pashaun:
False. Polyandry in Asia, the women are in charge

Please be specific, clearly identify where, the women, particularly in Asia are in charge?

Madam Babyosisi to be sincere 2 you, I'm amazed by your reply. Did you even go through that post. For your info, people dont just wake one day and start nagging. They nag cos there is an underneath problem. People nag when they ve invested so much in a relationship (emotionally wise) Yes! I quite agree with u, there is a communication disconnect between the couple. But, how do u expect d man figure out ds problem when d woman on her own has refused 2 open up. Has d man become a clairvoyant 2 who reads people's mind. All I see here is woman who is selfish and just like one of the contributors suggested, it's time 4 him 2 turn d things around. Its obvious she wants a challenge - a mind game of some sort. [quote author=babyosisi post=31614367]

So a man helps around the house and expects to be thanked and worshiped for what the woman does daily without thanks
She didn't tell her parents you got her a job?
This man is so petty
What does serving his food properly mean?
She is not serving it on her knees?
Some men will not pamper a wife or show her love,won't even buy ordinary birthday card then and at night he wants to whip out his pinis
It doesn't work that way nna
Love is 90% emotional and 10% phys

Gaidenk:

From ur post I concluded..

advice: work on your instincts!

MuttleyLaff:



As a matter of truth both polygamy or polyandry is not acceptable, lets not deceive each other

Having said that with polygamy, all get to follow a leader
as for polyandry, the one gets to follow two leaders
but we know, one cant follow two leaders
so making polygamy is a lesser evil

my brother, with polygamy u don't have to divorce anybody. Just get another wife and keep enjoyin and leavin happy and forget the other nuisance of a wife.

pashaun:


So do you think women should have multiple husbands too?

where have u seen polyandry in Africa. I hate divorce and would not want to be a victim, so in cases like this I just get another wife (or rather buy another wife since men do pay for them) and continue livin my life as if the first never existed, and when the first notices the competition, then she's forced to sit up. If she gets angry and lives my house, then its her loss and that's good riddance to bad rubbish.

Go and read "The five love languages" by gary chapman me thinks its just a case of miscommunication.
But guy try take it easy in a 36 month marriage she has been pregnant for 18 months now add another 12 months for sleepless nights due to baby nursing and care also house work cos u got no nanny and housekeeper. And she works and gets home late. Haba just thinking of all these makes me tired. Body no be wood o! Tread carefully if u really love her. Try get d book sha and thank me later. Cheers

quivah:

advice: work on your instincts!

Noted,work on your comments

I didn't want to comment but reading through many comments here, it seems many of u here r nt married. This is a normal occurence in marriage.it can either be coming from the wife,, the hubby or both sometimes. But I tell u this, many will not admit to this cos in this part of the world, we live in pretense,self denial n lies.its as simple as living ur separate lives while remaining married as d society, culture n religion expects 9[=grandstar post=31612385]is the wife circumcised? many circumcised ladies hate sex has they have n clitoris

I think it was lust at first site and not love

Now they are married, what should he do?

We, he should first investigate whether the wife is cheating

if not, then stage 2

He should analyse himself Are there things I do that cut her off? He should talk with friends

If none,u r not worthy of the wife's cod behavior, then its stage 3

he should ca the wife and have a heart t heart discussion with her If it yields nothing

Stage 4

Call her parents and discuss her behavior with her especially the sex part, if that makes no long term headway, then he is stuck with her sorry

Posterity will be kind t him Even the kids will admit he tried

Why did your friend marry her? The fault lies entirely with him marriage is for better or for worse

By the way, no more kids[/quote]

5minsmadness:
This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house, is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house in case housework was overwhelming her as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.
She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.


Pls advice needed.

Rubbish!!!
The man is a weak man, simple!
Didn't he pay her brideprice?

I feel for some men sha, because they are ignorant of d authority dey possess as a man..

missstella:
kelvingraphics is my son so u shouldn't be jealous

Son zone
Very touching

iceberylin:

Son zone
Very touching

Amebo like you but .........

babyosisi:


Please come back and report the findings and mention me
I guarantee you,her stories will shock you
I have counseled men who told me how evil their wives were and how they won't let him touch them but until I heard about their porn addictions and drunkenness and physical abuse and rage.
The story is incomplete,I guarantee you that from experience

OK so I got a sister to talk to her. The following points summarises everything :you can peruse if still interested :

Wife wasn't aware so much was wrong. Says she comes home very tired everyday and feels too tired to enter kitchen esp if the kids have already eaten.

Husband likes a clean house and wants it clean before they go to bed, she prefers to do her cleaning in the morning. Initially he made it a point to remind her to clean up but he later stopped so she thought he didn't mind anymore.

Admits that after her first baby the urge for sex just died. No longer so interested. (man admits she was a sex.Uual tigress before the first pregnancy) Says if the man wants sex she should let him know. Doesn't feel it is worth seeing a doctor... Wants to know if sex three times a week is not too much(that's what the man is asking for)

No, the man hasn't offended her.

Yes the man does all those things in the house but not all the time and she feels she still needs a nanny to help with the housework.

This is all I can remember for now.
Brb.

MuttleyLaff:

cc: grandstar, Timbuktou, babyosisi

Ogbologbo! Dont know how you came about "old member with a new moniker" but never mind, "how r u doing" too

I had already done my due diligence on you before posting on the thread you opened up
- like your dossier, your responses and posts
Wouldnt want to be found spending precious time on a time waster

I had Timbuktou and babyosisi etc added as mentions because it was your responses to their posts I repeated
but to curtail repetitions that guzzles up bandwidth didnt mention their equally relevant and important posts

Since it was advice you requested, let's make this clear, dont expect a "Last Chance Saloon" advice to be proffered,
because anyone that says marriage is a bed of roses, has probably forgotten to mention the prickly thorns of roses

It serves right to remember, at the back of the mind, that it is better to give than receive
- we will come back to this full course later

D D oes your friend or you, really know what porn is?
Does your friend or you know why people go into or go for porn?
Let's know why your friend resorts to porn because am still trying to understand the leap to porn
1. What role is porn serving in this case, how did it or how does it come into play here?

Delving a bit in the realms of psychology, not saying am a sex therapist nor doing a psychological analysis,
but is there any reason or history for his wife to be frigid, has she sufferred sexual assault, sexual abuse etc

2. According to you, your friend, he is a traditionalist, isnt that so? Please confirm
Can we safely assume that his wife is not a traditionalist?
Is breaking with convention, an option that CAN be considered for both of them and this current situation?

3. He is intimately attracted to his wife?
Does he find her sexually, physically and inwardly attractive?

4. "She Doesn't Love Him, But He Doesn't Believe In Divorce" you say, but does she respect him?

5. Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, does he LOVE his wife?

6. Despite not having sex, regularly getting sex or having the opportunity of making love, are they affectionate with each other, hold hands, kiss and cuddle? Do they flirt, horse-play or "ta ge" with each other?

Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice.

1. Husband has sexual urges. Husband doesn't want to cheat on wife. So husband watches porn and takes care of his sexjual urges by himself.

2. By 'traditionalist' I meant husband prefers to have his food ready and covered on the table with washing hand water etc. Doesn't mean he wants wife to kneel when serving him but at least his meal should be ready and waiting when he gets home. Wife prefers to start cooking when he comes. But recently he finds himself having to demand for food when he gets home as wife may not have prepared anything and if he doesn't tell her she forgets to make anything.

3. Sexually and physically yes. Inwardly not any more.

4. Didn't ask.

5. He says he does but she is frustrating him.

6. Anytime he flirts or wants to horse-play, wife thinks he wants to have sex and becomes combative.


***p.s, following several comments here, I felt the main problem was a lack of communication and broached the subject of them talking out their feelings and such towards each other. The man said he has talked to her so many times and he is tired of talking. His wife agreed they have discussed the sex issue but was not happy he brought the matter to a third party to judge. She apparently feels sex three times a week is too much(husband is asking for this) she doesn't mind sex once in two weeks.

5minsmadness:

OK so I got a sister to talk to her. The following points summarises everything :you can peruse if still interested :

Wife wasn't aware so much was wrong. Says she comes home very tired everyday and feels too tired to enter kitchen esp if the kids have already eaten.

Husband likes a clean house and wants it clean before they go to bed, she prefers to do her cleaning in the morning. Initially he made it a point to remind her to clean up but he later stopped so she thought he didn't mind anymore.

Admits that after her first baby the urge for sex just died. No longer so interested. (man admits she was a sex.Uual tigress before the first pregnancy) Says if the man wants sex she should let him know. Doesn't feel it is worth seeing a doctor... Wants to know if sex three times a week is not too much(that's what the man is asking for)

No, the man hasn't offended her.

Yes the man does all those things in the house but not all the time and she feels she still needs a nanny to help with the housework.

This is all I can remember for now.
Brb.

The two bolded statements are contradictory

There is a limit to how much a man can be asking for sex especially after you are looking at him like a sex freak

missstella:
Amebo like you but .........

Who u wooing in the Nl wooing contest

5minsmadness:
This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house, is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house in case housework was overwhelming her as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.
She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.


Pls advice needed.

When does the wife get home? When does the husband get home that he is expecting his food covered on the table? Trying to understand the time difference here

Your subsequent posts say the woman lost the urge after child birth... one of nature's curses Once fortnightly is toolittle for sex but again if the woman is on or either of them have a project at work or sick, then they might get down fewer times. That said, the wife should develop Interesting and the hubby should learn the art of pre-intimacy even from the morning.

@Traditional husband: if he wanted traditional, he should have married a traditional wife. They both should meet in the middle and do things their own way. All the my mom/dad does a, b, c ends before marriage.

@Chores: I am sorry I don't understand a man wanting to be worshipped because he cleans his own home and takes care of his kids. Don't get me wrong; the wife should appreciate him however it is his duty.

I thanked my parents for paying my school fees but If they don't pay it, who will?

The husband might have come across nagging without hitting the nail on the head.

The wife is insensitive to her husband's feelings else she should have picked up Some vibes. She is also not appreciative of his efforts. She 'forgetting' to cook means she is a joker.

Solution:

They need to talk to understand each person's expectations and strive to meet them.

They should also understand each other's love languages... the wife might appreciate the husband paying for a nanny and crossing his legs in the sittingroom watching ball while the man is busy washing plates to make her happy. The husband seems to like verbal accolades etc.

The husband should also understand the kind of wife he has. Some like their men nonsense; being nice to them might make them take him for granted.

If open heart discussion does not yield positive results, let him forget about her and find other interests outside the home and do ssomething like change his wardrobe etc. Getting her to notice him without pointing it out.

If all fails, he has to manage the situation... lack of love is not a reason for divorce.

The husband should forget cheating except If he wants to checkout from the marriage.

bukatyne:


When does the wife get home? When does the husband get home that he is expecting his food covered on the table? Trying to understand the time difference here

Your subsequent posts say the woman lost the urge after child birth... one of nature's curses Once fortnightly is toolittle for sex but again if the woman is on or either of them have a project at work or sick, then they might get down fewer times. That said, the wife should develop Interesting and the hubby should learn the art of pre-intimacy even from the morning.

@Traditional husband: if he wanted traditional, he should have married a traditional wife. They both should meet in the middle and do things their own way. All the my mom/dad does a, b, c ends before marriage.

@Chores: I am sorry I don't understand a man wanting to be worshipped because he cleans his own home and takes care of his kids. Don't get me wrong; the wife should appreciate him however it is his duty.

I thanked my parents for paying my school fees but If they don't pay it, who will?

The husband might have come across nagging without hitting the nail on the head.

The wife is insensitive to her husband's feelings else she should have picked up Some vibes. She is also not appreciative of his efforts.

Solution:

They need to talk to understand each person's expectations and strive to meet them.

They should also understand each other's love languages... the wife might appreciate the husband paying for a nanny and crossing his legs in the sittingroom watching ball while the man is busy washing plates to make her happy. The husband seems to like verbal accolades etc.

The husband should also understand the kind of wife he has. Some like their men nonsense; being nice to them might make them take him for granted.

If open heart discussion does not yield positive results, let him forget about her and find other interests outside the home and do ssomething like change his wardrobe etc. Getting her to notice him without pointing it out.

If all fails, he has to manage the situation... lack of love is not a reason for divorce.

The husband should forget cheating except If he wants to checkout from the marriage.

Shior!
Who go read this your novel so





















Kidding

iceberylin:

Who u wooing in the Nl wooing contest

Seun

adanduka:


Looks like both couples feel the other spouse doesn't love them and they've started acting up.
I suggest you go for professional counselling. If you have not been paying attention to her needs she may be able to talk to someone who really cares to know.
Divorce is never the solution. You may move on to a worse person.

Look, stop fooling yourself. Most women of this generation are very selfish, wicked and useless.
The main reason for this is because they're WHORÈS. They've been involved with numerous men, you can never satisfy them and they don't give a shît about you.
THE BEST OPTION IS ALWAYS DEPOSIT THEIR WASTED ASS BACK TO THE STREET WHERE THEY BELONG.
Forget about the children, ass long as you don't stop caring for them, they will be fine.
Marriage is not by force!