Have being courting with her for abt four years now,Have been the one sponsoring her education and taking care of her Since her inception into the university .By God's grace She will be graduating in a couple of days from the university. She is up and doing academically, She is Good @ cooking, very neat .
I am the only child of my mother ,the very i introduce to my mom she so much like her to the extent that wen she was to resume for 2L She gave her 10k . But this lady never for once willing visit my mom even When am around nd She also came around.
She has never willingly tell me am going to ur mom's place If I don't fight here to. This is the lady Who is my next of kin in my bank,Who knew my sites nd my mom never know. Am praying for blessing nd provision from above for my wedding Before the August. I have I need the advice of the this honourable house to draw my inference in a relationship .
Thanks nd God bless.
Happy palm Sunday to u All.

I would advice you discuss this and not fight over it before you think of any marriage.

You should see improvement without giving her a clue that you are watching her cos if you go ahead and marry her without solving this, I pray you live long

Maybe she has this mother in law phobia, and never thought yours could be an exception.

Do you go to see her father or relations.

If you don't understand her then am afraid

She does NOT have to love your mom!
That is YOUR BUSINESS!
Not hers!

This is where some ladies miss it. You want to marry a man, without his family, especially an only child?

I would however advise you to soft-pedal on being too open to a girlfriend... Be wise, so you don't regret. There are times and seasons for everything; i.e. Her being your next-of-kin is a little too soon. Don't put the cart before the horse!!!

Kindly pardon my being inquisitive, but why are you sponsoring her education?

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, all the things you mentioned that you did for her is way too much and i would advice you to cut down on it, at least until you 2 are married.

FYI, i doubt your fiancée would change after wedding, in fact i believe she would definitely have issues with your mother.

Why not take time and read some of the post on family section, just the other day a man wrote about his mother and wife fighting over mere picture.

Being an only child, whoever you decide to marry must be ready to accept the fact that there will come a time that your mum would have to live with you due to old age.

So whoever you decide to marry must accept your mother and love her like her very own mother. I know it is not easy but it is possible because am a living testimony. Just choose wisely.

Can u guys stop giving wrong advice?

Did the Op say that fiancee doesn't like th mother ni?

OP is ur mom ill or does she have any special needs??
Does ur fiancee need to be visiting her physically?

Can't she talk to her via phone?

As long as ur fiancee doesn't disrespect ur mom,I see no reason for false alarm

omoseun:
Kindly pardon my being inquisitive, but why are you sponsoring her education?

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, all the things you mentioned that you did for her is way too much and i would advice you to cut down on it, at least until you 2 are married.

FYI, i doubt your fiancée would change after wedding, in fact i believe she would definitely have issues with your mother.

Why not take time and read some of the post on family section, just the other day a man wrote about his mother and wife fighting over mere picture.

Being an only child, whoever you decide to marry must be ready to accept the fact that there will come a time that your mum would have to live with you due to old age.

So whoever you decide to marry must accept your mother and love her like her very own mother. I know it is not easy but it is possible because am a living testimony. Just choose wisely.

Sponsoring her education, only child but avoids your mom. The one whom you might eventually take in your matrimonial home to care for??

Better call her and sit down with her NOW .

Good luck.

ciwi:
Can u guys stop giving wrong advice?

Did the Op say that fiancee doesn't like th mother ni?

OP is ur mom ill or does she have any special needs??
Does ur fiancee need to be visiting her physically?

Can't she talk to her via phone?

As long as ur fiancee doesn't disrespect ur mom,I see no reason for false alarm

Four years relationship??

ciwi:
Can u guys stop giving wrong advice?

Did the Op say that fiancee doesn't like th mother ni?

OP is ur mom ill or does she have any special needs??
Does ur fiancee need to be visiting her physically?

Can't she talk to her via phone?

As long as ur fiancee doesn't disrespect ur mom,I see no reason for false alarm

After all that the guy has done for her, there us nothing wrong in paying the would-be MIL a visit once in a while.

Just to think of it, would you be happy if such a thing happen to you in your old age?

chiefarian47:

Have being courting with her for abt four years now,Have been the one sponsoring her education and taking care of her Since her inception into the university .By God's grace She will be graduating in a couple of days from the university. She is up and doing academically, She is Good @ cooking, very neat .
I am the only child of my mother ,the very i introduce to my mom she so much like her to the extent that wen she was to resume for 2L She gave her 10k . But this lady never for once willing visit my mom even When am around nd She also came around.
She has never willingly tell me am going to ur mom's place If I don't fight here to. This is the lady Who is my next of kin in my bank,Who knew my sites nd my mom never know. Am praying for blessing nd provision from above for my wedding Before the August. I have I need the advice of the this honourable house to draw my inference in a relationship .
Thanks nd God bless.
Happy palm Sunday to u All.

Op listen she is not for you.You are wrong in sponsoring her education when you are not legally married to her. Why must you even make her your next of kin when you are not even married to her? You are wrong.If she loves you the way you claim here, nothing that stops her taking your mum as her best friend considering that you are the only child. She will surely dump you because she has plans.

omoseun:
Kindly pardon my being inquisitive, but why are you sponsoring her education?

Anyway, back to the issue at hand, all the things you mentioned that you did for her is way too much and i would advice you to cut down on it, at least until you 2 are married.

FYI, i doubt your fiancée would change after wedding, in fact i believe she would definitely have issues with your mother.

Why not take time and read some of the post on family section, just the other day a man wrote about his mother and wife fighting over mere picture.

Being an only child, whoever you decide to marry must be ready to accept the fact that there will come a time that your mum would have to live with you due to old age.

So whoever you decide to marry must accept your mother and love her like her very own mother. I know it is not easy but it is possible because am a living testimony. Just choose wisely.

You are a real woman and an intelligent lady. Good advise. Sponsoring a lady and even making her your next of kin when you are not legally married goes to show his weakness as a man.

Your fiancee has not done anything wrong. The fact that she never visited her doesn't mean she doesn't like her.
Have you talked to her about it? She may not even know she is doing anything wrong.
During my courtship, I never visited my mother in-law on my own. I just dnt see any reason to. I am kind of reserved and don't know how to do all those things. I thought I will not be free around them. But that doesn't mean I don't respect or love her. I prefer calling. After our marriage , she came visiting for two weeks and she enjoyed her stay. I even got gifts for her to give to my sister-in law.
Don't be deceived by some girls that do eye service during courtship but changes after marriage. Not every girl will throw themselves at their mother-in-law but that doesn't they won't treat them with respect.
But I think you should discuss your fears with her.

hayorbaami:
Your fiancee has not done anything wrong. The fact that she never visited her doesn't mean she doesn't like her.
Have you talked to her about it? She may not even know she is doing anything wrong.
During my courtship, I never visited my mother in-law on my own. I just dnt see any reason to. I am kind of reserved and don't know how to do all those things. I thought I will not be free around them. But that doesn't mean I don't respect or love her. I prefer calling. After our marriage , she came visiting for two weeks and she enjoyed her stay. I even got gifts for her to give to my sister-in law.
Don't be deceived by some girls that do eye service during courtship but changes after marriage. Not every girl will throw themselves at their mother-in-law but that doesn't they won't treat them with respect.
But I think you should discuss your fears with her.

so true.

I am naturally reserved too and soo laid back about things like that. I probably won't just dress up to go visit my MIL without an invitation or urgent reason.

Its very possible she dosnt even know she is doing something wrong nd also family upbringing matters.some people grew up in a mind your business kind of family and will never just jump to go visiting so before you take any rash decision,you better speak to her about it.

OP not everybody is a people person.
If your girl is like that, it may not be a problem except she disrespects your mom.

Just let her know how important your mom is in your life. You can TRY and encourage her to positively try to develop a relationship with your mom as that will make you happy.
Talk about it without sounding like you're nagging.
If you nag her about it, she will withdraw some more.

But don't force it. You can't force love.

On the upside, some little space breeds more room for mystery and respect.
Eliminating the laws of 'see finish' .

As long as there is respect between them, don't try to force them to become buddies.
It will happen if it will happen.

I hope u are not being taken for a ride. I've seen a grown man weep because the girl he sponsored and wanted to marry abandoned him when she graduated.
Meanwhile if a woman likes u, I expect her to love all that is yours.
Summary: You are just a meal ticket. You are neither loved, respected or appreciated.

Op, talk to her and know y she doesn't willingly visit ur mum. I believe a smart lady should know that dating an only child is delicate. Meanwhile, u have done too much for the girl I hope she is for real.

All I have drawn from some comments here so far are insightful and nerve chilling, life can be so unfair. You all mean I would be here thinking of how best I can love a soon-to-be mother-in-law and eventually don't get same for mine? Mbanu!!

In your case, please do lead by example. If she sees what rapport you do have with her parents maybe she would be wise enough to learn and reciprocate.

Meanwhile training a lady through school is no guarantee for marriage nor a debt of sort, the ladies of today see it as an act of God.

God save us, but remain vigilante enough to know when to cut ties, your case is peculiar and as such very sensitive.

ABEngine:

In your case, please do lead by example. If she sees what rapport you do have with her parents maybe she would be wise enough to learn and reciprocate.

This too @OP

The only thing you owe your in-laws is Politeness and Respect, not Love and Friendship. If Love comes after, all well and good but it's not a requirement.

In your case your mum will most likely end up living with you in her old age, so it's best to make it clear to her now that the eventuality is coming. In fact, use that sentence to start the conversation with your woman to find out if anything has occured.

It may be a simple case of her trying to set boundaries. Your situation is the sort that they use to tell girls scary stories that end with "and that's how his mum frustrated/broke their marriage up". So she may be being overly-cautious so your mum doesn't feel comfy with her to the point of familiarity. As long as their relationship isn't acrimonious and your girl can live with Mama one day if not in love then in mutual respect and harmony, don't try and cause wahala making things different.

An only child (and a son as that) of a Naija woman, heck he'd be lucky if we progressed past 2 dates.

I think you are acting rather too fast. why make a girl that is not yet your wife, your next of kin?
why sponsor her education? what happened to her parents/

well back to the main issue.I will advice you have a talk with her and register your dissatisfaction
to her.

what is your opinion on his making her his next of kin and sponsoring her education

zeb04:
so true.

I am naturally reserved too and soo laid back about things like that. I probably won't just dress up to go visit my MIL without an invitation or urgent reason.

Its very possible she dosnt even know she is doing something wrong nd also family upbringing matters.some people grew up in a mind your business kind of family and will never just jump to go visiting so before you take any rash decision,you better speak to her about it.

Onegai:
The only thing you owe your in-laws is Politeness and Respect, not Love and Friendship. If Love comes after, all well and good but it's not a requirement.

I beg to differ, loving ur in-laws is part of the requirement or else u won't treat them the way u treat ur own family. When there is no love, it's easy for fights to arise and then politeness and respect will equally be lost.

pickabeau1:
what is your opinion on his making her his next of kin and sponsoring her education

it is his choice pickabeau.....although it is a risky one, but isn't life about taking risk

zeb04:
it is his choice pickabeau.....although it is a risky one, but isn't life about taking risk

if u were a guy or your brother wanted to attempt it, will u do it


1. Sponsor Education YES/NO

2. NEXT of KI YES/NO

pickabeau1:


if u were a guy or your brother wanted to attempt it, will u do it


1. Sponsor Education YES/NO

2. NEXT of KI YES/NO

No

sponsoring her education and then making her your next of kin for someone u are not yet married to?. Wtf!! upon all that she can't visit ur mum to show her appreciation?
This guy must surely be joking.

zeb04:
No

Ezatily

And moreover she does not care about the mom but likes the son's money and property

Keg of gunpowder

I hope he has a long life