare at me in disgust.

I changed not only the trouser, but the top too; I mean the sweater rather. How dashing I looked wearing a white T-shirt and a blue jean.





“oboy this T-shirt fine oh” Segun commended.

“how much you buy am?” Kola asked. He ate as rough as he drove.

“na 7k for the two of them, 3k and 4k!!” I sat close to Kola; so close and taking a panoramic view of his extra large meat.

“e make sense for that price!”



Before I knew it………………….

“my eye oh!! Pepper don enter my eye oh” Kola cried.

“sorry!! Sorry!!” I came closer with a sachet water to help him rinse his eyes.

Being a Good Samaritan is really good I must say, but sometimes it might go ugly.

“I no dey see again oh! I don blind oh!!” He cried.

All of a sudden, like he was remote controlled, he stamped his oily palm on my T-shirt.

“thunder fire you there!!” I cursed

“I wan help you, you com dey use my T-shirt wey I just buy clean you hand” I tapped his head hard.

I walked outside angrily leaving the food I was served.






As I viewed the finger stamp on my shirt in the early morning sun, I noticed it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

It was like it was designed that way from the manufacturer.

“No road here” was inscribed on the shirt, so, Kola’s finger inscription on the “here” made it looked like a fashion statement.

Whenever I travelled, I always prayed to sit by the side of Ladies, or at worst, guys.

Segun sat by my right, but by my left was a woman and her about a year old baby.










“Let us pray” The Pastor of the bus said.

I answered “Amen” but my mind was in Port Harcourt. My mind was in what lied ahead for me.



Although I had been in Port Harcourt twice, but in both occasion I had never been to Snow’s house.

“I no go follow woman for Port Harcourt!!”

“I go face Church!!”

“any woman wey talk to me, I go tell am waka!!”

“I no go even dey drink!”

“I go stop Nairabet!!”

“I go Serious with God!!”

“the remaining 100k wey dey my account, I go use am start business”

“I will read my Bible at all time!!”

“if I get oil company job!! God, I will always pay my tithe!”

“I go change the way I dey dress!!I go dey dress like Pastor, so that girls no go dey pursue me!!”

“but why girls dey pursue me sef? Even if I no chyke them? No be say I fine sef” I touched my small ear; and my big nose too.

“abi na as I dey talk? But I no even sabi speak good English!”

“and at the end, if them don like me finish, them go wicked me”

“I think it’s high time I find a wife!!”

“true love!!”

“I know say I go see true love for Port Harcourt”

“if I enter church, I go see one good girl”

“or any Pastor daughter, wey I go marry!”

“but Ife and Funmi na Pastor daughter, and them wicked!”


“wicked girls!!”










“Brother, what did David say to Golliat before he killed him” Someone tapped my shoulder.

“Wicked girls!!” I answered.

“wicked what??”

“sorry!! He said……………………………….!!” I had forgotten.

“he said……………………………………………………………”

“God bless you!!”

“The answer na God bless you, David tell Golliat say God bless you” Segun the Pastor’s Son whispered to my ear.

Na xo. Fire on...

kandrus:
Na xo. Fire on...

Now now you don read am finish? There is God oh.

GOD BLESS U

Dear friends, i made few mistakes in some words spellings because of some constriants.

I have corrected them now, pls read again.

Emmeritus:
GOD BLESS U

And you too

flow1759:


Now now you don read am finish? There is God oh.

flow always flowing...am no more a ghost reader.i duff my hat for you

kandrus:
flow always flowing...am no more a ghost reader.i duff my hat for you

Thank you

I dedicate this last update to Glowrie my love.

Nice one flow. Always cracking me up.

its flow baby.....ride on bro
U t..ush'ed up dat update..

This is the kind of script those fake comedians in nollywood need to buy to resuscitate their already dead careers. Flow, ur write-up is therapeautic and its about time i recommend u to NAFDAC for early evaluation for the usage&benefit of larger consumer. Laughter is good to ur system. Lol

“I hear say na Amos give them information wey them take arrest James”

“ehen!! You mean am?”

“yes na? The b’astard go betray us!!”

“but why Amos go do that kin thing na?”


Amos had always been a betrayer. If he were to be alive during the time of Julius Caeser, he would had taken the place of Brutus the back stabber.

I will never forget the day he betrayed Segun, and Segun almost lost his job. I almost lost mine too.

“where is Segun? For two days, I have not seen him, he has not reported here for two days, and his number is not going through” Mr. Akeju asked with so much fury.

“where is he?”

“Sir, me too, I have not seen him!” I lied.

“you lie!! Bloody lier!!”


Just then, Amos walked in.

“ehen!! Amos have you seen Segun? Where did he go to?” Mr. Akeju asked him.

“ehn! ehn! ehn!”

I eyed Amos not to speak the truth, but the Boss caught the sign.

“why are you eyeing him?”

“no sir, I am not eyeing him oh!!”

“then what is wrong with your eye?”

“I have eye problem!”

“oloshi!!”




I will never forget that curse. That curse almost ruined my “chyking” career. And almost took my life too.


I went to visit my cousin at Oshodi, and as I walked pass one street that led to a football viewing centre, I saw one beautiful girl; the kind of Ebony beauty I always love.


“hello!! Young Lady!! Hello!!” She stopped.

“may I have a word with you?”

“yes, speak, I am listening..”


“My name is Flow, I flow like a butterfly, and I rarely sting like a bee!!” I recited my favorite line.

“what is your name?” I asked.

I expected to hear a response telling me her name, but what I heard sounded Scottish.

“I like you…………………. I like you………………………. I like you…………………. I like you!!!” Was what I interpreted as what she spoke.

Her tongue made what she spoke sounded like either Igala or Idoma.

“I like you!!! ………………………………”kept ringing in my head.

“what is you pretty name?”


“oloshi!!” She answered.

“oloshi!! Or oluchi?” I thought i had found Love in an Igbo girl.

“oloshi!!”

“your name is Oloshi? What a lovely name?!”

I first thought she said "Oloshi!!" which is a curse in Yoruba language, but I thought otherwise because of the intonation she used in pronouncing. In some languages, some words may mean something else in other languages; like "Ejo" in Yoruba means Snake, while it means Snail in Igbo.

“so tell me? Where do you stay?” I asked.

She was kind enough to point at a building opposite where we stood.

“can I pay you a visit this evening?” I asked.

She nodded and left.

How s'tupid of me not to ask her for her number. But i had made up my mind to pay her a visit anyways.








Later that evening, I put on my Sunday best and headed for her house without letting my cousin know what transpired earlier. If i had told him, he would advise me not to enbark in such mission; or better still, he would had told me that "oloshi" was Yoruba and not Idoma.


“good evening sir, I am looking for Oloshi, she stays here!!” I greeted an elderly man I saw in the compound.

“you say what!!”

“I am looking for Oloshi, she is my course mate in school!”

“Oloshi abi? Wait I am coming!”






What happened next Flow? I hear you ask.



I dey come, when we reach there we go know.










“Amos!!” Oga yelled.

“sir!!”

“when last did you see Segun?” Mr. Akeju asked Amos.

“I saw him yesterday when I went to the barracks to see someone”




Before I could put back my winking eyes in place…………………..









“gboooooooooooo!!!” a heavy punch landed on my chest.





And my breathing stopped.




“you bloody lier!!!”




Then landed another heavier punch on my chest.



At quick succession, I sent two punches with so great a speed to my Boss’s chest and right eye. I saw his body parts as the punching bag we had in our Dojan.

And he fell to the floor.






“You have killed him oh!!!” Kel held my trouser by the belt.

No, not by the belt, by the p’enis.

“no be my belt you dey hold oh, na my p’rick!!” I almost cried.

“you have killed Oga oh!!” She drew it to it’s elastic limit.

“he is not dead!!” I saw that my boss on the floor looked more like a Rabbit.






Thank God for Funmi who poured water on her Dad and he came back to life.

If she had not, I would had been typing this from Kirikiri Maximum prison because Mr. Akeju had Police commissioners as friends.

If she had not, I wouldn’t have live till 2015; I would have been sentenced dead by hanging because Mr. Akeju’s elder brother was one of the best lawyers in Lagos.

If she had not, there wouldn’t have been space to bury my body because Lagos was short of cemetery. And my village is a No-No.





If she had not……………………




If not for Mrs Akeju that pleaded with her husband, I and Segun would had been arrested; I, for giving my Boss two heavy punches that sent him on a short Holiday vacation to the land of the dead, and Segun for not delivering parcels that were handed to him for more than two days.







Soon, we were in Delta state, I turned and saw that the baby by my side was beckoning for me to carry him.

I did carry him, and regretted later.

“baby!! Baby!! Baby!!” I played with him, as I turned and saw that Segun was fast asleep with saliva streaming out of his wide mouth.


I was soon feeling sleepy, and it was high time I returned the baby to his mum and sleep, but as I turned and saw that his mum was also fast asleep, I knew I was in for it.

The baby was on my laps for about an hour before sleep came.







In my dream, I was about having sex with my spirit wife Serena Williams.

“come and put it in na! don’t keep me waiting!” She needed it badly.

“I am coming! Let it erect well!!” My bros was half way erect.

“is it erect yet!!” She needed it "do or die".

“almost!”


After two minutes of waiting.

“ok it is erect now!!”



As I ran to insert it into her honey well, I suddenly released on the way.

Released what? you would ask.

Release Ice Cream. Thick one!!.

Ice cream changed to Pap on the floor as i stared at it.



I had messed up, yet the feeling as the ice cream gushed out was so sweet.

Little did I know something else was the sweetener.






“Kai!! This pekin don piss for my trouser!!”

Melancholy:
This is the kind of script those fake comedians in nollywood need to buy to resuscitate their already dead careers. Flow, ur write-up is therapeautic and its about time i recommend u to NAFDAC for early evaluation for the usage&benefit of larger consumer. Laughter is good to ur system. Lol

Abi oh Melancholy?

flow1759:


Abi oh Melancholy?

just a temperament nau

“Snow nwanne!! Wetin dey?”

“mehn! welcome to petakwa!! Mr Flow!!” He loved calling me Mr. Flow even though I was not married yet.

“how them your babes na?” I needed to ask.

“I no get babes oh!! You wan dash me one?”

“me? Dash you one? Me wey I don turn to pastor, I no wan to dey talk to any girl again”

He laughed hard and said: “what of if women follow you talk! Wetin you go do?”

“I go bone”

“how them your people for Lagos na?” he asked.

“them dey oh!!”



“Make we go drink na” He suggested.

“ehn? Drink wetin?”

“drink beer na!”

“me wey no wan to dey drink beer again?”

“ahaaaaaaan!! Why na? you get heart problem?” That was how funny Snow could be; intentionally asking funny questions.

“so na person wey get heart problem nahim no dey drink beer?”

“you no know? You no know say na beer make Abacha die of heart attack?”

“hahahahahahah!! Snow you don come oh!! Who tell you that one na?”







“una no get light?”

“mehn our transformer blow, e kill five people sef!!”

“ehen! You mean am?”



We were soon out of the hot room and headed to chill out somewhere.



“so where you dey carry me go na? where we go chill out na?”

“we no dey go far, na for one place wey them dey call car wash!”

“car wetin?”

“car wash!!”

“you get car?” I needed to ask.

In Lagos, rumor had it that he was on bucks. I was told his elder sister married an NNPC worker, and since their Dad passed on, Snow was handed the bride price of close to half a million; but that was like a year earlier.


Rumor also had it that Snow was married.


“guy!! I been hear say you don marry, where the wife na?”

“which wife?”

“you dey ask me?”

“them tell me say e get one girl wey you carry come village one time”

“hahahahahahaha! Ahaaaaaaan!! So na because them see girl come village with me nahim make them think say I don marry her?”

“naso na!!”

“and you sef believe them?” He asked.

“why I no go believe them! Your mate never marry?”

“my mate don marry, but I no fit marry when my senior brother never marry”

“who be your senior brother?” I needed to know, because the last time I checked, he had no elder brother.

“you na!!” He replied.

“me?”

“oboy if you dey wait for me, you go old!”

“you go old get white bia-bia because I never flex all the flexing wey dey this world finish, I go com go marry”

“you no know say marriage na prison?”

“guy, marriage is a good thing!!”

“Snow!! Which day you com become marriage councellor?”

“I no be marriage councellor, I just want you to get married, you are not growing younger you know!!”

“abeg!!! Forget that thing!!”

“so when do you plan getting married?” He asked abruptly.

“mehn!! No be now oh!! ehn!............................ make I see oooooooooh!!”

“34……………….. when I will be 34!!!” I announced.









“guy wetin you go drink na?” Snow asked as we settled.

“wetin make them give you?”

“water!!” I answered.

“just water!!”

“just water?” He was shocked.

“yes oh!! I am on beer holiday” I said.

“which one be beer holiday again na? you dey do holiday lesson?”

As he metioned “holiday lesson”, I quickly remembered when we were kids.



Every Holiday, it was either I and my younger brother went to Ajegunle where Snow and Family stayed, or he and his younger brother Ben came.



I, Snow and my younger brother were attending this Holiday coaching in the barracks.




One thing that made me sometimes wished to miss some classes especially Mathematics classes was because the teacher that taught Mathematics was of the habit of reading to the class what those that failed wrote. And one girl Belinda was always of the habit of laughing at the little I always failed.



“why are you laughing?” I always cautioned her.

“you are Olodo!!” Was her regular response.



Before I broke the barrier of “Olodoism”, I studied very hard.


If failing two out of ten class works meant one was an Olodo, then my friend Cosmos was Legendary in Olodoology.



He was the happiest boy on earth when he scored two out of ten.

“guy I pass oh!!” He told me.

“ehnnnnnnnn!!” I was shocked because failure was his trademark.

“na lie!!” I doubted.

He showed me his work and I saw that he scored two out of ten.

“who you copy from?” I asked.

He was so dull that even if the answers were shown to him, he would still bag failure. Thank God he wasn’t a pupil of my school, if he was a pupil, Dora the I’nbecile would have scored better than him, I was sure of that.

“you get two over ten, you com dey happy pass person wey get ten over ten”

“who get ten over ten?” He cared to know.

“na Belinda na”


Belinda called me “Olodo” simply because she always scored ten over ten while I scored within the range of 7-9. Her prayer for me was that I should score bellow average, while my prayer for her was for her to score nine over ten just once.



Marking was done this way: We submit our exercise books, and the teacher distributed exercise books at random to anybody he so wished; making sure nobody marked his/her own exercise book.

I always prayed to mark Belinda's work so i will manipulate it and fail her in just one question. The opportunity never came. Maybe it was because her desk was close to mine, and the teacher never wanted anyone marking the work of someone close. Or maybe not.


Most times, I always marked the work of a dullard by the name Bisi.






If Bisi was to marry Cosmos, they would produce kids like Isaac Newton, Herbert Einstein and of course Olusegun Obasanjo. Cosmos was short while Bisi was shorter, Cosmos was dark in complexion while Bisi was darker, Cosmos had big Nose, while Bisi’s was “Noser”. Maybe because her friend’s name was Nosa the “messer”.






Nosa could mess down both Aso rock and White house altogether, she had farting default that she farted without knowing she did.

I will never forget her fart bringing out tears from the eyes of many, including me.



She farted one very hot afternoon, and before I could say “Buhari” I received a knock on my head.




It was after crying a river that I was told by Cosmos that Nosa farted and pointed at my, and that was what resulted the knock on my head.


Since that day, I took my seat out of any region near Nosa not to talk of in front of her.






And last but not the least in the comparison, Cosmos was “intelligent”, while Bisi was “intelligenter”.


I most times marked her work closing my eyes because I knew her fate.





The same Mathematics teacher that taught our class also taught in the class of my younger brother and Snow.

Some other teachers like the English teacher adopted the style of the Mathematics teacher.




Our class closed earlier than theirs one afternoon, so I stood by the window waiting for them.




The next thing I heard was: “now can Alexander Eke tell us why he spelt bread as 10011?”


Snow stood up and said; “ehn!!!! ehn!!”

How possible was it for someone to spell words with numbers. How possible?

Maybe he converted “bread” to binary. Or maybe not.




“common speak!!” the teacher yelled at him.

“I…………………. I………………………. I………………………I ………………”

“I…………………………….. what?” The teacher yelled.



“I................. I thinking say we dey doing Mathematics”



That was how bad he was in English language.



Yet he had changed since leaving Ajegunle, Lagos, Nigeria.









“young lady!! He said you should offer him bottle water!!” Snow repeated.

“who said so?” I queried.

“you na!! no be wetin you talk?”

“oboy make him give me Stout make I use wash belle jor!!”


“Mr. Flow!! You no dey change!!”

flow1759 wen diz tori go reach front page.. Make we push am nah..abi weytin u think.