ToroJah:
Thanks emensely to y'all that pay attention to my plea I'm much grateful, the scar my dad left on my family is so deep but I'll find a place in my heart to forgive him but then the question is 'can I forget'?

I don't believe anyone ever really forgets anything. Forgive, yes, but your past is as much part of your present as it will your future.
But let go of the pain and the crazy boxes people place you in. If a man's family can't/won't look past your background (that had nothing to do with you btw), then you should be glad you don't get to live with them all your life.


I really get what you're going through, surprised you didn't see it coming though. It's the one thing my dad has told me all my life...."Families will have a problem accepting you because your parents are divorced."

But you know what? Your parents don't define you. Bad behavior isn't transferred via some weird radio frequency.
If people can't see that, then screw them

UjSizzle:

I don't believe anyone ever really forgets anything. Forgive, yes, but your past is as much part of your present as it will your future.
But let go of the pain and the crazy boxes people place you in. If a man's family can't/won't look past your background (that had nothing to do with you btw), then you should be glad you don't get to live with them all your life.


I really get what you're going through, surprised you didn't see it coming though. It's the one thing my dad has told me all my life...."Families will have a problem accepting you because your parents are divorced."

But you know what? Your parents don't define you. Bad behavior isn't transferred via some weird radio frequency.
If people can't see that, then screw them

Thanks a bunch dear, I'm grateful!

rofemiguwa:
Easy for you to say. The sperm donor has always being dead to her!!!
Everyone is not a father!

Op I feel for u cos of the situation. Its unfortunate u have not met a man that truly loves u.he will atke u as u come and value u as a pperson not becoz of where u comE from.

I am from a broken home too but my fiance knows and loves and respects me as an individual.

The last tin I will do is bother my heAd unnecessarily during my wedding over one sperm donor like that.


I wish u all the best.op. Don't worry a better man is coming ur way

Typical example of the character of children from broken home. In as much as I always try not to judge people, this one makes it difucult not to judge. If she can refare to her father as a sperm donor, only God knows what she would call her husband.

Jay5000:
From your story it's obvious that you're still bitter and angry with your father and everything that happened.
The greatest fear of marrying people from broken homes is the bitterness and unforgiving spirit that most of them live with all their lives.
That fear, i believe, is justified. To break the yoke, you will need to overcome the bitterness. I'm not saying it's easy or it's your fault.
Just saying that nobody would like to start a family on the foundations of bitterness, anger, resentment, hate and an unforgiving spirit. It never ends well and that is why they run. To overcome this, you know what you must do, and i would advise you to make an honest effort to do just that.
If you do, you'll find the strength and the man to help you heal completely.
If you don't and you still manage to get married, it won't be long before you end up just like them.
The choice is yours to make.
Goodluck!

Have resolved to forgive him, all the same thanks for your contribution, appreciate!

zeepatoprick:
Children from broken homes... Are believed to be affected when it comes to marriages... My dear dis belief is as a result of the high trend and statistics of marriages that av av failed simply becos couples are from broken homes.. Its not ur fault.. I did not believe dat bullshit, bt as I grew older my perception began to change.. Bicos I xperienced and observed lots of marriages go in similar trend.. People believe dat children are bound to pick traits and characters of their parents and that should not be totally ignored.. The good news is that this is not applicable to all as some marriages of children from broken homes has blossomed and some is as a result of sheer determination from some offsprings of broken homes to deviate from the trend..
All the same dis has turned into a social stigma.. As the likes of my mother has vowed I never marry a girl from a broken home.. Conspicuously I av dated a girl who is from a broken home for close to 4yrs.. In as much as till 2day I can adjudge dat she is of solid character(a good girl).. She picked up a trait from her dad which was so bad.. An unforgiven trait.. She herself admits it.. Which was part of what led to a dissolution of our long term relationship.. Taking me back to square one...as I was forced out of the game for so long....

Denying ur dad worsens issues.. be of the character u say u are,, (be good).. And u will surely see a man who will marry u no matter the opposition... Jst break dat jinx.. U will be fine, so far u are of a fine personality..

Thanks! It encouraging.

Sometimes you feel like taking your life .

You will tell the next man your dad is dead.

Those Guys did not leave you because you came from a broken home. I am talking from experience. They left for other reasons.

O girl, take life easy, people from homes whose parents are still together have not finished marrying. Go through other threads in family and romance section, you will see men at 35 searching, ladies at 30 searching. Guys at 30 without job and means of livelihodd yet they want to marry next year.

Your own problem is not the worst, calm down. Reconcile with your father for heaven's sake.

1miccza:


Not all men sis,some are devils while some can also be angels it all depends on who you meet

So you tell me are you one of them?

Redoil:
my point is that arrangee mariage is not wrong neither is it right.

hmmm.ok

CityNG:


Or maybe he left because your Mum was a nagging person.

Person wasn't the word I really wanted to use.

Stop blaming your father for your luck in life, you're an adult now, get a grip.

My personal advice to men, please do not take any woman from a broken home serious. They typically have way too much emotional baggage and this OP is a perfect example of that.

Lies. My dad and mom are still married but it is the most hateful, abusive, and dysfunctional relationship I have ever seen.

Lots of violence, anger, and hatred.

The only advice is to say: go and live your own life. At some point, you ought to stop blaming your parents.

There are husbands, there are men, there are fathers, and there are sperm donors as someone said.

Some men embody all qualities, others pick and choose the role they'd like to play.

where does your "father" lie?

ToroJah:
So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

If you as sure it will solve the problem then go ahead BUT what I know is that the memory of such move will be a dark secret to you. What happens if your in-laws eventually finds out? You most likely will be labelled and treated like a plague. Your case before them might end up being worse than your dad's before you.
Deal with it,forgive the man,he's not your problem. You'll find a man and a family that will accept you regardless IF you are a good person.
What do I mean by "a good person"? Don't carry hatred along into your marriage. The hatred you most likely would carry along is what those families are avoiding NOT you.

ToroJah:

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

There's more problem to marriage than it being arranged. The nature of the people involved,and the level of their knowledge also matter. So you are right about accommodating and understanding each other's flaws - their nature and knowledge BUT even un-arranged weddings break.

ToroJah:

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Love here refers to the butterfly feeling and the romantic moods. What friends have for each other is called love also -- such that is referred to as "agape". Marriages need both.
When you find someone that you both share such kinds of love with,such person will be your friend (so people won't mistake "friend" literary as someone familiar to them eg a childhood friend).

Stay blessed

God forbid I marry a man like my father! I reject even for my generation.
My husband will never abandon his wiFe and his weaning baby to follow another woman and resurfarce 2 decades later as If nothing happened.

U cannot run away from responsiblities and come back when all is rosy. A man that doesn't know anything about his children except their name is not fit to be called a father.
And before you start judging children from broken homes , think for one second If u never had anyone to call dad all ur life, all those PTAs, outings, words of advice, discippline and all the father figure thing.if all those things were absent from your life not because its not possible but because someone decided to go have fun and forget his responsibilty.

Pput ur self in their shoes before u start throwing stones. Mtchewwww.

numericalguy:



Typical example of the character of children from broken home. In as much as I always try not to judge people, this one makes it difucult not to judge. If she can refare to her father as a sperm donor, only God knows what she would call her husband.

ToroJah:
Greetings to y'all family section members and a special thanks to all my followers cos I know you did follow me so you'll be updated with my sad story. Now here it is.

I'm from a broken home, my dad left us when I was a yr old. From what I gathered things got tough and he couldn't man up to face the hard times so he abandoned us to God knows where due to pride cos have found out he's a very proud man.

My mum that he forced to become a full time housewife decided to pick take up teaching job to cater to our needs, my mum was very mean during our growing up days(don't know if it was due to anger from my dad abandoning us for her), now my dad is back claiming he's sorry for leaving us but from the look of things he's in dire need of help (him and his other family are living in poverty) so I personally I'm paying deaf ear to his cries.

Now my predicament is this. Since after graduation have had two serious affairs that should have led to marriage I was even engaged in one but the men I meet and mostly their families often frown at a girl from a separated home irrespective of her good character reason being that she'll always toe the path of her parent and this has made me hate the family I was born into, sometimes I feel like taking my own life.

So dear Family have made up my mind to deny my dad cos he's the one that put me in this mess I will tell the next man in my life that he's dead cos to me he's good as dead, his presence in my life is causing me tears daily.

To y'all please all I need is an advice!!! To those that do jump on post before putting your leg in one's shoe feel free to bash me.

Lastly, advice to those searching, study your partner before saying "I do" don't depend on arranged marriage cos my parent own was a product of such that's why it was difficult for them to accommodate and understand each others flaws thereby leading to my dad abandoning us.

Love is not always enough so marry your friend so you too can still be together even when hard times set in.

Thanks in anticipation for reading!

First u need to accept ur background bc u can't change dt. If ur dad ve really asked for forgiveness then u need to forgive him for ur own's sake. Give ur life to christ n he will provide d man dt won't bother abt ur background.

Finally d difficult part dt will give u uncommon peace n joy. Love ur parents unconditionally n help ur father where u can. Read d story of d prodigal son in d bible it might b of help although urs is a prodigal father. God bless u

Hello Op,
the problem might not be those running away, you need need to look inward to check if you exhibit
some traits that give the vibe that you would toe the same line.

There are 2 kinds of people who come out of a broken home
1) Those who say : I would never let this repeat with me, i would be there for my family and make it work at all cost
2) Those who say : You can never trust a man/woman, they would do the same, and i don't care, i don't need them, i will
go at it on my own.

Guys saying that i can't marry you cos my parents said that you are from a broken home, is just an excuse for them to
leave the relationship, either they have seen these traits in you, or they don't see you as someone they can live with, or they
were not serious at all.

Whether people agree or not, we all carry baggages, but these baggages differ, No sane man steps into a relationship
when he is seeing signs that it won't get to the end. The baggage you carry is a great one, cos you have not forgiven your
dad, and it is rubbing off .

We have a saying that " When someone is climbing a tree and they are holding someone else down, they can't go far cos a lot
of energy is dispensed keeping that person down"

Go for counselling and try resolving these daddy issues

I know some of these things , cos i have a relation who has these issues, we can all see it, but she does not, and we try to talk to her about it.
Though very beautiful, I have had my best pals come to me thinking of asking her out, i tell them "If you want a peaceful and happy life, stay away", but if you think you are very very strong, go ahead, but never come to my doors with any complains". Marriage is a different ball game
to Girlfriend


Marrying someone from a broken home is not a problem,
Marrying someone who has a lot of baggages and is displaying them is a problem

koyyess:

I love the way you reason.

Thanks

Sorry about this dear. It is terrible when we have to endure the consequences of our parents actions. God is your strength.

Jorgen:
Sorry about this dear. It is terrible when we have to endure the consequences of our parents actions. God is your strength.

thanks for the comforting words!!!

irishCream:


So you tell me are you one of them?

I am not a saint but I'm miles away from being a devil. A trial will convince you....

1miccza:


I am not a saint but I'm miles away from being a devil. A trial will convince you....

Like seriously?? What I'm I waiting for then

irishCream:


Like seriously?? What I'm I waiting for then

Let's start from our contacts send me a Pm with yours,I might be able to pick up a few tricks from you....

irishCream:


Like seriously?? What I'm I waiting for then

Don't tell me you love footballl!!!!!

1miccza:


Don't tell me you love footballl!!!!!

I sure do

Anything bad about that

irishCream:


I sure do

Anything bad about that

Wow *dancing shoki* a laaadddyy that loves foootttbbbaaalll!!!!! AaAaAa!!! *rolling my eyes.. What club do you support?

1miccza:


Wow *dancing shoki* a laaadddyy that loves foootttbbbaaalll!!!!! AaAaAa!!! *rolling my eyes.. What club do you support?

Barca

irishCream:


Barca

Not bad I also support Barca but not like Chelsea oo,you didn't respond to my message

ToroJah:
Special thanks to everyone I'm happy I shared this with you all no wonder the saying "a brother/sister can be found on the road" I take y'all as my e-family, have always had this strong conviction that I can find solace in this section I'm glad I summed up courage to write this.

Cc: babyme1
Yields
Striktlymi
Carefreewannabe
Mymz
Miami11
Bellong
Elantraceey
JEITO

Keep your head up, girl.