ronald4lif:
Wow! This is deep, takes a lot of creativity. Number 3, 11, 12, 14, 15, 17, and 19 made me laugh so had that I almost poured cold water on the eba I'm making rather than hot.

Everyone is guilty of 19, truth be told we all have farted before in a bus, a silent fart.

I hate that number 3 ehh. I was in this bus from Enugu to Lagos some years ago. Immediately the bus set off a woman and a man started praying simultaneously. We'd hoped one of them would stop for the other to do the praying for where? They both fired prayer from left and centre as if they're getting paid. The more one person appears to be overshadowing the other with a loud voice the other increase their voice. It was epic.

History keepers, grammarians and beggars. Chai you don kill person.

The list would have been 21 sha. The agberos like KingTom, Tosyne2much and lagmostkuit who would just occupy seats on a bus and on buying a ticket and boarding they start disappearing one after the other.

ROTFL.. @emboldened.

Mehn when I was typing it I wanted to go on and on ooo. But e go come be like txt book.

Thanks for ur comment bruv.

Gbam, ryt on point. Cldnt bt agree wt ur testament, no mata hw long it wz.

Lala247:
What about the ones that fight with conductor ?

Lala u wan make I write txtbook nii.

ROTFL

kinglekan:


Lala u wan make I write txtbook nii.

ROTFL

Lol ave seen it all, just adding to ur list hun

Never wanted this thing to end. Never wanted this thing to end. :-(

jascon1:
My dear the list no include my kinda person way no day let person body touch am?

Heheheheh

U carry otutumopo for body ni?

Twaci:
Kinglekan! Ha u don spoil my market!

Them go dey call me sleep sleep now

Swthrt na joke oooo!!

kinglekan:
[color=#770077]
1. The Perverts



Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch

Brilliant epistle!

That no 10 got me cracking. Lol

Lwkmd!
This. . . This is hilarious.

I just had to comment... @op : nice job... well detailed... and classy... I think fall inline with the sleepers for Africa.

kinglekan:


Why u dey book space ehnn!! Mumu boi.

Make una con helep me celebrate my FP things ooo.

Cc: Orijin101, MrsChima, Cao, MzNelly, MizMyColi.

How we go celebrate amu nw

Orijin101:
@kinglekan, the time wey i go use read this ur story, i go use am read my Bible

Mumu u dey read bible

You forgot the DJs, they blast music from their phones once inside the bus. They also sing along too and you begin to wonder if they don't have earphones. I wonder how they can't just respect other people and most of the time its some funny music from some unknown musician.

I once spent two hours in third mainland traffic with someone like that. I could not cry, no passenger dared tell him to turn off the music because he had the look of someone who just smoked weed.

hahahahaha...this guy wan finish me with laff...so true

kinglekan:

1. The Perverts

These ones cannot be placed in a particular age bracket. They span from young to old. You find them mostly in BRT's and Molue's. (Our ever happy standing committee crew)

They are always looking for an avenue to stand behind anything FEmale and "tap current" (in their minds, age is just a number ). Like my padi Albeto2k go talk, "Konji na bastard".

The last one I experienced was on a BRT. I was relaxing when all of a sudden the elderly woman standing beside me shouted at the elderly man standing right behind her "Oga hold dat thing ooo, nor let am touch me again"

2. The Toasters

These group have this particular track by Iyanya ft Don jazzy "Gift", on repeat mode in their head. They are constantly looking for anything in skirt. Their sole mission is to find out what is underneath it. (Orijin101 how far nah? )

Once they are about to board a bus, they scan very well and locate the prettiest chick on the bus, if nah only guys dey dere, dem go just wait for the next available bus.

3. The Religious

These ones have been banned on BRT buses since its inception, so you would find them mostly in the regular 14seater buses, Molue's etc.

The moment the bus is about to move you would suddenly hear a loud shout, enough to give a hypertensive person an instant cardiac arrest.

There are a particular set that never seize to amaze me. You find them on most public transports with a jersey (you know them naa ). I have noticed a couple of times that the date of the program on the "jersey" are past.

4. The Sarewagba's

Literally translated: Run, come collect.

These ones are always advertising their goodies. They wear all sorts of micro mini (The type wey Ronald4lif dey sow for yankee ), leggins, tank tops wey nor be their size and all manner of clothing that exposes something just to lure their preys.

You don't want them sitting in front of you, else they expose the crack of their bum for your viewing pleasure. You don't want them sitting beside you either, else they keep rubbing your shoulder with their massive milk factories.

One more thing if you find one sitting in front with the driver and you love your life come down SHARPALY!!.

5. The Sleeping Crew

These ones ehhnnnn!! Infact they can sleep till rapture. . Once the bus starts moving them don dey sleep. Their sleeping pattern can make you laugh till you pee on yourself.

You don't want to meet or have the chronic types sitting beside you. They nod, snore and drool. The only time they wake up is when they hit their forehead on the metallic surface of the backrest in front of them.

Twaci u sef dey this committee ooo. She slept only to wake up after her bus stop to shout "Ewo!!!!" . You are not alone dear, me sef enrol in this committee today. I slept off few metres to my bus stop only to wake up at the next bus stop. I trek so tey I con dey swear for all my enemies.

6. The Ignoramus

These folks would appear so cool you would hardly notice how clueless they really are. After the bus has covered a few kilometres, you would hear them asking the person beside them; "Bros, Abeg shebi na Ikeja this bus dey go?"

The person would be like "Nooooo!!, na Abule Egba this bus they go ooo". Like Aunty Twaci dem go come shout "Ewooooo!!! Driver stop, stop, stop, make I come down"

Hehehehehe

7. The Yokozuna's

I hope we all haven't forgotten that WWE sumo wrestler? Well except you were born in the era of justin bieber.

These group are majorly the extremely obese market women. Choii!! You don't want to find yourself anywhere close to them. They are partly members of "The Sleeping Crew" and the stench from the sweat trickling down their body can make you nauseous instantly.

These ones would occupy half of the seat leaving the other three passengers to compete for what is left. Their usual slogan is "Make una shift nah".

8. The Aproko's

While these ones are not so ubiquitous, you are sure to encounter them once in a while. Pull out your phone and start typing and their long necks would be right above your shoulders with their bulging eyes fixed on your screen.

They are constantly evading passengers privacy with their long necks as though they are expecting a back alert on your phone.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewww!!!

9. The Staff's

We all know them. Our Men in black, but most times in mufti when assuming this role. No need for another epistle here.

10. The Happy Family

Have you ever been in a hurry and waiting patiently for the bus to get full and all of a sudden God answers your prayers, a family of 7 just shows up (Father, Mother and 5 Children).

Your face glows at the thought of the bus taking off soon, only for the family of 7 to occupy just two seats and then say "Aunty abeg make dis my pikin manage for your side".

11. The Beggars

These ones never have enough money to get to their destination. They get into the bus and after a few minutes they tap you and say; "Aunty, please help me add N50 to this money"

If they are not successful at this they form tough face and each time the conductor asks for money, you would hear; "Conductor this place too tight, I nor fit comot my money". Only for them to get to the bus stop and......

Well you know the rest.

12. The Instructors

Mostly women who have no idea what downshift of upshift means nor have any clue as to what the function of the clutch is.

They always seem to be experts at tutoring the driver on how to drive well. You would here things like; "Driver move to the fast lane naa" , "This driver too slow, see as him dey drive like learner"

13. The Story Tellers

Loquacious would be an understatement to describe this folks. When you meet them on a bus, you would assume everyone on the bus is their family member. They are always carefree, cracking jokes and have a repertoire of never ending tales. (Most of which na ZOBO ).

I love meeting them sha, they keep the bus lively especially in traffic.

14. The History Keepers

These ancient keepers tend to be in their 70s and above. They are always ranting about the good old days before independence. They would talk about the colonial era down to this democratic dispensation.

They are the only ones who bought peak milk for 2shillings and witnessed the death of Muritala Muhammed. Infact the most infuriating thing about these folks is that when you talk they are quick to shut you up with statements like; "What do you know?", "Keep quiet my friend", "Listen to me...", etc

15. The Consumers

These folks are astounding individuals. They always seat close to the window of the vehicle. Don't get it twisted, its not really about the breeze.

They are gluttons in disguise, chilling to unleash their monstrous appetite on anything that they come across. They keep buying and swallowing, from gala, to puff puff, chin chin, plantain chips, cake, pop corn, Fan Yogo, kunu, zobo, etc.

They won't stop munching and drinking till they get to their bus stop. These ones can finish 1Million Naira inside a bus.

16. The Thieves

They come in different shapes and sizes, ranging from young to old. Their mission is simple, they sit beside you and your wallet, phone, and any other valuable becomes history.

I had an experience with one sometime ago. He sat beside me for about 10mins and highlighted from the bus, before I could say Jacksparrow1207, all I had left was my charger.

17. The Grammarians

You know them already, the likes of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Patrick Obahiagbon, etc. They appear on NL with moniker's such as TheSonOfMark, Borrusia, etc.

They always appear quiet, but if you like yourself and want to live long to see your great grand children, please don't taunt them. Else what would be left of your self-esteem would be worse than a cadaver.

You would hear something like "You must be sardonic, lugubrious, to orchestrate such diabolical plot of pseudoclassic mesmerism".

18. The "Gbagaun" Specialist

They are not hard to find, as a matter of fact you find them on almost every bus. Well each time I encounter them, I pray a simple prayer to God saying; "Lord please seal his lips with spiritual adhesive".

If these folks are not properly managed their gbagaun can deflate all the tyres. If I venture type one of the gbagauns here, NL server would immediately start experiencing issues.

19. The Silent Fart Machines

Very difficult to detect, as usual they are not limited to a particular age group. These folks have been sent through time to make your time on the bus miserable.

They produce these deadly gases at intervals and are the first to raise alarm and cover their nostrils to wade off suspicion.

Make Una Fear God ooooooo!!!!

20. The Customer Service Reps.

You know them already, high heels, flashy dresses, designer bags, heavy make ups, etc. Once they get inside the bus their phones starts ringing.

Most times I think they purposely skip the intro "Welcome to the blah blah Call center...." and get straight to the point in "resolving customer complaints" .

These ladies keep talking for as long as they are seated in the bus comfortably. Every other person murmuring or mumbling at their incessant phone calls can GO AND DIE IN THE LAGOON.




Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch

Lekan if I hear say u I read amu finish

sinizia:




OP, you just made my day, especially the "Grammarians". Borrusia and TheSonOfMark's posts leaves me with migrane sometimes. I've tried to keep up, I couldn't, I've resorted to skipping their posts when they on their "big grammar" switch and drop atomic bombs on threads.

I'm not the only one in this plight. Take a look at the following convo between TheSonOfMark and April07.










^^^ Ladies and Gents, welcome to TheSonOfMark Show.
Patrick Obahiagbon's first son.

~ Its called unnecessary show off in a bid to pass off as someone intelligent..... and it gets boring.
#WackGrandiloquent

Someone pls help me oo!!!I can't stop laughing abeg oo...Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Lagos transport no easy at all.
Those "lemon jersey" preachers can be so annoying sha,lyk say na so Jesus christ take preach 4 him tym
I think I will look for dis sonofmark guy so I can laugh more
As 4 those yokos I no dey shift anything oo,I send anybody sms?


This write up really got me laughing out my sorrows sha

kinglekan:

1. The Perverts

These ones cannot be placed in a particular age bracket. They span from young to old. You find them mostly in BRT's and Molue's. (Our ever happy standing committee crew)

They are always looking for an avenue to stand behind anything FEmale and "tap current" (in their minds, age is just a number ). Like my padi Albeto2k go talk, "Konji na bastard".

The last one I experienced was on a BRT. I was relaxing when all of a sudden the elderly woman standing beside me shouted at the elderly man standing right behind her "Oga hold dat thing ooo, nor let am touch me again"

2. The Toasters

These group have this particular track by Iyanya ft Don jazzy "Gift", on repeat mode in their head. They are constantly looking for anything in skirt. Their sole mission is to find out what is underneath it. (Orijin101 how far nah? )

Once they are about to board a bus, they scan very well and locate the prettiest chick on the bus, if nah only guys dey dere, dem go just wait for the next available bus.

3. The Religious

These ones have been banned on BRT buses since its inception, so you would find them mostly in the regular 14seater buses, Molue's etc.

The moment the bus is about to move you would suddenly hear a loud shout, enough to give a hypertensive person an instant cardiac arrest.

There are a particular set that never seize to amaze me. You find them on most public transports with a jersey (you know them naa ). I have noticed a couple of times that the date of the program on the "jersey" are past.

4. The Sarewagba's

Literally translated: Run, come collect.

These ones are always advertising their goodies. They wear all sorts of micro mini (The type wey Ronald4lif dey sow for yankee ), leggins, tank tops wey nor be their size and all manner of clothing that exposes something just to lure their preys.

You don't want them sitting in front of you, else they expose the crack of their bum for your viewing pleasure. You don't want them sitting beside you either, else they keep rubbing your shoulder with their massive milk factories.

One more thing if you find one sitting in front with the driver and you love your life come down SHARPALY!!.

5. The Sleeping Crew

These ones ehhnnnn!! Infact they can sleep till rapture. . Once the bus starts moving them don dey sleep. Their sleeping pattern can make you laugh till you pee on yourself.

You don't want to meet or have the chronic types sitting beside you. They nod, snore and drool. The only time they wake up is when they hit their forehead on the metallic surface of the backrest in front of them.

Twaci u sef dey this committee ooo. She slept only to wake up after her bus stop to shout "Ewo!!!!" . You are not alone dear, me sef enrol in this committee today. I slept off few metres to my bus stop only to wake up at the next bus stop. I trek so tey I con dey swear for all my enemies.

6. The Ignoramus

These folks would appear so cool you would hardly notice how clueless they really are. After the bus has covered a few kilometres, you would hear them asking the person beside them; "Bros, Abeg shebi na Ikeja this bus dey go?"

The person would be like "Nooooo!!, na Abule Egba this bus they go ooo". Like Aunty Twaci dem go come shout "Ewooooo!!! Driver stop, stop, stop, make I come down"

Hehehehehe

7. The Yokozuna's

I hope we all haven't forgotten that WWE sumo wrestler? Well except you were born in the era of justin bieber.

These group are majorly the extremely obese market women. Choii!! You don't want to find yourself anywhere close to them. They are partly members of "The Sleeping Crew" and the stench from the sweat trickling down their body can make you nauseous instantly.

These ones would occupy half of the seat leaving the other three passengers to compete for what is left. Their usual slogan is "Make una shift nah".

8. The Aproko's

While these ones are not so ubiquitous, you are sure to encounter them once in a while. Pull out your phone and start typing and their long necks would be right above your shoulders with their bulging eyes fixed on your screen.

They are constantly evading passengers privacy with their long necks as though they are expecting a back alert on your phone.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewww!!!

9. The Staff's

We all know them. Our Men in black, but most times in mufti when assuming this role. No need for another epistle here.

10. The Happy Family

Have you ever been in a hurry and waiting patiently for the bus to get full and all of a sudden God answers your prayers, a family of 7 just shows up (Father, Mother and 5 Children).

Your face glows at the thought of the bus taking off soon, only for the family of 7 to occupy just two seats and then say "Aunty abeg make dis my pikin manage for your side".

11. The Beggars

These ones never have enough money to get to their destination. They get into the bus and after a few minutes they tap you and say; "Aunty, please help me add N50 to this money"

If they are not successful at this they form tough face and each time the conductor asks for money, you would hear; "Conductor this place too tight, I nor fit comot my money". Only for them to get to the bus stop and......

Well you know the rest.

12. The Instructors

Mostly women who have no idea what downshift of upshift means nor have any clue as to what the function of the clutch is.

They always seem to be experts at tutoring the driver on how to drive well. You would here things like; "Driver move to the fast lane naa" , "This driver too slow, see as him dey drive like learner"

13. The Story Tellers

Loquacious would be an understatement to describe this folks. When you meet them on a bus, you would assume everyone on the bus is their family member. They are always carefree, cracking jokes and have a repertoire of never ending tales. (Most of which na ZOBO ).

I love meeting them sha, they keep the bus lively especially in traffic.

14. The History Keepers

These ancient keepers tend to be in their 70s and above. They are always ranting about the good old days before independence. They would talk about the colonial era down to this democratic dispensation.

They are the only ones who bought peak milk for 2shillings and witnessed the death of Muritala Muhammed. Infact the most infuriating thing about these folks is that when you talk they are quick to shut you up with statements like; "What do you know?", "Keep quiet my friend", "Listen to me...", etc

15. The Consumers

These folks are astounding individuals. They always seat close to the window of the vehicle. Don't get it twisted, its not really about the breeze.

They are gluttons in disguise, chilling to unleash their monstrous appetite on anything that they come across. They keep buying and swallowing, from gala, to puff puff, chin chin, plantain chips, cake, pop corn, Fan Yogo, kunu, zobo, etc.

They won't stop munching and drinking till they get to their bus stop. These ones can finish 1Million Naira inside a bus.

16. The Thieves

They come in different shapes and sizes, ranging from young to old. Their mission is simple, they sit beside you and your wallet, phone, and any other valuable becomes history.

I had an experience with one sometime ago. He sat beside me for about 10mins and highlighted from the bus, before I could say Jacksparrow1207, all I had left was my charger.

17. The Grammarians

You know them already, the likes of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Patrick Obahiagbon, etc. They appear on NL with moniker's such as TheSonOfMark, Borrusia, etc.

They always appear quiet, but if you like yourself and want to live long to see your great grand children, please don't taunt them. Else what would be left of your self-esteem would be worse than a cadaver.

You would hear something like "You must be sardonic, lugubrious, to orchestrate such diabolical plot of pseudoclassic mesmerism".

18. The "Gbagaun" Specialist

They are not hard to find, as a matter of fact you find them on almost every bus. Well each time I encounter them, I pray a simple prayer to God saying; "Lord please seal his lips with spiritual adhesive".

If these folks are not properly managed their gbagaun can deflate all the tyres. If I venture type one of the gbagauns here, NL server would immediately start experiencing issues.

19. The Silent Fart Machines

Very difficult to detect, as usual they are not limited to a particular age group. These folks have been sent through time to make your time on the bus miserable.

They produce these deadly gases at intervals and are the first to raise alarm and cover their nostrils to wade off suspicion.

Make Una Fear God ooooooo!!!!

20. The Customer Service Reps.

You know them already, high heels, flashy dresses, designer bags, heavy make ups, etc. Once they get inside the bus their phones starts ringing.

Most times I think they purposely skip the intro "Welcome to the blah blah Call center...." and get straight to the point in "resolving customer complaints" .

These ladies keep talking for as long as they are seated in the bus comfortably. Every other person murmuring or mumbling at their incessant phone calls can GO AND DIE IN THE LAGOON.




Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch

Lekan if I hear say I read this thing finish

Funny, but hey when will someone make a list bout ibadan commercial buses?its always lag, lag.

Stephenqueen hahahahaha. U no well oo! Lmao!

wristwatch:
Stephenqueen hahahahaha. U no well oo! Lmao!

Baba na ma nick name be that, Stephen A.k.a I no well

kinglekan:

1. The Perverts

These ones cannot be placed in a particular age bracket. They span from young to old. You find them mostly in BRT's and Molue's. (Our ever happy standing committee crew)

They are always looking for an avenue to stand behind anything FEmale and "tap current" (in their minds, age is just a number ). Like my padi Albeto2k go talk, "Konji na bastard".

The last one I experienced was on a BRT. I was relaxing when all of a sudden the elderly woman standing beside me shouted at the elderly man standing right behind her "Oga hold dat thing ooo, nor let am touch me again"

2. The Toasters

These group have this particular track by Iyanya ft Don jazzy "Gift", on repeat mode in their head. They are constantly looking for anything in skirt. Their sole mission is to find out what is underneath it. (Orijin101 how far nah? )

Once they are about to board a bus, they scan very well and locate the prettiest chick on the bus, if nah only guys dey dere, dem go just wait for the next available bus.

3. The Religious

These ones have been banned on BRT buses since its inception, so you would find them mostly in the regular 14seater buses, Molue's etc.

The moment the bus is about to move you would suddenly hear a loud shout, enough to give a hypertensive person an instant cardiac arrest.

There are a particular set that never seize to amaze me. You find them on most public transports with a jersey (you know them naa ). I have noticed a couple of times that the date of the program on the "jersey" are past.

4. The Sarewagba's

Literally translated: Run, come collect.

These ones are always advertising their goodies. They wear all sorts of micro mini (The type wey Ronald4lif dey sow for yankee ), leggins, tank tops wey nor be their size and all manner of clothing that exposes something just to lure their preys.

You don't want them sitting in front of you, else they expose the crack of their bum for your viewing pleasure. You don't want them sitting beside you either, else they keep rubbing your shoulder with their massive milk factories.

One more thing if you find one sitting in front with the driver and you love your life come down SHARPALY!!.

5. The Sleeping Crew

These ones ehhnnnn!! Infact they can sleep till rapture. . Once the bus starts moving them don dey sleep. Their sleeping pattern can make you laugh till you pee on yourself.

You don't want to meet or have the chronic types sitting beside you. They nod, snore and drool. The only time they wake up is when they hit their forehead on the metallic surface of the backrest in front of them.

Twaci u sef dey this committee ooo. She slept only to wake up after her bus stop to shout "Ewo!!!!" . You are not alone dear, me sef enrol in this committee today. I slept off few metres to my bus stop only to wake up at the next bus stop. I trek so tey I con dey swear for all my enemies.

6. The Ignoramus

These folks would appear so cool you would hardly notice how clueless they really are. After the bus has covered a few kilometres, you would hear them asking the person beside them; "Bros, Abeg shebi na Ikeja this bus dey go?"

The person would be like "Nooooo!!, na Abule Egba this bus they go ooo". Like Aunty Twaci dem go come shout "Ewooooo!!! Driver stop, stop, stop, make I come down"

Hehehehehe

7. The Yokozuna's

I hope we all haven't forgotten that WWE sumo wrestler? Well except you were born in the era of justin bieber.

These group are majorly the extremely obese market women. Choii!! You don't want to find yourself anywhere close to them. They are partly members of "The Sleeping Crew" and the stench from the sweat trickling down their body can make you nauseous instantly.

These ones would occupy half of the seat leaving the other three passengers to compete for what is left. Their usual slogan is "Make una shift nah".

8. The Aproko's

While these ones are not so ubiquitous, you are sure to encounter them once in a while. Pull out your phone and start typing and their long necks would be right above your shoulders with their bulging eyes fixed on your screen.

They are constantly evading passengers privacy with their long necks as though they are expecting a back alert on your phone.

Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewww!!!

9. The Staff's

We all know them. Our Men in black, but most times in mufti when assuming this role. No need for another epistle here.

10. The Happy Family

Have you ever been in a hurry and waiting patiently for the bus to get full and all of a sudden God answers your prayers, a family of 7 just shows up (Father, Mother and 5 Children).

Your face glows at the thought of the bus taking off soon, only for the family of 7 to occupy just two seats and then say "Aunty abeg make dis my pikin manage for your side".

11. The Beggars

These ones never have enough money to get to their destination. They get into the bus and after a few minutes they tap you and say; "Aunty, please help me add N50 to this money"

If they are not successful at this they form tough face and each time the conductor asks for money, you would hear; "Conductor this place too tight, I nor fit comot my money". Only for them to get to the bus stop and......

Well you know the rest.

12. The Instructors

Mostly women who have no idea what downshift of upshift means nor have any clue as to what the function of the clutch is.

They always seem to be experts at tutoring the driver on how to drive well. You would here things like; "Driver move to the fast lane naa" , "This driver too slow, see as him dey drive like learner"

13. The Story Tellers

Loquacious would be an understatement to describe this folks. When you meet them on a bus, you would assume everyone on the bus is their family member. They are always carefree, cracking jokes and have a repertoire of never ending tales. (Most of which na ZOBO ).

I love meeting them sha, they keep the bus lively especially in traffic.

14. The History Keepers

These ancient keepers tend to be in their 70s and above. They are always ranting about the good old days before independence. They would talk about the colonial era down to this democratic dispensation.

They are the only ones who bought peak milk for 2shillings and witnessed the death of Muritala Muhammed. Infact the most infuriating thing about these folks is that when you talk they are quick to shut you up with statements like; "What do you know?", "Keep quiet my friend", "Listen to me...", etc

15. The Consumers

These folks are astounding individuals. They always seat close to the window of the vehicle. Don't get it twisted, its not really about the breeze.

They are gluttons in disguise, chilling to unleash their monstrous appetite on anything that they come across. They keep buying and swallowing, from gala, to puff puff, chin chin, plantain chips, cake, pop corn, Fan Yogo, kunu, zobo, etc.

They won't stop munching and drinking till they get to their bus stop. These ones can finish 1Million Naira inside a bus.

16. The Thieves

They come in different shapes and sizes, ranging from young to old. Their mission is simple, they sit beside you and your wallet, phone, and any other valuable becomes history.

I had an experience with one sometime ago. He sat beside me for about 10mins and highlighted from the bus, before I could say Jacksparrow1207, all I had left was my charger.

17. The Grammarians

You know them already, the likes of Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, Patrick Obahiagbon, etc. They appear on NL with moniker's such as TheSonOfMark, Borrusia, etc.

They always appear quiet, but if you like yourself and want to live long to see your great grand children, please don't taunt them. Else what would be left of your self-esteem would be worse than a cadaver.

You would hear something like "You must be sardonic, lugubrious, to orchestrate such diabolical plot of pseudoclassic mesmerism".

18. The "Gbagaun" Specialist

They are not hard to find, as a matter of fact you find them on almost every bus. Well each time I encounter them, I pray a simple prayer to God saying; "Lord please seal his lips with spiritual adhesive".

If these folks are not properly managed their gbagaun can deflate all the tyres. If I venture type one of the gbagauns here, NL server would immediately start experiencing issues.

19. The Silent Fart Machines

Very difficult to detect, as usual they are not limited to a particular age group. These folks have been sent through time to make your time on the bus miserable.

They produce these deadly gases at intervals and are the first to raise alarm and cover their nostrils to wade off suspicion.

Make Una Fear God ooooooo!!!!

20. The Customer Service Reps.

You know them already, high heels, flashy dresses, designer bags, heavy make ups, etc. Once they get inside the bus their phones starts ringing.

Most times I think they purposely skip the intro "Welcome to the blah blah Call center...." and get straight to the point in "resolving customer complaints" .

These ladies keep talking for as long as they are seated in the bus comfortably. Every other person murmuring or mumbling at their incessant phone calls can GO AND DIE IN THE LAGOON.




Cc: Ishilove, Lalasticala, kingtom, stephenqueen, Tosyne2much, Lala247, Ipledge, Mirexxx, Prettythicksme, Lanicky, wristwatch

E long
*yawns*


Nice write up, though, I'm yet to experience any of the mentioned scenerios except that of the fat people.


Kinglekan, stop threatening me... I wee not modify my comment

Beamborla:

E long
*yawns*


Nice write up, though, I'm yet to experience any of the mentioned scenerios except that of the fat people

Dont u get on bus?

kinglekan:


Heheheheh

U carry otutumopo for body ni?

my brother, e no rich to ask.

Lala247:


Dont u get on bus?

Nope I have my personal driver
(I wish )



We don't do buses that much in Jos plus they are restricted to some areas. We did more of bike before it was banned(mehn, I love flying bikes when there is no cold, though)

We only have keke napep and taxi and most people including myself prefer keke napep

Beamborla:

Nope I have my personal driver
(I wish )



We don't do bus that much in Jos plus they are restricted to some areas. We do more of bike before it was banned(mehn, I love flying bikes when there is no cold, though)

We only have keke napep and taxi and most people including myself prefer keke napep

Hmm keke nah different story dat thing almost threw me inside gutter .

Lala247:


Hmm keke nah different story dat thing almost threw me inside gutter .

Most of the keke's over here are highly pimped o
They have doors, curtain or whatever it is for rainy days and a set of speaker. Serious gbedu inside keke

Beamborla:

Most of the keke's over here are highly pimped o
They have doors, curtain or whatever it is for rainy days and a set of speaker. Serious gbedu inside keke

Oh lol might have to come to jos

jacksparrow1207:


U and who? U no go find your mate flog? Abeg go lay your mat jare. Night don reach

u no sabi say night don reach u dey find who u go fight abi

Lala247:


Oh lol might have to come to jos

Pls, do.
You won't regret it

Dcaliphate:

u no sabi say night don reach u dey find who u go fight abi

lol. Joker!