A pun is a word that means more than one thing
and this is a poem, like a song you don’t sing
I am trying my best to write one about both
and weather it’s good I can’t give you my oath
but I’ll do my best to make sure its well explained
to be a good conductor you must first be trained
when I say trained what does that mean to you
a way of learning, or a moving choo choo
now there you go, and wasn’t that fun
there is no right answer cuz that there's a pun
now I'll ramble off a few that I can think of off
hand
so listen up closely and see if you understand
to deliver all those presents at Christmas, Santa
must truly be gifted
when I finish working out at the gym I feel like a
huge weight has been lifted
my deodorant asked if it could make a pit stop and I
said sure no sweat
I chose to learn the piano over the guitar and I
don’t even fret it
I would learn how to juggle but, I’m afraid things
will get out of hand
when it comes to Apple maps, I’m not really sure
where I stand
hemorrhoids are a real pain in the ass
and people who drop out of school have no principals
or class
when I told my friend she was a terrible gymnast
she totally flipped
and I couldn’t come up with a joke on the fly when
her pants were unzipped
the cow who couldn’t produce milk was an udder
disgrace
and I’m sorry for this one, I’m about to bash a
whole race
to hurt anyone’s feelings is not my intent
but the Indy 500 is a boring event
zombies get a very bad wrap I have come to find
and all they really want is a piece of mind
I used to dislike them as well and was a fellow
complainer
then decided to join them myself and it was a no
brainier
there you go two more puns about the undead
and the fact that they like the brains in your head
lets try for one more in this poem I’m conveying
a mime can drive a real car, but that goes without
saying
now of course he doesn’t talk as he drives away
and obviousness is the second thing on display
so once again it’s a phrase that means more than
one thing
and if its done properly a smile it will bring
if you don’t get a laugh and done it in this fashion
it’s not your fault some people hate puns with a
passion
only smart people receive them with delight
the people who don’t are simply not bright
so if you tell one and it does not succeed
you’ve probably told it to a silly inbreed
whatever you do don’t let them make you quit
keep on telling puns and challenge your wit
I think I’ve explained what a pun is quite nicely
and any confusion I hope I’ve cleared up precisely
I know I didn’t explain a poem like I previously said
but simply go back and review the words you just
read

Words travel slow
No matter how
We craft the flow
Right here and now
Thought feels so stiff
In awkward dread
When logic drifts
In jerky spread.
Feed then a smile
That works its best
In simple style
Sweet pun and jest.
There are places
Where words will fail
The clear spaces
Where charm prevails.
So use words well
To string logic
But see craft spell
In bold magic.
There comes a time
When words must fall
As mystic rhymes
Go beyond gall.
Style then a smile
That takes you far
To glimpse worthwhile
Love's brilliant star.
Place beyond place,
Joy within joy,
Space beyond space,
Bliss funds all ploys.

Does a ship have eyes when it goes to sea?
Are there springs to an ocean bed?
Does a jolly tar fall from a tree?
Does a river ever lose its head?
Are fishes crazy when they go in seine?
Does a hen ever sing her lay?
Can you bring relief to a window pane?
Can you mend the break of day?
What kind of vegetable is a policeman’s beat?
Is a newspaper white when its read?
Is a baker broke when he’s making dough?
Is an undertaker’s business dead?
Is the wallpaper store a good hotel
Just because of the borders there?
Would you paint a rabbit on a bald man’s head
Just to see a little hair grown there?

Create true wealth,
Use mindset bold;
Rest in sure health,
Reach a firm hold.
Explore delight,
Now moments pun;
Choice prompts new flights,
Yes prime home run.
Glimpse a fine feel,
Adapt in kind;
Live just appeal,
Observe sure mind.
Rise to the dance,
Express each chance.

This recently happened to me.
I didn’t recover very well from it.
I just sat there
naked,
embarrassed,
while
while my partner got dressed
and walked out on me.
She was shaking her head
in disbelief on the way out.
Here is what happened.
We are in the throes of
mad
passionate
love making.
I am twisted up like a pretzel
with my tongue here,
my fingers there,
really excited,
in fact
my
you know what
was harder
than Chinese mathematics.
I mean my tongue is doing a Spanish Tango
my fingers the Watusi
my center an African Tribal Dance
and when I say African Tribal Dance
I mean my ass
is shaking like a belly dancer
with a vibrator up her ass.
I could hear that sharp female voice
yelling like a soprano in an Italian Opera
and she’s yelling too
but with that deep voice of hers
like a banshee out of hell.
Oh no, oh no,
oh yes oh yes,
oh oh oh oh...
then suddenly
like fireworks on the fourth of July
boom...boom, boom, boom, boom...
she goes.
Then
I do it
at the peak of orgasm
I do it.
I really blow it.
No pun intended.
Instead of...
I mean we've all done it...
instead of saying her name
At the peak of orgasm
I yell out
my own name!

It’s not what healthy girls anticipate,
a pair of boobs that won’t inflate.
Just turned sixteen and as of yet
not a sign of a bouncing set?
A deficit of female hormone,
or perhaps a surfeit of testosterone?
For girls it’s a nuptial problem,
few men will marry without them.
Her mother, sympathetic, kind,
suggests she date a man born blind,
proficient in “reading” the tiny dots
in braille, of which there are lots.
Men with sight can only go so far
to discover what lies behind a bra;
and touching before the proper time
some girls consider a moral crime.
A blind man, on the other hand,

can know first-hand.
With fingertips for eyes, it’s just
a sensitive but cursory touch;
with no guesswork, there’s no iffy –
two big dots read in a jiffy.

Zest greets bold fest:
Yield to fond jest.

eXplore the way:
Wordplay frames say.

Voice follows choice:
Use steadfast poise.

Truth feeds beauty:
See what must be.

Reap the grand show:
Quest helps you grow.

Prime your fond say:
Opt to obey.

Now you know how:
Make love endow.

Look deeper still:
Keep wise goodwill.

Joy funds wise niche:
Ink words that reach.

Health fills and primes;
Grace tunes all chimes.

Fund your grand fun:
Expound pure pun.

Do work sure trends:
Claim what you can.

Be a bold man:
Attend life grand.