People have a tendency to screw up. If after pleading for a year, she still refuses to forgive you (which is her prerogative), divorce her and move on. After all the actual rapist has likely moved on.

If she has forgiven you, she should state what are conditions are for moving forward, which you should humbly meet (as you screwed up earlier) and hopefully work towards mending your relationship.

The wife has no right to be a dog in a manger.

mexy_fly:

Busybody, a million thanks; I visited her 2weeks ago in the company of very older men and elders, along with her mum, I was thoroughly scolded and whitewashed, she was asked 2 speak her mind and she cried repeatedly, at the end, she felt a lot better and she went into d house and for the first time offered me food and drinks b4 attendin 2 d other visitors, !! I pleaded and begged and reassured and every single bit of emotion and truth inside of me, I spoke with her mum and admitted all my silly talk, 2 my surprise she held my hands and told me I was forgiven, she even personaly invited me over to spend the night with them the following weekend. Last weekend I spent the night in her house, (family home) we kissed, she touched me so passionately and started cryin as she held my holiness she said; why did u let me miss u so much; why did you leave me alone; why did you hurt me? gush those questions blew me away again as I was simply flabeggersted and overwhelmed. Why that question when she practically made all inroads from me impassable, what did she actually mean, then she shows me to my room and sleeps on another bed in another room, I really wished we made love. When I asked her why she left me alone when she knows how much I have missed her, she simply apologizes and pleads, the past 4days have been heavenly for me , she's been everythin I'd wished for, she ways I will have 2 pack out of our former home b4 she comes back, we see each day at work as she wont stop calling me every hr, she closes and I check on her b4 going home, but she wouldnt come 2 our home, people pls what is going on, she was even askin me if I have ever let another woman touch me the way she did on the night, we were in traffic and her hands were all over me, pls help what have I gotten into, is there a message she's passing across, she asked me about when we're hoing to have a baby,

I AM simply lost, confused and amazed, can someone help right tune my head, or my thoughts
what is she sayin that am not de-coding,
pls NL's let some experienced people show me, , please ask ansy question, I will provide answers,

dude, this woman simply wants you to take charge. Take her home and love her like a man!

thanks sistawoman; I no she wants to come home but, each time I talk about comin homee, she waves it away, she says I shld change apartment b4 she comes back, and though am very willin 2 do dat 4 her, but I dont have all d money 4 now!! she gave me an estate agents number 2 call and I have laready spoken wit d guy, i will be seein a number of houses he has suggested on sat'day 7th march, I judt dont get what message she's passin across!!

biina; I appreciate ur directness, I wish I could just do that, but its not workin am gonna need some help on how, !

mercado: even when she smile s and is so happy again with me, i feel there is a brickk wall in her heart, botherin arround fear of d unknown, she says "how sure is she that am not doing all these to bring her back so I can now take my revenge quietly,

I'd never seen or been in a mess like this, I need special prayers, someone pls help, I NEED HELP,

Get the new apartment. then send someone to pick your wifes things and her and bring her to her new home.

You should tell her that you will not hear any more foolishness and that all her terms need to be laid out right now because you're willing to do whatever she states but that she can not add stuff to it later, so she should sit down and really think about.

Let her mom know when you will be collecting her daughter and ask her to have her things ready because You or Someone is coming to collect her and let the mom know where you are taking her but not to tell her daughter.

Be romantic. Have the house in perfect order and cook a meal or pay someone to do it. light a couple of candles and let married folk do what they do after a romantic dinner.

sistawoman: someday i'll get thru this!! I cant just think very straight, one minute she's talkin about apartment change, nest minute its something else, apart from the fact that I dont have d funds at d moment 2 do d apartment change, am not so sure, she's firmed up in her mind on what 2 do , I 've always told her she dont have a mind of her own, !!

well I guess I'll simple take it as it comes, one by one!!

if you cannot afford a new apartment spend some money and renovate the current one;paint the apartment, change the curtain, rearrange the furniture etc depending on how much you can spare.above all go and bring your wife back home! Don't try to justify your action just apologize & reassure her of your love

bros
you beginning to sound wimpy

if ur wife is confused then you can not be too

TAKE CHARGE

its obvious she has bad memories so
if you cant get a new apartment
change your flat like iranoladun said
spruce it up,
pick a date
fix a great meal even if you have to order for it
i mean go all valentines day on her woo her back
create a new memory for her that she can refer too in future

ACTION is what is needed not words

Thanks Salsera, wat can I do, I spent a lot of my savings already tooshing up the house!! she maintains she wount come back!! when i asked she said its a taboo in her house to return to the same house you walked away from. very starnge and unreasonable but that is what she says. I have even slept over in her mums house with her last weekend and this weekend, she tells me how much she misses me, she cooks all my meals and she wont let me even go out of her mums house for anythin, but whenever i mention our home, the house where we stayed for 1 year 2geda, she simply goes cold. am wondering if there's something else to all these? it beats my imagination, can someone decode this for me? I tell her that this request is somehow strange 2 me; if we have 2 change apartment each tym we have an issue then I wonder how often we'll do same and how u get to plan a life 2geda, wen hopin from house to house is the bane. I just wonder what I'd gotten into, Help pls, what is d meanin of all dis,

Hi Mexy_fly, its Busy_body here - its a long story, but enough about me

When you posted that she was adamant to return home and was being cagey about the reason, I knew straightaway that the place held unpleasant memory for her, afterall it was where she ran to, to seek comfort from you only to find you had gone behind her . . .

Now that your declaration of undying love plus how you failed her has jolted her back to reality and shifted the momentum and equilibrium, I agree wholeheartedly with Sisterwoman's input BUT ignore the bit where she said you need to put your foot down

Any sign from you showing you are fed up can flick the switch back to square one again and undo all the hard work you have done to win her back, and trigger unpleasant thoughts that you betrayed her, that you were not there for her, that you applied to divorce her and that you are now giving her an ultimatum . . .

Abeg, don't undo all you have done, forget about worrying about yourself for now, she is already doing that, just keep on being there for her

If you cannot afford to move out for now, let her know, and meet her in the middle, go to see her as much as you can, continue to show her you love her and want the best for her. CAll her from work as often as you can to tell her you miss her, send her random text messages to remind her she is beautiful and to erase her thoughts that she is tainted goods. She will come round and forgive you with time.

Whilst you are doing all this for her, it will give her time to think that "since it was not a random person that attacked her, maybe she led him on or maybe she stupidly ignored the signals or maybe she has several opportunities to nip it in the bud or . . . And this will help her come to the realisation that she cannot lay the whole blame at your feet and hopefully would make her see you in a new light and that you still genuinely want her back because you love her and care about her.

Hang in there, your work is nearly done.

Thanks big_bumper;

I appreciate this so much, I hope I have all the necessary patience to live through this!!

I love her so much and I'll do anything within my capacityto make it up 2 my wife
, thanx for the feelers,

My suggestions are these;

Change apartments and if possible change the furniture, she does not want anything to remind her of what transpired betwen her and her boss.
And please don't tell her you made out with another woman even if you did because if you do, the little faith she has in you will crumble.
If she is still working with the said boss, help her change her job.

And please, TREAT HER LIKE A BABY, let her know that you are lost without her (I know this shows each tme you try talking to her but tell her)
Let her know that the divorce was one other way you tried to get her attention.

All the best.

Wonder what has transpired over the past few months?

Mexy_fly should have saved up enough by now to move home,

As someone said in an earlier reply.your wife has unpleasant memories of your apartment thats why she doesnt wanna move back there.its understandable cos women have VERY RETENTIVE MEMORIES of places and events so try all within your means you acced to her demands and by the way is she still at the work place with the boss that raped her?

@ Poster, I really hope you have sorted out your problem with your wife now. Having been there myself, I think the reason she did not want to move back into the same house was because it held a lot of bad memories for her. Remember you are her man. Let her find sfety and refuge in your heart and arms. Treat her like a princess and never,never distrust her.
All the best.

Mexy-ify, what's up wit ur home now. I pray she forgets d issue cos it's a painful thing.

Mexy-ify, what's up wit ur home now. I pray she forgets d issue cos it's a painful thing.

@ OP

well u messed up, big deal! if she doesn't want to come home then if i were the one i will tell her it is over, divorce or no divorce. what led her to get into a position where her boss ra.ped her? plz both of u need to sit down and talk. as for me, i wont let no woman pull me along for a year without clarity of where this is heading to

Nairalanders, I WANTTO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!
The scoldings, the chastisements, the tougue lashings, the advices, the directives, the instructions and all that I cant describe have been wonderful and it WORKED.

18MONTHS after all the scoldings and here and there, my wife is finaly back home.
Akpunwa, yemipretty, big_bumper,sistawoman, davidalyn, and all of you, I cant say THANK YOU ENOUGH!!

We mended fences and God helped us put the past behind us, he blessed me and gave me enough resources to not only change apartment but to tastefuly raise the bar in what anyone would call a home, and roughly a year after we even have a lovely BABY in March to cap it off with. I was going to throw a huge party and invite all the nairalanders that could make it but I have been offshore since and am off to the US next week.

NAIRALANDERS THANK YOU !!!!
I OWE YOU ALL A BIG ONE!!!!!!!!
I HOPE SOMEDAY I CAN HELP SOMEONE WHO MAY FIND HIMSELF IN DIFFICULTY AS EXPERTLY AND SURREAL AS EVERYONE GAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NAIRALANDERS THANK YOU !!!!

Congrats mexy_fly,

Well,well,well.Like they say,all is well that ends well.

Does anybody know a nollywood producer?This will make for a blockbuster movie.

mexy_fly:

Nairalanders, I WANTTO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!!
The scoldings, the chastisements, the tougue lashings, the advices, the directives, the instructions and all that I cant describe have been wonderful and it WORKED.

18MONTHS after all the scoldings and here and there, my wife is finaly back home.
Akpunwa, yemipretty, big_bumper,sistawoman, davidalyn, and all of you, I cant say THANK YOU ENOUGH!!

We mended fences and God helped us put the past behind us, he blessed me and gave me enough resources to not only change apartment but to tastefuly raise the bar in what anyone would call a home, and roughly a year after we even have a lovely BABY in March to cap it off with. I was going to throw a huge party and invite all the nairalanders that could make it but I have been offshore since and am off to the US next week.

NAIRALANDERS THANK YOU !!!!
I OWE YOU ALL A BIG ONE!!!!!!!!
I HOPE SOMEDAY I CAN HELP SOMEONE WHO MAY FIND HIMSELF IN DIFFICULTY AS EXPERTLY AND SURREAL AS EVERYONE GAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NAIRALANDERS THANK YOU !!!!

AWWWW CONGRATULATIONS, I AM REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, AWWWW, MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND CONTINUE TO ENLARGE YOUR COAST AND STENGTHEN YOU IN YOUR ROLE AS A HUSBAND AND A FATHER. CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BORN BABY AS WELL.

Thank you Busy_body, I just can't appreciate you and Nairalander enuff!! All the words were spot on! SCOLDINGS, ABUSES, RAKES RANTS, SUGGESTIONS, ADMONISHIONS, once you are humble enough and you are really genuine about wanting to get things right, even every negative words will bring out a positive in YOU.

THanks again everyone, !

I love happy endings.

Congrats!

oh my God! see me crying in the office

i read the story from beginning to the end, i made no comment though.

Thanks to Nairalanders.

Wishing you a happier marriage.

Congratulations on your Baby too.

I have a good news to share with you only if you are willing to listen to me, My name is Sidney from UNITED STATE. i have been having problems in some aspect of my life which almost led me to commit suicide, several time i applied for jobs and each time i was turn down, it came to a point that my boy friend left me for babe and this made me to have high blood pressure.One day as i was looking for job online in the internet i came across a testimony of a woman how a great spell caster called Prophet Majid help her with his spell to solve her problems so i decided to contact the Spell caster (Prophet Majid) by mail. i narrated all my story to him and the only thing he told me was don't worry because your problems are solve already for you have made the right choice of contacting me.i filled his form and provide the items he requested from me for the preparation of the spell to get me a good job,bring my ex back and also to heal my high blood pressure and today my brothers and sisters that are reading this i am very glad to say that Prophet Majid is a transparent of God sent on earth sent by God to solve problems. I have a good Job now, My heart desire is back and i am healed of my High Blood Pressure.Do you have problems and you think all hope is gone, i advise you to contact Prophet Majid today and you problem will be solve just as he solve mine ok. Prophet Majid email is: prophetmajidspiritualhome@yahoo.com OR
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I'm never taking such a man back, I don't care what his reasons are/were, simples.

Oh, OP lucky you, thank God say no be person like me you marry.

Busy body, thumbs up to you. U really scolded him n still helped him. What a traumatic experience for U both. I just love happy endings.

How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

My name is Lorna Harron, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr momodo, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr momodo's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr momodo, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High momodospelltemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: momodospelltemple@gmail.com

What a story!!!!!!

Happy ending

freecocoa: I'm never taking such a man back, I don't care what his reasons are/were, simples.

Oh, OP lucky you, thank God say no be person like me you marry.

sharrap dia!!!! Who for marry person like u. If u like go divorce ur own hubby, na u sabi cos u don turn opportunity cost be that