The rate at which Nigerians are doing registrywedding even our celebrities is a food for thought for everyone getting ready for marriage. Do you think doing church wedding alone suffice?

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Soraya, 28, is from Birmingham and studying pharmacy

“The first time his family asked for my hand in marriage was during my exams. I wasn’t ready for that commitment during such a stressful time, so they agreed to come back. Like me he was educated, brought up in Britain and practiced law. He sounded liberal and I thought we had something in common. So I said yes. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for.

Following a short engagement, we had a traditional Islamic wedding. The Muslim priest came to my house and married us and then I was taken to the groom’s home to complete the ceremony. We both signed a Muslim marriage certificate. That’s how people ‘tie the knot’ Islamically. My parents assumed at some point we would legally register the marriage in order for it to be recognised by British law. That never happened. When I got married, I expected to be with my husband for the rest of my life. I expected a normal relationship between a husband and a wife.

The trouble started when I wanted to pursue my pharmacy career which I’ve always dreamed of. Prior to the marriage, my parents discussed this with his parents and he was made fully aware of my intention to study. He agreed, but once we were married and I started applying to universities, he wasn’t happy. Instead of enrolling, I decided to defer for a year to give him time to think about it. He didn’t change his mind, so I applied for my degree without his permission. During enrollment, I stated my marital status as ‘married’. As standard procedure of proof of identity, the university requested a British civil marriage certificate. I didn’t have one.

Emotional and financial investment

I asked my husband to provide me with a civil marriage certificate but he told me we didn’t need one. He said although our Muslim marriage was ‘common-law’, it was legally recognised. Unconvinced, I did some research and realised we had to register the marriage at a registry office in order for it to be legal. The certificate given to me by the Muslim priest was invalid in the eyes of the law. Had I not enrolled at university, I would have been none the wiser. I asked him to officially register our marriage, but he refused.

My dad had invested over £7,000 in our marriage in terms of the ceremony and gifts. He paid for my gold and gave us household appliances. He also gave us money to refurbish the house because it was in a terrible state. My husband boasted he’d bought us a nice place in London, but it was absolutely disgusting. It was dirty, totally bare and infested with mice. It was an empty shell - a complete tip. The day after we got married, he went to work and left me all alone. I cleaned the entire house and painted it. I decorated it and furnished it with my dad’s money plus my wages from shop work which was tiding me over until I went to university. He didn’t help me whatsoever and told me I was lucky to have a house at all.

Initially he paid the mortgage and most of the bills. I always paid for the food. When I started my shop work he expected me to pay half the mortgage even though his salary was over £40,000 and I was on £6 per hour. I simply couldn’t afford it. Although we were supposedly married, he lived like he was still single. We hardly saw each other because he was ‘on duty’ most nights. He also suggested I look after his mother in Birmingham while he lived in London during the week, so we would only see each other at weekends. I said no. He forbade me to go to university and the fighting continued. His behaviour became threatening. He turned violent and put his hands around my neck. Once he even tried to push me down the stairs.

Family feud

Neither of our parents knew what was happening, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Eventually I told them that he refused to register the marriage and how he’d completely changed. It was as if he had a split personality. At first they didn’t believe me and my mum encouraged me to make the marriage work. It didn’t take her long to realise I was going through hell. I only wanted him to meet me half way, but he never compromised. I asked myself if I could take this for the rest of my life and have his children.

We had a big family meeting in Birmingham. My dad lost his temper and my husband got up and left the house. He’d returned to London with his family and I stayed in Birmingham with mine. After giving him a couple of days to cool down, I went back to London, put my key in the lock, but couldn’t get into the house. How can a husband lock his wife out of their home? I told the police my husband had changed the locks. They said it was a civil matter and that I had to sort it out myself. I felt so helpless. I had no choice but to leave all my belongings behind and go back to Birmingham.

I pleaded with my husband to sort things out and asked him whether we had a future. He was still adamant that I shouldn’t go to university, but I wasn’t prepared to give that up. I no longer trusted him and couldn’t imagine having a family with him. I knew we had no future whatsoever. It was over. The police accompanied me to my home and my husband looked on while I collected my things. He arranged for a total stranger to drop off the remainder of my belongings.

No help

My dad hired a solicitor which cost £5,000. Even though my solicitor was threatened by my husband’s family, the case still reached the courts. The judge threw it out because my marriage wasn’t recognized by British law and I therefore wasn’t entitled to anything. I went to the Shari’ah Council and they couldn’t help me either. My mum sought help at several mosques, but there wasn’t anything anybody could do. I still haven’t been compensated for what I’ve lost and it’s unlikely I ever will be. I had no idea my marriage would end like this. As a legal practitioner, he knew exactly what he was doing and led me to believe that our marriage was legal. I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

After the marriage ended I was quite depressed. It hasn’t been easy for my family either. I’ve lost a lot of time and money and I could’ve qualified as a pharmacist sooner. The worst thing was being deceived from day one, entering into a marriage which I thought was legal. After everything I’d invested in the relationship - emotionally and financially, I thought I’d be entitled to something, but he didn’t even care. He was happy to see me walk away with nothing.

Although I’ve picked myself up and moved on, I’ll never forget it. It will always be at the back of my mind. It’s been a struggle, but my family has supported me throughout. I’ve had to show the community I don’t need him and that I’m strong enough to come through this. I will qualify as a pharmacist next year.”

That is the only marriage recognize by the law

Make sure you get your marriage registered, so the law can protect you.

The registring of your marriage as a woman, makes you the only legal wife.

The marriage certificate is considered the most vital document of a marriage. It is to prove that a couple is legally wedded. A couple’s marriage certificate becomes a requirement when applying for a passport and for opening a bank account after the wedding. In case of any marriage disputes the marriage certificate is considered as a very strong evidence of the wedding.

For women a marriage certificate is very important in the case of any marriage dispute since it provides valid evidence of the wedding. If an individual wishes to get a life insurance policy he/she must Present a certificate.

We all prioritize what we want to invest in on our wedding day. For some, the venue is priority. For others it might be the flowers, food, or cake. Brides and grooms spend so much time and money on the details of their wedding they should have it all photographed in a beautiful and artful way. A professional photographer knows how to capture the emotions and meaningful moments that can pass by in an instant. Whatever your priority is, investing in a photographer should be at the top of your list. Besides love, it is the one thing that will last a lifetime. It's also important to hire a photographer that fits your style and can show off your personality because when your grandchildren look at these photographs, you want them to see the amazing, unique people that you are. I only have this one photograph of my aunt and uncle on their wedding day and I’m grateful that it’s a professional quality photograph

Heart

KanwuliaJara come and see o.haaaaa. so you were right when you were telling me beware of London



haaaa KanwuliaJara. How do you even know all these things sef

SAMBARRY:
KanwuliaJara come and see o.haaaaa. so you were right when you were telling me beware of London



haaaa KanwuliaJara. How do you even know all these things sef

Experience is the best STUDENT abi?

KanwuliaJara:


Experience is the best STUDENT abi?

lobatan

Wedding Registry Process

You are required to provide these on arrival

1, 2 Passport Photograph each from the couple. #

2, Photocopy of Birth Certificates or Age declaration..

3, Registration fee of N10, 500* inclusive of swearing in

*fee is dependent on the local council for Onigbongbo local council you will pay- N7,500 for registration/ N3000 for swearing in. One can also make part payment with full balance due before the wedding

# If partner is a foreigner then photocopy of international passport showing the data page and the visa page is required in addition to all these.

You’ll be asked to fill the registration form after which you are entitled to observe the 21days notice before your wedding is conducted.

If you have to get married before the 21 days notice of observance, a special license is required which is issued at the state office, Alausa . A staff in the registry office usually takes the responsibility to acquire the license on behalf of the couple. Payments for special license is usually about N20,000 and this is exclusive of the payment for the registration fee. Hence, if you are looking to get married before the 21days notice elapses then you should be looking at paying N30,000* ( license and registration fee)

After the 21 working days notice, couples are expected to come back to the registry office in any Tuesday after the expiration of the notice. Tuesday is swearing in day.

SWEARING IN

This process involves you (couple) filling three forms

A, The Affidavit form- This is to indicate that you are more than 21years, never been married e.t.c if you are divorced then the divorce letter needs to be presented.

B, Prohibited Degree Form- This form shows the list of people you are legally allowed to marry or not to marry.

C, Information Slip- This short slip requires you to provide information that would later be transferred to the wedding certificate e.g Groom’s Fathers name, Bride’s Fathers name, name of witness.

You will then take an oath with the Bible or Koran depending on your beliefs to declare the accuracy of the information provided.

After the swearing in or taking of oath, the couple is then ready to get married in the next two days. Marriage registry is normally conducted mostly on Thursdays and then Saturdays for couples with special license( same with all councils). A couple does not necessarily need to get married in the next 2 days but any other Thursday as long as it is within the window of Three months after which the registration expires.

During the swearing in, you do not need a witness, just the couple is expected.

Wedding Registry

On this day ( any Thursday) the couple is expected to arrive at the registry office promptly. Dress code is not strict. You can wish to come with your wedding dress or a formal dress. This ceremony is usually conducted in the presence of family and friends. The couple gets to sign the Three important copies of the Marriage certificate. This is signed by the couple and then the witness. One is kept in the registry office, one taken to the state office Alausa and one is given to the couple for their keeps.

If a church wedding is preferred, then the couple is issued a license with their own code number on it. That license is presented to the church and they will create the marriage certificate based on the code number. Your code number validates the certificate.

Two MAJOR mistakes made by most couples

1, Ikoyi Registry is the best- No its not. It issues you the same marriage certificate that any other local government could issue. It is well established, popular and hence expensive.

2, We want the church blessings: Thats okay but If your church or religious organization is not registered, then any marriage certificate issued by the same body is deemed illegal by the state hence you would not be protected by the law of the land concerning married couple. The Home office, likely will not recognize the certificate either. Although, you could still attend the church for blessings, your signing in this case should be done at the registry.

|image source: Eikonworld|

Is Ikeja Alausa registry well recognised too.is d marriage certificate accepted internationally?cnt face d stress of Ikoyi registry as it is xpensive.