Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by kinglekan: 6:48pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
1. The Perverts These ones cannot be placed in a particular age bracket. They span from young to old. You find them mostly in BRT's and Molue's. (Our ever happy standing committee crew) They are always looking for an avenue to stand behind anything FEmale and "tap current" (in their minds, age is just a number  ). Like my padi Albeto2k go talk, "Konji na bastard".  The last one I experienced was on a BRT. I was relaxing when all of a sudden the elderly woman standing beside me shouted at the elderly man standing right behind her "Oga hold dat thing ooo, nor let am touch me again" 2. The Toasters These group have this particular track by Iyanya ft Don jazzy "Gift", on repeat mode in their head. They are constantly looking for anything in skirt. Their sole mission is to find out what is underneath it. (Orijin101 how far nah? )Once they are about to board a bus, they scan very well and locate the prettiest chick on the bus, if nah only guys dey dere, dem go just wait for the next available bus. 3. The Religious These ones have been banned on BRT buses since its inception, so you would find them mostly in the regular 14seater buses, Molue's etc. The moment the bus is about to move you would suddenly hear a loud shout, enough to give a hypertensive person an instant cardiac arrest. There are a particular set that never seize to amaze me. You find them on most public transports with a jersey (you know them naa ). I have noticed a couple of times that the date of the program on the "jersey" are past. 4. The Sarewagba's Literally translated: Run, come collect. These ones are always advertising their goodies. They wear all sorts of micro mini (The type wey Ronald4lif dey sow for yankee ), leggins, tank tops wey nor be their size and all manner of clothing that exposes something just to lure their preys. You don't want them sitting in front of you, else they expose the crack of their bum for your viewing pleasure. You don't want them sitting beside you either, else they keep rubbing your shoulder with their massive milk factories. One more thing if you find one sitting in front with the driver and you love your life come down SHARPALY!!. 5. The Sleeping Crew These ones ehhnnnn!! Infact they can sleep till rapture. . Once the bus starts moving them don dey sleep. Their sleeping pattern can make you laugh till you pee on yourself. You don't want to meet or have the chronic types sitting beside you. They nod, snore and drool. The only time they wake up is when they hit their forehead on the metallic surface of the backrest in front of them. Twaci u sef dey this committee ooo. She slept only to wake up after her bus stop to shout "Ewo!!!!" . You are not alone dear, me sef enrol in this committee today. I slept off few metres to my bus stop only to wake up at the next bus stop. I trek so tey I con dey swear for all my enemies. 6. The Ignoramus These folks would appear so cool you would hardly notice how clueless they really are. After the bus has covered a few kilometres, you would hear them asking the person beside them; "Bros, Abeg shebi na Ikeja this bus dey go?" The person would be like "Nooooo!!, na Abule Egba this bus they go ooo". Like Aunty Twaci dem go come shout "Ewooooo!!! Driver stop, stop, stop, make I come down" Hehehehehe 7. The Yokozuna's I hope we all haven't forgotten that WWE sumo wrestler? Well except you were born in the era of justin bieber. These group are majorly the extremely obese market women. Choii!! You don't want to find yourself anywhere close to them. They are partly members of "The Sleeping Crew" and the stench from the sweat trickling down their body can make you nauseous instantly. These ones would occupy half of the seat leaving the other three passengers to compete for what is left. Their usual slogan is "Make una shift nah". 8. The Aproko's While these ones are not so ubiquitous, you are sure to encounter them once in a while. Pull out your phone and start typing and their long necks would be right above your shoulders with their bulging eyes fixed on your screen. They are constantly evading passengers privacy with their long necks as though they are expecting a back alert on your phone. Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewww!!! 9. The Staff's We all know them. Our Men in black, but most times in mufti when assuming this role. No need for another epistle here. 10. The Happy Family Have you ever been in a hurry and waiting patiently for the bus to get full and all of a sudden God answers your prayers, a family of 7 just shows up (Father, Mother and 5 Children). Your face glows at the thought of the bus taking off soon, only for the family of 7 to occupy just two seats and then say "Aunty abeg make dis my pikin manage for your side". 11. The Beggars These ones never have enough money to get to their destination. They get into the bus and after a few minutes they tap you and say; "Aunty, please help me add N50 to this money" If they are not successful at this they form tough face and each time the conductor asks for money, you would hear; "Conductor this place too tight, I nor fit comot my money". Only for them to get to the bus stop and...... Well you know the rest. 12. The Instructors Mostly women who have no idea what downshift of upshift means nor have any clue as to what the function of the clutch is. They always seem to be experts at tutoring the driver on how to drive well. You would here things like; "Driver move to the fast lane naa" , "This driver too slow, see as him dey drive like learner"  13. The Story Tellers Loquacious would be an understatement to describe this folks. When you meet them on a bus, you would assume everyone on the bus is their family member. They are always carefree, cracking jokes and have a repertoire of never ending tales. (Most of which na ZOBO ). I love meeting them sha, they keep the bus lively especially in traffic. 14. The History Keepers These ancient keepers tend to be in their 70s and above. They are always ranting about the good old days before independence. They would talk about the colonial era down to this democratic dispensation. They are the only ones who bought peak milk for 2shillings and witnessed the death of Muritala Muhammed. Infact the most infuriating thing about these folks is that when you talk they are quick to shut you up with statements like; "What do you know?", "Keep quiet my friend", "Listen to me...", etc 15. The Consumers These folks are astounding individuals. They always seat close to the window of the vehicle. Don't get it twisted, its not really about the breeze. They are gluttons in disguise, chilling to unleash their monstrous appetite on anything that they come across. They keep buying and swallowing, from gala, to puff puff, chin chin, plantain chips, cake, pop corn, Fan Yogo, kunu, zobo, etc. They won't stop munching and drinking till they get to their bus stop. These ones can finish 1Million Naira inside a bus. 16. The Thieves They come in different shapes and sizes, ranging from young to old. Their mission is simple, they sit beside you and your wallet, phone, and any other valuable becomes history. I had an experience with one sometime ago. He sat beside me for about 10mins and highlighted from the bus, before I could say Jacksparrow1207, all I had left was my charger.  17. The Grammarians You know them already, the likes of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Patrick Obahiagbon, etc. They appear on NL with moniker's such as TheSonOfMark, Borrusia, etc. They always appear quiet, but if you like yourself and want to live long to see your great grand children, please don't taunt them. Else what would be left of your self-esteem would be worse than a cadaver. You would hear something like "You must be sardonic, lugubrious, to orchestrate such diabolical plot of pseudoclassic mesmerism". 18. The "Gbagaun" Specialist They are not hard to find, as a matter of fact you find them on almost every bus. Well each time I encounter them, I pray a simple prayer to God saying; "Lord please seal his lips with spiritual adhesive". If these folks are not properly managed their gbagaun can deflate all the tyres. If I venture type one of the gbagauns here, NL server would immediately start experiencing issues. 19. The Silent Fart Machines Very difficult to detect, as usual they are not limited to a particular age group. These folks have been sent through time to make your time on the bus miserable. They produce these deadly gases at intervals and are the first to raise alarm and cover their nostrils to wade off suspicion. Make Una Fear God ooooooo!!!! 20. The Customer Service Reps. You know them already, high heels, flashy dresses, designer bags, heavy make ups, etc. Once they get inside the bus their phones starts ringing. Most times I think they purposely skip the intro "Welcome to the blah blah Call center...." and get straight to the point in "resolving customer complaints" . These ladies keep talking for as long as they are seated in the bus comfortably. Every other person murmuring or mumbling at their incessant phone calls can GO AND DIE IN THE LAGOON. Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch 134 Likes 17 Shares |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by stephenqueen: 6:50pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
.Kinglekan I dey suspect you e be like say u be agbero , well make I help u add 1) The newspaper borrower: this type of people make dem no see newspaper for your hand dem go just collect amu for your hand,dem be like bros shey na today paper be this.na this type of categories kingtom fall into .The funniest people in this category are people wey no sabi ball but dem go dey ask u silly question because they see paper for your hand, imagine make a mumu dey ask me say shebi na stephen Keshi be the coach of barca 2)The ones with body odour : omoh na this people own bad pass ,if u sit beside dem ur own don be be that ooo,dem get smelly armpit .Na this category prettythicksme dey 3) The atomic bomb dropper : the people wey dey for this category na dem dey tire me,na everything dey see dem go chop inside bus after dat dem go just dey drop level (fart) alberto2k I hail your ministry oooo na this category u fall into 4) The fat people : This type of people na 2 people dem suppose pay for but na one dem go pay for,if u sit beside dem ur own don be dem, dem go make u see hell 5) The op (kinglekan )that was born in danfo: if u need any information about danfo, moluee and BRT just go meet amu he go tell u. Oga mi sir I hail your ministry ooooo I dedicate my FTC to ma wife lagmostkuit that just came back from dubai,i love you babe doll  14 Likes 5 Shares |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 6:51pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
@kinglekan, the time wey i go use read this ur story, i go use am read my Bible  28 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 6:53pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Hmm Those religious one annoy me the most like is it by force . Yes we have heard jesus is coming . Got on the bus one day oh .. Nah soo the mountain of fire man begin harras all d girl .. Asking us y we wear g-string. Saying we are making men sin ... Ask me how he saw g-string 20 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Iruobean(m): 6:56pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Can dis post make front page? #can some one summarise it#toolong write up Can dis post make front page? #can some one summarise it#toolong write up Can dis post make front page? #can some one summarise it#toolong write up |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Atk01(f): 6:58pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
kinglekan:I really dislike these set of people. Especially the 'aprokos.' 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Merlissa(f): 7:00pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Lala247: He dreamt about it... 4 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:00pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Iruobean: Bad belle  |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:00pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Merlissa: Lol nah vision 2 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by sinizia: 7:04pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
kinglekan:  OP, you just made my day, especially the "Grammarians". Borrusia and TheSonOfMark's posts leaves me with migrane sometimes. I've tried to keep up, I couldn't, I've resorted to skipping their posts when they on their "big grammar" switch and drop atomic bombs on threads. I'm not the only one in this plight. Take a look at the following convo between TheSonOfMark and April07. TheSonOfMark: April07: TheSonOfMark: April07: TheSonOfMark: April07: TheSonOfMark: April07: ^^^ Ladies and Gents, welcome to TheSonOfMark Show. Patrick Obahiagbon's first son. 38 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Merlissa(f): 7:04pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Lala247: There was one that swore for me cuz I didn't take her palmflet... I told her back to sender... she confuse! 5 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:05pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
The creativity and humour in the write up is laudable. Kudos kingLekan 10 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by orobs93(m): 7:06pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
The trouble makers 1 Like |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:08pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Oga lekan what about the pick pockets the ones dat steal on the bus.. |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by kinglekan: 7:08pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
jacksparrow1207: Hehehehe, Thanks Buddy!!! 3 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:13pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
hahahahaha wahooooo nice thread tho,thumb up 2 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:18pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Where lalasticlala fp all d way everyone can relate 1 Like |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:18pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
prettythicksme:U see how his changing lol makes me proud 1 Like |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by ronald4lif(m): 7:29pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Wow! This is deep, takes a lot of creativity. Number 3, 11, 12, 14, 15, 17, and 19 made me laugh so had that I almost poured cold water on the eba I'm making rather than hot. Everyone is guilty of 19, truth be told we all have farted before in a bus, a silent fart. I hate that number 3 ehh. I was in this bus from Enugu to Lagos some years ago. Immediately the bus set off a woman and a man started praying simultaneously. We'd hoped one of them would stop for the other to do the praying for where? They both fired prayer from left and centre as if they're getting paid. The more one person appears to be overshadowing the other with a loud voice the other increase their voice. It was epic. History keepers, grammarians and beggars. Chai you don kill person. The list would have been 21 sha. The agberos like KingTom, Tosyne2much and lagmostkuit who would just occupy seats on a bus and on buying a ticket and boarding they start disappearing one after the other. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by FLAWLES(f): 7:29pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
; |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by April07: 7:31pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
... Booking space sinizia: Lmao You no well. 2 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by CR77(f): 7:32pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
| . |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by LewisO: 7:32pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Op!!!  3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Pavore9: 7:33pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
lf you enter BRT bus around 7a.m/8a.m, seeing how some Lagosians are dozing off, you would realize many do not enjoy goodnight rest! 4 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Rahmatuparker: 7:33pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Hmmmmmm, LAGOS NA wa. |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:34pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
Merlissa: Lol she probably a witch self i cant trust them .. Im like nah u dey pray pass. Yet ur on the same bus with me abeg shut up . Make i hear gala seller wey dey road . 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:34pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
FLAWLES: |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Dcaliphate(m): 7:34pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
you 4got to add the lagoonophobic, these ones jump out of the nearest window at the site of a lagoon |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nursecaleb(m): 7:34pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
You must be among no 1 |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:35pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
What about the ones that fight with conductor ? 3 Likes |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by Nobody: 7:35pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
sinizia:  |
| Re: Hilarious: 20 Types Of People You Meet In Lagos Commercial Buses by wethebest(m): 7:35pm On Apr 21, 2015 |
cool 1 Like 1 Share |
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