kodozion:


Lol
Point of correction
I'm only address the situation here so people will understand that the boy is from her while the girl is from another woman
Though i have not met with my son but he so cute and i love him so much
Every morning and evening she must send me a pix of him,i have like 6 videos of him and there no time i don't look at his pictures
He's my resemblance

Don't get it twist

Then get down to nigeria ASAP and show her you love her. She needs you. That is why she is acting up.

LadyX:

Letting her go means he will have 2 kids with different mothers, and will soon find another baby mama.
Remember, she is a student so how to do expect her to meet her expenses when it's the op that contributed to her predicament? Op has to take responsibility.

Ladyxxxxx my padi

Yes op has to take responsibility of caring for his son, but he can let go of the baby mum if he wants to. Just because they have a child together does not mean they must be together. And it is not the responsibility of the op to pay her school expenses.

kodozion:



I understand what you are saying but I don't agree some of your points
A ring or marriage does not bring out respect in a woman...a disrespectful woman will always be like that whether ring or not until she decide to amend
Are there not wedding where both parent gave consent to but d union never went pass 3 months
If a woman cannot display a good xter before marriage then she will not even if you marry her
I have always look beyond her manners/fault but my issue with her now is her ungrateful and comparison with my daughter which goes to show she can't unite my daughter n her son
If she has shown this side before I don't think I would ve continue this far with her

I have never compared my daughter with her son...I hardly even discuss my daughter with her
How much did I spend on daughter last year compare to her son

All through last year....I only bought clothes during summer for my daughter, sept I enrolled her in a new sch of 67k...oct I gave my mum 10k to take her to hospital..finish


But her own case.....in march I spent 77k for ante natal,her pyschatric posting and allownace
May..I gave 180k for her 1st baby shopping......june I made a new bed frame and bought new foam for her for 50k.....august her pack bag for delivery I gave her 23k...all these doesn't include her monthly allowance
She gave birth sept 6th..on the 1st sept..I gave her 102k for delivery n allowance....oct..I gave her 120k for allownace,settle debt of 15k n buy few electronics....november...I gave her 80k for her and my son expenses....dec I gave her and her family 93k (50k for the parents)..........no wonder the father called on new year to bring the baby to visit him.....I gave them the money just put respect on her since I have not come to do the right thing

This year janaury....I only paid my daughter sch fees...40k.....while she and her son collected 53k
Then on the 26th she asked for her febuary allowance and money for dedication..I gave her 60k.......
The problem now is that on the 17th feb she asked for money I told her to wait till month so I will give her moni for both her sch stuff and allowance before she started vomitting rubbish that if it were my daughter n mother that requested moni I will run and send it
That the other day my daughter was not feeling fine I sent money but I refuse to respond now that she said her son is not fine
Also that the land my mum bought for me,she knows her son is not included but just me and my daughter
Lastly what does she really benefit from me self

The bible say....he that is faithful/grateful in little will be faithful/grateful in much..
She is very ungrateful and is too early for her to see my daughter as a rival
Is not healthy at all
I'm trying but she is not encouraging

I dislike this 'her son' ,'my daughter' use of words. He is your son too so please correct that. All these are why she is complaining sef.

OP since you need advise this is mine. You are not just a single man but one with two kids from differents mum. So you need a wife who will not just love you but also mother your kids. Dont come home with the promise to marry anyone instead with a plan to unite your family. Take your daughter to spend time with your son and his mum. If you are not sure of your second baby mama relationship with your babygirl then dont marry her yet. You have to watch her rival too. Wait and watch. I think thats what Tubaba did and went for Annie.

Amhappy:
OP since you need advise this is mine. You are not just a single man but one with two kids from differents mum. So you need a wife who will not just love you but also mother your kids. Dont come home with the promise to marry anyone instead with a plan to unite your family. Take your daughter to spend time with your son and his mum. If you are not sure of your second baby mama relationship with your babygirl then dont marry her yet. You have to watch her rival too. Wait and watch. I think thats what Tubaba did and went for Annie.

I don't use those words "my daughter" "her son",I only did here just to differentiate d gender of who belong to who and who. In fact she is the one that uses the word your daughter "mi son"
I love my son just the way I love my daughter

My initial plan was to come home january/febuary but she asked I move it to dec when she is done with her final exams....I asked her to get a 2 bedroom apartment where will live that was part of the money I gave her november last year to buy one or two electronics that we don't have

My problem with her now is the word she used which shows she ungrateful and the idea of comparing my daughter with my son

kodozion:


Lol
Point of correction
I'm only address the situation here so people will understand that the boy is from her while the girl is from another woman
Though i have not met with my son but he so cute and i love him so much
Every morning and evening she must send me a pix of him,i have like 6 videos of him and there no time i don't look at his pictures
He's my resemblance

Don't get it twist

Of course you love your son, you're just not bonded to him. You have to hold him In your hands for the strong connection to start taking shape. For now, he's probably like a loved nephew.

Women have very strong intuition, she senses that detachment you have with your own son. That's why she's not buying anything you have to say about not loving your son as much as you love your daughter. That explains the whines and incessant complains. It really wasn't about the money, it was what she sensed.

I don't believe she'd tear your family apart. What she needs is strong reassurance that she and her son are important to you as her daughter clearly is. When you can, go and see your son. Hopefully by that time, you haven't made any hasty decision you may live to regret.

I'd advice you not to dump her till you get to the root cause of her bitterness. But as I said earlier you can still go ahead and do what you want. Her life does not begin and end with you.

Amya:


Of course you love your son, you're just not bonded to him. You have to hold him In your hands for the strong connection to start taking shape. For now, he's probably like a loved nephew.

Women have very strong intuition, she senses that detachment you have with your own son. That's why she's not buying anything you have to say about not loving your son as much as you love your daughter. That explains the whines and incessant complains. It really wasn't about the money, it was what she sensed.

I don't believe she'd tear your family apart. What she needs is strong reassurance that she and her son are important to you as her daughter clearly is. When you can, go and see your son. Hopefully by that time, you haven't made any hasty decision you may live to regret.

I'd advice you not to dump her till you get to the root cause of her bitterness. But as I said earlier you can still go ahead and do what you want. Her life does not begin and end with you.

Thanks

Couldnt read it all but my question is "Did ur second babymama exhibit all this characters before u travelled? Or it started when u travelled?"

olu4life:
Couldnt read it all but my question is "Did ur second babymama exhibit all this characters before u travelled? Or it started when u travelled?"

The manners? YES

I strongly believe the poster is no longer interested in continuing the relationship. I will advise the poster to simply forget about the woman and take full responsibility of child's upkeep.

kodozion:


The manners? YES

To me It seems like you are looking for reasons to dump her. By your admission, she hasnt changed.
I am not saying marry someone you are not comfortable with, but have a good enough reason especially as there are kids involved now.

Your gf does not really feel part of the family and she is feels like an outcast and must be very lonley and your distance has not helped.
She is not in a good place and she is probably fed up too of the situation that she finds herself and if not for the baby, she may have walked away. She is only human. The fact that she told you not to come to December also speaks volumes. If things continue this way, you may end up loosing her

You also seem to talk a lot of "her family and my family" and how much you spent on her and her parents and her. Too much record keeping . . .all in the aid to throw it back at her??

Meanwhile you are enjoying from all angles. You dont have the stress of looking after any babys & all you have to do is to send money for their upkeep. Other people are caring for your responsibilitys.
You may think that you hold all the aces and becasue you have some money think you can call the shots. Yes you can but only for a short time.
Men too can become "bad market" and with time a girl may hold the fact that you have baby monnas against you as it makes you look irresponsible and difficult.

My advise to you is to make hay while the sun shines and do what you have to do in time. No man or woman is perfect. You will not find Miss right even with all the money in the world. Your children also need a father in their lives.

chaircover:


To me It seems like you are looking for reasons to dump her. By your admission, she hasnt changed.
I am not saying marry someone you are not comfortable with, but have a good enough reason especially as there are kids involved now.

Your gf does not really feel part of the family and she is feels like an outcast and must be very lonley and your distance has not helped.
She is not in a good place and she is probably fed up too of the situation that she finds herself and if not for the baby, she may have walked away. She is only human. The fact that she told you not to come to December also speaks volumes. If things continue this way, you may end up loosing her

You also seem to talk a lot of "her family and my family" and how much you spent on her and her parents and her. Too much record keeping . . .all in the aid to throw it back at her??

Meanwhile you are enjoying from all angles. You dont have the stress of looking after any babys & all you have to do is to send money for their upkeep. Other people are caring for your responsibilitys.
You may think that you hold all the aces and becasue you have some money think you can call the shots. Yes you can but only for a short time.
Men too can become "bad market" and with time a girl may hold the fact that you have baby monnas against you as it makes you look irresponsible and difficult.

My advise to you is to make hay while the sun shines and do what you have to do in time. No man or woman is perfect. You will not find Miss right even with all the money in the world. Your children also need a father in their lives.

Thanks but some of your points are not correct
I'm not looking for ways to end the relationship,is just that am very angry with her for some of her comment. I have also picked a lot of advice from here and funny enough xday evening she unblock me on whatapp and facebook.
We have been talking since afternoon and right now.
She angry I talk about money a lot ,I never knew oh but I will stop talking about it
She also said when she told me the child was coughing and couldn't sleep about few minutes to 11pm,I said I was going to bed becos I have to goto work the next morning and I didn't even say nice thing like sorry to the child....
Well ve heard every one here,I will try n put in more effort but she dey form for me here oh...I go vex
oh...#lol#

kodozion:
NL,
This will be my first post on NL have read some encouraging comment on family section here on nairaland so I decide to put my situation here.

I have a daughter from my previous relationship(Gf),she will be 8yrs by april. I met my present GF feb 2011,a student of uniben and we started dating then I left the country december 2012 and we still maintain communication while she goes to my house to visit and maintain a relationship with my people then I came dec 2013 but found out that mum was not keen about her even kicked against any union between but she didn't really give me a sound reason but from all indication I guess it based on tribal differences. I left nigeria again january 25th I travelled back to milan again but before then she told me she was pregnant and we did a scan before I left.

The first year I travelled from april 2013 I fix her on 20k monthly allowance then 2014 wen she took in, I raised her allowance to 30k minimum. She gave birth september 6th of a bouncing baby boy that month on the 1st I gave 102k for her allowance and hospital bills.
She lives with her grand mother then we planned of getting an apartment where she will move closer to school,well all this while when she was pregnant I told my mum but she refuse to call her or pay her a visit. During that around august my eldest sister came from UK and she learnt about d disagreement and tried to settle the issue,so when she gave birth I didn't bother to inform my mum but my eldest sister did because she was still around ,she even went to the girl house and took her to my mum place to make peace,she knelt down n apologise which I don't know what for because I wasn't even informed before she went there then next day my eldest sister pleaded with me to allow them take the child to my house again for the naming ceremony which I consented to.
My eldest sister is back to the Uk and my mum does call my Gf to check on the baby but has never gone to pay a visit.
My Gf has been complaining that her parents are asking questions always but I did call the Dad and I told him when I come I will see him
Dec 2014,I gave my Gf 33k for her allowance and 50k to give her parent for the xmas even 15k to her cousin that lives with that for birthday things
Prior to this time my Gf has been asking me to help her with some school challenges which has to do with money I told I will because I have been so tight with money and she knows. January I have to pay my daughter sch fees which is 40k,my mum allowance is also 30k....gf allownce 30k ,cartoon of hughes pampers,wipe and the child bicycle abt 7k..I gave my gf 53k for january 5th for all these then I told I will help her with the school when I want to send febuary allowance.
On the 23rd january she started asking for febuary money that she is broke and will survive with it till feb end then at about that same time my mum called me n said there a cheap parcel of land that somebdy want to sell that if I hav e moni I shuld bring then I told my Gf...all she could say was that......so I know the plan your mum has for you only covers you and your daughter and not me and my son...I was shocked
The next day I told her I told her I will buy the land then I will send her allowance then 30k extra to do our son dedication that I will give her d school stuff by feb end. The next thing she said was that she had d worst xmas and living d worst life now because of money and that me I send moni to my mum and maintain a good relationship with her when she has not come pay a visit and has a bad relationship with her......I didn't say anything but I just sent 60k for allowance and dedication which said was enough for dedication
Feb 15th she said again that she is broke that she need money but I told her I don't have now till feb end becos of the expenses then we had an argument then she said in her words "who do I have gain from you" wetin I don use your money do"..that I take she and her son secondary while I attend to my family wen they asked for moni .....I told her dec you and your people collected 98k while I gave my mum n 2 sisters 75k,I said since she gave birth I have not given her n my son less than 50k a month but my mum that cares for my daughter take 30k.....I said there are women and there wives but she belongs to the former then she repeated it to me then she deleted me on BBM,FB,whatapp.....I want to end the relationship and just her money for my son only....I'm tired of her

There are women and there are wives.

What a statement!

You are tired of her just like you are tired of the previous babymama.
Tomorrow you start looking for another baby mama.

Pls do us a favor and learn to use a condom.

Read about it,

Condom.
Condom

Repeat after me.


'I have to learn how to use the condom'

She agreed to that?

kodozion:


Thanks
My daughter lives with my mother
The mother left her with me and my mum when she was a year old becos of pressure from the family becos she was young then so our relationship ended, she moved to PH to further her school in madonna university then I met this present gf 2011
My problem with this present one doesn't really centre on money but her attitude now
Before our son came she was always concern about my daughter but ever since the arrival of our son all does is to compare my attention between them..she doesn't even call my daughter name again..all she says is ur daughter,my son.....when your daughter was sick u quickly sent moni but my son is not feeling fine but you don't bother becos we r secondary to you where as I spend a larger part on them.....she is so ungrateful
Last week monday I did little shopping for her and my son because it was a final sales period while I was doing it I was sending her d pix of the clothes(3 jeggings n 2 tops for her then 3 trousers n 2 shoes for my son) and she didn't even ask me if I wasn't buying anything for my daughter...she so self centred

My fear is that she will not unite my children so am begining to think of going back to my daughter mother

She is in finals too in madonna university

Note: the pregnancy was an arrangement between both us since she said it will be commitment between us since am not in the country that I can just do introduction when I come then marriage this year or next but my mum didn't agree with the introduction and at that time we have stopped all precautions

I will always send her money for the need of my son

Chillisauce:




There are women and there are wives.

What a statement!

You are tired of her just like you are tired of the previous babymama.
Tomorrow you start looking for another baby mama.

Pls do us a favor and learn to use a condom.


Read about it,

Condom.
Condom

Repeat after me.


'I have to learn how to use the condom'

Very funny
I met her Feb 2011,how come she never took in ?we both agree to the responsibility thinking we will go through with introduction then marriage this year or next
This is my 3rd year in Europe through the grace of God 've not date any woman since i came here so i don't sleep around

kodozion:





Very funny
I met her Feb 2011,how come she never took in ?we both agree to the responsibility thinking we will go through with introduction then marriage this year or next
This is my 3rd year in Europe through the grace of God 've not date any woman since i came here so i don't sleep around

Oh ok. Good for you. But in case you decide to date again. use a condom until you get married.

Stop creating babaymamas everywhere.

This guy's fault finding has no part 2.
D only post u agreed with 100 percent was the one that advised u not to marry her.
I only pity d children.

And also it seems u don't know what it means to be rejected.
Ur mum navigates the ship for u and calls d shot.
If I were that lady,i will look elsewhere.
How can an intended MIL not have gone to see the grandson till date and u r comfy with that?
And u r so self centered.
U wanna go back to d first baby mama.
Well,i don't blame u but gals that allow themselves to be used and dumped by men like u.
Guess what,even with tuface's money,he is in d hot kitchen and can't get out.

Everybody is telling u what to do yet u r looking out for those that will tell uu to dump her.
Pls dump her and go for the third one afterall u hv d cash to spend.
People that think that money is everything.
And yes,tell ur mum somebody said she is very wicked.
What a mother!
Tua!

Seems you never learned your lesson the first time.
How many bastards do you intend to breed before you finally see reason?
Your choice of partners reflect the kind of person you are.
Your life is a HUGE mess. . . .and and will continue to be so for a long time.
I pity the children born into such circumstances.

What a shame!

KanwuliaJara:
Seems you never learned your lesson the first time.
How many bastards do you intend to breed before you finally see reason?
Your choice of partners reflect the kind of person you are.
Your life is a HUGE mess. . . .and and will continue to be so for a long time.
I pity the children born into such circumstances.

What a shame!

Hey
I take criticism but not insult especially when you referring to my kids
They aren't bastards and my life is not in a mess
If I really want to leave her I wouldn't post on this forum,I have been a member of NL since 2009......I just read comment but I don't post or comment
Don't pity my children they r very well in safe hands
Finally to shame you,I have been talking with her since xday and we r dealing with d issue very well

moca:
This guy's fault finding has no part 2.
D only post u agreed with 100 percent was the one that advised u not to marry her.
I only pity d children.

And also it seems u don't know what it means to be rejected.
Ur mum navigates the ship for u and calls d shot.
If I were that lady,i will look elsewhere.
How can an intended MIL not have gone to see the grandson till date and u r comfy with that?
And u r so self centered.
U wanna go back to d first baby mama.
Well,i don't blame u but gals that allow themselves to be used and dumped by men like u.
Guess what,even with tuface's money,he is in d hot kitchen and can't get out.

Everybody is telling u what to do yet u r looking out for those that will tell uu to dump her.
Pls dump her and go for the third one afterall u hv d cash to spend.
People that think that money is everything.
And yes,tell ur mum somebody said she is very wicked.
What a mother!
Tua!

I'm not fault finding
I'm just point out what am not comfortable with her xter but you all seem to be carried away with d fact that she is a nursing mother and my mum hasn't paid her a visit
Also I didn't agree with d posters that ask me to dump her
Abt my daughter mum....I only suggest I might go back to her just to avoid 3rd woman but since xday ve talking with my girl and we are making headway
Thanks