Sisi Jinx:

Have no idea where to post this 

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and “Basketball 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday football 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the, C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Yours, Systems Analyst.

Disclaimer
I didn't not write this. Thank You

Na only you fit write this kain tin Sisi. Hmmmmmm. Pray tell, how old were you when you first started dreaming of being a wife?

Sapphic:



Na only you fit write this kain tin Sisi. Hmmmmmm. Pray tell, how old were you when you first started dreaming of being a wife?

bluespice:

naw i can tell u emphatically, she didnt.
i read this thing 2 years ago

ariblaze:

i read this about that time too

and even then i was thinking of writting a software to counter it

it skipped my mind

now i am going to write something

that would uninstall that program for good!

^{disclaimer:this is just me being cheeky, it by no means mean . . . .}

ariblaze:

picked this up somewhere its soooo true

kay9:

Read it somewhere last year, the jokes section I think.

Anyway, to our software-confused friend, the biggest mistake you made was installing Wife 1.0 without partitioning your "hard-drive" first; that way, you can install Wife 1.0 [/i]on one part of the drive, and still have your good old [i]Player 9.1 [/i]operating system running on the other part.    But don't lose hope yet, let the Master Player will clue ya some _{(I helped write the code for [i]Suave Smooth Operator ++} series B.T.W):


Solution 1: This option is best to handle Wife 1.0, but it's VERY expensive. So if u can't afford it, dont even bother to try it.
Buy an external (secondary) hard-drive; make sure its as far away from your old hard-drive as possible _{(the other end of the country is best)}. Next, use a trusted friend's system to upload a Lucrative Business Opportunity [/i]firewall to it. Then connect it to your old system and run all your favorite programs there - [i]Boy's Nightout 2.5, Chop-n-Clean-Mouth 99.9. Wife 1.0 can't corrupt the external drive because the firewall is highly compatible with Shopping 250x and Jewelry 3000. But YOU MUST INSTALL THE FIREWALL FIRST BEFORE CONNECTING TO THE YOUR SYSTEM; otherwise Wife 1.0 will smell a rat immediately and install itself there too. 

Solution 2: If you can't afford an external memory, then you'll have to use a cheaper but more stressful alternative.

Buy SEVERAL "Mano Infinito" applications (eg: Suffering-n-Smiling 2.0, Gentle-to-the-Core 88, Need-Some-Time-Alone 33.3z, Deeply-Hurt 7000, etc) and run them as many times as possible on system. These small but powerful softwares have the ability to run even on Wife 3.0+ and Wife Till Infinity [/i]platforms, and better still, they have a way of partitioning away some memory space on the hard-drive without [i]Wife noticing. Once this happens (you'll know because Basketball 7.5 will suddenly be allowed to run) you can run quick versions of your favorite applications (OneNight Stand Bleep, etc). But you mustn't do this often or Wife will get suspicious - and trust me, you don't want that happening!

ayomorocco:

Hey Sisi, how are u? I sent you an e-mail and left you a message on that other thread. Did u manage to read the story? Anyway, there is this 250 word story I have up on http://clarityofnight..com/2009/01/entry-89.html . It will take just 2 minutes to read. Could you kindly leave a comment?

Cheers mate.

Ayodele

^{P.S. If you are in a generous mood, you could also have a look at the 250 word entry of a relative on http://clarityofnight..com/2009/01/entry-113.html . Will take roughly the same 2minutes to read. Thanks.}