Infidelity all over the place, these men can't put their thing in one place, always chasing after one girl or the other after marriage. Our dear Nigerian society will always blame the woman- its because she's not doing enough; if her husband cheats, its her fault ( I even listened to a radio programme where this was emphasized) I understand that some women are so crazy that they drive their husbands away, but how many cases of such do we have?

I focus on males here simply because I'm a female. I am not implying that only men cheat. My point here is that marriages don't work, so why bother?

Why bother? In my society, everyone carries marriage on their head. They see a woman in her thirties and pity her because she's not married, they may even blame witches and wizards. It does not matter if you remained single by choice, they will still pray for you. I heard my dad mutter a prayer for our unmarried family friend "God please provide a husband for ....". Now I'm more concerned about my parents than I am about the society. I'm totally fine being single considering all the stress that comes with marriage regardless of what people think. I am however the first and only daughter in my family. When I tell someone of my intention to remain single, they reply with "your mom will kill you".

I know that will probably happen, so to make "everyone" happy, here's the plan

I'll look for a guy with all the qualities I want.
He must be intelligent, this comes before good looks. Good looks! This is important, aint nobody gon be making ugly babies. He must be Well to do- money. He must be well behaved and most importantly he must not be interested in marriage as well.

Now I don't care if he womanizes or nah, Cos we won't be in a real relationship. We'll be married just to shut everybody up, he's just going to be my house mate and baby daddy. No sex involved, that would bring unwanted emotions and "we" don't want that. We'll make babies through artificial insemination and we'll live happily ever after. Perfect right? No?

Cons:
Can't see any

Pros:
*No fights (at least not like in real marriages)
*I don't have to worry about him cheating, he can but that's none of my business.
*i can be as rich as I want, don't have to worry about a husband feeling inferior
*im as good as independent

Please fix your picture let me RATE you

Make Hay when the sun rises

Wow,this your fairytale no be for here...

waiting to see your post in next 10 yrs.


TB Joshua will not even be able to help you then.

kelvin1191:
Please fix your picture let me RATE you

What's the rating for?

edwife:
Wow,this your fairytale no be for here...

Not even in this world. Time will tell. God bless Nigeria.

Sounds like a good plan IMO, not that I endorse or would advise anyone to go ahead with it. However, you won't be the first person in FWB relationship and believe me when I say it almost always ends in heartache, especially for the female involved.

I'm very sure you'll find a willing partner, and in Nigeria too! Nevertheless, however good this plan seems on paper, time and reality has a way of making us look stewpid.

Also, have you considered the effect of this on any children you might have? I'm sure someone more versed in child psychology can help out in this department.

By the way, what exactly is your grouse against marriage; surely, not all men womanise. Or is this a backhanded ploy at getting as much diick as you want after marriage. Are you insatiable, ImBae?

8yrs ago I had this same plan. Mine was jus get a sperm Donor from a guy like R.kelly or usher. Or better still adopt a baby. By the time I finished my internship and saw one of the best consultant put down everytime because she wasn't married. I knew I had to save mysef.
This lady was a consultant at 28! . She is good at everything she does and every one knows it. After singing all her praises it always ends upp with BUT SHE IS NOT MARRIED.

ThiS changed my view, I learnt to forgive men and became more friendy and ready to date.am sorry to say jus because I could not face this our society. I had to join them since I couldn't beat them.

I wish u goodluck with getting a man who will be ur 'husband' witout reward ' no sex, no money exchange' . Better be a baby mama,than bring up ur child in such home. It affects the child. I didn't want anytin to do with guys den bcz my dad left us at a tender age. If my mom could single handely witout remarrying bring us up this well. I didn't see what a man could do better.

But the soCiety changed that sha!


Much luck sis! Keep us updated on ur progress.

Timbuktou:
Sounds like a good plan IMO, not that I endorse or would advise anyone to go ahead with it. However, you won't be the first person in FWB relationship and believe me when I say it almost always ends in heartache, especially for the female involved.

FWB?
This isn't FWB, no "benefits" whatsoever.

[/quote author] I'm very sure you'll find a willing partner, and in Nigeria too! Nevertheless, however good this plan seems on paper, time and reality has a way of making us look stewpid.

Also, have you considered the effect of this on any children you might have? I'm sure someone more versed in child psychology can help out in this department.

By the way, what exactly is your grouse against marriage; surely, not all men womanise. Or is this a backhanded ploy at getting as much diick as you want after marriage. Are you insatiable, ImBae? [/quote]

I'm sure we won't look so stewpid.

This isn't an arrangement the kids will know about, we are one big happy family as far as they will be concerned.
The possibility of them faring well is high as they don't have to through what kids in "real" marriages go through watching their parents "kill" each other.

Lol, not all men womanise but most do, its rare to find one that does not. I am not insatiable....but getting as much Ds as u want comes with this kind of arrangement. (that's not the plan tho )

rofemiguwa:
8yrs ago I had this same plan. Mine was jus get a sperm Donor from a guy like R.kelly or usher. Or better still adopt a baby. By the time I finished my internship and saw one of the best consultant put down everytime because she wasn't married. I knew I had to save mysef.
This lady was a consultant at 28! . She is good at everything she does and every one knows it. After singing all her praises it always ends upp with BUT SHE IS NOT MARRIED.

ThiS changed my view, I learnt to forgive men and became more friendy and ready to date.am sorry to say jus because I could not face this our society. I had to join them since I couldn't beat them.

I wish u goodluck with getting a man who will be ur 'husband' witout reward ' no sex, no money exchange' . Better be a baby mama,than bring up ur child in such home. It affects the child. I didn't want anytin to do with guys den bcz my dad left us at a tender age. If my mom could single handely witout remarrying bring us up this well. I didn't see what a man could do better.

But the soCiety changed that sha!


Much luck sis! Keep us updated on ur progress.

You changed your mind because of what people said about the 28 years old unmarried consultant.

Hmmm

Pls don't be offended by this question:



How old r u?

@OP:

I think an open marriage is more realistic or marrying a very wealth guy such that you give him the freedom to sleep around while you have good access to his wealth. As far as the side chicks don't feel funky or the guy travels far, you will be fine.

The second is more common here anyways.

5minsmadness:
Pls don't be offended by this question:



How old r u?

Old enough to get married.

bukatyne:
@OP:

I think an open marriage is more realistic or marrying a very wealth guy such that you give him the freedom to sleep around while you have good access to his wealth. As far as the side chicks don't feel funky or the guy travels far, you will be fine.

The second is more common here anyways.

Lol.

Good suggestions but I don't want to involve feelings that was why I said no sex. I'd rather see side chicks around someone I don't have feelings for than someone I'm attached to. I can't stand it.

ImBae:


You changed your mind because of what people said about the 28 years old unmarried consultant.

Hmmm

But your decision is based on societal pressures. If you were truly confident you wouldn't bother with marriage and just be a baby mama.

Why get married in the first place?

AtheistD:


But your decision is based on societal pressures. If you were truly confident you wouldn't bother with marriage and just be a baby mama.

Why get married in the first place?

I mentioned that it is basically because of my parents.

If I had just the society to deal with, I wouldn't even bother.

ImBae:


Lol.

Good suggestions but I don't want to involve feelings that was why I said no sex. I'd rather see side chicks around someone I don't have feelings for than someone I'm attached to. I can't stand it.

Then marry a guy who is faithful

Even If you see a guy who buys into your ideal, you both will develop feelings as long as he is a Good person.

This is a great plan OP! You're gonna be just great! Awesome!

Sigh.

People misunderstand one of the greatest benefits of marriage: Companionship for both male and female.

Do you know how hard it is to find friends that like what you like and even if they don't, at least they will listen to you??

Do you know how hard it is to find someone who will totally understand Junior is getting on every last nerve of yours with his behaviour.

I don't get it when I see men treating their wives badly or see women sidelining their hubbies for their kids. The one person who is obliged to pay half-attention to that gist about that guy's sis from work dating your 3rd cousin twice removed, you're pissing them off. Because apparently you think your friends or kids are gonna be there forever.

If you can't stand up to your parents and tell them your decision and make them respect it even if they don't like it, you're probably not that mature...

Sigh.

OP, good luck with your choice. It is your choice and the world must respect that. Let us know how things work out.

Onegai:
This is a great plan OP! You're gonna be just great! Awesome!

Sigh.

People misunderstand one of the greatest benefits of marriage: Companionship for both male and female.

Do you know how hard it is to find friends that like what you like and even if they don't, at least they will listen to you??

Do you know how hard it is to find someone who will totally understand Junior is getting on every last nerve of yours with his behaviour.

I don't get it when I see men treating their wives badly or see women sidelining their hubbies for their kids. The one person who is obliged to pay half-attention to that gist about that guy's sis from work dating your 3rd cousin twice removed, you're pissing them off. Because apparently you think your friends or kids are gonna be there forever.

If you can't stand up to your parents and tell them your decision and make them respect it, you're probably not that mature...

Sigh.

OP, good luck with your choice. It is your choice and the world must respect that. Let us know how things work out.

@Bold,

True

bukatyne:


Then marry a guy who is faithful

Even If you see a guy who buys into your ideal, you both will develop feelings as long as he is a Good person.

Lol, Can't find one.

Nigerian/African men think they are polygamous in nature and act that way.

On a second thought, I could try other races

Any good looking tall intelligent man who has money and is well-behaved is an alpha. He has the pick of the litter because he knows his value is high. No matter his race. He will go for a woman who loves him than settle for crumbs. Unless you have Arab money

He is the equivalent of a slim curvy light skinned Nigerian chick with long hair and a Harvard or MIT degree.

They get the cream of the crop, those guys. Unless you have stupid money, they know they can find people to worship them in marriage.

Onegai:
This is a great plan OP! You're gonna be just great! Awesome!

Sigh.

People misunderstand one of the greatest benefits of marriage: Companionship for both male and female.

Do you know how hard it is to find friends that like what you like and even if they don't, at least they will listen to you??

Do you know how hard it is to find someone who will totally understand Junior is getting on every last nerve of yours with his behaviour.

I don't get it when I see men treating their wives badly or see women sidelining their hubbies for their kids. The one person who is obliged to pay half-attention to that gist about that guy's sis from work dating your 3rd cousin twice removed, you're pissing them off. Because apparently you think your friends or kids are gonna be there forever.

If you can't stand up to your parents and tell them your decision and make them respect it even if they don't like it, you're probably not that mature...

Sigh.

OP, good luck with your choice. It is your choice and the world must respect that. Let us know how things work out.

Thanks :-)

Maybe I am mature, maybe not.

I don't see it as a case of standing up to them..I see it as being considerate and I have my reasons. :-)

Onegai:
Any good looking tall intelligent man who has money and is well-behaved is an alpha. He has the pick of the litter because he knows his value is high. No matter his race. He will go for a woman who loves him than settle for crumbs. Unless you have Arab money

He is the equivalent of a slim curvy light skinned Nigerian chick with long hair and a Harvard or MIT degree.

They get the cream of the crop, those guys. Unless you have stupid money, they know they can find people to worship them in marriage.

Crumbs....

Did you miss the part "he must not be interested in marriage"?

ImBae:


I mentioned that it is basically because of my parents.

If I had just the society to deal with, I wouldn't even bother.

Then you are no better than those men who marry and cheat on their wives.

Either you want to get married or you don't. Your parents are irrelevant in this decision.

You choose how you want to live your life.

AtheistD:


Then you are no better than those men who marry and cheat on their wives.

Either you want to get married or you don't. Your parents are irrelevant in this decision.

You choose how you want to live your life.

I found an inbetween

True lasting companionship is the biggest reason why I plan to get married, I have grown to realize that this is seriously important in one's life as no one really wants to die alone, but even if marriage never really happens, I'd still like to find "the one" and live hopefully happily ever after, though I don't know why not marry, if we both good for each other.

OP, what you plan is not really realistic, not in this our world atleast, except you have to do this with someone you ordinarily will never see yourself with, and even then still, change is very constant.

So if I'm to say, I think it's best to invest all that energy and time into loving someone who genuinely feel the same way, there are still good guys out there, you just have to have a little more trust.

You don't really need a house mate or a husband my dear.
What you need is a dog. They are well trained and intelligent, good looking depending on the one you purchase.
if it chases other female dogs on the street, it is not your concern because it is just a pet.

You can't fight with your dog, your dog can't feel inferior because it is not human. and u can't have $ex with your dog.And the most important. You are independent as you want.
Just give it a thought. And when you die, because every one will one day, you will all your property to the dog.
do not be surprised. Oyibo dey do am here. I would have recommended cat but cats are not loyal

Seriously marriage is a good thing dear.

*will only read comments from "males" to see if they will take the bait as usual for another sexist rant of a "NL" thread*

No comment. Next please.
IRMO(in read mode only)

Richy4:
You don't really need a house mate or a husband my dear.
What you need is a dog. They are well trained and intelligent, good looking depending on the one you purchase.
if it chases other female dogs on the street, it is not your concern because it is just a pet.

You can't fight with your dog, your dog can't feel inferior because it is not human. and u can't have $ex with your dog.And the most important. You are independent as you want.
Just give it a thought. And when you die, because every one will one day, you will all your property to the dog.
do not be surprised. Oyibo dey do am here. I would have recommended cat but cats are not loyal

Seriously marriage is a good thing dear.

LOL

freecocoa:
True lasting companionship is the biggest reason why I plan to get married, I have grown to realize that this is seriously important in one's life as no one really wants to die alone, but even if marriage never really happens, I'd still like to find "the one" and live hopefully happily ever after, though I don't know why not marry, if we both good for each other.

OP, what you plan is not really realistic, not in this our world atleast, except you have to do this with someone you ordinarily will never see yourself with, and even then still, change is very constant.

So if I'm to say, I think it's best to invest all that energy and time into loving someone who genuinely feel the same way, there are still good guys out there, you just have to have a little more trust.

Hmmm

Thanks