Being independent like my mom is cool.It's no big deal so long the woman still respects nd love her man.I don't even know how to ask my dad for money talked of any body I call a boyfriend

Pamcrest:
Op that's a no- brainier. The fear of an independent woman scares some Naija men silly.....it shrinks their joysticks.
And their response is to attack everything about her.......her upbringing and background are denigrated, her source of wealth becomes suspect, her prospects as a good wife becomes suspect. Most men can't even approach her. The bold ones would want to hit her and run.....no longterm intentions.

But it's not entirely their fault. Our society ingrains that air of superiority in our men that some have forgotten that the world is changing fast. Women are now recording more exploits than they are thought capable of. So men, loosen up and wisen up!
My humble submission

your reasoning is so shallow and biased.
Have you bothered to ask why men stay away from women who are more successful than the men?
How familiar are you with such women and their attitude?

babyosisi:


I consider myself an independent woman
I am married,I love being married and I love my husband dearly and consider him the love of my life but I don't depend on him financially and I am a full fledged person with or without him.
I make my own money and have total independence in how I spend it which most of it goes to stuff for children and the home anyway.
I don't sit around to be told what to do and how to think

From conversations with guys ,real men like strong independent women who can hold the forte in their absence
A man wants to know that his children will be well taken care of,should they exit this world untimely.
Being an independent woman doesn't make one a non submissive wife,I totally respect the authority of my husband as the Bishop of our home and in any conflict of opinion,I submit to his.
The problem is in being independent and being anti men or non submissive when married
People shouldn't conflate the two things.

Fact!!!

reminiscing:
Being independent like my mom is cool.It's no big deal so long the woman still respects nd love her man.I don't even know how to ask my dad for money talked of any body I call a boyfriend

Thank you
Independent women usually raise independent daughters
My mother always worked,had her union bank account and didn't need permission from my dad to support her mom,brothers and sisters so she modeled that to me and I am glad she did.
I had never had to beg or ask any man for money or expected favors from anyone I dated let alone demand it.
In the earlier years of marriage when I stayed home with no income,I hated it
I hate begging for money,it is humiliating to me
I didn't grow up seeing my mom write a list of groceries and watch my dad cancel out some things on the list and yell and hand her money like I saw in some homes.i accompanied her to union bank to get money and
She pulled her weight well and they are still married till this day

Being independent is one thing I love about women. Because it saves from too much talk and expenses. I don't need to show my male ego on any woman because I normally show it without even trying based on my personality.

My girlfriend is this miss-independent kind of woman, trying to do things on her own and all that. Well, I'm fine with it and I even give her advice on somethings I think she's not fully equipped to handle. But the feminine side is still there, she gets weak and she'll need my attention, which I make expensive to get so as not to belittle me.

I am not saying I'm scared of taking responsibilities but the truth is, independent ladies make you reach faster than the whining girls.

remsonik:
mizmycoli,ronald4lif and missjenna has said it all but lemme just add this

Not all Independent ladies are not proud, its the guys who are insecured. Women are psychologically emotional, from the pepper seller to the executive director.

Gracias ma'am

@OP.
There was a similar thread the other day and I tried to explain to one lady, I've forgotten her name.
This's actually a philosophical question and I think women should allow men explain, if they want to understand why. All these words; threats, fear, intimidated, shouldn't be on the list on the minds of women as to why.

Let me say it again. Men simply naturally want to be the one to provide for a lady. Men naturally want to be in charge. If you like go to an orphanage and marry a poor man, after some years he will like to be in charge in the home cause men are wired that way. Otherwise, the marriage wouldn't work.
So, if a man sees you (woman) already have all the qualities of a man he will simply avoid you because he feels he have nothing more to offer you (He finds out he will not be in charge). Nothing more than that.

babyosisi:


Thank you
Independent women usually raise independent daughters
My mother always worked,had her union bank account and didn't need permission from my dad to support her mom,brothers and sisters so she modeled that to me and I am glad she did.
I had never had to beg or ask any man for money or expected favors from anyone I dated let alone demand it.
In the earlier years of marriage when I stayed home with no income,I hated it
I hate begging for money,it is humiliating to me
I didn't grow up seeing my mom write a list of groceries and watch my dad cancel out some things on the list and yell and hand her money like I saw in some homes.
She pulled her weight well and they are still married till this day

Abi o,a woman is supposed to be a help mate and not a burden

Only the weak men. Most men are beta males

I see a lot of persons saying majority of Nigeria men feel insecure around independent women. I don't know but maybe it's the type you've been hanging around with. I for one, prefer then independent women and same goes with majority of my male friends. I wouldn't want a lady that depends on me all the time for everything. I love women that are strong, intelligent, purpose-driven, financially stable and is "best" in the thing she does. Meanwhile, while there a growing feminist movement in Nigeria today, many ladies have misconstrued idea of that word. It will gladen me and all of my male folks if the there is a proper sensitization of that word "independent lady". That you're independent doesn't mean your respect for your man should drop by even an inch. It doesn't nagate the fact that he is the head of the home. It will do good if you as an independent lady have your pride in check. When you start letting your man know you can do without him and still be fine, there will definitely be problem. This is why some men bash and rather maintain a platonic relationship with the independent ladies. Some don't even want to keep a platonic relationship with them because of this issue---pride. They feel majority of them have too much ego and hey! It's not stereotyped. Statistics show that majority of independent women have this problem but I thank God for the few ones that have enough understanding to have their pride in check. I like what babyosisi said. Don't allow it get into your head. Respect, love, adore and honour your man. That doesn't mean you should not be able to add life to his person. You should have something on the table. Most marriages are suffering today because the wives are busy waiting for the husband to provide everything.

One thing I'll not like is when she begins to say she doesn't need me to be happy. No matter how financially stable and fulfilled career wise you are, it's still out of place to say you would be happy with or without your man. It's like saying he adds nothing to your life. You have no reason to miss him. He's an ode. This is a total blunder! Especially when the man loves you very much and you say it'll make no difference if you decide to leave him. Why did you marry him or agree to date him in the first place?



Be independent but don't emasculate your man with it. Balance everything.

My contribution

reminiscing:





Abi o,a woman is supposed to be a help mate and not a burden

Exactly! You should be able to "help" him. Even in the bible God said "I will make him a help meet for him. The word meet there means qualified. A lady should have an interesting CV. She should be resourceful on her own both financially, intellectually and otherwise.

Be a boss, date a boss, build an empire

Purehuman:
Being independent is one thing I love about women. Because it saves from too much talk and expenses. I don't need to show my male ego on any woman because I normally show it without even trying based on my personality.

My girlfriend is this miss-independent kind of woman, trying to do things on her own and all that. Well, I'm fine with it and I even give her advice on somethings I think she's not fully equipped to handle. But the feminine side is still there, she gets weak and she'll need my attention, which I make expensive to get so as not to belittle me.

I am not saying I'm scared of taking responsibilities but the truth is, independent ladies make you reach faster than the whining girls.

Mature confident and successful men love independent women because it compliments them
I don't ask my hubby to pick me up from the airport when I travel,I can take a cab home,it saves him the driving and me the waiting in case he is running late.
He travels out of the country ,he knows I can handle anything at home.I Don't have to wait till he gets back to call a plumber or handyman to fix anything that breaks while he is away.
He calls to tell me he is coming home with a family friend in 30 minutes,he knows I can whip up something real fast to entertain the guest.
I think Everyman should have that confidence that his woman is well able to handle things


Which man wouldn't want Mrs Alakija for a wife
Rich,independent,a fearless go getter yet a loving wife and mother
Or chimamnda adichie or Joke silva?
Being independent does not equal being a terrible partner

babyosisi:


Let me be frank with you,sometimes it's attitude like yours that make some women that way
If you go into a relationship hoping to control and beat someone else into shape,the reaction will be what you are describing here
It's a two way thing
The giving and taking goes both ways
If a man feels insecure and threatened,and thinks being macho will do it,I promise you it won't work
You need to love and respect the woman you love and she will give you the best of her

haha I never insinuated beating and forcing I wonder where you got that idea. All I said was if a supposed "independent lady" pops such disgusting statement why we got issue like "I can buy my own cos am independent" meehn that stinks rili and that marriage's going down. I rili give less f^ck about what people say. Ofcos a sane man would prefer a working class lady you know but that shouldn't present an opportunity for filty attitudes goodnight

AgapeCharis:
Exactly! You should be able to "help" him. Even in the bible God said "I will make him a help meet for him. The word meet there means qualified. A lady should have an interesting CV. She should be resourceful on her own both financially, intellectually and otherwise.

Be a boss, date a boss, build an empire

So correct
Since we are going biblical now,look at the resume for the virtuous woman
That is an independent woman
So even the bible agrees

babyosisi:


Mature confident and successful men love independent women because it compliments them
I don't ask my hubby to pick me up from the airport when I travel,I can take a cab home,it saves him the driving and me the waiting in case he is running late.
He travels out if the country ,he knows I can handle anything at home.I Don't have to wait till he gets back to call a plumber or handyman to fix anything that breaks while he is away.
He calls to tell me he is coming home with a family friend in 30 minutes,he knows I can whip up something real fast to entertain the guest.
I think Everyman should have that confidence that his woman is well able to handle things


Which man wouldn't want Mrs Alakija for a wife
Rich,independent,a fearless go getter yet a loving wife and mother

Its true.

I love this kind of mindset because it puts you at rest and make you focus on the important things in life rather than baby-sitting a girl.

There was a day I came across a woman who unfortunately had issues with the phcn officials, she had to tell the phcn officials to wait till his husband comes back home. I thought to myself that I can't date or mistakenly marry a woman like that who can't take care of small challenges as that. My girlfriend pays phcn bills without me finding out. That's a way to go.

Independent minds all the way, no time for mama joshua kind of wife. I want a Mrs. Purehuman kind of woman.

opcon:


My dear even if she is submissive, some men r so ungrateful. I am a witness abi victim. Now I just live in my bubble. My 2 kids need me strong. I feed him pay d childrens fees, cloth them buy all house needs, yet when I told him 1 day dat since we were married he has never encouraged me although I don't mind cos we r 1. He picked up malice.

you ve done well.

Purehuman:

Its true.

I love this kind of mindset because it puts you at rest and make you focus on the important things in life rather than baby-sitting a girl.

There was a day I came across a woman who unfortunately had issues with the phcn officials, she had to tell the phcn officials to wait till his husband comes back home. I thought to myself that I can't date or mistakenly marry a woman like that who can't take care of small challenges as that. My girlfriend pays phcn bills without me finding out. That's a way to go.

Independent minds all the way, no time for mama joshua kind of wife. I want a Mrs. Purehuman kind of woman.

I have seen women that can't do jack when hubby is away.
I know those who can't drive outside the city they live in,some can't even drive at all
Some will never get on the highway and will rather take 3 hours inside the cities to make a one hour journey on the freewAy
I know those who won't dare drive in a city they don't live in
And those who are totally helpless when their husbands or drivers are away,cancel important engagements because Oga is unable to go and they can't drive to the place.
Anyone looking for a woman to be totally dependent on them should consider the downsides and I believe they are plenty

babyosisi:


So correct
Since we are going biblical now,look at the resume for the virtuous woman
That is an independent woman
So even the bible agrees

Totally agrees

AgapeCharis:
Totally agrees

Yes
See
That is the woman I aspire to be

Proverbs 31:10-3121st Century King James Version (KJ21)

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known at the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her:
29 “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”
30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who feareth the Lord, she shall be praised!
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her at the gates.

babyosisi:


I have seen women that can't do jack when hubby is away.
I know those who can't drive outside the city they live in
Some will never get on the highway and will rather take 3 hours inside the cities to make a one hour journey on the freewAy
I know those who won't dare drive in a city they don't live in
And those who are totally helpless when their husbands or drivers are away,cancel important engagements because Oga is unable to go and they can't drive to the place.
Anyone looking for a woman to be totally dependent on them should consider the downsides and I believe they are olenty

I better stay single and adopt kids than marry a "chinch".

AgapeCharis:
I see a lot of persons saying majority of Nigeria men feel insecure around independent women. I don't know but maybe it's the type you've been hanging around with. I for one, prefer then independent women and same goes with majority of my male friends. I wouldn't want a lady that depends on me all the time for everything. I love women that are strong, intelligent, purpose-driven, financially stable and is "best" in the thing she does. Meanwhile, while there the feminist movement in Nigeria today, many ladies have misconstrued idea of that word. It will gladen me and all of my male folks if the there is a proper sensitization of that word "independent lady". That you're independent doesn't mean your respect for your man should drop by even an inch. It doesn't nagate the fact that he is the head of the home. It will do good if you as an independent lady have your pride in check. When you start letting your man know you can do without him and still be fine, they will definitely be problem. This is why some men bash and rather maintain a platonic relationship with the independent ladies. Some don't even maintain a platonic relationship with them because of this issue---pride. They feel majority of them have too much ego and hey! It's not stereotyped. Statistics show that majority of independent women have this problem but I thank God for the few ones that have enough understanding to have their pride in check. I like what babyosisi said. Don't allow it get into your head. Respect, love, adore and honour your man. That doesn't mean you should not be able to add life to his personality. You should have something on the table. Most marriages are suffering today because the wives are busy waiting for the husband to provide everything.

One thing I'll not like is when she begins to say she doesn't need me to be happy. No matter how financially stable and fulfilled career wise you are, it's still out of place to say you would be happy with or without your man. It's like saying he adds nothing to your life. You have no reason to miss him. He's an ode. This is a total blunder! Especially when the man loves you very much and you say it'll make no difference if you decide to leave him. Why did you marry him or agree to date him in the first place?



Be independent but don't emasculate your man with it. Balance everything.

My contribution

Thank you for this.

sinaj:
wot we all shud know iz dat Man iz insatiable nd d most important thing iz duin wot pleases us.Some guyz wil prefer independent girls why some will prefer housewives.If a man loves a woman he will overlook her being a jackie( industrious) or lazy person. We should neva sacrifice our happiness to plz anyone.
some men get scared dat a wealthy woman tends to disrespect but itz not true coz women are naturally weak and always crave for love nd support no matter her status in d society nd ...

you deserve standing ovation...

babyosisi:


Yes
See
That is the woman I aspire to be

Proverbs 31:10-3121st Century King James Version (KJ21)

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known at the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her:
29 “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”
30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who feareth the Lord, she shall be praised!
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her at the gates.

wow!! And you can't be the type of woman described here if you are not independent.

babyosisi:

Thank you for this.

My pleasure ma

Purehuman:

Its true.

I love this kind of mindset because it puts you at rest and make you focus on the important things in life rather than baby-sitting a girl.

There was a day I came across a woman who unfortunately had issues with the phcn officials, she had to tell the phcn officials to wait till his husband comes back home. I thought to myself that I can't date or mistakenly marry a woman like that who can't take care of small challenges as that. My girlfriend pays phcn bills without me finding out. That's a way to go.

Independent minds all the way, no time for mama joshua kind of wife. I want a Mrs. Purehuman kind of woman.

The only time I tell someone,wait till my husband gets home,is when I don't want to do whatever it is or don't want to spend my own money doing it .most time it's a polite way to say no to the person ,I whip out the tried and true " let me speak with my husband" excuse
As long as it's an issue beneficial to the family that won't breed discord between us,he expects me to take a decision on it when he is away

babyosisi:


The only time I tell someone,wait till my husband gets home,is when I don't want to do whatever it is or don't want to spend my own money doing it .most time it's a polite way to say no to the person
As long as it's an issue beneficial to the family that won't breed discard between us,he expects me to take a decision on it when he is away

Do you have a younger sister with same mindset as you? I think a friend of mine will love to meet her.

Trying to help a brother

Good and reasonable contributions so far u guys have done a very good judgement to the topic. My own quota, life has blessed us with so many things, one of which is freedom of good wills. Its ours to use the will in whatever form we want and to act according to our inner psyche set. As for me I have notion that there is no height I can't reach and so I can never feel intimidated by any woman's wealth. As a pure hustler wey I be for now I no dey see more than 20k per month, which my girl earns five times that amount. But I will like to note this whenever she comes around she meets a gift atleast something presentable and I never asked her for a dime. And because of this she respects me so well. She will bless me even as the gift worth she can afford ten times. That's just me and my sucre.

Couldn't keep away from this scripture
Wow

Proverbs 31:10-3121st Century King James Version (KJ21)

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

The bible says a virtuous woman is priceless and her husband trusts in her
Why?
Because he knows she is intelligent and can handle stuff
The Bible says he has no need of spoil
In today's description,he has no need to go work extra jobs and look for freebies from charity,do rankadede or steal to supplement his income because madam is pulling her weight.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She is also a loving woman who treats her husband right

13 She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She is a hardworking woman,laziness is far from her.she goes far because she is fearless

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens.

The woman is not found wanting in the home department
She cooks and takes care of her household

16 She considereth a field and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She can even own property.Her femininity is not a hinderance to her ability

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

Great business woman,innovative a go getter
"Wimpiness "is not her portion

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is also very compassionate and doesn't close her ears to the cry of the needy

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

She is mindful of emergency situations that may occur,and has it covered.she also dresses well

23 Her husband is known at the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

The husband is very proud of her and people acknowledge what a wonderful wife he has

24 She maketh fine linen and selleth it, and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Still speaking of her business acumen.

25 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

She is strong,honorable and her words are full of wisdom

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

No lazy bone in her body

28 Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her:

A good role model for her children.they are very proud of her

29 “Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”

A excellent human being the Bible calls her

30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who feareth the Lord, she shall be praised!
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her at the gates.

She doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous,light skinned and with Nkiru and azuka, she has no pretenses,she loves the Lord and she leaves a legacy behind her

All this rubbish talk wouldn't have surfaced in the first place if men weren't acting like weaklings and sissies.
We men give way too much attention to women and their wahala when we should be giving our most attention to the world and how to make it a better place,we are busy arguing "feminism,independent woman,relationship" with women.
Its a pity that bad ego+Konji will never allow some men realize their powers.Women should be the ones seeking your attention,love and care even if they are richer than you.

Purehuman:

Do you have a younger sister with same mindset as you? I think a friend of mine will love to meet her.

Trying to help a brother

Hahahahahahaha

Purehuman:

Do you have a younger sister with same mindset as you? I think a friend of mine will love to meet her.

Trying to help a brother

Dude you're trying to help yourself

sinaj:
wot we all shud know iz dat Man iz insatiable nd d most important thing iz duin wot pleases us.Some guyz wil prefer independent girls why some will prefer housewives.If a man loves a woman he will overlook her being a jackie( industrious) or lazy person. We should neva sacrifice our happiness to plz anyone.
some men get scared dat a wealthy woman tends to disrespect but itz not true coz women are naturally weak and always crave for love nd support no matter her status in d society nd ...

u re right sha.bug sum men prefer their wife to stay nd raise the children so dt they cn grow up with a good home training.

sinaj:
wot we all shud know iz dat Man iz insatiable nd d most important thing iz duin wot pleases us.Some guyz wil prefer independent girls why some will prefer housewives.If a man loves a woman he will overlook her being a jackie( industrious) or lazy person. We should neva sacrifice our happiness to plz anyone.
some men get scared dat a wealthy woman tends to disrespect but itz not true coz women are naturally weak and always crave for love nd support no matter her status in d society nd ...

u re right sha.bug sum men prefer their wife to stay nd raise the children so dt they cn grow up with a good home training.and i dont see anythng wrng with dt.