I feel u brother . both were wrong . women they love us to much they fight over it. But mama could have waited for you to return if your wife will not give her the picture . And your wife had not business raising her hand against your wife. Brother plead with your mother none of them should have to leave your life both must learn their boundaries. As a man you have to set protocol rules if your relarives want to ask for anything in a tense relationship they should ask you. Scold your wife and hold her close it not worth sending her out of the home for this.

perfectionist:
@ ZACHIE
Thanks for updating your previous post.
My wife called me while they were still quarrelling, before the fight started.
I hope to God this issue is resolved amicably. I've already started the mediation process but it's not easy 'cos my mother would have none of it. Her terms for reconciliation are rather steep, necessitating the departure of my wife from the home.

My brother, truth is your mum's "terms for reconciliation" are UNACCEPTABLE.
Make her aware that inasmuch as you and your wife want peace, there are a lot at stake. Can you risk a broken home? And 2 children who would be products of such a broken home?

She needs to be considerate.

I have this feeling that it's a planned thingy


Your mom planned it.....when she was fighting with your wife what was her sister and friends doing? Looking abi, waiting for your to catch her ontop your mother #STAGED



Besides if she want your kids pictures which I see no reasons why she want em (because she is not in good term with ur wife) let her take the kids to a photographer studio and snap with them, I say with them

Bro, your wife is very worng. Try ask her this question- if it were her own mother that demanded for the picture would she deny her? If she say no den she is wrong to do that to your mother but if she says yes she would deny her mother the pics bros I don't what else to say.
Since the deed is done try and make peace with them. Tell you wife how much u love ur mom and tell ur mom how much u love ur wife n kids. Make your wife appologise to her in front of ur mom sis and friend even more people. Bro talk to God cos the devil wana enter ur home

Just talk to the two of them....nd differently!! U can b bias, but be bias with sense and don't let any of dem know wat u discussed with d other....To cap it all, find a way to mak Ur wife apologise to your mama....I op u can control ur wife!!

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

take some people with you to go and beg your mum on behalf of you wife then after you take your wife to her to beg, I really feel for you guy.

TheFilmmaker:


The mother was in her son's house.

that her son's house is another woman's matrimony home, you can't be a king in another king's kingdom.

richyblink1:
Let me be straight with you. No woman(even your mother) will appreciate anybody coming to take an item from her home without permission from them. Yes she is your mother as well as her mother in law, but her authority is in her husband's (your father) house.

The right thing to do is to politely ask for those pictures in if your wife refuses, she should have allowed you to come back without confronting your wife. So far as I am concern, a house is made up of a man and his wife. Every other persons are intruders no matter their relationship to you or your wife.

The deed has been done already. Get your wife to apologize by sending your mother an SMS since she won't want to see her. Then look for a way they can see that's after your mother must have been calmed so your wife can ask for her forgiveness.

Then trace the root cause of their issue and ensure it is resolved amicably. They are the 2 most important people in your life, and as such you can't chose between them.

As for your mother suggesting you ask your wife to leave, NO WAY! Stand your ground now or you will have your family running your home. Equally endeavor to make it clear to your mother or any other extended family that they should clearly ask for permission (from you or wify) before collecting anything from the house.

Yeah, if the OP can handle the post-argument depression, he should tell his mother no way. By the way, are you married? how would you feel if you're married to my sister, and one day you come home to find your mom being whoozed by my sis?

I can't believe there are moral jokers like this in real life.

no matter wat your wife should respect your mom.
PS blood is thicker than water you can have another wife but you can only have one mother

think am well bro. goodluck

The psychological effect will remain for a very long time.

Once beaten twice shy they say.

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. she had no right to slap het, period. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

I pity u. when you marry go and be dragging with your mother in law and see what happens to ur marriage. The MIL is an elderly woman and even if she slapped her, she would have left to the room until the husband comes then report the issue. with that she wouldn't present herself in a bad manner to others that were present.

women are their own worst enemy...I wonder why it difficult for them to stay peacefully without any quarrels or hating for a long period of time

You be mad man, I dey tell you. Go and fight her own mama so that she go know what it means. Why on earth will she stop your mom from collecting picture of her grandchild? She due craze? Madness the worry her? If your mama no born, she for see u marry? Thunder fire her there and u self wey the come here to ask rubbish question. Show that bitch the door right away.
I told my wife before we marry that my mother is my life. Our dad is dead. I told her that as a first son my mother is my first wife through inheritance. It is my paramount duty to take care of her. I warn her that any day she tried nonsense with mother, I will pull down heaven that day. She can play with anything but not my mother. You stupid wife had the guts to beat up your mother and you come here to ask question. Boy you de mad, you dey hear. Banga head.

perfectionist:


My wife would gladly do that but my mother has threatened fire and brimstone if I ever show up at her place with my wife.

Time is the greatest healer. Allow your mum like 3 months gap before you and your wife go to apologize.

TheFilmmaker:


Very good. Birds of the same feather. How would you feel if your son's wife designs your face with 3 hot fiery slaps? Happy? Go siddons, Iyawo Bournvita.

you na tout, what will you be looking for in your son's wife home?

Your mother should never ever forgive your wife

your wife was looking for a fight.
People will always overstep. if she was so attached to the pics she could have selected some and given your mum.
But she chose to make a mountain of nothing. Probably talked rudely to your mum which made your mum lash out because it was in the presence of other people.
your wife has to apologise and it is your place to ensure that she gives your mum the respect that is due her.

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

Agree...well said..

Both women should be faulted but in any situation, your wife must apologise.

First, your mum seems to be the one controlling your home. Why will she visit and still want to pack away her son's belongings in d presence of his wife.
The wife did well by stopping her but she got it a wrong going to the extreme by fighting her MIL.

I cant allow being intimidated in my home o. Except its my FIL, then I can only fight back with "am sorry sir" but for my MIL, she has to rethink trying to invade my home in any means. I will caution her but can never touch her in anger.

If you send ur wife away, your mother will continue detecting your lifestyle. Your wife is your companion. Treat her well and teach her the norms and you will enjoy a happy home

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

My advice stay and keep your family working. it's not right to send your wife out of the house on the grounds of family instruction.. this is 2015, not 1982 where families decide on whatever they feel like and then leave the pain to you and kids... No matter what, keep ur family intact... Mothers can be the sweetest and also can be the most annoying sometimes, but if she meant peace shld wouldn't have slapped ur wife or take such a decision while you were not at home... No matter what. your Mom will always remain your Mom, no family decision can change that, but as for your wife, it's ur happiness and kids happiness and ur Godly ordained blessings that they want to trample upon. May God give you a complete wisdom to handle the issue right... If it were me, I would scold my mom, my sistrr get friend and the family that said or gave the instruction... What they won't accept, they shld rub it off on u.. Simple!

ugwum007:


that her son's house is another woman's matrimony home, you can't be a king in another king's kingdom.

What the hell are you people saying? A woman slapped my mom? And you expect me to take it like it's Nescafé? Why is everybody so hypocritical in judging? My wife can not even have the effrontery to slap my junior sister, not to talk of my mother. WTF are you people talking self?

perfectionist:


Just yeah.
These are serious issues, bro.

First of all, there is no justification, whatsoever, for ur wife to even insult ur mum,not to talk of fighting with her, read again, [b] NO JUSTIFACATION [b]

Let's assume she did it by mistake, or its the divils work, as they usually claim.

Order ur wife to go and apologize to ur mum.

If she refuses, send her packing ASAP.

I can never stand a wife that beats my mother, no matter her offense. I love my mother like mad,

Any wife who tries that has no respect for me, and she mst either apologize or leave.

Your mom initially dished out the slap, it is wrong na !, agreed it is her sons home, but she ought to accept the fact that it is primarily the home of your wife. Talk to your mum by seeing her first, then later go with your wife to apologise.

Reduce visits from your mum in the future, e be like say your mama like kasala, and your wife too is hot tempered.

Any woman that doesn't respect my mum is a goner. No questions asked. You only got one biological mum. Wives are replaceable juh

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

However you choose to look at it the wife will always be the villian.

Would she have fought her own mom if she slapped her ?

That woman has deep sitted anger issues.

I personally stay away from people who I know cannot control there temper.

If you asked her now she'd tell you she wished she had turned the other chick isnt it ? She will surely be regretting her choice to retalaite which establishes the fact she was wrong.

I ask once again, would she have fought her own mom if she slapped her for whatever reason ?

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. she had no right to slap het, period. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

Both of them are to blame. The problem is not the picture, from day one.....they ve not been in good terms. No matter how close you are to me, if we are not in good terms, I won't allow you to touch any of my things.

I m sure the wife would even allow distant friends or her mother to use the picture.

Mr perfectionist should get to the root of the matter or avoid any situation/occasion/event that will bring her mother and wife together till the end of time

I dont want to sound religious here, but the bible sounds it clear that a man must leave mother and father and cleave unto his wife. As soon as you get married, your mum has no business visiting your family for antything, especially since you sensed she has had a running battle with your wife for some time. Just get your wife to apologise to your mum, and let peace reign. And that should do.

Let me warn you now, no amount of pressure by anybody should make you side against your wife in this trying moment. It is for better for worse. She has become one with you. Why should your mum slap your wife in her own house? Silly African Mother in Laws, always thinking that the women who married their sons should be licking their ass. Nonsense.

The advises are now becoming confusing...

OP, at the end of the day you can either mar your happiness, ruin your children's future or be at dagger drawn with your parents. You can make everything work though, first sort things out with your mom(whichever way it goes) then settle your mum and wife.


Whatever you do, don't send your wife away-youre now one, remember? You're not going to send part of your body away coz your mother said you should .

What dose ur mum need d pix for. Y not wait for u to come 1st

no respectable elder ( man or woman ) will lay their hands on another person . no respectable elder will engage in violence . in the court of law , the person who hits first gets blamed . i don't stay in Nigeria so carry go with ur primitive ways of living . it's only in Nigeria that pple will blame the poor wife for something like this , no wonder the country is 200 yrs behind from the rest of the world

Dragonking:


I pity u. when you marry go and be dragging with your mother in law and see what happens to ur marriage. The MIL is an elderly woman and even if she slapped her, she would have left to the room until the husband comes then report the issue. with that she wouldn't present herself in a bad manner to others that were present.

aflyingbird:
why are some of y'all blaming the wife ?

OP , ur mother wanted to take the photos, but u didn't mention her wanting to print them and bring back the original. 1) ur wife had every right to prevent her from taking the photos ( they are her photos after all ), especially if there was no mention of printing. they r child dedication photos dat mean a lot to ur wife , of course she won't let anyone take them just like that . 2) ur mother had no right to slap ur wife just 'cus ur wife said she couldn't take the pictures. why hit her? she isn't ur child neither is she a little kid to be slapped anyhow. u don't put ur hands on anyone. let's be fair here : your mother initiated this fight. ur mother had her sister n friend there so of course they will take her side, ur wife is the lone ranger dat they ganged up on , but if u ask me she is the victim . they were probably looking for a fight from the start

my question to you is, if you just bought your first car and you took it home for your parents blessings. if your parents decided that that vehicle is for them and decide to pray for you to buy another one will you leave that vehicle to them?.