grandlexuz:


For the life of me sweetcocoa it is not normal for a four year old child to do what he did and show no remorse! That is why by the end of the day he deserved some punishment of some sort to let him know what he did was bad.. This incident happened a few months ago and after those threats I have noticed some positive change in his attitude. He now knows climbing ontop of his sister would cost his dingdong..Period!
P.s.. Very funny how angry the mum got at me that night for not disciplining the guy enough!

How funny, climbing on his sister will cost him his thing, how about letting him know it's not just his sister he can't climb on?

Kid probably showed no remorse because he doesn't understand why he's being beaten, force and brutality only makes one hardened, especially children.

grandlexuz:


First I must begin by inquiring if you got any kids of your own? I must also ask if you have lived in Nigeria or ever lived in Nigeria? Are you saying a four year child is never responsible for whatever he does? Are you saying a 4 year old child deserves no punishment for doing what he did and eventually showing no remorse.. Mind you tying of his hands only had to be done when he virtually refused to say he was sorry and will never do it again! As much as I accept with you that parents should be responsible and try to protect their kids, I ask again if you have ever lived in rural Africa. Some women leave their homes at 5am to go to their farms or businesses. They return late in the evening. They do these because they must put food on the table, their kids need to have school fees paid. In the course of the day most of these kids move around in groups. Each teaching the other what they have learned or seen in the movies! To these parents their only tool of discipline is the cane. Why? Because it will prevent the child from doing it again!

I don't have kids of my own but I'm around kids alot. I don't think this is about where I have lived as I currently reside in Nigeria.

I'm not saying a 4 years old shouldn't be taught responsibility, I'm saying, this is not an average 4 years old normal behavior therefore should not be treated as such.

I don't see what his mum going out by 5 a.m has to do with this, since you claim he could have seen her doing it and want to experiment. She can't be excused if he picked it up from her.

If you think the cane can stop the boy from doing it again, why is he still doing it? Isn't that why you opened this thread?

sweetcocoa:
How funny, climbing on his sister will cost him his thing, how about letting him know it's not just his sister he can't climb on?

Kid probably showed no remorse because he doesn't understand why he's being beaten, force and brutality only makes one hardened, especially children.

Sweetcocoa, I think we both leaving in two different communities..Mind you I began this thread by saying I am not a fan of child beating as a means of discipline. To say Ali didn't understand why he was being tied definitely means we are on two different pages.. I am talking about a kid putting ON A FACE! Like I mentioned before most people in this neighborhood hated this lady when she moved in. Apparently because of the child beating thing.. However when they got to know Ali, her mum was excused! Mind you I have got a nine year old daughter and 3 year old son! I have also been living with another twelve year old child ever since she was 2. So mind you I know when a child is innocent, unaware of things or just being head strong and unrepentant! Really funny we are having this discussion because my wife and mum personally think this my do not beat a child attitude do spoil kids!

sweetcocoa:
I don't have kids of my own but I'm around kids alot. I don't think this is about where I have lived as I currently reside in Nigeria.

I'm not saying a 4 years old shouldn't be taught responsibility, I'm saying, this is not an average 4 years old normal behavior therefore should not be treated as such.

I don't see what his mum going out by 5 a.m has to do with this, since you claim he could have seen her doing it and want to experiment. She can't be excused if he picked it up from her.

If you think the cane can stop the boy from doing it again, why is he still doing it? Isn't that why you opened this thread?

Nope he has not dared ever since the hand tying incident! Who no like yi dingdong! Personally I had several possible scenerios as to where he picked this behaviour. To be sincere sexual abuse was never one of them! Living and sleeping in the same room with kids has its downsides.. My wildest guess was their living situation could have cost it. However I personally did not notice men coming and going from her mums place. Her mum did mention letting them stay with her older sister for 9 months. This too in a town known to have immoral kids. The living condition there was terrible. I think about 7 kids in a room. So it is probable he must have seen something somewhere!

grandlexuz:


Sweetcocoa, I think we both leaving in two different communities..Mind you I began this thread by saying I am not a fan of child beating as a means of discipline. To say Ali didn't understand why he was being tied definitely means we are on two different pages.. I am talking about a kid putting ON A FACE! Like I mentioned before most people in this neighborhood hated this lady when she moved in. Apparently because of the child beating thing.. However when they got to know Ali, her mum was excused! Mind you I have got a nine year old daughter and 3 year old son! I have also been living with another twelve year old child ever since she was 2. So mind you I know when a child is innocent, unaware of things or just being head strong and unrepentant! Really funny we are having this discussion because my wife and mum personally think this my do not beat a child attitude do spoil kids!

Wow, just wow!

Ali is 4 years old, 1,2,3,4 years old. How can his mum be excused if he has a horrible behavior?he is too young to be blamed for who he is becoming.

I didn't ask you not to beat your children, beat them all you want, I just think it's no the best way. I probably will spank my kids but reasonably.

sweetcocoa:
For the life of me, please understand that it's not in the least bit normal for a 4 years old to behave that way, you can't hold him responsible for this, he is 4, only 4.

Asking who i'll term a victim, if I saw such, just shows you clearly haven't been understanding what ileobatojo and I have been saying.

Precisely why I've given up. May God help that boy and his siblings. So the mother leaves the kids all by themselves from 5 am, men and older kids come and go at will but it's still this child's fault for behaving like that. lets leave the main problem and heap all the responsibility on this 4yr old who should definitely know from birth how to handle all manners of inappropriate sexual conduct. He should be able to take care of himself psychologically and maintain all decorum at all times. After all, he's a 4yr old village boy, not like those spoilt city children.

For d love of me bae, u av done enuf to show dis op dat a child has been abused.....shikena. I dnt seem to understnd y he is on d defensive. Dis is a baby lawd av mercy. 4yrs old. Like u said bringing dis boy close n letting him confide in uncle op wld av done d magic, yet uncle up tinx its a better approach to threaten his dingdong (dis is d point i lol) i was born in d igboro (bush) too n i can relate with dis. @dat age i had a near experience. If its d mothers exposure or some1 z abusing dat kid, or he is d spawn of d devil as some1 said, dat kid needs help. Psychological, spiritual or otherwise. He is just a baby pls

sweetcocoa:
How funny, climbing on his sister will cost him his thing, how about letting him know it's not just his sister he can't climb on?

Kid probably showed no remorse because he doesn't understand why he's being beaten, force and brutality only makes one hardened, especially children.

ileobatojo:


Precisely why I've given up. May God help that boy and his siblings. So the mother leaves the kids all by themselves from 5 am, men and older kids come and go at will but it's still this child's fault for behaving like that. lets leave the main problem and heap all the responsibility on this 4yr old who should definitely know from birth how to handle all manners of inappropriate sexual conduct. He should be able to take care of himself psychologically and maintain all decorum at all times. After all, he's a 4yr old village boy, not like those spoilt city children.

I just weak abeg, and I wonder why many people in Nigeria act the way they do? I must be a learner .

urchbarbie:
For d love of me bae, u av done enuf to show dis op dat a child has been abused.....shikena. I dnt seem to understnd y he is on d defensive. Dis is a baby lawd av mercy. 4yrs old. Like u said bringing dis boy close n letting him confide in uncle op wld av done d magic, yet uncle up tinx its a better approach to threaten his dingdong (dis is d point i lol) i was born in d igboro (bush) too n i can relate with dis. @dat age i had a near experience. If its d mothers exposure or some1 z abusing dat kid, or he is d spawn of d devil as some1 said, dat kid needs help. Psychological, spiritual or otherwise. He is just a baby pls

Thank you my sister.

The mother is an absolute id10t and so is the neighbor.

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soulglo:
The mother is an absolute id10t and so is the neighbor.

Na who be this mushroom too nor!

urchbarbie:
For d love of me bae, u av done enuf to show dis op dat a child has been abused.....shikena. I dnt seem to understnd y he is on d defensive. Dis is a baby lawd av mercy. 4yrs old. Like u said bringing dis boy close n letting him confide in uncle op wld av done d magic, yet uncle up tinx its a better approach to threaten his dingdong (dis is d point i lol) i was born in d igboro (bush) too n i can relate with dis. @dat age i had a near experience. If its d mothers exposure or some1 z abusing dat kid, or he is d spawn of d devil as some1 said, dat kid needs help. Psychological, spiritual or otherwise. He is just a baby pls

Urchbabie you must understand that life is not a mathematical equation..It is not an x+x=2x..Saying "u av done enuf to show dis op dat a child has been abused.....shikena." is like saying everyone with high fever and vomiting during the Eboloa crisis in Lagos was infected by the Ebola virus. You must also understand that my physical presence in this matter puts me in a better situation to you! Now let me make a summary of the events of that night just incase- A woman is running after her son with a stick big enough to kill. Son takes refuge behind me. I scold woman. She burst into tears, takes me to her home and explains son got into room, checked if she was asleep and struggled to get something into her V. He has also tried that before with the younger sister! I am taken aback because I never heard of anything like that before! I call kid tell him what you did is bad. Where did you learn this? Tell mum you are sorry and you will never do it it again. Kid gives me a PROVOCATIVE stare and refuses to apologise. I ask him, so you don't want to apologise, he says "YES". Mum bursts into tears and tells me you see what I mean.Ali is terrible, Ali is bad, Ali is wicked like the father, I will kill him today.. Ali is not afraid of me cos I am a woman okay you beat him.. I call Ali one more time and ask him to apologise he refuses by shaking the head. I tie his hands and tell him I will cut his digdong.. When he thinks I am serious he pretends that he is dead.. I ask him to get up, he ressurects.. I insist I will cut the dindong and suddenly he says he will never do it again.. I call the mum and Ali apologises, that he will never steal again,and will never "DO" again.. Mum is still devastated and in tears.. Says she fears Ali might end up as a thief and be killed.. I beg her not to say that but to have hope and show child more love, cut down on beatings etc.. From that period I start passing around often.. Buying kids toys and biscuits..At first you could give ali and the sister biscuits and beg them to share with you to no avail.. When I noticed that I will only buy for the older brother and the other 6 month old brother. They learnt their lesson and started sharing..Personally I never suspected abuse of some sort.. My initial thought was exposure.. He could have been exposed to seeing something either on screen or physically.. However I had to tie his hands not because of the incident but because he VEHEMENMTly refused to tell the mum he was sorry and would never do it.. I have a three year old son, if he did that and I explained to him that it was bad and asked him to say he was sorry and would not do it again and he refused I will actually cut his dingdong for real..Period!

P.s.. Two years ago the twin 6 year old daughters of a neighbour were caught naked with two boys of the same age in an abandoned building.. The father of the girls a struggling Igbo man with a small shop want die.. He beat the living hell out of these girls.. The girls said they saw it in Nigerian films and wanted to try.. These days this things are so common here and the kids are quick to blame it on Naija films. That said I might have been quick in ruling that Ali's own situation was same.. I will call him this evening and talk with him.. This incident actually happened in October and to the best of my knowledge has never done it again.. Ask me to take back the hand tying, I will never do!