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Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Edusouls(m): 9:25am On Mar 18, 2015
coogar:


come off the pity-party rubbish.
you knew the kinda society you come from before you made the decision to bear the child. since you knew the criticism of the society would get to you then you should have aborted or......avoid unprotected sex.
animal like you,i wonder how many innocent blood, ur sisters and mothers have wasted and why werent you animal aborted, cos giving birth to you is a tragedy..
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Edusouls(m): 9:26am On Mar 18, 2015
MizMyColi:


Which most of us.......aren't free of either.
No one is free, including those of us who are naturals at packaging ourselves such that the world sees us as Holy Saint Nwejehsgringringringrin
We all have secrets, stuff we'd do anything to protect....so it doesn't fall within the eye and ear shot of "The Wrong" People.

I am not interested as such in my past.....
Except for reference and healing purposes, I am neither interested in hers nor any other person's for that matter.

My major concern remains; What Is The Way Forward?

Ultimately.....what defines a person as good or bad......in my worldview isn't their action(s).....It's their soul.
yesoo u re there..
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Edusouls(m): 9:28am On Mar 18, 2015
goodmorning40:
I look forward to the day we begin to have single father's too, the day our men will stop being cow brained and begin to live up to their responsibilities if u can't handle it then leave the girl alone ur life does not depend on konji
yes u re very right my girl..men pregnant and run away, females bear the suffering,castigation and blame on it, african man is a another disaster my sister.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Edusouls(m): 9:31am On Mar 18, 2015
coogar:


even better.....
then deal with the discrimination.



mizmycoli the coward - how can i help you? grin
dont mind hypocrites ritty you have no issues with God,these dark hearted pretenders have so much to answer and pay for,so be happy and rejoice...

2 Likes

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by austine4real(m): 9:38am On Mar 18, 2015
cheesy cheesy cheesy op sori take heart its well
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Thinkr(m): 9:38am On Mar 18, 2015
skentelelady:


I don tthink society still frowns at single mothers.

This maybe happening in the remote areas i guess

I am a single mum based in Lagos. In my environment (Resident and office), people esp married women dont look down on me because i am responsible and respected. They try to mingle with and get close to me but based on the kinda person i am i dont like familiarity.

I give my child the best. At her school they know i am a single mum but kudos to my child's welfare and upbringing. Every parent is her friend and when i attend any school functions, parents ask me, are you her mum? what a pleasant and lovely girl etc

I think the way you present yourself in that society goes a very long way in the way you are addressed

These are my observations
hmmm that's good. But don't tell me you do have seks outside wedlock stil. I wonder how you cope. It must rili be hard. God is your strength.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Nobody: 9:40am On Mar 18, 2015
Renylee:
As far as you are an adult, and you have sense, and its a free world, being a single mother is your headache. The only thing is for women to stop making other people see them as victims of what they knowingly went into.
Nigeriansbe seeking pity even before creation. God bless you maam.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by UncleJudax(m): 9:40am On Mar 18, 2015
tunjiafolayanka:
Being a single is not a crime.Besides, they seem to be the best if you are able to find one who is neither aggressive nor violent.
I had once dated a single mother who was very good in bed.In fact she squirts on each round.
I eventually left her cos of her high level of uncontrollable temperament.
Another thing is the ability and or willingness of a man to accepting the lady's ordeal which is even a good sign that she is fertile.Guys should also be prudent enough in disclosing this to your parent.Not all mothers embraces their sons marrying a single mother
I kinda agree with the temperament thingy. I once experienced it with a single mum. Her mood swing was out of this world.
I think it is one of the ways they show their frustration to society.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by teebarbie(f): 9:40am On Mar 18, 2015
TV01:
...as ever solipsistic women without the ability for self-introspection make it all about themselves. We are more concerned about the kids wilfully deprived of a fathers presence.

And yes, society rightfully frowns upon single-motherhood, as it comes with a cost - typically bourne by society. Or how many of you celebrating it are at ease with your taxes being squandered?

Hypocrites undecided.

TV
I knew you would be here. U seems to like any thread that has 'single mums' in it. Lolz

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Thinkr(m): 9:42am On Mar 18, 2015
Well, as for me I cant marry a single mother sad but still I won't castigate any. But I have experienced some, they usually despise men and are abusive. Well, I guess its the effect of such discrimination... OP I guess its ou cultural background that made it so, don't worry such ideologies are fading away gradually wink
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by funmo(m): 9:42am On Mar 18, 2015
SINGLE MOTHERS AND THE MARRIAGE TALK


There have been cases of discrimination against single and never-been-
married mothers when marriage is brought to fore. Truth be told, the
fears of those against it is well understood. But it takes strength to be for
them and extra-strength on the part of the man who wishes to marry
such a lady. I will weigh the for and against arguments side by side.


AGAINST

They are loose

These people are of the belief that any lady with a child outside wedlock
is loose and must be avoided at all cost at all cost, they see them as
plagues. A few of these ladies can actually be loose, but that doesn't
mean all are.

Added responsibility of a child

In most cases, the new husband assumes responsibility over the child
that isn't his. And most families won't have that happen to their son. It
only takes a financially stable man to take care of this situation.

Go for someone unused

Anti-single-mothers will always come up with reasons why you should go
for someone who hasn't experienced child labour yet.


FOR

Everybody makes mistake

I belong to those who have nothing against single mums, as I believe
anyone isn't perfect when it comes to this issue. Anyone who isn't
married and not celibate can have a child out of wedlock too.

True love overcomes

If you truly loves her and she reveals to you that she has a child,
marrying her wouldn't be issue.

She is a mother she will care more with experience

Because she is a mother, she has added advantage in terms of taking
care of the children to be borne. And her motherly care sometimes
extends to the husband too.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by jayne8585yahoo(f): 9:48am On Mar 18, 2015
bellong:


This is fallacy of generalization. Not everybody is into fornication, no matter how bad the society is, there will always be some remnants who fear God wholly from childhood.

And not everybody has a secret or stuff they will do anything to protect. Always speak for yourself. Even if it is 98% of the population protecting one secret or the other, the remaining 2% disqualifies it from being "WE ALL HAVE SECRETS......"



You should be interested in your past. You need to look at the past, consider where you made mistakes, what led to it and why yopu made so as to proffer a lasting solution or prevent re-occurrence. Forgeting the past completely is a recipe of repeating the mistakes of the past.



Not just reference or healing alone, for correctional purpose as detailed earlier. So, we are interested in her past, she could still be engaged in what led her becoming a single mum.



Yes, you have a valid point here... What is the way forward. However, knowledge about the past will help a concrete way forward prescription.



Whatever lies in the soul will be exhibited in the actions. The abundance of the soul drives a person to act. In essence, this your theory is contradictory.... You should be interested in the actions of everybody. Your actions tell us who you are and what you hold sacred. Knowing the soul is getting metaphysical. At least, English says "actions speak louder than words...."

@Op,

You should learn to live without validation from the society. You alone would be accountable for your choices and decisions.

I wish I can like this your post a million times.
LESSON NOT EVERYBODY HAS A DIRTY PAST.
LEARN NOT TO GENERALIZE

2 Likes

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by jayne8585yahoo(f): 9:49am On Mar 18, 2015
bellong:


This is fallacy of generalization. Not everybody is into fornication, no matter how bad the society is, there will always be some remnants who fear God wholly from childhood.

And not everybody has a secret or stuff they will do anything to protect. Always speak for yourself. Even if it is 98% of the population protecting one secret or the other, the remaining 2% disqualifies it from being "WE ALL HAVE SECRETS......"



You should be interested in your past. You need to look at the past, consider where you made mistakes, what led to it and why yopu made so as to proffer a lasting solution or prevent re-occurrence. Forgeting the past completely is a recipe of repeating the mistakes of the past.



Not just reference or healing alone, for correctional purpose as detailed earlier. So, we are interested in her past, she could still be engaged in what led her becoming a single mum.



Yes, you have a valid point here... What is the way forward. However, knowledge about the past will help a concrete way forward prescription.



Whatever lies in the soul will be exhibited in the actions. The abundance of the soul drives a person to act. In essence, this your theory is contradictory.... You should be interested in the actions of everybody. Your actions tell us who you are and what you hold sacred. Knowing the soul is getting metaphysical. At least, English says "actions speak louder than words...."

@Op,

You should learn to live without validation from the society. You alone would be accountable for your choices and decisions.

I wish I can like this your post a million times.

LESSON

NOT EVERYBODY HAS A DIRTY PAST.

@ MIZMYCOLI
LEARN NOT TO GENERALIZE THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE MAKING YOUR SUBMISSION.
THANKS.

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by petitmonde(m): 9:51am On Mar 18, 2015
rittyben:
Our society frown so much at single mothers. People see them as irresponsible girl(s) that "God decided to expose". You introduce your child, the next question is "so you are married", or "thought you are single". You confirm that you are single, the next respond is "oh" or they make one funny face.
But in truth, our only crime was to say NO to ABORTION.
the crime was probably the NO you said to contraceptives.

2 Likes

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by MizMyColi(f): 9:59am On Mar 18, 2015
bellong:

bellong:
This is fallacy of generalization. Not everybody is into fornication, no matter how bad the society is, there will always be some remnants who fear God wholly from childhood.

Goodmorning smiley
Please read the first statement again, I said....."Which Most of us aren't free from either.


bellong:
And not everybody has a secret or stuff they will do anything to protect. Always speak for yourself. Even if it is 98% of the population protecting one secret or the other, the remaining 2% disqualifies it from being "WE ALL HAVE SECRETS......"

You prolly thought I meant something Sooo Bad when I said that.
While it is true that most of us have done, said or thought stuff which we don't want out there.....except of course, it'd inspire someone else to be better.....
I maintain that even among the purest of us.....there is a vice (human limitation), story (based on our chosen paths/journies), that we'd do anything to keep from getting to a crowd we perceive as wrong for such news.

For example.....I'm not a typical church girl, I go to church because that's one way to keep my Mom in the know that her daughter hasn't gone haywire. I really don't believe that there's a God up above the sky. I believe that the God and Heaven we so desire lies within us, and that, until we turn towards this power and dimension within us, raising it up for the world to see.......we'd continue enjoying, even in our suffering.I don't believe in Hell. I have lost faith in institutional Christianity. Simply put? I see no need in attending Church as I know it today.

Another example.....I have a habit of not letting my fingernails rest. In order words......I rarely, if ever, grow fingers. Matter of fact? I chew them! EEEwwwwww.grin

^^^Now these things, as far as I'm concerned are no big deal, they are not baaaaaaaad.
But take the first example to a church, a fundamentalist Christian Church....I will be stoned.
Take the other to a gathering of society girls......alpha female circles, I will be so looked down on.

Same goes for her story @OP.
While it is true that she is worthy of condemnation to some us who live in this part of a worldview.
While it is true that she is not permitted to flaunt her single motherhood.....lest she be termed promiscuous, there are actually people out there (albeit few) who are willing to accept her (wholly), actively seeking ways to make a better person out of her, while setting her free to live her life.



bellong:
You should be interested in your past. You need to look at the past, consider where you made mistakes, what led to it and why yopu made so as to proffer a lasting solution or prevent re-occurrence. Forgeting the past completely is a recipe of repeating the mistakes of the past.

Please check my statement again, I said "not interested as such" meaning, while the past may be important, I am not going to dwell so much on it......I am not going to et the condemning voice of myself and that of the word keep me there, I'm moving on cool

Just like Apostle Paul quipped......"Forgetting Those Things Which Are Behind......And pressing Forward.......Towards The Mark...."



bellong:
Not just reference or healing alone, for correctional purpose as detailed earlier. So, we are interested in her past, she could still be engaged in what led her becoming a single mum.

We're saying the same thing here.
It's just a question of perspective and conditioning.
You call it Correctional, I call it Healing.....largely because I believe that only the divine can transform a person for good, such that it manifests outwardly.
I will keep saying it.....as far as I am concerned, the best I can do is talk and maybe vent my anger and frustration at a person whom I feel is violating or has violated a moral law (in the name of correcting them).
But only God-Within can actually lead a man to repentance, urging him to change his ways.
The best I can do is show them acceptance and Love, reassuring them that it's not the end of the road, and that they can actually get better.



bellong:
Yes, you have a valid point here... What is the way forward. However, knowledge about the past will help a concrete way forward prescription.

While I cannot fault your opinion, you'd agree with me, what we do here mostly is keep dwelling on the person's mistake, and then re-dwelling on it, calling them out for the waste of sperm we think they are.
We refer to the past, not out of a motive of genuinely seeking to correct/heal their future, but because we want to go ballistic and judgemental on them. (Most of us, if not all, are unwittingly prone to this).



bellong:
Whatever lies in the soul will be exhibited in the actions. The abundance of the soul drives a person to act. In essence, this your theory is contradictory.... You should be interested in the actions of everybody. Your actions tell us who you are and what you hold sacred. Knowing the soul is getting metaphysical. At least, English says "actions speak louder than words...."

I'd have to disagree with you @TheEmboldened.
Declaring my reasons would be another epistle.

You're right @English Says.....

And you're right......in this regard, I'm more a student of the meta physical than the conventional ways.
While Christianity taught me that everyone is inherently bad, I choose to see the exact opposite.
When a person comes off as rabid and vile and plain insulting......I try to look beyond what that person portends in the physical.....
I ask questions, I apply wisdom (which might sometimes entail loving them from afar), I try to grasp what might have inspired such behaviour......I reckon that God sees all of his creation as good, as worthy beings, irrespective of their past/present.....he sees everyone through the lens of what they can be.
Walking in this awareness has transformed me......and I believe that it holds the power to transform many too.
I do not claim to have apprehended on this (I actually falter a lot more than I get it right) coolgrin
But I have a goal, an endgame......To see everyone, irrespective of what they are now, as God sees them.
#NuffSaid

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by UncleJudax(m): 10:04am On Mar 18, 2015
goodmorning40:
I look forward to the day we begin to have single father's too, the day our men will stop being cow brained and begin to live up to their responsibilities if u can't handle it then leave the girl alone ur life does not depend on konji
Actually, there are single fathers. They have always been around.
Single mums are ridiculed chiefly because of the supposed "place" of a woman in the society. And of course, because there are more single mums than their male counterparts.

Note: You cannot refer to a man as a single dad when you don't see him with a child. The women most times keep the child, hence their overwhelming number.

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by TV01(m): 10:09am On Mar 18, 2015
teebarbie:
I knew you would be here. U seems to like any thread that has 'single mums' in it. Lolz
...is that how to greet me grin!

Yes 0, I am here, why will I look while people try and force us to celebrate a societal ill.

No beef against single mothers - I have a large extended family and we have instances - but it is simply not the best for the children and rarely for the mothers. The drain on wider family and cost to society is clearly evident.

Single moms trying to sell themselves as martyr does not wash. It's best avoided fact, and children are best raised in the committed unions of both their parents.

Why not give understanding before the fact rather than pretend it's all good after - when it is not! Funnily enough it's women that diss them the most.


TVMIC

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by lovingmum(f): 10:10am On Mar 18, 2015
hmmm
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by MizMyColi(f): 10:13am On Mar 18, 2015
jayne8585yahoo:


I wish I can like this your post a million times.

LESSON

NOT EVERYBODY HAS A DIRTY PAST.

@ MIZ MYCOLI
LEARN NOT TO GENERALIZE THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE MAKING YOUR SUBMISSION.
THANKS.

You might wanna go to the thread and check for my response.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by nwadiuko1(m): 10:18am On Mar 18, 2015
While I don't support any negative feeling or action against a single mum.........I also. Think that since they went into the act of unprotected sex with their eyes open, they should put up with whatever they see
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by chiomzy25(f): 10:20am On Mar 18, 2015
rittyben:
Our society frown so much at single mothers. People see them as irresponsible girl(s) that "God decided to expose". You introduce your child, the next question is "so you are married", or "thought you are single". You confirm that you are single, the next respond is "oh" or they make one funny face.
But in truth, our only crime was to say NO to ABORTION.
yes the only crime we commited was to say no to Abortion. I am a proud mother of an intelligent beautiful girl. I will always stand by her till I breath my last.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Nobody: 10:31am On Mar 18, 2015
stinggy:
Intending single dad in the house.

Rityben, fvck the society. Live your life like it's yours and yours alone. Your life, your rules kiss kiss
Ma so cheesy grin
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by chlowi(f): 10:36am On Mar 18, 2015
goodmorning40:
I look forward to the day we begin to have single father's too, the day our men will stop being cow brained and begin to live up to their responsibilities if u can't handle it then leave the girl alone ur life does not depend on konji

O My you blew my mind away with this comment! Thank you
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by tablu: 10:37am On Mar 18, 2015
The marriage institution has unfortunately been overrated in this part of the world and alot of single women are dashin out of it and the western world is trendin 'singlemothers' as the new achievement.This trend is becomin popular in naija becos the pillars of traditional marriages institution has been shattered.everytin seems to be upside down....
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by tosingcfr(m): 10:49am On Mar 18, 2015
Tallesty1:
I am here.


Saying NO to abortion isn't their crime.

Their crime is fornication and unprotected sex.

You can insult me all you like, insults from kids don't move me at all.
. That Edu guy needs to know that responsibility goes with every action
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Nobody: 10:54am On Mar 18, 2015
chiomzy25:
yes the only crime we commited was to say no to Abortion. I am a proud mother of an intelligent beautiful girl. I will always stand by her till I breath my last.
hahaha
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Nobody: 10:56am On Mar 18, 2015
.

3 Likes

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by queensmith: 11:02am On Mar 18, 2015
There is soo much wrong with the Nigerian society, the problems of women are one of them.

Then again, I'm surprised to learn single mothers are stigmatized to an extreme extent in Nigeria. Most mothers in Nigeria are single or might as well be.

I think stigmatization will only be a problem if you fall on the less wealthy side - I have many friends from wealthy backgrounds whose parents aren't married and fathers fcked off to wherever. I never hear of them or their mothers being stigmatized.

And even the yoruba's often say that a child with 2 homes never goes hungry, I think the issue is that you've judged yourself harshly and therefore allowed others to judge you.

The problem I know most people have (or my people have rather) is if you get pregnant before finishing school. That is a big no no. They will ship you to your baby daddies house with immediate effect!

1 Like

Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by iykedare(m): 11:06am On Mar 18, 2015
rittyben:
Our society frown so much at single mothers. People see them as irresponsible girl(s) that "God decided to expose". You introduce your child, the next question is "so you are married", or "thought you are single". You confirm that you are single, the next respond is "oh" or they make one funny face.
But in truth, our only crime was to say NO to ABORTION.

No,sex no to indiscriminate sex.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by teebarbie(f): 11:09am On Mar 18, 2015
TV01:

...is that how to greet me grin!

Yes 0, I am here, why will I look while people try and force us to celebrate a societal ill.

No beef against single mothers - I have a large extended family and we have instances - but it is simply not the best for the children and rarely for the mothers. The drain on wider family and cost to society is clearly evident.

Single moms trying to sell themselves as martyr does not wash. It's best avoided fact, and children are best raised in the committed unions of both their parents.

Why not give understanding before the fact rather than pretend it's all good after - when it is not! Funnily enough it's women that diss them the most.


TVMIC
Am very sorry sir for my manners, good morning. May God help us all
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Tallesty1(m): 11:18am On Mar 18, 2015
tosingcfr:
That Edu guy needs to know that responsibility goes with every action
I wanted to let him know that every adult should weigh the Pros and Cons of every action before taking them and should also be ready to take the responsibility of the outcome but the way he insulted me was too much to overlook.
Re: Challenges Of A Single Mother by Nobody: 11:24am On Mar 18, 2015
teebarbie:
I knew you would be here. U seems to like any thread that has 'single mums' in it. Lolz

Thats because he is one of the modern day pharisees and scribes. grin

2 Likes

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