mutter:


Obowunmi how observant of you!

So I need to Management you up with more details so you can broadcast them a bit more.
I was in an abusive marriage. I left my husband finally on the 2nd of June 1995.
Came to Germany and started a new life with my kid`s. Got married again three years later.

I am a survive and I am so proud of myself.
Also so grateful to God.

God has showered me with so many blessings.
A saint of a husband that loves me and the kid`s.
Lovely kid`s even though they can be challenging too!
Happiness and peace of mind...

When you and some others make such comments you remind me that I once was married to someone as inhuman as the comments you make and it gives me every reason to be grateful to God.

So please next time you see some stupid thing I wrote feel free to leave your comments.
You see, I have no bitterness in my heart for anything or anyone because there is not enough time for the good things in life.

and because

Hating is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die

and because I know that people only turn to insults and violence when they lack reason or are frustrated.

Have a nice day

Not abusing you dear.

Here you are bragging about a husband who doesn't talk to you. Not abusing you, just saying it's not normal.

You appear to be confident about accepting abusive behavior and it shows in your responses.

babyosisi:




You are not trying to convince anyone that you have a husband you can't talk to for 4.2 years are you?
I certainly don't believe you

Do you want to hear the truth or some feel good message?
Here is the truth
No man will sit with you and discuss fashion and celeb and gist about what color of pant is in vogue
Those are women stuff
That's what girlfriends are for
Talks about football is what men do with men,he probably feels you don't have much to say about it and are only trying your best to draw him into a conversation that wouldn't be stimulating.

Are you bringing up these conversations while he is watching CNN
My hubby is a CNN and MSNBC junkie,he totally zones out when he is watching his favorite shows.
Men are generally not into gisting ,don't let the sissified men on nairaland who gossip and talk like women give you a false impression of real men
Real men don't gist about fashion trends and kim Kardashian and Omotola on a daily basis and clap their hands in the air
If you wanted a spouse to do that you should have married a fellow woman

Study your man
Looks like you still don't know him
Study him well and if he is the real quiet type,that is how his God made him
You should have found that out at courtship
You bought the good as is

Thank u my sister. Tell d truth to our nollywood-watching sisters who think that life is lived on prescription. Real thinkers & real men dont gossip.

babygirlfl:


Lovely man.

Thanks for the compliment

bukatyne:


Wow!

Perfect

God bless your home

Amen! And yours too

jadelyn007:
One of the few good men around.

Thanks! Smiles

obowunmi:


Not abusing you dear.

Here you are bragging about a husband who doesn't talk to you. Not abusing you, just saying it's not normal.

You appear to be confident about accepting abusive behavior and it shows in your responses.

You know that is the way you see it. What do I need with a man who rattles on none stop and just talks allot of crap or lies.

My husband is not a many of many words but steadfast as a rock.

We don`t have secrets we share all our experiences yet he does not talk much.

What is wrong with that. Quite honestly sometimes I wish he would talk a bit more but much better than a man that talks none stop.. But then my husband would never talk ill of anyone or let you do the same. You just can`t gossip either

obowunmi:


Mutter is an abused woman. Shouldn't surprise you. Can't believe any human being with a brain would take her advice.

Jesus! How can you say this about another person? Do you know her in real life? Even if you do... please, dont say what can cause fight abeg.

richyblink1:
My dear it is not strange at all, people are created differently.

Could remember having same issue with my better half till we realised we are wired to respond to issues and discussions in a particular way.

Just understand his type of person and pattern of discussion, you will be amazed how interesting you will find him.

Yours is even better, how will you classify a core introvert who barely associates with people except me.

She is not on Facebook. (She has never facebooked her entire life).
She does not keep friends (not even a best friend).
I forced her to start pinging just last year (she actually have just 4 people on her bbm contact list). Her sisters, my elder sis and me. I bet she has never said hi to my sis before on bbm because I actually added my sis pin on her device.
No one has ever come visiting her except during my birthday party (just one of her colleagues).
She has never dialled my mom or dad's line before.
I am her bestfriend, friend, husband etc.

My dear, just understand your hubby, there are other side of him you must find consoling.

God bless you. I wish i had your strength to deal.

jadelyn007:
You should thank you stars you took the right step of extracting yourself from the situation.

Anyway I don't see myself in that extreme situation when my brothers are still alive the man would be the one thanking his stars if he gets out of the marriage without telltale scars.

I guess you didn't have a very supportive family that's why.

Nne, it doesn't have anything to do with supportive family. Something can happen to someone, you will not even see the mouth to tell another person. You will even be too co.fused to remember that you can actually be liberated from it...


Na God dey help...

kemachuk:


Very much in love with him and not an arranged marriage.
We've passed thru a lot 2geda. When couples pass thru difficult times, isnt it suppose to make them dem stronger?

he built a wall around himself!it is not a problem as long as he understands roleplay

but for him to accept to communicate as you put it.you have to be witty(he will know that you are forcing him to talk and he won't mind)
only pick the communication lines that he cannot avoid but make a contribution and always enjoy that particular moment you indulge yourself.
after that moment leave him and go and do something else.
don't overdo nor over talk.

mutter:


You know that is the way you see it. What do I need with a man who rattles on none stop and just talks allot of crap or lies.

My husband is not a many of many words but steadfast as a rock.

We don`t have secrets we share all our experiences yet he does not talk much.

What is wrong with that. Quite honestly sometimes I wish he would talk a bit more but much better than a man that talks none stop.. But then my husband would never talk ill of anyone or let you do the same. You just can`t gossip either

Mine too


Talkative men irritate me
Most intelligent and focused men don't talk much,they just plan and execute and you are shocked and full of amazement
That is my man
I am the chatterbox and he doesn't mind me

The foolish ones talk up a storm and it's all talk



There is one childhood friend of mine that is still looking for a wife,I suspect his talkativeness has scared all the girls away and I just didn't know how to tell him till recently he told me a pastor he met told him to learn to talk less
I said in my mind ,he sure is right,you need to zip it a times
He can keep me on the phone one full hr and 45 mins of that time was him just yak yaking and I will be looking for a window of escape

The downside to men of few words however is that you almost have to be a mind reader sometimes and over the years I have become one I can pick out when something is troubling him just by looking at his face

veave:



God bless you. I wish i had your strength to deal.

Amen! Bless you too.

The strength is within, it is called the strength to carry on against all odds. It is one strength God empowered us with to carry our families along.

Everyone is different and everyones needs are different and that is why you MUST always choose someome who you are compatible and comfortable with.

Some people like to talk and some people dont. There is no hard and fast rule, so long as you are not hurting other people with your words

No doubt, talking helps you to bond and talking is a form of communicating. You cannot effectively communicate if you dont talk

@poster there is a diiference between your husband not wanting to talk to you at all and him not interested in your topics. The former is a problem. If its just that he is not inteststed in Kim or Beyonce, then there are a thousand of other things that you can discuss. Look for a common ground and gradually take it from there.

richyblink1:


My dear, it was difficult at first but thank God I applied wisdom.

Initially I was bothered on how she is going to flow with my folks, siblings and neighbours because she barely want to raise any topic of discussion and is not willing to contribute either. But when I realise her environment and up bringing shaped her that way, had no other option than following her gently.

The following steps helped.

1. I paid attention to find out things that intrigues her and ensure I equally get involve or show interest in them. At first it was difficult because she is someone who will hardly even want to tell you what she wants, likes or need.
For instance she is not keen to seeing movies or really pay attention to gadgets etc. But at the same time she love watching TELEMUNDO. So I had to start following the series (Lola, my heart beats for Lola, where is Elisa etc). By so doing I will pretend not knowing the acts so she can fill me in thereby creating an atmosphere for discussion.

2. She is good with animals and their various specie's. So whenever we are home I will intentionally tune Natgeo-wild and pretend I am interested in knowing their various species which will make her open up and start teaching me. By so doing discussion will follow.

3. She is not comfortable with crowd, so I reduced the number of people visiting the house so as to create a conducive environment for her to feel free and discuss with me.

4. Haven noticed she likes Oscar (Chelsea's soccer star) I always ensure she is aware when Chelsea is playing and ensure we don't just talk about just Oscar, but other players which will lead to more topic of discussion.

5. Since she dislikes going out (staying indoor is her best form of relaxing) I will always use her love for SUYA to lure her out. And there is no way we will not interact while strolling to get SUYA.

It is just a personal thing. Once you are committed to making your union a happy, fulfilling, fun filled and interesting one. You will go extra mile to making your partner feel at home.

wow wow wow~ i am exactly like your wife, we are lovely people just that people misunderstands us, we great thinkers.
i like telemundo
natgeowild and so on,
i recently entered facebook after so much yabbing from friends and families
they see me as too full of myself
but God made it wonderful by giving me someone like you an opposite of me who is an extro extro extrovert.
so we go out more often, socialize and recently i am even the one that is initiating social activities self.
you are right again it is from my family, e.g. my father has never eat out or even gone to beer parlour since after marring my mother.
he drinks beer but he buys it and take it at home,
my husband will even prefer we go out for weekends and lodge in hotel every weekends,
so you see.
it has made me to view this life in a different angle and i am thankful because had it been i married someone like me hmmmm, people will not visit us, and no one is an island, continue with your work, all is well.
thanks for doing what you are doing to your wife.

richyblink1:


Amen! And yours too

Amen